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Justin227
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18 Jun 2009, 7:03 am

Does any other aspies have trouble with following directions? I've been fired from most jobs and when authority figures tell me to do something, I usually ask "why?" Or, "what do you mean?" I have to laugh to myself because I'm notorious for doing this and I think it frustrates people. I guess I just want to know the reason or meaning behind any simple order.



sinsboldly
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18 Jun 2009, 7:26 am

Justin227 wrote:
Does any other aspies have trouble with following directions? I've been fired from most jobs and when authority figures tell me to do something, I usually ask "why?" Or, "what do you mean?" I have to laugh to myself because I'm notorious for doing this and I think it frustrates people. I guess I just want to know the reason or meaning behind any simple order.


I do not wish my childhood upon anyone however there was one good thing about the style of discipline my father used. I do not question an authority figure to their face, and if my future comfort or consequences depend upon my attitude towards that suggestion or said authority figure, then I modify my behaviour immediately.

But inside I am questioning because I want to know 'why' and 'what do you mean' as poignantly as any other Aspie.

Merle


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Wombat
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18 Jun 2009, 8:02 am

Perhaps it is a question of asking "why" more politely at work. There usually is a reason.

Then again sometimes there isn't.
I can remember being in high school and being forced to watch an inter school swimming contest.

I sat up the back playing chess with a friend.

A teacher said "You should be cheering for your school"

I said "Why? The only reason I go to this school is that I live in the district. Why should I pretend that "my" school is better than "their" school?"

He didn't know what to say so he just walked off.



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18 Jun 2009, 8:04 am

^nice.... just nice!^


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18 Jun 2009, 8:27 am

Justin227 wrote:
Does any other aspies have trouble with following directions? I've been fired from most jobs and when authority figures tell me to do something, I usually ask "why?" Or, "what do you mean?" I have to laugh to myself because I'm notorious for doing this and I think it frustrates people. I guess I just want to know the reason or meaning behind any simple order.


:x You need to brainwash yourself into just following orders "if you want to stay employed".
You need to eat, have shelter and clothing. If you can even post such a thing, then you CAN control your questioning. When you become your own boss, only then can you explain to your underlinks the "whys" and "how comes" of their thankless, mundane tasks. Shadap and do your job. Inquire a "little bit at a time" after being on the job for a long time! Another thing, some authority figures don't even know "why" or "what they mean" because they learned their own job as a robot would. They probably can't even answer your questions, it intimidates them and they fire you! But remember, don't bite the hand that feeds you and don't s**t where you eat. If you would just shut your mouth, you'd end up figuring out why things are done the way they are anyway. You're doing what small children do with the "whys" and the "what do you means". It's not appropriate if you're not in a position of authority. You'd most likely move up the ladder quickly if you'd just keep your trap shut because people like you have the makings of success when they ask the right questions "at the right time". :wink: You have vision and the ability to improve upon age-old ways of doing things. NEVER ask a boss too many questions, ask a trustworhty co-worker and take it from there. :idea:



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18 Jun 2009, 8:54 am

I was also raised in the "Because I said so" [[smack]] school of child rearing, and it has stood me in somewhat good stead... though I do think my curiosity about why someone chooses to do something one way rather than another (now that I've learned that there is more than my way to do something) has caused some serious friction with others, who take it as a challenge to their authority.

I'm consciously trying to sort out the 'authority' code of behavior now... people feeling threatenedy by my questions and observations is just kicking my butt on so many levels right now, it's really no fun. Honestly, I don't want your job, your title, your position. I'm just wondering why the H something is done that way, 'cause it doesn't make sense and I'd like to understand...



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18 Jun 2009, 9:12 am

May I make a suggestion?

We have been brainwashed to think that we must "make it" in the "big world" and be a "success".

Seriously, do we need to? Do we need the pressure?

Wouldn't you rather be a postman or a park ranger or the guy who takes the tolls on the bridge?

Do we need a lot of money to "keep up with the Jones's"

We don't care about money or status so why should we buy into "their" trip?



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18 Jun 2009, 9:20 am

I don't care to be a ward of the state, I want to have health insurance, car insurance, and some kind of retirement cushion. I do need a job, I do work for others, I have had bosses all my life, and following instructions is an important part of staying employed, even if it's only as a ditch digger.

I've hired folks to build fences for me and fired the ones who wouldn't do it the way I wanted. I didn't think you could get much less skilled than stringing barbed wire, and they couldn't even hold that job.

That's hardly keeping up with the Jones'.



Justin227
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18 Jun 2009, 9:24 am

RightGalaxy wrote:
Another thing, some authority figures don't even know "why" or "what they mean" because they learned their own job as a robot would. They probably can't even answer your questions, it intimidates them and they fire you!


