First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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DenvrDave
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10 Mar 2013, 4:56 pm

Moondust wrote:
I left years ago and registered again a few months ago because I wasn't able to access my old account.


Welcome back :D



sparkylabs
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10 Mar 2013, 5:01 pm

I understand the concept but it comes back to this "face book" type problem,

people trying to make it seem that they have a really good time all of the time and make other people who don't "get out" so much feel that if they are not "up to it" as it's expected that you do all sorts of weird and wonderful things don't bother. Maybe it's just me not grasping the fact that I'm not expected to be a part time canoist, horse ride, sky diver, go carter, golfer, angler........... for people to be interested in me.

The problem I find (partly due to returning from 14 years in another country) is that people are not friendly these days, unless you turn up guns a-blazing with your achievements and capabilities no one is interested because they want fast proof of what you could mean to them or they just move on to the next one. No one takes the time anymore to get to know people. I'm the sort that it takes time to appreciate, I don't know how to put on an act.


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DenvrDave
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10 Mar 2013, 5:09 pm

sparkylabs wrote:
No one takes the time anymore to get to know people.


It's so true, and social media doesn't help.



sparkylabs
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10 Mar 2013, 5:27 pm

that is why I am against facebook and others, I call it antisocial networking. How can people be so stupid to think that they have a "friend" just because someone said "ok with one click of a mouse I'll let the antisocial network make out we are friends and we will start seeing each others self important crap".

Everyone these days is trying to be "important" or act like they require special alleviations (usually single girls who think being stupid enough to have a kid suddenly makes them and their child priority)


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Moondust
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10 Mar 2013, 6:02 pm

Greentea wrote:
Please remember: the service is provided mutually by Aspies and NTs, and totally on a voluntary basis, therefore no debate or criticism is appropriate to this thread. Clarifying questions are encouraged, of course, and conversation about the given question as well.[/b]*


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angelbee
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12 Mar 2013, 7:52 am

sparkylabs wrote:
that is why I am against facebook and others, I call it antisocial networking. How can people be so stupid to think that they have a "friend" just because someone said "ok with one click of a mouse I'll let the antisocial network make out we are friends and we will start seeing each others self important crap".

Everyone these days is trying to be "important" or act like they require special alleviations (usually single girls who think being stupid enough to have a kid suddenly makes them and their child priority)


I couldn't agree with you more Sparkylabs. Everyone tells me I should be more social and join facebook but it's not social at all. People are rude to each other and just complain about their work life, or say what they ate for breakfast. People need to get over themselves. Young girls getting pregnant for the money and attention "shame on you!" :D


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dand
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22 Mar 2013, 2:44 pm

Hi Everyone,

Has anyone got any good tips for coping mechanisms for:

a/ you are given advise that you don't understand the ins and outs of, and its not appropriate to question the person any further, Proceeding to a mental meltdown if you can't get the answer.

b/ Not being able to finish a conversation you get stuck in your head.

c/ Over excitement from an interest and restraint in talking to my friend about it. I say friend because it don't do it as bad in groups of 3 or more.

These major social drawbacks may come across to a lot of you as typical of Aspergers. I say Aspergers has been typical of me my whole life.
I was diagnosed as a child, and am now 28.



StarTrekker
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23 Mar 2013, 12:05 am

angelbee wrote:
sparkylabs wrote:
that is why I am against facebook and others, I call it antisocial networking. How can people be so stupid to think that they have a "friend" just because someone said "ok with one click of a mouse I'll let the antisocial network make out we are friends and we will start seeing each others self important crap".

Everyone these days is trying to be "important" or act like they require special alleviations (usually single girls who think being stupid enough to have a kid suddenly makes them and their child priority)


I couldn't agree with you more Sparkylabs. Everyone tells me I should be more social and join facebook but it's not social at all. People are rude to each other and just complain about their work life, or say what they ate for breakfast. People need to get over themselves. Young girls getting pregnant for the money and attention "shame on you!" :D


I concur. I have a facebook account but haven't been on in years. I keep meaning to delete it, but my mom keeps telling me I shouldn't because then my relatives would have no way to talk to me.... they don't talk to me on facebook anyway because I'm never there, so what does it matter?! i find the whole thing daft and a waste of time. You're probably right when you say it adds to peoples' delusions that they are somehow inherently special or unique because the entire world can see their every thought when they post it. Of course no one seems to see the great irony; if we are all special, that means none of us are, because "special" has become the new normal.


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23 Mar 2013, 6:52 am

Please keep discussions of any side-issues to other threads.
If we allow this thread to drift into another general chat thread the questions and answers will be lost amongst that.

Thanks.


