First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !
19 May 2011, 10:05 pm
Tim_Tex wrote:
2. Does asking for relationship-related advice constitute an inability to directly communicate with a partner?
I dont tink so. Sometimes you may want more tan one perspective on sometin, or you may feel like you are not handling things the right way. I dont think that askin for advice necessarily means you cannot communicate directly wit your partner.
Quote:
Why do I see packs of three to eight people, usually of the same sex or predominantly of just one sex, wandering aimlessly about the college/town? Why is a lone teenager so rare and why am I mocked when seen alone?
Usually its an opportunity for friends to be together and maybe ave some shared experiences. It depends on the person. Some people will just gather in one place and stay there, but others will prefer to walk. The change in scenery gives more opportunity to comment on things and have conversation.
Lone teenagers are rare because, one, teenagers usually arent allowed to just walk alone. When tey do have te opportunity to go out, tey may prefer to be wit friends. Ive never seen instances of a lone teenager being mocked. I imagine it could happen if some mean, judgmental people wanted to tease someone and thought that te teen did not have friends.
To Aspies!
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
I, for example, feel it is awkward if I am with someone and no conversation occurs (assuming neither of us are doing anything else), and I will try to keep the conversation going, even with small talk. Please note: I am awful at small talk. I am actually very awkward.
2) How bad are the sensory issues? Ive heard about people who find supermarkets terrible and confusing. Does the intensity of sensory issues vary with the severity of Aspergers? Is it possible to have Aspergers but have sensory issues that are not that problematic?
20 May 2011, 12:09 am
moonshine_princess wrote:
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
silence is fine, sometimes preferable, but sometimes i will forget the other person is there.
moonshine_princess wrote:
I, for example, feel it is awkward if I am with someone and no conversation occurs (assuming neither of us are doing anything else), and I will try to keep the conversation going, even with small talk.
i find that more awkward (and tedious) than not talking.
moonshine_princess wrote:
2) How bad are the sensory issues? Ive heard about people who find supermarkets terrible and confusing. Does the intensity of sensory issues vary with the severity of Aspergers? Is it possible to have Aspergers but have sensory issues that are not that problematic?
varies dramatically. some people don't have significant sensory issues. although i think it's possible to have problems with sensory processing and not be directly aware of it. also sensitivities can be much worse when tired, hungry, under particular stress, or just randomly (i've found). as far as sensory issues vs. severity of AS: it's far too difficult to assess severity or functionality and argument ensues anytime someone tries to define functionality levels. different people have difficulty with different things.
it isn't always oversensitivity either. it can be hyposensitivity or something less easily categorized. for example i sometimes rely on visual and contextual cues to recognize what i am feeling physically, or to understand how much pain i am in when i'm in pain. consequently i have difficulty knowing if i am sick or if something i'm feeling should be of concern to me. as a child i skinned my knees and elbows and did not feel the pain until i saw that i was bleeding. i became hysterical if tickled or if someone pretended to tickle me - i couldn't tell the difference. i injured myself at work recently and didn't feel it; if i see myself getting injured i will feel the pain. but without the other cues it is difficult to sort out. also i have a lot of difficulty tolerating any kind of beeping or repetitive but intermittent sound (car alarm, helicopter circling that gets louder at intervals, power tools) and if the beeping sound has a regular rhythm to it, it will seem to get louder and it doesn't quite leave my head when it's ceased. i can't explain that very well but it continues to cause me distress.
i get very anxious in supermarkets (especially if anything has been rearranged or if it's crowded) and can only stick around comfortably to get more than two or three items if i'm wearing headphones and sunglasses. then i have trouble waiting in line, under any circumstances. but if i had no agenda and could just stand (in a non-cold aisle) and stare at sprinkles on a cupcake or something, i might be ok .. for me it's having to function in an overload type situation that causes the greatest distress. if i don't have to do anything or make sense of anything, i can be ok for awhile. i just feel impaired. i can't sort out my surroundings. i will look at an object and determine what it is, several times over with the same object before being able to move on to the next thought. then i'll have to revisit the object and "name" it again after listening to something or looking elsewhere. it's very difficult to explain. there are loads of threads here on sensory overload and on particular sensitivities .. try the search box if you want to hear a variety of experiences. there is far, far too much to say about it to cram into one post. also if you're interested in understanding better, you'd benefit from reading responses from a lot of people. i watched a video on youtube recently made by someone with AS describing sensory overload and one thing i recall she mentioned in the video was that if she watches a movie and there are other people in the room, she can't remember anything that happened in the movie. i do the same. some films (high visual content - either fast cuts or a lot of physical movement, or very dialogue heavy) i cannot follow at all and simply give up trying. this doesn't necessarily mean i don't enjoy the film, but i am enjoying the colors swirling around on the screen or the sound of someone's voice, not the content.
and so - a perspective on this that you may not hear from others - it's not all bad.
i guarantee you that i can hear things in this song that you cannot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCgqnGTfJ2M
it's rapturous.
