First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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Moondust
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31 Mar 2013, 1:35 am

Thank you very much, DenvrDave. Did you know this rule of landlords in my example because you had a bad experience in that regard, though?


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DenvrDave
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31 Mar 2013, 12:06 pm

Moondust wrote:
Thank you very much, DenvrDave. Did you know this rule of landlords in my example because you had a bad experience in that regard, though?


No bad experiences with landlords. But I recall reading the first lease that I had to sign (about 25 yrs ago - ugh) and thinking "wow, that's pretty restrictive, and there are some hefty financial penalties if I break the rules, so I better be nice." So I think I learned the landlord was an authority figure based solely on reading the lease and recognizing the landlord had all the power and I had none.



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31 Mar 2013, 3:20 pm

And how did you know that this wasn't just one crazy guy but the normal, accepted situation in society?


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31 Mar 2013, 4:28 pm

You'd have to speak to people who have rented before and have experience or ask someone knowledgeable about the law. any contract should be made within the bounds of the law so if it sounds very crazy check up on the law.


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01 Apr 2013, 12:09 am

Moondust wrote:
And how did you know that this wasn't just one crazy guy but the normal, accepted situation in society?


I didn't know what was normal. But I'm guessing that from that experience, I created an unsaid rule in my mind that landlords are authority figures and have power over renters, to the extent that their power is codified in a lease. And since then, I've had no experiences that significantly altered my version of that unsaid rule.

But a lease only governs the treatment of property and exchange of money. How I treat landlords on an interpersonal basis, and how I expect them to treat me, has nothing to do with any lease. The unsaid rules of respect, courtesy, politeness, punctuality, etc. still govern my interactions with, and expectations of, people regardless of their position.



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01 Apr 2013, 12:59 am

DenvrDave wrote:
from that experience, I created an unsaid rule in my mind


It puzzles me how you knew that this was a rule and not just one guy. I think that I need a million cases before I start suspecting there may be something I'm not seeing...


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DenvrDave
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01 Apr 2013, 9:33 pm

Moondust wrote:
It puzzles me how you knew that this was a rule and not just one guy. I think that I need a million cases before I start suspecting there may be something I'm not seeing...


I hear you about needing about a million cases before figuring some things out...that happens(ed) to me too.



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09 Apr 2013, 6:21 am

The day someone opens a new net account on n.t /as hot lone sites i'll be posting



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10 Apr 2013, 5:44 am

Moondust wrote:
And how did you know that this wasn't just one crazy guy but the normal, accepted situation in society?


I've never rented a place, but I know that landlords have a position of authority through representations in the media, newspaper articles about landlords evicting tenants, punk songs about getting back at landlords, things like that.


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11 Apr 2013, 6:31 am

I have a question for WrongPlanet's resident non-autistics... :nerdy:
When you're introduced in a new workplace, with all new co-workers, then (after first introductions have been made) what is considered standard procedure in the whole getting-to-know-each-other process: that you make the first move in approaching the long-time co-workers, or that they speak to you first?

I'm asking because I am very aloof and find it difficult to make the first move in any initial contact with people I don't know that well, but I've experienced in the past that this leads to both me and my co-worker(s) not speaking all that much, awkard silences, and they get the impression that I'm the aloof one when I haven't really been getting much to 'work with' from their part. So that's what confuses me a little, am I as the newcomer supposed to make the first move?

Cheers, Cyclops.


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Janissy
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11 Apr 2013, 2:20 pm

CyclopsSummers wrote:
I have a question for WrongPlanet's resident non-autistics... :nerdy:
When you're introduced in a new workplace, with all new co-workers, then (after first introductions have been made) what is considered standard procedure in the whole getting-to-know-each-other process: that you make the first move in approaching the long-time co-workers, or that they speak to you first?

I'm asking because I am very aloof and find it difficult to make the first move in any initial contact with people I don't know that well, but I've experienced in the past that this leads to both me and my co-worker(s) not speaking all that much, awkard silences, and they get the impression that I'm the aloof one when I haven't really been getting much to 'work with' from their part. So that's what confuses me a little, am I as the newcomer supposed to make the first move?

Cheers, Cyclops.


