The Quigley Quigelson Memorial: R.I.P.

Post Reply New Topic

I dedicate my life to writing a terrible song about Asperger's every day.

Today's song kids is about Asperger's and Cannibalism:

JIMMY... QUIT PICKING YOUR BROTHER'S HEAD

Oh I like Asperger's, yes indeed
For breakfast, lunch and tea
I eat about three quite regularly
But they get stuck in my teeth

Oh Asperger's
They're quite odd folk
Taste like chicken
Finger lickin'
Mixed with egg yolk

So if you're ever in a jam
Don't know what to make
The kids are really starving
Banging their dinner plates
There's only one thing for it
I guess you must agree
To eat an Aspie... or two... or three...

Last edited by mjs82 on 21 Nov 2005, 3:31 am, edited 2 times in total.

I have to say mate, that was a fantastic song. Inspired by your brilliance, I wrote one as well. It's sung to the tune of It's Raining Men... poorly.

I call it... IT'S DIAGNOSIS: ASPERGER'S

Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls - Ah-huh -
And have we got news for you - You better listen!
Get ready, all you lonely girls
and leave those umbrellas at home. - Alright! -

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Ame---------nnnn!

I feel stormy weather / Moving in about to begin
Hear the thunder / Don't you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took off to heaven and she did what she had to do
She taught every angel to rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman could find her perfect guy
It's Raining Men! Yeah!

Humidity is rising - Barometer's getting low
According to all sources, the street's the place to go
Cause tonight for the first time
Just about half-past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men.

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!

makes me wonder what an aspie hip hop group would sound like.

I apologise for that last post. I wrote a song about getting diagnosed with Asperger's and by sheer coincidence it was exactly the same as the Raining Men song. So I apologise immensely.

To make up for it though, I have written a completely new song about Asperger's called the ASPERGER'S UNDERWATER LIMBO COMPETITION

Oh, in the deep hole
In the Mariana Trench you know
Live a people as happy as can be
They're the ASD super family
A-S-P-ERGIAN's you see
They're so happy living under the sea
A-S-P-ERGIAN's you see
Just like you and me

Every friday night we go out
Looking for places to pull women and guys
Sometimes at the same time
It depends on what you're into really
Some just stay at home and watch the telly
We like to enter the limbo competition
To win first prize is all of our secret ambitions
So we limbo till our backs go sore
Then shout out 'We want more!'
A-S-P-ERGIAN's you see
They're so happy living under the sea
A-S-P-ERGIAN's you see
Just like you and me

Well tom... if that is your real name... I will tell you what an Aspie hip hop group sounds like because I am forming one right now with me as the lead singer, myself on bass and I on drums.

We wrote this song a minute ago and it's about you and how much I like you

I lurk in your bushes
Just want a lookin'
Peepin in your window
Wanting some goodies
See you there undressin'
Right by your dresser
Oh you're such a fresha
Man in a dress yah!
Oh he's my pretty pretty little meanie yellow polka dot bofeanie
And he makes my heart swell with joy
Oh gee!
Oh boy!

This next song is a country and western song about Asperger's

I lost my car
I lost my wife
I lost my keys
I lost my other wife
I lost my house
I lost my job
I lost my clothes
I lost my potatoes
I lost the plot
Three songs ago
Still though
There's more to go
And for all of you
Out there in the country
You Lil' Aspergians
So young and plenty
I tell you this
So that you'll know
Don't forget

I have some terrible news.

My hip hop band THREE SHADES OF COOL has broken up. We're cancelling our North Dakota and World Tour.

I'm so sad.

So sad I've written a song about it called: "THREE SHADES OF COOL BROKEN UP AND NOW I'M REALLY UPSET ABOUT IT AND THINK I MIGHT CRY A LITTLE BIT LATER ON TONIGHT IF I AM MAN ENOUGH"

Oh... three shades of cool
You were really cool
Three Aspie's picking up chicks
With your long blonde hair
And silver licks
You played so cool
Three shades of cool
But now no more word's spoken
The band is broken
Up you know
And now I'm really upset
About it Joe
I think I might have a cry
A good old fashioned cry
And maybe a lie
Down later
Letterman's on later
Wrestling alligators
Might change my mood

I'M SO HAPPY!

THREE SHADES OF COOL has REFORMED and is now embarking on a WORLD TOUR including the Moon sponsored by George W. Bush!

Except though, the other members of the band didn't want anything to do with it, so it's just me, but I wrote all the songs in the first place and had all the talent any how! So who cares about them!

This next song is about Ants who have Asperger's Syndrome.

It's called ANT: JUDGEMENT DAY

Oh have you ever seen an Aspergian Ant?
Maybe hidden on a plant
They like to read books
And learn about fields of specific interest
Ants can't survive on the summit of Mount Everest
Nor on the surface of the sun
Those crazy Aspergian Ants
Just aren't much fun!

This next song is the coming of age story about an Aspergian Ant and his struggle to climb Mount Everest:



Did you ever hear the tale?
Of the littlest but bravest ant?
His name was Judith
He was quite prudish
With his six lays of undergarments
A crazy little varmit
One day he decided to try mountain climbing
He found it quite frightening
So stay at home
And played the playstation instead
Then he watched some TV
Nothing good on really
A cool commercial for Vodafone
You know the one with robotic cows
Yeah, it was pretty awesome
Hmm... I'm still hungry
It's after midnight
Can i still feed my mogwai?
What's a good after dinner treat I can eat?
Rice-A-Ronies the San Franciscan Treat!
And so we leave now the tale
Of Judith the brave little ant
A hero to all
Big and small
Short or tall
Um...
He was an ant
Hmm
Um, how do I stop writing lyrics?
Maybe I need a chorus
Yeah a chorus
Or a big finale
Yeah!
OH JUDITH! THAT HOMICIDAL COMMUNIST ANT!! !
Yeeeeaaaahhhh!

