Question for the self-diagnosed.

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A lot of people assume I'm sad or depressed, yet most of the time I'm not depressed...but I'm not happy either.- Some might call that 'indifference'...but I'm not sure.

I guess that we that have been recently commenting have this in common...

...maybe we should make a new topic just on this.

I suppose that your right; I've smiled at some of the most inappropriate times, like when I found out that a family member of mine had died.- Until now, I didn't seem to know why I do this sort of thing, but now I think I understand...thank you.

Has anyone ever told you that you give amazing advice and insight into things? (...well, someone has now.) -Thanks again; you're being so helpful.

EDIT: You seem very wise.

There is a form of depression a psychologist once suggested I might have called "smiling depression" - the smile is used to mask the depression and stop anyone noticing there's a problem. It's a way of isolating yourself in the depression that makes it difficult for others to help you see it for what it is.

Thanks

autism is my special interest and my job, lol!

Yes, seriously, thank you. I've got so many questions and so many thoughts. My head is filled with them. I'm thankful for your answers!

EDIT: Would you mind if I asked more questions? You seem to know a lot.

ask away, but I may have to go to bed soon

Okay I honestly don't even know where to start without turning this post into a huge list of my behaviours/traits. I'll go to bed now, might be able to express myself better in the morning.

sometimes you need to assimilate stuff before you move on to the next question too - good to have a break

good night

I hesitate to outright self-diagnose for this exact reason (hence my signature), but I've had a coworker tell me that another coworker wondered if I was "a little autistic," and one of my sisters commented that if I were a kid today, I'd probably be diagnosed with an ASD given my panicky avoidance to change, my intense interests, my rote memorization of facts, and so on. I've had a therapist tell me that I tend toward having AS. I've never been good with eye contact--even with members of my own family. I am not particularly keen on social activities, and I struggle to keep a casual conversation going. I experience lots of anxiety, and tend to overreact in some situations (meanwhile, I can handle emergency situations quite well). I stim a lot. And so on.

But is this enough for me to say I have AS? Or do I fall into the Broad Autism Phenotype? That I don't know.

I didn't really self diagnose myself at first. I just stumbled upon Asperger's when I was researching something totally irrelevant that mentioned AS and had a link to a Wikipedia article. I was so astounded with the similarities between the criteria given there and my self that I actually backed away from the computer to let it sink in. I did more research and did a few online tests and still came up with the same results.
In my case I don't see the value in an official diagnosis. I've managed this far without counselling or any kind of meds and that would be the only reason I'd get diagnosed.
Other people's needs may vary and I wouldn't fault them one bit for going the official diagnosis route.

I understand. I, for example, need a diagnosis because whatever this is; I can't handle it. My life's a mess because of it and I need help learning how to deal with it all.

Okay, here's one (warning, long post):

When it comes to social issues, how do you know if what you're going through is typical for someone with an ASD or if you instead have Social Anxiety Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder or if you're just shy or very introverted or something? I'm aware you can have both AS and SAD for example, but still.

My social life has always been a bit "weird." When I was a child I played well with other kids (pretty much only with boys though) and my eye contact was good. I engaged in "role plays" (or whatever you want to call them) even though I preferred reading, drawing and building with Lego. I didn't want to play with the kids I didn't know well though and I often refused playing outside. Then when I was around 10 I started to feel very different from the kids my age (that's also when I first heard my eye contact was rather poor). I might've felt like that earlier, but that's when I remember feeling that way. Anyway, I felt like I was more serious, more uptight and more intelligent (if I may say so) than they were. I felt "stiff" and it was difficult for me to feel connected to people my age. I loved adults though. I often talked to teachers during break times and I often stayed in the classroom after lessons to ask the teachers questions about science and other things. In hindsight I think I might've been a bit annoying sometimes. I wanted to ask the teachers questions when they were on break etc. I was very impatient and I remember I wanted to grow up fast because I found people my age so immature and boring. Like I mentioned in an earlier post; I had different interests than they had and I was bullied as well. I remember how I in my early teenage years started to imitate adults (the way they looked and talked etc) because I wanted to be like them.

When I started high school I made three friends who I hung out with a lot. Mostly in school but occasionally outside school. We were good friends and we had fun but I often felt very alone even though I was with them. I often felt like they didn't really understand me.

Nowadays I've got a boyfriend. He's also my best friend. Besides him I've got a few friends but I don't see them that often. So yeah, I've got some friends but if you were to compare my social life with someone else my age, my social life is pretty much non-existent. Whenever I socialise with people I get very tired very quickly (same goes for when I socialise with my family). They often comment on my compulsive behaviours and I'm always very self-absorbed even though I'm with them. Not in a selfish sort of way but even though I'm with them I keep thinking about my own situation and I keep trying to understand my own thoughts and emotions. I have a hard time understanding sarcasm (even though I can use it myself) and jokes. I'm not good with groups of people. If I was to meet the three friends I made in high school at the same time it'd probably be okay even though I'd get very tired quickly. I often go home earlier than I have to from such events (because I'm tired or because I want to spend time with an interest of mine). But if I'm in a group of people and I don't know anyone or even if I know all but one person I pretty much go mute. I get so anxious and so uncomfortable I don't know what to do. I very often avoid situations like that. I'm not sure why I get so anxious. Can't really identify it.

When meeting someone for the first time I find it very difficult to keep a conversation going. I'm not good at smalltalk (I don't like it either) and I can only really talk about things I'm interested in. I remember the last time I met someone I didn't know well. She took me out for a hot chocolate and I spent pretty much the whole time talking about science and the human intellect. She seemed interested but I don't know. I also often find myself not knowing what to do with my arms or where to look. I try to look people in the eyes but it's very uncomfortable for some reason so I don't really do it that much. I'm also very good at turning topics and conversations back to myself. It's not unusual for me to sit and intentionally tell myself (in my head) that I'm not supposed to talk about myself and take myself as an example when other people talk about their feelings or situations.

I really dislike sitting between two people in a sofa because I don't want them to touch me. I feel the same thing when sitting on a bus next to strangers. I then try to make myself very small.

My parents think I'm very isolated. I spend most days doing the same things over and over again. I sit by my computer, read books, research things, talk to myself, think the same thoughts, listen to the same song over and over again etc. I meet my boyfriend a couple of evenings a week but otherwise I hardly ever meet people. It's not that I don't want to (well, sometimes I don't want to), I just prefer being by myself.

Sorry for the long post, but what do you think about that social situation? Would an NT do these things?

Last edited by rebbieh on 24 Jul 2012, 4:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

Other than rage/meltdowns, I can control my feelings. However, ''connections of my emotions'' are rather unusual: When I am insulted, I tend to feel sadness rather than anger and I can control my sadness easily. What makes me mad is ignorance. Let me give an example.

''Me: You know, Pierre Abelard said...
Girlfriend: Who is Pierre Abelard?
Me: YOU ret*d IGNORANT PIECE OF @#!''

This is nonsense of course. After some time, my rage subsides and I feel remorse.

Other than that, I have problems about displaying positive (?) feelings. It is very hard for me to imitate ''happy and thankful person behavior'' when I receive a gift (I hate gifts, as you can imagine). Actually I feel confusion when I receive a gift . If other people expect me to be happy due to a situation, I start acting. I am fed up with acting.

Thank you! I thought I was the only one having this problem. I really don't like celebrating my birthday and I really don't like surprises. I honestly don't know how to act and that makes me very confused. It's really difficult displaying feelings of joy and thankfulness and just like you, I start acting.