_________________
Now a penguin may look very strange in a living room, but a living room looks very strange to a penguin.
20 May 2011, 2:58 am
moonshine_princess wrote:
To Aspies!
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
I am very uncomfortable with silence and will try to keep the conversation going. I am not very good at small talk and often do not know what to say. I will talk absolute nonsense that is of no interest to anybody. No, not small talk just nonsense.
20 May 2011, 5:31 am
Several months ago, someone who has been very kind and helpful to me, caught me at a very bad moment (I was in the middle of a depressive meltdown). I was fearful I was rude to them so, with some difficulty I told them about my problems. They were very supportive and kind to me.
A few weeks ago, I sent them an email, thanking them for their support and saying I was feeling much better. They then tried to call me but I didn’t answer. I sent them another email explaining that I didn’t want to talk about my problems, but was happy to chat with them on any other topic.
However, I haven’t heard from them since 
( (they always usually respond very quickly to my emails). Have I said something to offend or upset them? I have had a really hard time of it in recent months and just didn’t want to be reminded of it.
What have I done wrong?
_________________
Dylexia, Dyspraxia, Anxiety, Depression and possible Aspergers ... that is all.
21 May 2011, 3:54 pm
Jacs wrote:
A few weeks ago, I sent them an email, thanking them for their support and saying I was feeling much better. They then tried to call me but I didn’t answer. I sent them another email explaining that I didn’t want to talk about my problems, but was happy to chat with them on any other topic.
I know some people get a little awkward when you declare that a certain topic is off-limits, they just don't know how to respond and have a head full of questions they now cannot ask. It seems to make it easier if you can bring up the next topic of conversation, something that sort of refocuses the situation and brings the relationship back to normal. Sort of like if you forcibly end one conversation it becomes your responsibility to think up a replacement.
I don't know, I usually notice that the people have default topics of conversation that they will like to talk about the longest or that they will return to when they do not know what to talk about next. If I were in that situation I would try to return to one of these topics and ignore that anything else happened. With a kind person, they tend to play along and ignore whatever happened sort of as a favour to you, costing a certain amount of social credit with them.
Although keep in mind that I have AS and my social understanding is somewhat flawed, one of the passing NTs may be able to answer your question better.
good luck
24 May 2011, 6:40 pm
moonshine_princess wrote:
To Aspies!
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
I, for example, feel it is awkward if I am with someone and no conversation occurs (assuming neither of us are doing anything else), and I will try to keep the conversation going, even with small talk. Please note: I am awful at small talk. I am actually very awkward.
2) How bad are the sensory issues? Ive heard about people who find supermarkets terrible and confusing. Does the intensity of sensory issues vary with the severity of Aspergers? Is it possible to have Aspergers but have sensory issues that are not that problematic?
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
I, for example, feel it is awkward if I am with someone and no conversation occurs (assuming neither of us are doing anything else), and I will try to keep the conversation going, even with small talk. Please note: I am awful at small talk. I am actually very awkward.
2) How bad are the sensory issues? Ive heard about people who find supermarkets terrible and confusing. Does the intensity of sensory issues vary with the severity of Aspergers? Is it possible to have Aspergers but have sensory issues that are not that problematic?
1. Silence is just fine with me. Carrying on a conversation is pretty hard work, so I'm happy when I can stop or take a break. I try to smile and look like I'm thinking about something else so the other person doesn't feel like it's an awkward silence though. (Maybe the smiling part isn't necessary, but it seems to help in most situations... I don't know.)
So question for NTs: If the other person looks distracted, is the silence still awkward? What I mean is: is it just the other person's attention that makes it an awkward silence?
2. I think it varies a lot. I don't have very bad sensory issues, and I don't get annoyed or upset by them most of the time. occasionally sensory overload can cause me to get very confused though, so I don't really know what's going on or what to do because there are just too many things and I don't know which ones are important. (I'm getting better though because I've learned to consciously stop and think "okay, which of these things is most important?" and then focus in on that) But a supermarket is usually easy, because I go so often I pretty much know what to expect.
_________________
"You gotta keep making decisions, even if they're wrong decisions, you know. If you don't make decisions, you're stuffed."
- Joe Simpson
25 May 2011, 5:23 pm
Janissy wrote:
Mechanicalgirl39, thank you for answering my question. I will try to answer yours.
The way I judge people so I know how to behave around them is I watch how they react to me. If they are reacting positively, I keep doing what I was doing. If they react negatively I think about what kind of negative reaction it was so I can recalibrate my words and actions. Do they seem scared of me? Irritated? Dismissive? Deepending on how they react to what I just did or said, I change and do something different.
