First time in history!! !! The NT/AS open hotline ! !! !! !

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mollydooker
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25 Feb 2014, 12:20 am

StarTrekker wrote:
Hello NTs, this is my first post on this thread, and I have a question for you that I'm interested in hearing your answers about. People always talk about the fact that aspies have heightened sensory sensitivities and become overwhelmed easily by too much sensory input. My question for you is, does that sort of thing ever happen to you? Do you ever experience sensory overload, how do you handle it, and what sorts of sensory experiences trigger it? I'm very curious because no one has as yet published a guide explaining what it "feels like to be NT" the way so many aspies have done about their condition.


This is my first 'official' reply to a forum question, so please...be gentle :). As an NT, (or so I'm told) I do experience sensory overload in several situations; audio/visual o/s occurs when attempting too much 'multi-tasking' - fatigue has no bearing on this. My physiologic response is analagous to standing in a tunnel with a dim light at the end, (I block all audio @ this pt) and the periphery begins to 'grey out' and slowly tighten in, like the lens of a camera. I experience more 'tactile' overload when I'm ill (fever seems to exacerbate this), or in physical pain...block out sound and dislike anyone touching me in these cases. Hope this helps & glad to be part of this special community! Lefty ;)



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01 Mar 2014, 11:44 pm

When making a relatively new friend, what is a good level of frequency to comment and like their posts/status updates on FB?

(In comparison to a more well-established friend)


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gabx
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04 Mar 2014, 9:45 pm

I'm new to this site, and I guess I made my own new topic on the discussion board.. however I see this may be most helpful.

Hi all. I have been raised in a household of severe verbal fighting which lead to a lot of emotional problems I currently have as an adult. Being that I am studying to be in the field of developmental disabilities and neurology, I feel like a lot of things that I have experienced are caused due to the actions of my father. Me and my mother, and the rest of my family, knew for a very long time that something just "wasn't right". We've tried going to family therapy- which only lead to the therapist asking to see my father separately. He never wanted to go, he feels that there is nothing wrong with him, and that we just "keep putting him down" all the time. It's time for me to take a stand for my family and try to help him. He is very much in denial and it is very devastating to our family. Its draining the amount of fights I endure day in and day out. I am curious and for my future children- if this is genetic and without him being treated I might never know. Please if any of you can comment back some symptoms of Asperger's and some helpful ways to guide him to therapy/treatment. It's very hard to convince a fully functional older man to go see a therapist.



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07 Mar 2014, 11:31 pm

Hi gabx,
I have had a similar situation with my father and have been trying to help him - which I believe would help the rest of my family- for my entire remembered life. I suspect he has some form of aspergers. I have strong attributes of an aspie as does my brother. There is no way to force or trick someone into getting therapy - I have tried everything I can think of and nothing has worked. I got him to talk to a therapist so he could learn to help one of my siblings but he only went once and didn't discuss himself at all. Then my mother got him to go for 'relationship counseling'. Again, he only went once and feels there is nothing wrong with him. I have spoken to him directly about the struggles I face and suggested he may want to speak with someone as well. He blamed all possible genetic neurological abnormality on my mother. The fact is, no one will change until they are ready too. Period. Sometimes bluntly pointing things out will cause a person to react oppositely to your intentions and take even longer to discover for themselves what they need to do to make their lives happier. I found that the best thing to do to help my family was to move away, cut off contact for a time, and focus all my energy on making my own life what I need it to be. Things are still far from perfect for my family but they see how hard I am trying to help myself and every single one of them has been trying to improve themselves, in their own way. I know this didn't answer your question. I wish I knew how to make someone get the help they need. I recommend focusing on yourself and becoming the best you that can be. If you feel like something is tearing you down - set up a boundary or distance yourself. You can't save anyone when you are drowning yourself. We can help others when we come from a place of internal strength. This is a place we build ourselves. Good luck!



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07 Mar 2014, 11:31 pm

Hi gabx,
I have had a similar situation with my father and have been trying to help him - which I believe would help the rest of my family- for my entire remembered life. I suspect he has some form of aspergers. I have strong attributes of an aspie as does my brother. There is no way to force or trick someone into getting therapy - I have tried everything I can think of and nothing has worked. I got him to talk to a therapist so he could learn to help one of my siblings but he only went once and didn't discuss himself at all. Then my mother got him to go for 'relationship counseling'. Again, he only went once and feels there is nothing wrong with him. I have spoken to him directly about the struggles I face and suggested he may want to speak with someone as well. He blamed all possible genetic neurological abnormality on my mother. The fact is, no one will change until they are ready too. Period. Sometimes bluntly pointing things out will cause a person to react oppositely to your intentions and take even longer to discover for themselves what they need to do to make their lives happier. I found that the best thing to do to help my family was to move away, cut off contact for a time, and focus all my energy on making my own life what I need it to be. Things are still far from perfect for my family but they see how hard I am trying to help myself and every single one of them has been trying to improve themselves, in their own way. I know this didn't answer your question. I wish I knew how to make someone get the help they need. I recommend focusing on yourself and becoming the best you that can be. If you feel like something is tearing you down - set up a boundary or distance yourself. You can't save anyone when you are drowning yourself. We can help others when we come from a place of internal strength. This is a place we build ourselves. Good luck!