It's been awhile since I was the new coworker but when I was I usually did make the first move. I opened with procedural questions (which is expected since nobody knows what the new coworker does or doesn't already know). From that the conversation would flow to my previous work or school experience.

Now I am the old coworker and new coworkers do the same with me. I will introduce myself and show them some initial things but I don't know what they do or don't know until they ask a procedural question. The very youngest new coworkers will then tell me that they did or didn't learn about some such in school. The ones with some work experience will tell me a little about their previous work experience and that's how the conversation gets going.

So the process from my experience has been for the new coworker to start a conversation with the other coworkers about procedures and their school/work experience. The newcomer makes the first move. Although we are in different countries, I am guessing that the newcomer is also expected to make the first move where you are. Procedural questions are a good opener, just make sure not to criticize the way things are done even if it seems silly to you.



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12 Apr 2013, 4:49 am

Ahh, thanks, Janissy. That's really helpful. I actually broke the ice today a little more by asking a co-worker if he had heard about something that went down in our neighbourhood which was in the news. So I'm slowly learning. But it can be daunting at times to approach people I don't know that well yet.


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BrookeWood
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17 Apr 2013, 3:11 am

Great thread for getting useful information.........



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17 Apr 2013, 11:55 pm

NTs,

What do you do if someone badmouths a former boss that you really liked but it is an acquaintance doing the badmouthing who did not know the full picture?

Also, NT managers, do you give reference checks that really show the person's issues, like OCD? Can this bite you later?



TOFINE
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19 Apr 2013, 4:59 pm

Gerhardt wrote:
This is a question for NT's, generally young women NT's but anyone can answer:

What would the best way for an Aspie to tell you that he has Aspergers? A lot of times I meet NT women that are nice and all but they misinterpret my cold gaze and lack of social congruency as stand offish and insecure, and thus refuse to date me. I feel if they know I have aspergers they'll be more prone to understanding how I work and seeing my true colors. I've told some women that I have Aspergers directly but it ends up making things even more awkward.


Hello Gerhardt. I am an NT who fell in love with an Aspie who now seems to be rejecting me. I was not told he was an Aspie until 4 months after dating him. I wished he would have told me up front that he was an Aspie. I would have taken things slower instead of jumping into the relationship. He courted me something fierce. He sent 24 red rose to me with a card that ALL MY LOVE, PATRICK. He sent me loving txt messages for months but now nothing. I have done alot of reading about Aspies. I asked if I could research the differences we have in our brain. I would not have rejected him as far as dating him but I would have taken things much slower before getting involved.

What I would like to know is why did he not share with me up front? I feel he should have let me know this fact before we got involved. I now feel like this relationship is onesided. I am not sure at this point how to even relate to him. I mean I knew there was something different about him when I fell madly in love with him but If I would have know some more about the Aspie difference I may not have taken our friendship to the next level. I now feel betrayed by him.

Help give me some advise. Thank you.



TomGunsmoke
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20 Apr 2013, 8:58 pm

TOFINE wrote:
What I would like to know is why did he not share with me up front? :::snip:::
Help give me some advise. Thank you.


Sorry to hear your feelings have been hurt.

I can give some advice, but only from my perspective (Aspies have some common traits, but are also unique and do not share all). If it were me, and was in his position, I'd prefer to be asked this question directly.

Am recently out (I think) of a 12 year relationship with a woman I adored (I'm also very recently diagnosed Aspie). As I go over all the stuff that happened and seeing it from this new perspective, the one thing I think I'd have requested was to speak whatever is on her mind directly to me (though can be challenging if not framed well) when she's ready. It is so hard to know things when you (read this as me) can't pick up social clues, what seems like code to me that I either can't get, or have a real hard time figuring out. There are so so many times where, had I known how something I said or did affected her, I'd have behaved differently or at least known to apologize (one of things I struggle with being recently diagnosed, finding out how I hurt the feelings of one I adored and largely didn't even know it-now may never have a chance to fix it).

So, I'd prefer to be asked directly why I didn't tell you. That would give me the chance to see how by not revealing it, I may have hurt your feelings, and respond appropriately. But, a word of caution, you might also get an explanation of the logic and reasoning behind not telling you (which won't necessarily mean he's trying to ignore your feelings).