Example: I sit down near somebody and they seem to crunch their shoulders together and edge away. That means I have sat too close and they feel like their space is being invaded. I slowly scooch over in the opposite direction until I can see their body relax.
Example: I'm talking to somebody and she glances at her watch. That means there's something she needs to do or somehwere she needs to be and I'm keeping her from it. I wrap up what I was saying (don't stop in mid-sentence) so she can be on her way.
Example: I see a coworker and tell her I may have scored a job interview with one of our company's competitors. (This is assuming I have not signed a non-compete contract.) She purses her lips and slightly vibrates her head. That means I should stop talking immediately, in mid-sentence. Most likely the boss is nearby and I just can't see him.
In all these examples (in any example) a person does X in reaction to me doing Y. What I have to ask myself is WHY did that person do X? I have to assume that it is in reaction to what I did. What my mind is doing is running through a bunch of likely reasons and picking the "best fit" so I can adapt my behaviour. When a person glances at her watch, she needs to get somewhere else in a timely fashion but it's not an emergency. I can finish my sentence. When a person looks stressed about what I'm talking about, it is an emergency and I need to stop talking instantly, mid-sentence.
I have learned (after being on WP for a while) that socializing is a stressful way for AS people to build up a database of reasons why people do what they do and having a huge database is the way to ensure a "best fit" response. You priobably aren't socilaizing enough for this to happen if it's so stressful so your database is small. I have a suggestion which might be totally out of the question or might be an intriguing possibility. Acting lessons. Actors have to learn how to simulate a "best fit" response and teachers teach how to simulate this and what that response should be. Acting lessons build up your database without the stress of worrying about making a wrong move because you are following a literal script, not socializing.
The way I judge people so I know how to behave around them is I watch how they react to me. If they are reacting positively, I keep doing what I was doing. If they react negatively I think about what kind of negative reaction it was so I can recalibrate my words and actions. Do they seem scared of me? Irritated? Dismissive? Deepending on how they react to what I just did or said, I change and do something different.
Example: I sit down near somebody and they seem to crunch their shoulders together and edge away. That means I have sat too close and they feel like their space is being invaded. I slowly scooch over in the opposite direction until I can see their body relax.
Example: I'm talking to somebody and she glances at her watch. That means there's something she needs to do or somehwere she needs to be and I'm keeping her from it. I wrap up what I was saying (don't stop in mid-sentence) so she can be on her way.
Example: I see a coworker and tell her I may have scored a job interview with one of our company's competitors. (This is assuming I have not signed a non-compete contract.) She purses her lips and slightly vibrates her head. That means I should stop talking immediately, in mid-sentence. Most likely the boss is nearby and I just can't see him.
In all these examples (in any example) a person does X in reaction to me doing Y. What I have to ask myself is WHY did that person do X? I have to assume that it is in reaction to what I did. What my mind is doing is running through a bunch of likely reasons and picking the "best fit" so I can adapt my behaviour. When a person glances at her watch, she needs to get somewhere else in a timely fashion but it's not an emergency. I can finish my sentence. When a person looks stressed about what I'm talking about, it is an emergency and I need to stop talking instantly, mid-sentence.
I have learned (after being on WP for a while) that socializing is a stressful way for AS people to build up a database of reasons why people do what they do and having a huge database is the way to ensure a "best fit" response. You priobably aren't socilaizing enough for this to happen if it's so stressful so your database is small. I have a suggestion which might be totally out of the question or might be an intriguing possibility. Acting lessons. Actors have to learn how to simulate a "best fit" response and teachers teach how to simulate this and what that response should be. Acting lessons build up your database without the stress of worrying about making a wrong move because you are following a literal script, not socializing.
Wow great post. So if i undersatand there you have to read the body language tone and all that stuff, and from that you find the best fit,,, But, what happens when you meet an aspie, are you lost ? or do you feel like they are just unconfident or something else?
25 May 2011, 5:55 pm
Janissy wrote:
Mechanicalgirl39, thank you for answering my question. I will try to answer yours.
The way I judge people so I know how to behave around them is I watch how they react to me. If they are reacting positively, I keep doing what I was doing. If they react negatively I think about what kind of negative reaction it was so I can recalibrate my words and actions. Do they seem scared of me? Irritated? Dismissive? Deepending on how they react to what I just did or said, I change and do something different.
Example: I sit down near somebody and they seem to crunch their shoulders together and edge away. That means I have sat too close and they feel like their space is being invaded. I slowly scooch over in the opposite direction until I can see their body relax.
Example: I'm talking to somebody and she glances at her watch. That means there's something she needs to do or somehwere she needs to be and I'm keeping her from it. I wrap up what I was saying (don't stop in mid-sentence) so she can be on her way.