(the boy of Al Jolson drops from the ceiling onto a pile of banana peels)

Car with the licence plates XRZ-7118, you left your lights on so I smashed them out with a crow bar.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to a man who needs no introduction... Me

Thanks me, I'm glad to back here on Wrong Planet. I mean, I love the ambience in the place.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Now, what song are you going to play for us tonight?

Well, I was thinking about something off my new album?

Oh you're releasing a new album?

No, I just bought the new Bon Jovi greatest hits CD. Thought I'd play something off that.

Do you have any original stuff?

Well that depends on what your definition of plaguerism is exactly.

Well, do you have any songs for the oldies out there

Well, it's interesting that you ask that because no i don't and you've made me look like an unprepared fool. thanks alot.

Well, how about something middle of the road then?

Yeah okay, middle of the road. Rightio...

Ladies and Gentlemen... Me!



MIDDLE OF THE ROAD

In South Alabama
Down near the jailhouse slammer
I work in an old chain gang
For six cents an hour
I shovel with all my power
All the animals on the middle of the road
I'm just a chain gang talking
Asperger's thinking
Root toot and stinking
Shoveller of wildlife
And creatures with no roadskills at all

(please don't be offended, I love all creatures great and small. especially ants. god bless those little guys.)

You know, a lot of fans have been coming up to me on the street and been asking me 'Quigley, why are you such a great songwriter?', I say to them 'Firstly, my name's now Quigley and secondly leave me alone!'

Now I'd like to sing you a song from my upcoming Duets CD that I recorded off the radio.

This song's called TELEMARKETER HOMESICK BLUES


I am an Aspergian
Don't like phones
Don't like getting calls
When I'm at home
So when I'm eating my dinner
And I hear that ringer
I huff and I puff
And my kettle blows!
I don't like getting disrupted whilst i'm watching my TV shows
Like McGyver and Baywatch, After M*A*S*H and Colonel Sammy Jones
And I'll track down that person on the other side of the telephone

Now I'm in Pen State
Doing 25 to life
For tracking down that telemarketer
And selling him a set of his own steakknives

This next grammy award nominated song was written by J-Lo but I was able to remove most of the terrible lyrics and replace them with my own terrible lyrics.

It's called I'M JUST QUIGLEY FROM THE BLOCK

Hey ho
You know
Throw to my aiches and my esses in the front row
I'm just Quigley Down Under yo bro
An Aspergian OCD nightmare with an eight metre afro
Don't be afraid by the clocks that I've got
I'm just Quigley from the block
Used to have a little watch but now I have alot
I'm just Quigley from the block

Three Shades Of Cool has disbanded for the last time. Creative differences between myself and myself and myself have led to me now calling the band defunked.

I am starting a new solo project called THE QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER SOUND EXPERIENCE

My influences range from LSD, to PCP, XTC and CNN.

This next song is about a really sad time in my life when I realised that Santa Claus was in fact the Easter Bunny.

I call it... I DONT BUY CHOCOLATE EASTER EGGS ANY MORE

That jolly fat man
No not my dad
Even fatter than him
At risk of a stroke
Or a coronary
He lives in the pole
North that is
With his tiny little elves
With their tiny elf ears
Yes Santa Claus is his name
He has nothing to do with Asperger's
Not in any single way
And when I was seven
At 7-11
I saw him in the store
He was buying easter eggs
At post-easter prices
And followed him for miles
To the Arctic Circle
When I said Santa
"Yo Yo Yo This Is Quigley"
He turned around
Bunny hopped to the right
Oh what a fright!
With his little bunny ears
With his little bunny feet
With his little bunny horns
And his little bunny cheeks
For Santa is the Easter Bunny
That I know is true
And that means every christmas now
We eat bunny stew

The QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER SOUND EXPERIENCE is over.

I am now known as the ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER SOUND EXPERIENCE M.D.

I'm getting back to my disco/blues/beatnik roots and this next song is about the life and times of Abraham Lincoln, a man who got shot for going to the theatre! That's politics for you!

ABE: A MAN AND HIS BIG BLACK HAT

Abe
Babe
Civil war
No more
Ford's theatre
Booth's nearer
Ouch dead!
My stovepipe hat!
Oh man!
That's gunna hurt in the morning!
Pick up tomatoes
Green peas
Loaf of bread
Pasta sauce
Two lightbulbs 100 watts
A box of tissues
Ring Carol about babysitting the kids next tuesday
Oh and I've got to finish painting the letterbox, it needs another coat
And Abe Lincoln, we'll miss you
Good bless and good night

Hello, my name QUAGLEY, I'm QUIGLEY'S twin brother and I must apologise for the way he's been acting of late. He's stopped taking his medication and mine as well, so he's had to be institutionalised.

But never fear, I too am a brilliant songwriter of some renouned. I won the 2005 Family Sing Off at Mum's Christmas BBQ this year. And also the burping contest.

This first song is about LEECHES

It's called LEECHES: THE VERSION YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE

Stick to your skin
Old school medicine
Leeches
Leeches
Walk in the swamp
Hiding in the mud
Leeches
Leeches
Alot like a lawyer
Though a lot less slimy
Leeches
Leeches
Sucks all your blood
Like a vampire-y
Leeches
Leeches

So if you ever feel like getting your blood sucked
And can't afford to hook up to a rotary pump
Just go down to your local swamp and look up those friends you know
Leeches Leeches and give a friendly Hello!

i'll have a pint of whatever he's drinking.