OutsideTheBoxGirl
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10 Mar 2014, 7:16 pm

Hi guys! Can you believe I've never posted on here? I guess i just have limited spoons lol. You may recognize me as A Girl Outside The Box? Anyways, I think this is a great idea. We need NTs to understand us better so they can ally with us against system mistreatment and support us. I think it's a good idea!



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10 Mar 2014, 7:17 pm

Hi guys! Can you believe I've never posted on here? I guess i just have limited spoons lol. You may recognize me as A Girl Outside The Box? Anyways, I think this is a great idea. We need NTs to understand us better so they can ally with us against system mistreatment and support us. I think it's a good idea!



Odetta
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14 Mar 2014, 10:12 am

As an NT mom with a possible ASD son, I think this is a great idea. S1 is still in the evaluation process, but it's looking highly likely he is ASD. I've been reading threads, and it's very helpful to understand the ASD "voice" and how an ASD person thinks - I think this will help me understand my son better.



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22 Mar 2014, 8:18 pm

Question for NTs: Is it actually socially inappropriate to laugh at one's own joke and if it is why is it?

In social skills groups ,as a child/ young teenager ,one thing taught was not to laugh at one's own joke but I see socially adept NTs doing this a lot. Is it something to do with the social context, there are some contexts in which it's okay to laugh at your own jokes but in others it's not? Is it because laughing at your own joke makes you look arrogant since you think you're so hilarious? Would you think that about someone who did this?



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24 Mar 2014, 1:57 pm

daydreamer84 wrote:
Question for NTs: Is it actually socially inappropriate to laugh at one's own joke and if it is why is it?

In social skills groups ,as a child/ young teenager ,one thing taught was not to laugh at one's own joke but I see socially adept NTs doing this a lot. Is it something to do with the social context, there are some contexts in which it's okay to laugh at your own jokes but in others it's not? Is it because laughing at your own joke makes you look arrogant since you think you're so hilarious? Would you think that about someone who did this?


I'm a self-diagnosed aspie, but only mildly, so I have learned to understand what is socially acceptable :)

If you tell a joke and everybody else laughs at it, it would be socially acceptable to smile a bit, because everybody else is laughing and everyone is happy. If you tell a joke and nobody laughs, it would be a bit socially strange to laugh and and there are two reasons for this: 1, if you are considered to be quite bigheaded and confident, then laughing at your own joke would seem very arrogant if nobody else finds it funny. 2, if you are considered to be quite strange or nerdy, then laughing at your own joke, when nobody else finds it funny, would just make you seem nerdier.

I don't understand why NTs are so judgemental about these sort of things, and I don't think that NTs know, either. Some things are just 'socially unacceptable'.

If you tell a joke that nobody finds funny and there is an awkward silence, the best thing you can say is "aaannyywwaayyyy" in a really slow and awkward voice. That kinda lightens the mood a bit. Hope I helped :)



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30 Mar 2014, 4:23 pm

daydreamer84 wrote:
Question for NTs: Is it actually socially inappropriate to laugh at one's own joke and if it is why is it?

In social skills groups ,as a child/ young teenager ,one thing taught was not to laugh at one's own joke but I see socially adept NTs doing this a lot. Is it something to do with the social context, there are some contexts in which it's okay to laugh at your own jokes but in others it's not? Is it because laughing at your own joke makes you look arrogant since you think you're so hilarious? Would you think that about someone who did this?


Hi, yes it totally depends on context. For example, being in the presence of recently-made acquaintances vs long-standing friends, recreational setting vs business/job setting, etc. Also, the way in which one laughs matters, such as loud raucous laughter vs a quiet chuckle. I think the more risky the situation (i.e. the more one has to lose such as in job setting, recent acquaintances) the more subdued one might want to be. Long standing friends or family members would tend to be more forgiving if one were to accidentally make a social gaffe. The reason is that it is possible the other people may hear one laugh at one's own joke and think they are pompous or arrogant. But of course there is no way to predict how others will react, so that is probably why social skills classes tend to err on the side of caution. Lastly, there are lots (as in, LOTS) of NTs who laugh at their own jokes and come across as pompous or arrogant. Just because NTs do things doesn't make it right or appropriate. Hope this helps :D

-DD



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31 Mar 2014, 12:59 pm

^^
Okay, thanks, that makes sense.