Example: I see a coworker and tell her I may have scored a job interview with one of our company's competitors. (This is assuming I have not signed a non-compete contract.) She purses her lips and slightly vibrates her head. That means I should stop talking immediately, in mid-sentence. Most likely the boss is nearby and I just can't see him.
In all these examples (in any example) a person does X in reaction to me doing Y. What I have to ask myself is WHY did that person do X? I have to assume that it is in reaction to what I did. What my mind is doing is running through a bunch of likely reasons and picking the "best fit" so I can adapt my behaviour. When a person glances at her watch, she needs to get somewhere else in a timely fashion but it's not an emergency. I can finish my sentence. When a person looks stressed about what I'm talking about, it is an emergency and I need to stop talking instantly, mid-sentence.
I have learned (after being on WP for a while) that socializing is a stressful way for AS people to build up a database of reasons why people do what they do and having a huge database is the way to ensure a "best fit" response. You priobably aren't socilaizing enough for this to happen if it's so stressful so your database is small. I have a suggestion which might be totally out of the question or might be an intriguing possibility. Acting lessons. Actors have to learn how to simulate a "best fit" response and teachers teach how to simulate this and what that response should be. Acting lessons build up your database without the stress of worrying about making a wrong move because you are following a literal script, not socializing.
The way I judge people so I know how to behave around them is I watch how they react to me. If they are reacting positively, I keep doing what I was doing. If they react negatively I think about what kind of negative reaction it was so I can recalibrate my words and actions. Do they seem scared of me? Irritated? Dismissive? Deepending on how they react to what I just did or said, I change and do something different.
Example: I sit down near somebody and they seem to crunch their shoulders together and edge away. That means I have sat too close and they feel like their space is being invaded. I slowly scooch over in the opposite direction until I can see their body relax.
Example: I'm talking to somebody and she glances at her watch. That means there's something she needs to do or somehwere she needs to be and I'm keeping her from it. I wrap up what I was saying (don't stop in mid-sentence) so she can be on her way.
Example: I see a coworker and tell her I may have scored a job interview with one of our company's competitors. (This is assuming I have not signed a non-compete contract.) She purses her lips and slightly vibrates her head. That means I should stop talking immediately, in mid-sentence. Most likely the boss is nearby and I just can't see him.
In all these examples (in any example) a person does X in reaction to me doing Y. What I have to ask myself is WHY did that person do X? I have to assume that it is in reaction to what I did. What my mind is doing is running through a bunch of likely reasons and picking the "best fit" so I can adapt my behaviour. When a person glances at her watch, she needs to get somewhere else in a timely fashion but it's not an emergency. I can finish my sentence. When a person looks stressed about what I'm talking about, it is an emergency and I need to stop talking instantly, mid-sentence.
I have learned (after being on WP for a while) that socializing is a stressful way for AS people to build up a database of reasons why people do what they do and having a huge database is the way to ensure a "best fit" response. You priobably aren't socilaizing enough for this to happen if it's so stressful so your database is small. I have a suggestion which might be totally out of the question or might be an intriguing possibility. Acting lessons. Actors have to learn how to simulate a "best fit" response and teachers teach how to simulate this and what that response should be. Acting lessons build up your database without the stress of worrying about making a wrong move because you are following a literal script, not socializing.
Great advice but there is a slight flaw for some people with AS. In my case, I am able to cope with socializing. My greatest weakens is that I am totally blind to non verbal communication in real time. If I do pick up the message it is often too late for the current situation. Therefore, all of the signs that you notice pass me by.
25 May 2011, 6:01 pm
jennyishere wrote:
marshall wrote:
My experience has always been that when I let them know that I already know something they insist on telling me anyways. Then I occasionally get one that tells me I should have told them that I was already experienced. I guess I'd rather experience the latter than the former. I feel patronized when they ignore me and insist on telling me anyways. This might be more the real reason I don't interject. Perhaps I just tell myself they enjoy what they're doing because I don't want to believe they're deliberately patronizing me.
I certainly hope they're not patronizing you, Marshall- that would be extremely rude. Perhaps they just aren't sure that you really know what you're doing and they want to make sure that you do. However, if that's the case, they really should say that, not just ignore your opinion.