With jobs I've learned to control the "why?" questions. However, the problem is more "what do you mean?" Because I misinterpret their orders/instructions. Actually, they explain things illogically, and I honestly don't understand what it is they want me to do. It's the same thing I did in school with test questions, reading them wrong. If someone gives me instructions that don't make aspie sense than I get confused.

Someone give me advice on how to understand orders/instructions that don't make sense to most with AS.
give examples if you could. and later I'll post a few humorous ones from past jobs later.



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18 Jun 2009, 10:23 am

Ummm, working on that myself. It's the vague instructions and the modifiers conveyed through body language, that are toasting my goat right now. :?



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18 Jun 2009, 10:29 am

Wombat wrote:
May I make a suggestion?

We have been brainwashed to think that we must "make it" in the "big world" and be a "success".

Seriously, do we need to? Do we need the pressure?

Wouldn't you rather be a postman or a park ranger or the guy who takes the tolls on the bridge?

Do we need a lot of money to "keep up with the Jones's"

We don't care about money or status so why should we buy into "their" trip?


The postman, the park ranger and the guy who takes the tolls on the bridge all have to follow orders from their respective bosses. The jobs that give you very little money or status are also the ones most likely to require you to obey unquextioningly (although I don't know if park ranger really fits into that category). This is not to say that higher pay and higher status jobs are exempt from requiring "yes men". But the farther up the ladder you go, the less frequently you have to unquestioniongly obey.



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18 Jun 2009, 11:29 am

I do this constantly. Thankfully, I've been employed at the same place for six years, and have an excellent relationship with my boss. She knows I'm quirky, and will have her fun with it (ie. rearranging the desk when i get there so i have to fix it, and constantly poking me)...and i think that is what she gets in return for my always asking "why", or my not so hidden cringes and distaste when she asks me to do something I don't want to. lol.



18 Jun 2009, 11:45 am

I sometimes have troubles following orders because I am not understanding the picture in my head so I need more details. I even tend to take things literal so I would clarify and the office clerk would tell me "What did I just tell you?" So I learned I can't clarify to make sure so I was screwed. Amazingly I was never fired.



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18 Jun 2009, 12:33 pm

I know what you mean. It not a case of being cheeky as much as not getting the picture or having the knack that makes is go smoothly. It's better when I'm told/shown exactly what is expected or I read to aquire the skill, and drill until it's routine.

I'm fortunate in my job as a library volunteer, because there are detailed and logical systems already established so I don't need to ask "how?" "why?". I can infer the answers.

Edit- I just realised that I work like a computer with programming code!

And this doesn't make aspies stupid.



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18 Jun 2009, 12:42 pm

I got in trouble for that a lot as a kid.. apparently "why?" is taken as a "I don't want to, why should I bother to do that?" rather than an actual curiosity about why something is done. But if you do something, and tell someone else to do it, and there's no actual reason for it, it's pointless, so why get all defensive about it? And if there IS a reason, why not share that reason? Ok, there are cases where you just have to trust somebody that you trust if they can't say the reason at that particular time. Maybe there's some kind of emergency and you have to do something right then, then it's not appropriate to question unless you have good reason to think doing that particular thing would be harmful. But that's completely separate from the general asking-why-something-is-done. In that case, you'd ask later why that particular thing was what needed to be done, if it didn't become apparent in the general goings-on.
A child asking "why do I need to brush my teeth before practicing my musical instrument" could be much more constructively answered with "so you don't get the inside all dirty and sticky" than with "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"



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18 Jun 2009, 12:55 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
I got in trouble for that a lot as a kid.. apparently "why?" is taken as a "I don't want to, why should I bother to do that?" rather than an actual curiosity about why something is done. But if you do something, and tell someone else to do it, and there's no actual reason for it, it's pointless, so why get all defensive about it? And if there IS a reason, why not share that reason? Ok, there are cases where you just have to trust somebody that you trust if they can't say the reason at that particular time. Maybe there's some kind of emergency and you have to do something right then, then it's not appropriate to question unless you have good reason to think doing that particular thing would be harmful. But that's completely separate from the general asking-why-something-is-done. In that case, you'd ask later why that particular thing was what needed to be done, if it didn't become apparent in the general goings-on.
A child asking "why do I need to brush my teeth before practicing my musical instrument" could be much more constructively answered with "so you don't get the inside all dirty and sticky" than with "BECAUSE I SAID SO!"


I have this happen quite a bit. The example that you gave is so good. Because brushing your teeth in general has nothing to do with how well you play the instrument. So when someone relates these two seemingly unrrelated things together, I naturally want to know why. As you said, its not to be dissident, but because it is important to me to understand the process (and not just that I should do something). Is it then that NTs just infer these things where we need to be told explicitly, or do they just take orders without giving them a second thought?