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25 Mar 2013, 11:33 pm

Why do NTs ask me if I'm okay so much? This usually happens if I'm stimming a lot or I'm not smiling. I can understand if family members ask this, but I often get asked this by strangers. When strangers ask me if I'm okay I usually get mad at them and tell them I am okay even if I'm feeling depressed. I don't understand why strangers think they can help. I would welcome their help if I was injured, but I don't think they can make me feel less "stimmy" or depressed. I don't think they are genuinely concerned about me. I think they just do this crap to make themselves feel better. I kind of want some NT feedback because sometimes NTs can be so confusing.


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MidlifeWife
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29 Mar 2013, 8:49 am

DevilKisses wrote:
Why do NTs ask me if I'm okay so much? This usually happens if I'm stimming a lot or I'm not smiling. I can understand if family members ask this, but I often get asked this by strangers. When strangers ask me if I'm okay I usually get mad at them and tell them I am okay even if I'm feeling depressed. I don't understand why strangers think they can help. I would welcome their help if I was injured, but I don't think they can make me feel less "stimmy" or depressed. I don't think they are genuinely concerned about me. I think they just do this crap to make themselves feel better. I kind of want some NT feedback because sometimes NTs can be so confusing.





Strangers will ask if you are ok because you are probably expressing non-verbally in face or posture that you are not. If they are bold enough to ask you then you can accept that most of the time their asking is of genuine concern and willingness to help. Your response to strangers that you are ok is socially acceptable and appropriate as it is not healthy to share with everyone who asks what is really going on in our lives, especially strangers. If you were in need of something like directions or jumper cables it would be safe to share that need with a stranger who will most likely answer honestly if they can or cannot help you.

As far as nt's "doing this crap to make themselves feel better" is essentially true to a point in that our wiring is strong in responses of compassion and empathy, combine that with a sensitive awareness to body language and then when we see someone who appears distressed it comes across as loud as them yelling "help me!" Asking if someone if they are "ok" when they look stressed is as reflexive and personally satisfying as letting out a yelp when stubbing a toe, so in that vain I would have to say "yes" asking does make us feel better even though it doesn't necessarily make the situation better we have done our civil duty by asking.

hope that helps.



theshawngorton
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29 Mar 2013, 8:37 pm

sparkylabs wrote:
people trying to make it seem that they have a really good time all of the time and make other people who don't "get out" so much feel that if they are not "up to it" as it's expected that you do all sorts of weird and wonderful things don't bother.


Yeah, that'll happen, but we won't know till we try, right?



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30 Mar 2013, 3:11 pm

To NTs:

How do NTs learn certain "unsaid" rules, such as "you behave more compliantly to someone in a position of authority over you, such as a landlord? I only recently discovered that customarily a landlord has more authority than a tenant. I had always thought we were equal, seeing as I receive a roof and he receives money...


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sparkylabs
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30 Mar 2013, 4:11 pm

what sort of authority do you refer to ?


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ezbzbfcg2
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30 Mar 2013, 5:18 pm

Moondust wrote:
To NTs:

How do NTs learn certain "unsaid" rules, such as "you behave more compliantly to someone in a position of authority over you, such as a landlord? I only recently discovered that customarily a landlord has more authority than a tenant. I had always thought we were equal, seeing as I receive a roof and he receives money...


I am not neurotypical by any means. Often I'm highly critical/weary of authority, but I learned to be complacent at times because it became self-evident that authority doesn't like to be questioned, and have the power to make my life hell if they see me as a threat.

That said, I find your example about the landlord a bit strange. While tenants do indeed have rights (and they vary from place to place) ultimately it is the landlord who owns the property. You're paying to live there, you're not actually purchasing the property, he still owns it.

I expect people to treat my property with respect, and afford the same to others. As a tenant, I know the landlord is allowing me to live there, that it's his property, he is the final owner with final say. And in the contract, we spell out what each of us is responsible for. While I expect to be treated with respect by the landlord, it seems like a no-brainer we are not "equal" in the sense that he is the owner of the property, I'm paying him to stay there.

So I'm not sure what you meant by thinking you two were equals. You don't own the property, he does, so you don't have equal say. And this doesn't strike me as a "between the lines" thing. It seems self-evident.

Not to dig into you, it's just that the example doesn't strike me as AS vs. NT.



DenvrDave
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30 Mar 2013, 9:07 pm

Moondust wrote:
How do NTs learn certain "unsaid" rules, such as "you behave more compliantly to someone in a position of authority over you, such as a landlord? I only recently discovered that customarily a landlord has more authority than a tenant. I had always thought we were equal, seeing as I receive a roof and he receives money...


Hi Moondust,

I think there were some basic unsaid rules that I learned from parents, relatives, teachers, bosses, etc. for example, don't talk back to a police officer. But there are far more less-obvious unsaid rules, like the example you mentioned, that I learned by the school of hard knocks. In other words, I learned a lot of unsaid rules by accidentally breaking an unsaid rule which I didn't know about, experiencing consequences, then learning about the unsaid rule through tears, reflection, processing, etc. I learned a lot about unsaid rules by talking to friends/confidantes. I also learned a lot about unsaid rules by reading novels.

Hope this helps :D

-DD