Yes i tend to have this problem to and like you i go with the flow as it gives some direction to the conversation telling them you know may cut down their talking time, but in the past i have hinted at the fact that i know still giving them the option to continue, incase it is just part of their job to rexplain.. now i find that when i do do this it is very awkward and always get a bad responce. I'm not certain why,, i would imagine that i was thinking if i should tell them or not as they spoke, and let them get too far in to it? maybe my timing was off frustrating them? I woul imagine that it would be best to say something right away, i find that is the key to everything if you sence some one is slowly overstepping a boundery to say anything. Personally, i cant do it. I already know the result will be negative as i dont do it in "smooth way" that is to say ending it with a joke of some sorts i think. But every time i dont say something right away, it starts to grow, its like they sence that you didnt say anything the firts time and assume that it is ok so they start to ask for more.... then you reach a point of no return where you have to do something and it is awkward even more so cause you let it slide too long. 99% of the time this results in ignoring of each other and a genuine hatred .. well at least on my part .. ok i know i was simply talking about some one giving you info and its not a big deal at all.. as i was writing i remembered a situation that i am currently in the middle of though it is similar, it is of different importance.. but maybe this will help you if a more important situation arrizes
25 May 2011, 6:18 pm
Butterflair wrote:
I have a question for my AS friends:
What makes you want to "shut down" and not talk to people? How long does this last? What can your NT friend do to help while you are in a non-social mode?
What makes you want to "shut down" and not talk to people? How long does this last? What can your NT friend do to help while you are in a non-social mode?
as i go through this it is getting more and more interesting. Shutting down ... see i lived my life not knowing i had Aspergers so i am finding that i was often forced in to social situations so i may be a bit more advanced in certain things but because i just found out i am behind in other things. i jsut posted about a similar thing and didn't even realize it is seen as shutting down, but yes i guess during this time asking me a question is very bothersome, and i keep track of the frequency of interruptions in general if they are too often that is to say one per hour or so i get really frustrated, and may be so mad that i give up what i am doing,,,
for me at least, it is usually reading up on a certain topic. accumulating data and information then thinking about it deeply and comparing to what other sites may say about the subject, this is a very focused experience for me and so far i would suuggest to stay away, nothing you can do will not frustrate me especially if it is a topic that i need to know. If it s something that is relevent to my life and will have an impact on it (money or learing about asperegers) it could take week even before i take a day off, sometimes like now i can be on it for months. some tips that may help are...
1. since i am always suprised how long i have been researching a topic i dont go in to assumeing i will be on the pc for 14 hours.. sometimes hardly eating to the point i start shaking out of weekness. so if this is the case or if you have some one that may do it less, maybe say" i will need your help in a few hours less then they would usually be in to their topic so if they can be on for 5 hours then you may only i need you in 4 hours or better yet lets eat some thing in 4 hours,
2. weekends. make plans for weekends ahaed of time every weekend shoudl be not in the house and no pc should be on.. this actually helps me as i get a break from my research which i learnt is a godo thing and actaully more productive in the long run as i can now regroup my thoughts and make a new plan of action as to where future research will go and if i got off track form my goals.. like i am doing now
again it may be different for other people
25 May 2011, 7:22 pm
I imagine this topic got alot of replies
SimpleSaga wrote:
I have a few questions that I hope anyone with Asperger's Syndrome could answer:
1. What exactly do you feel when you make eye contact with someone? for me i used to avoid eye contact at all costs, it felt like once i gave it the other person could try to make me laugh or react when i didnt feel like reacting cause it woudl be fake,,, eye contact came with... "a grab" like grabing ones shirt and forcing them to come along for ride and if you do go along EVERYTHING is clearly fake.. now i stated forcing myself to meet people and eyecontact was one of the issues that i wanted to work on,,, so i met some one that was to help me,,, the eye contact on their part was constant ... none stop,,, but ,,, it wasnt a grab, so it calmed me down,, i noticed that their really isnt anything in the eyes, no clues it would be beter to look not so focused in and try to get all the body language to get a better read, but yes it felt very very intamit, and was neve sure how long to look for and i shoudl look away, but it seems like i could be looking straight in to the eyes 99% of the time and its normal,,, is this correct??? or is it only some people that are like that. on a side note looking people in the eye now helps me stay focused on the convo, kinda boots my confidence ( only aparent to me) i dont know why
i think its harder to deal with eye contact from a further distance like walking down the street or looking at some one at a coffee shop there i am still clueless and may come off as a pervert.. this will have to worked on a bit
2. [b]Specifically, what sorts of nonverbal expressions do you have trouble with using/understanding? my facial expresions, and arm movement and voice volume are regular issues, I choose not to focus on these as i feel the actual converstaion is more worth learning at this point, though arms guess ar ethe easyest to fix. as far as reading i have yet to feel signs of disintrest or any thing negative,,, usually i can catch this feeling from people actaully moving their body away like actually not facing me anymore or that they the ocnverstaion is much harder and alot more pauses means disintrest...
