Very high functioning AS in denial -no I dont have aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

I am being honest. I thought we were supposed to be honest and that it was a disservice to lie to you. Would you rather me "butter you up" and act NT or be a mirror then? Which one because I am now confused.

The thing is, you don't actually know if he does have Aspergers. A few traits and a relative who has it isn't the same thing as having it. I have a few traits and my daughter has autism. However, I don't fit the diagnostic criteria. He may have Aspergers. Or he may be Broader Autism Phenotype. Or his poor social skills may come from a completely different source.

I see two problems:

1)You may have misdiagnosed him. You see things that to you are unmistakable evidence. But this also might be a case of a hammer thinking everything is a nail. If Aspergers is what you know best, Aspergers is what you will be primed to look for. But it's not the only source of awkwardness. And a relative on the spectrum isn't the clincher.

2)Even if you were right, it's not something you should bring up unless he asks for your help. It just feels invasive to get un-asked for advice. It might feel like staging an intervention, but it actually just makes the person disregard everything subsequent that you say- or just avoid you altogether. It dioesn't actually change anything. And that's assuming you are right. Which is not a safe assumption.

I wonder how many times Surfman will have to be punched in the face before he gets the message.

Well, no one can stop Surfman in pursuing his "educate relative strangers bluntly because any degree of tact is an NT lie and thus bad" campaign. I won't lie, I think it's a horrible idea that's going to end poorly. But on the other hand, I won't suffer any consequences of those actions so it's no skin off my nose if he does it. I just hope he doesn't get hurt or shut out of his special activity to a point where it becomes unsafe or unable to surf in specific places because of how many people will turn hostile.

Though I must also admit I find the situation a bit amusing considering that the approach (you have traits I have, you must be like me, even if you didn't react like I did I must still be right because your reaction is meaningless when I know you're like me) would here usually be associated with the more negative NT actions so many on the spectrum often complain about as NT insensitivity to AS.

Actually I hope he does, he deserves to.

Is this what they call bullying and ganging up?

Some of my heros would be alive today, if they had known of their aspergian traits.... which NO ONE TOLD THEM.......

Many of these comments here are hostile put downs, all because many disagree with me...

I am extremely disappointed in all this hostile behaviour because I disagree with group think here

Some of my heros would be alive today, if they had known of their aspergian traits.... which NO ONE TOLD THEM.......

Which heros?

I disagree but I'm not going to yell at you or be hostile. But just please consider that your assessment that he has Asperger's Syndrome may be wrong. Hr became very angry at you but this is not proof of denial. It just means he became very angry at you. I know you feel ganged up on because nobody has yet said, "you should definately keep doing this" and every response has been a variation on "Stop doing this now!". I definately don't think you should be ostracized for it and that was really harsh. But whether phrased gently and politely (which I hope I am doing) or harshly, unsolicited advice doesn't actually change lives for the better even if it seems like it ought to. It just makes people angry and defensive and likely to shut you out. It doesn't help.

Last edited by Janissy on 22 Apr 2011, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Too harsh.

I think this is a bit harsh. Though I don't agree with Surfman about telling strangers that they might have AS, I don't have any ill will toward him at all.

Like I said, I hope it doesn't happen to him. I'm just afraid that, well, we know how people can be - I worry his actions will put him at risk, but I hope that he won't be hurt by this. It's just such a familiar song I know the refrain well by now. But maybe this time things will be different.

Ditto to this. NOBODY deserves to be hurt. Even NTs.

Andy Irons, Bill Hicks died from drug overdose. I'm sure there are many more who are brilliant at what they do, have autistic traits, and never realise it

Personally, I think many VHFA never get an answer, as they are successful in most areas of life, and externally look fine or even idolised due to their talent putting them at the top of their game

Only to have an inner tension from failings in their relationships

Throwing my agreement in belatedly. I thought it was in the thread I posted to earlier and said something there.

I'm saying this in a completely non-hostile way: Look up transference.

Some people who are talented but don't do too well in life may be autistic, but not nearly everyone is. There are many talented NT's out there.