No empathy at all for particular person

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ocdgirl123
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04 Apr 2012, 8:52 pm

There this a person at my school who I don't have any empathy for. I generally have some empathy for most people, but not her. I do not like this person at all and find her very annoying. I have tried to have at least a little empathy for, honestly, but I just can't do it. I wouldn't say I enjoy when really bad things happen to her, but I don't care.

Has anyone else ever experienced lack of empathy for certain people only?



jedaustin
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04 Apr 2012, 10:20 pm

Yes. I typically have almost zero empathy for people that complain incessantly yet do nothing about their problems, don't really want advice about said problem, and have a net negative effect on the people around them (Debbie Downer). Such people typically always blame others for their problems and take no responsibility for their own life.



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04 Apr 2012, 11:20 pm

I don't think this is abnormal for anyone.


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04 Apr 2012, 11:35 pm

Sometimes people just rub you the wrong way. Follow the rules of social politeness, stay away from them when you can, and you'll be OK.


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04 Apr 2012, 11:53 pm

No... only ignorance in general... Though I can imagine times where due to communications misfires it might seem that way. But I generally respond with more apathy to someone who speaks to me accusingly. Recently had such a possibility.

Perhaps this or something similar is why you don't like this person? Her negativity or manner of communication isn't to your liking and this is why you find her annoying?



AldousH
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05 Apr 2012, 12:09 am

jedaustin wrote:
Yes. I typically have almost zero empathy for people that complain incessantly yet do nothing about their problems, don't really want advice about said problem, and have a net negative effect on the people around them (Debbie Downer). Such people typically always blame others for their problems and take no responsibility for their own life.


You shouldn't feel to bad about that. Their problems aren't bigger then everybody elses, they generally just like complaining.



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05 Apr 2012, 12:50 am

Yep I sure do. I have a hard time feeling sorry for people who are toxic. I also have a hard time feeling sorry for people who brings things upon themselves.

Quote:
Yes. I typically have almost zero empathy for people that complain incessantly yet do nothing about their problems, don't really want advice about said problem, and have a net negative effect on the people around them (Debbie Downer). Such people typically always blame others for their problems and take no responsibility for their own life.



I think lot of people are bothered by this too so you're not the only one. It also bugs me. I also can't stand people who have the inferior complex. Those people act like their problems are the worst even though there are a lot bigger problems out there and people out there who had worse things happen to them or have crappier lives than them and they also complain a lot about how bad their life is, etc. and don't count their blessings and be happy with what they've got. I don't feel sorry for them either. Only thing I think of them is I wish they go get help.



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05 Apr 2012, 3:13 am

I pretty much agree with all the other posters on this. I have a lot of problems in my life, but I don't like dumping my problems on others. I know I did this some when I was younger, but people don't like having others dump their rants on them. I eventually figured it out, as I sensed the negative reactions from others. Also, I didn't like others doing it to me, so I rarely do it now. I have developed coping methods to deal with my issues. Sometimes I do have bad times, but I deal with the bad days on my own. There's not much others can do anyway, so dumping my load of angst on them, won't help anybody, or fix anything.

People who are nasty, or drama queens are a real turnoff. Unfortunately, too many people lack the guts to minimize contact with these Debbie Downers, and instead allow themselves to be constantly dumped on. Rather than give in to another round of rants, they should ask the drama queens to email them a list of just what the problem is, and just what sort of help they expect from the people they are dumping on. Then, the dumping victim should send an email with a list of fixes, and if the drama queen doesn't do anything to fix things, should be unfriended. I know I don't want to put up with someone's drama queen rants.


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05 Apr 2012, 5:50 am

ocdgirl123 wrote:
Has anyone else ever experienced lack of empathy for certain people only?


I'm the exact opposite. I only feel empathy for a certain few. But I don't think your situation is weird. Do you have empathy for John Smith that lives in South Dakota?


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05 Apr 2012, 6:06 am

Yes but mostly for people who used to really bug me and bully me.



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05 Apr 2012, 7:31 am

I dont think this is ASD related... I am pretty sure NT people have a similar experience...

It's our brains reaction to protect us. Once the brain detects dishonesty it shuts off empathy so that there is less risk of sharing dishonest pain with someone...

I would think where an ASD relationship might come in to play is our objectivity... we might perceive someone's integrity as missing if it doesn't make sense for them to feel emotional over the things that they feel emotional about...

that lack of integrity turns off the empathy switch... and poof: all done no more caring about stupid liar people...

However, a strange thing that happened yesterday in a meeting... A guy recently got fired at my work... and he's acting like a punk about it making threats and being irate... it seems very fake to me and I now have no compassion for him loosing his job and personally could care less if he is stuck in the unemployment line for the next 3 years or whatever the new limit is x.x

But a co-worker of mine, is trying to find him a job in the same industry... working for the competition!! !! lol... all cause he feels bad for him... even though the fired person directly attacked the empathetic co-worker back when he still was employed..

that confuses me...


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Bun
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05 Apr 2012, 10:45 pm

ocdgirl123 wrote:
There this a person at my school who I don't have any empathy for. I generally have some empathy for most people, but not her. I do not like this person at all and find her very annoying. I have tried to have at least a little empathy for, honestly, but I just can't do it. I wouldn't say I enjoy when really bad things happen to her, but I don't care.

Has anyone else ever experienced lack of empathy for certain people only?

I think it's just a dislike, nothing unusual.


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06 Apr 2012, 12:13 am

I just have trouble displaying empathy and relating to other people outwardly. I'm so introverted that I process my emotions internally and just don't even think to show them to other people in the ways that others do. That does not mean that I do not feel bad for other people. In fact I think I have more sympathy than most. Would that make me an NT? I just do not know how to relate empathy to other people. When people tell me something about themselves I just kind of draw a blank because I don't know how to respond to their emotional needs. But that does not mean that I (and I don't think other Aspies either) cannot feel internal pain at the sight or thought of someone's suffering. In some ways it is that feeling of too much empathy that some other Aspies have described that forces me to hold it in.



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06 Apr 2012, 12:16 am

Bun wrote:
ocdgirl123 wrote:
There this a person at my school who I don't have any empathy for. I generally have some empathy for most people, but not her. I do not like this person at all and find her very annoying. I have tried to have at least a little empathy for, honestly, but I just can't do it. I wouldn't say I enjoy when really bad things happen to her, but I don't care.

Has anyone else ever experienced lack of empathy for certain people only?

I think it's just a dislike, nothing unusual.


I agree. You just don't like someone, it has nothing to do with Asperger's. I've met plenty of NTs who don't feel bad for people who they are annoyed by.