2a. A friend of mine has Asperger's Syndrome and doesn't seem to have a problem with many of the expressions that are common in everyday communication (ie. nodding to signify 'yes' or waving to greet someone). The main thing that I notice with him is that he never seems to 'catch on' when I'm not in a talking mood or when I'm trying to concentrate on something and don't want a distraction. Is this an example of difficulty in ascertaining the emotions of others?
i guess, also remeber that alot of times from the get go people are turned off by us,, either they know us and that we are differnt or that we have avoided a person or have had bad long distant eye contact or were not funny or able to small talk.. so for us the people we talk to are already some what avoiding us and proabably give off the same mood as concentrating,, for us when we try to socialize we typically may think this is the norm??? i just make things up alot here .. im not always sure that i agree with what i have to say
3. What is your sense of humor like? What sorts of things do you find funny? Do you laugh when you find something humorous or just keep it all inside?
i would have to say stand up comedy that most people like i also like, in a conversation i usually am unlikely to laugh probably cause ... well i guess i dont really have a laugh,, not only that but when you are forcing your self to listen to some one i find that your reaction is always delayed, also sometimes i feel like i am being asked to laugh and dont have the energy,. .since i enjoy the same comedy as you guys,, i think we have the same sence of humour. the interesting thing is that you guys have a great tendency to laugh at things that aren't funny at all or maybe 10% funny and the person talking laughs as if it is one of the funniest things ever, i notice this alot when you worry you may be insulting me, like.. "dont do that, thats not a good idea cause... something slightly funny followed my laugh, so for you laughter is used alot to soften " what an extremely sensitive perosn might take as blow" it gives buys time and lets the other person see that you dont mean thing in a bad way. it is a great technic and it can also be used to get what you want as when you ask for something with a laugh my natural reaction is a simle giving the impression that i agree, making it very hard to back track and the time frame to react is very small, no time to think of a way to turn things around, and even if i did find away it woudl not be followed by a laugh rather by a pause making it stand out as a command or an antisocial thing.. please if this is as incoherent as i think it is then please let me know , i am mostly writing these things as it actaully puts things in perspective for me. i guess i was some what a bit aware of this but putng on paper really makes me look a bit deeper and catagorize things a bit beter
----for fun (all optional)----
4. Do you like reading? If so, what sorts of literature are you into? business and science maybe probability or stock trading aspergers info , anything that will either make me money or better myself, i think this is uncommon,, i have a rare luxiory of focusing on thing that will make me money, it was a key that made all the difference in my work , though im always intrested in whats going in science
5. Have you ever had a date? If so, describe the experience. (optional)
no comment,
6. Do you have any Aspie friends? Do you have any Neurotypical friends? Under which category do you find the person/people you can count on the most?
the people i find i can count on are always those that have been around the longest, familly. besides this some traits i find that i hang around in the real world tend to be people that have some issues of their own, poverty, drugs, ect,,, but these are usually quickly ditched , some nonaspie friends i have would tend to be people with an ability to keep a convo going on and on, and they must be the type that for some reason accept othe peoples weeknesses, that is to say not to even ring up problems.. its like they assume you wont show up for a group meeting so they dont even ask but they do tell you there is one. also the understand other aspets, like if they will have one other firend over you will not like it so they avoid it ect thes types of people are very rare and have a very good ability to detect things you dont tend to like and stay clear of them
7. Do you have a "topic of extreme focus"? If so, what is it and how long have you had this special interest?
1. What exactly do you feel when you make eye contact with someone? for me i used to avoid eye contact at all costs, it felt like once i gave it the other person could try to make me laugh or react when i didnt feel like reacting cause it woudl be fake,,, eye contact came with... "a grab" like grabing ones shirt and forcing them to come along for ride and if you do go along EVERYTHING is clearly fake.. now i stated forcing myself to meet people and eyecontact was one of the issues that i wanted to work on,,, so i met some one that was to help me,,, the eye contact on their part was constant ... none stop,,, but ,,, it wasnt a grab, so it calmed me down,, i noticed that their really isnt anything in the eyes, no clues it would be beter to look not so focused in and try to get all the body language to get a better read, but yes it felt very very intamit, and was neve sure how long to look for and i shoudl look away, but it seems like i could be looking straight in to the eyes 99% of the time and its normal,,, is this correct??? or is it only some people that are like that. on a side note looking people in the eye now helps me stay focused on the convo, kinda boots my confidence ( only aparent to me) i dont know why
i think its harder to deal with eye contact from a further distance like walking down the street or looking at some one at a coffee shop there i am still clueless and may come off as a pervert.. this will have to worked on a bit
2. [b]Specifically, what sorts of nonverbal expressions do you have trouble with using/understanding? my facial expresions, and arm movement and voice volume are regular issues, I choose not to focus on these as i feel the actual converstaion is more worth learning at this point, though arms guess ar ethe easyest to fix. as far as reading i have yet to feel signs of disintrest or any thing negative,,, usually i can catch this feeling from people actaully moving their body away like actually not facing me anymore or that they the ocnverstaion is much harder and alot more pauses means disintrest...