I haven't checked this thread in a long time.



Last edited by daydreamer84 on 31 Mar 2014, 1:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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31 Mar 2014, 1:09 pm

Okay, another question for NTs (actually 2). Please be bluntly honest, don't sugar-coat answers:

1) If you saw a person in a public place, sitting in a lecture with you or on a bus and they were picking and pulling at scabs, scars, blemishes ect. on their face what would you think/feel about them? Would you be disgusted or repulsed? Would it be as bad as seeing someone pick their nose? If not, what exactly would you think? My mum says it's disgusting and the same as nose picking but I think she may be exaggerating because she wants me to stop doing it. She's done that about other things. * I know skin-picking is a very bad habit and probably socially inappropriate but I want to know how bad it is and what most people would think of it.

2) If you saw someone sitting normally and doing something normal like playing a game on their phone but they had a lot of red spots, and a few scabs and little scars on their face would would you think? Would you be disgusted by that?



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05 Apr 2014, 9:48 am

Am an aspie, not really an NT, but I think I speak for most folks (nt or spectrumites) in saying that I would not like the sight of someone picking their skin on their face in public. You dont pull off your shoes on a bus and trim your toe nails in public do you? Yes- I would find it gross.

If I saw someone with scabs on their face what would I think? That would be different. I wouldnt leap to the conclusion that "they must pick at their face" because that issue is not on my radar screen to think about.



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05 Apr 2014, 6:18 pm

marshall wrote:
jennyishere wrote:
Like Janissy, I also feel that "we're-all-just-humans-here" sense of connectedness with most people, unless, as Janissy says, they seem threatening or overtly unwelcoming. I actually quite enjoy talking with "random people" I've just met and getting glimpses into their lives- that's pretty much what we all do on a forum like this, after all. It's probably fortunate that I DO enjoy it- as a teacher in a large school, I interact and chat with dozens of people every day- students, colleagues, parents, etc. I don't think it's purely an extrovert trait, though, as I'm definitely an introvert. One type of social interaction that I DON'T enjoy is standing around at a social function with people I know, making superficial smalltalk- I can DO it, but I find it dull and uncomfortable and I avoid it when I can. It's the artificiality of the situation that bothers me, not the people themselves. Jenny


My mother is also like this. She can talk to almost anyone. She's was also a social worker at a school before she retired.

I deeply envy this ability to find enjoyment in talking to anyone. I don't feel any connection to people just because they're human. Maybe this is wrong but often I just look at someone and intuitively judge that I have nothing in common or that they will be unintelligent and boring to talk to. :(


I feel like you, Marshall. I don't feel a connection to people naturally. I logically understand that it's rude to act disinterested in what other people talk about so I try to act as interested as I can by asking questions about the topic. My problem is I can't make my tone of voice or facial expressions display interest. Basically I can't get my verbals to match up with my non verbals. I've been called sarcastic before and sometimes aloof and uncaring. It stinks.



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05 Apr 2014, 6:50 pm

Holophone wrote:
marshall wrote:
jennyishere wrote:
Like Janissy, I also feel that "we're-all-just-humans-here" sense of connectedness with most people, unless, as Janissy says, they seem threatening or overtly unwelcoming. I actually quite enjoy talking with "random people" I've just met and getting glimpses into their lives- that's pretty much what we all do on a forum like this, after all. It's probably fortunate that I DO enjoy it- as a teacher in a large school, I interact and chat with dozens of people every day- students, colleagues, parents, etc. I don't think it's purely an extrovert trait, though, as I'm definitely an introvert. One type of social interaction that I DON'T enjoy is standing around at a social function with people I know, making superficial smalltalk- I can DO it, but I find it dull and uncomfortable and I avoid it when I can. It's the artificiality of the situation that bothers me, not the people themselves. Jenny


My mother is also like this. She can talk to almost anyone. She's was also a social worker at a school before she retired.


I deeply envy this ability to find enjoyment in talking to anyone. I don't feel any connection to people just because they're human. Maybe this is wrong but often I just look at someone and intuitively judge that I have nothing in common or that they will be unintelligent and boring to talk to. :(


I feel like you, Marshall. I don't feel a connection to people naturally. I logically understand that it's rude to act disinterested in what other people talk about so I try to act as interested as I can by asking questions about the topic. My problem is I can't make my tone of voice or facial expressions display interest. Basically I can't get my verbals to match up with my non verbals.
I've been called sarcastic before and sometimes aloof and uncaring. It stinks.


Oh geez , the person I quoted probably isn't even reading this post anymore. Anyone else have a lot of problems getting their verbals to match their non verbals? Any tips or tricks to change tone of voice?