2a. A friend of mine has Asperger's Syndrome and doesn't seem to have a problem with many of the expressions that are common in everyday communication (ie. nodding to signify 'yes' or waving to greet someone). The main thing that I notice with him is that he never seems to 'catch on' when I'm not in a talking mood or when I'm trying to concentrate on something and don't want a distraction. Is this an example of difficulty in ascertaining the emotions of others?
i guess, also remeber that alot of times from the get go people are turned off by us,, either they know us and that we are differnt or that we have avoided a person or have had bad long distant eye contact or were not funny or able to small talk.. so for us the people we talk to are already some what avoiding us and proabably give off the same mood as concentrating,, for us when we try to socialize we typically may think this is the norm??? i just make things up alot here .. im not always sure that i agree with what i have to say
3. What is your sense of humor like? What sorts of things do you find funny? Do you laugh when you find something humorous or just keep it all inside?
i would have to say stand up comedy that most people like i also like, in a conversation i usually am unlikely to laugh probably cause ... well i guess i dont really have a laugh,, not only that but when you are forcing your self to listen to some one i find that your reaction is always delayed, also sometimes i feel like i am being asked to laugh and dont have the energy,. .since i enjoy the same comedy as you guys,, i think we have the same sence of humour. the interesting thing is that you guys have a great tendency to laugh at things that aren't funny at all or maybe 10% funny and the person talking laughs as if it is one of the funniest things ever, i notice this alot when you worry you may be insulting me, like.. "dont do that, thats not a good idea cause... something slightly funny followed my laugh, so for you laughter is used alot to soften " what an extremely sensitive perosn might take as blow" it gives buys time and lets the other person see that you dont mean thing in a bad way. it is a great technic and it can also be used to get what you want as when you ask for something with a laugh my natural reaction is a simle giving the impression that i agree, making it very hard to back track and the time frame to react is very small, no time to think of a way to turn things around, and even if i did find away it woudl not be followed by a laugh rather by a pause making it stand out as a command or an antisocial thing.. please if this is as incoherent as i think it is then please let me know , i am mostly writing these things as it actaully puts things in perspective for me. i guess i was some what a bit aware of this but putng on paper really makes me look a bit deeper and catagorize things a bit beter
----for fun (all optional)----
4. Do you like reading? If so, what sorts of literature are you into? business and science maybe probability or stock trading aspergers info , anything that will either make me money or better myself, i think this is uncommon,, i have a rare luxiory of focusing on thing that will make me money, it was a key that made all the difference in my work , though im always intrested in whats going in science
5. Have you ever had a date? If so, describe the experience. (optional)
no comment,
6. Do you have any Aspie friends? Do you have any Neurotypical friends? Under which category do you find the person/people you can count on the most?
the people i find i can count on are always those that have been around the longest, familly. besides this some traits i find that i hang around in the real world tend to be people that have some issues of their own, poverty, drugs, ect,,, but these are usually quickly ditched , some nonaspie friends i have would tend to be people with an ability to keep a convo going on and on, and they must be the type that for some reason accept othe peoples weeknesses, that is to say not to even ring up problems.. its like they assume you wont show up for a group meeting so they dont even ask but they do tell you there is one. also the understand other aspets, like if they will have one other firend over you will not like it so they avoid it ect thes types of people are very rare and have a very good ability to detect things you dont tend to like and stay clear of them
7. Do you have a "topic of extreme focus"? If so, what is it and how long have you had this special interest?
as far back as i can remember , with te internet coming to play it has become productive instead of jsut nonsence, now there is too much to learn that will effect my life where as before there was really not much
25 May 2011, 8:29 pm
To Aspies and non aspies!
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
I, for example, feel it is awkward if I am with someone and no conversation occurs (assuming neither of us are doing anything else), and I will try to keep the conversation going, even with small talk. Please note: I am awful at small talk. I am actually very awkward.
2) How bad are the sensory issues? Ive heard about people who find supermarkets terrible and confusing. Does the intensity of sensory issues vary with the severity of Aspergers? Is it possible to have Aspergers but have sensory issues that are not that problematic?
---------------------------------------------------------------
1) agreed on all accounts. I would like to add that i think i can be comfortable with silence, it is more my worry what the other person is thinking during silence. It has always been an idea of mine to meet some one under the condition that there will be no talking ,,, like going to a cafe and just going on the laptop and doing our own things. In a weird way if it was mutually OK i think i would consider it as social interaction in my head.
But, a question for non aspies, is it ok not to carry on the conversation. Like say you are in a car together with someone for a long trip, some one you don't know really well for some reason, or maybe on a long trip on a bus/plane and the person next to starts talking and you stumble through. In this case what is the etiquette is it possible to stop the conversation ? can it be restarted?
Or for that matter if you are not in a vehicle, is it OK to stop a conversation ?
2 I think it varies with every one for me a lot of distractions coupled with a conversation is a good thing as it allows me to stop the conversation and pretend I'm focusing on something else that caught my eye or ear. But i will have to admit that some times i find from reading these posts that i may have a small intolerance to certain things, but i think its just the regular things like scratching a blackboard or fork and a plate ect.
loud dark bars with light flashing and such is a way for me to hide and not be noticed, this lets me sit back and relax if i am alone. Add in playing video lottery and i have the perfect scenario. I'm out of my house alone but around many people that wont talk to me and it doesn't look awkward as i seem busy, I consider this a social interaction of some sorts. It is very stress free. even when people try to talk there is absolutely no obligation on my end to reciprocate, i usually do a bit and way before it gets awkward i get back to video lottery. the other person always has the option to restart a conversation as it is not awkward, this tends to limit social interaction to people that really want to talk and can hold a conversation on their own with just a few nods and few words given naturally. it is a liberating thing and i can kinda be more like myself that has been completely erased trying to please others.
25 May 2011, 8:56 pm
Callista wrote:
Question for an NT:
When you make a request of somebody, how can you make sure that the person will only do what you ask if they want to do it, and say no if they don't, instead of feeling forced to do it and getting resentful because they think you're manipulating them?
I've had this problem a couple of times, and I'm not happy about it because I want people to say "no" if they can't, but sometimes it seems like they can't figure out how to say "no" and still be nice. Apparently there's some kind of trick to leaving them a way out that I haven't got the hang of.
When you make a request of somebody, how can you make sure that the person will only do what you ask if they want to do it, and say no if they don't, instead of feeling forced to do it and getting resentful because they think you're manipulating them?
I've had this problem a couple of times, and I'm not happy about it because I want people to say "no" if they can't, but sometimes it seems like they can't figure out how to say "no" and still be nice. Apparently there's some kind of trick to leaving them a way out that I haven't got the hang of.
well i tend to write at the end of m email that if they don't respond then i will just assume that they wont do it. But this tends to confuse them and sometimes even if they were going to do it they don't cause i wrote that and other times they feel pressured to do it when they don't want to and the work is terrible so leaving an easy way out seems to confuse, unless there is a better way of doing it. Generally i just write the work really fast like i do my posts and ask some one to edit it or put it in a coherent manner, come to think of it, i never had any one actually do it.
I find reaction to my writing vary, some people claim it is incoherent. While others seem to really like it. I know that i don't use puctuation properly and stuff and my writing style varies a lot, i'm curious if its how i wrote things that make them interesting or do some people just hate my work and other like it. It could be that when it is read to some one all the mistakes aren't apparent?
Seph
Velociraptor
Joined: 24 May 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 406
Location: In a space station in orbit around Saturn
25 May 2011, 11:44 pm
moonshine_princess wrote:
To Aspies!
1) When talking to a person, do you feel like you must carry on the conversation, no matter what, or are you perfectly comfortable with silence if there is nothing to say?
I, for example, feel it is awkward if I am with someone and no conversation occurs (assuming neither of us are doing anything else), and I will try to keep the conversation going, even with small talk. Please note: I am awful at small talk. I am actually very awkward.
2) How bad are the sensory issues? Ive heard about people who find supermarkets terrible and confusing. Does the intensity of sensory issues vary with the severity of Aspergers? Is it possible to have Aspergers but have sensory issues that are not that problematic?
1) If it's a one on one conversation and the person's attention is on me then the silence is akward. I generally just leave instead of trying to force a conversation. If their attention isn't on me, silence is perfectly fine. I fantasize about a relationship in which both of us are comfortable together in complete silence.
2)I have some sensory issues. I don't really perceive them though. My mind just starts blocking things out. When I was in college there was an event going on outside and there were lots of things going on. Someone I played tennis with saw me and said, "Hi." At the time I didn't realize he was talking to me. It wasn't until several days later that it registered that he had said, "Hi."
All people on the spectrum are different. Some people's senses are hyersensitive while other's are hyposensitive. It's very possible someone's sensory issues aren't problematic.
29 May 2011, 1:50 am
This might have already been asked, but just HOW do you communicate with eyes? Seriously, it's confusing the heck out of me. Do you watch the eyebrows? The lines near the eyes? Is it the entire facial structure? I can 'read' mouth and whole-face expressions (thick eyebrows are easy), but eyes are just blanks to me, especially with eyeshadow.
So, how the heck do you do it?
_________________
Now if only I could think of a witty signature...
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| NY requires Chick-Fil-A to be open on Sundays |
07 Feb 2024, 2:33 pm |
| Credit History |
21 Feb 2024, 9:06 am |
|
Fear of FBI with history of Bipolar and delusional systems
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
31 Dec 1969, 7:00 pm Guest
|
| Autism History museum opening in Michigan |
17 Feb 2024, 4:52 pm |
