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How happy are you with this lack of social interaction on your life? (those on the spectrum only)
Quite happy 19%  19%  [ 18 ]
Somewhat happy 12%  12%  [ 11 ]
Couldn't care if I had more friends or not 20%  20%  [ 19 ]
Somewhat unhappy 21%  21%  [ 20 ]
Quite unhappy 20%  20%  [ 19 ]
Do not apply, voting to see results 7%  7%  [ 7 ]
Total votes : 94

Preston
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27 Jul 2009, 3:17 pm

This is a re-post of a thread in the "social skills [...]" forum. I figured afterward that I may not be getting a representative sample of the autism community since people with social problems are more likely to go there. I hope this is enough reason for a duplicate thread? Now for the copy-paste:

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Hi. After analyzing my current situation and past history, I'm thinking I should hermit up a bit; for how long undecided, but maybe until I get my Bachelor's. I get blown off too much. I'm taking online classes and expect to graduate within a half year. I'm not too interested in the jobs available to me considering my poor job history and the economy, so I don't think it's worth it to do an unpleasant job just to socialize more.

The purpose of this thread and poll is to find out how prudent of a long term strategy being anti-social is for those on the autism spectrum. Additionally, for those who are happy where they are, it'd be great if you could talk about how you are so.
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Thanks to all who vote/post :-)



Last edited by Preston on 27 Jul 2009, 4:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

LipstickKiller
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27 Jul 2009, 3:27 pm

I'd like to have more friends, but it's so much hard work and in the end, most people bore me. When I find someone interesting I get rather motivated, but I fear I try to hard, or at least go about it the wrong way.

So aside from family members I have three friends, and only one I see more often then every six months...



mitharatowen
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27 Jul 2009, 3:49 pm

I curently do not have any friends. Just a few long-distance that I talk to briefly every few months and have not seen in years. I also have a long-distance boyfriend who I talk to on the internet daily.

I am quite happy with this arrangement. I generally do not enjoy the company of others. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend on visits but that is it. I do not want to make any friends and actively avoid doing so. My life has been much less stressful since letting go of the pressures of activities that society tells me I 'should' go to and 'should' enjoy.

I do get lonely occasionally, especially if said boyfriend is not online or is busy.. but I find socialization in posting on WP. Or I get lost in a video game, book, or TV program. No human contact needed.

I must say, though, that my definition of 'lonely' may be different than an NT's. I don't really see the need to socialize per say.. but for some reason I have a really strong desire to express how I feel and what I think. My being 'lonely' kind of just means that I haven't had any outlet for my thoughts. That is where posting on forums comes in :) I honestly don't care if people reply to me or not, as long as I get to say what I wanted to say :). Other than that I may get 'lonely' if I have a craving for a certain person's company ie my boyfriend.



scorpileo
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27 Jul 2009, 4:20 pm

im quite happy with my small social groups (yes plural)


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Justcurious
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27 Jul 2009, 4:32 pm

Not on the spectrum but I don't have any friends and am quite happy.



pschristmas
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27 Jul 2009, 4:36 pm

I also have few friends. Normally, I don't really notice, I just do my own thing. Occasionally, though, I think that it would be nice to have people to do things with, but as Lipstickkiller said above, it's an awful lot of work to keep up with friendships and I don't usually have much energy or interest to devote to it. I'm pretty happy with having just a few people I know casually online.



drowbot0181
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27 Jul 2009, 4:42 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I curently do not have any friends. Just a few long-distance that I talk to briefly every few months and have not seen in years. I also have a long-distance boyfriend who I talk to on the internet daily.

I am quite happy with this arrangement. I generally do not enjoy the company of others. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend on visits but that is it. I do not want to make any friends and actively avoid doing so. My life has been much less stressful since letting go of the pressures of activities that society tells me I 'should' go to and 'should' enjoy.

I do get lonely occasionally, especially if said boyfriend is not online or is busy.. but I find socialization in posting on WP. Or I get lost in a video game, book, or TV program. No human contact needed.

I must say, though, that my definition of 'lonely' may be different than an NT's. I don't really see the need to socialize per say.. but for some reason I have a really strong desire to express how I feel and what I think. My being 'lonely' kind of just means that I haven't had any outlet for my thoughts. That is where posting on forums comes in :) I honestly don't care if people reply to me or not, as long as I get to say what I wanted to say :). Other than that I may get 'lonely' if I have a craving for a certain person's company ie my boyfriend.


That's is exactly how I feel and what I do (except I don't have a boyfriend, I have a wife =] ).



ARW_AS
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27 Jul 2009, 5:08 pm

Justcurious wrote:
Not on the spectrum but I don't have any friends and am quite happy.


Is WrongPlanet.net for people who generally don't fit in? If so, then that's cool, I suppose. Was just curious to the fact that you appear to be an NT. Most of my very few friends are NT.

I see one friend at least once a fortnight and the other three (I'm in a band - I play bass) at least once a month, if not most weeks. Sounds quite good but I'm nowhere near happy with my social situation. Then again, looking at other people's comments makes me grateful for how relatively good my social life is. I even craved other people's company when I was at college and university (graduated with a BA Publishing With Journalism), though I was far more content reading books at college than I am now. Also, before my mental health took a turn for the worse (basically before I started university) I was satisfied working out all hours. The body ain't half what it used to be :wink:

I was friends with about four people at college and university but I don't leave near any of them. I recently went to see Bruce Springsteen with a boyfriend and girlfriend; plus his younger brother, who I got on quite well with.

I'm making slow progress on the social front: I attend an Aspergers group on a Thursday afternoon. I struck up conversations about music with a couple of people - so it was quite good.



Justcurious
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27 Jul 2009, 5:16 pm

Is it wrong that I browse these forums even though I am not diagnosed with something?

I have not made that many posts, yet I appear to be an "NT", interesting diagnoses doctor.



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27 Jul 2009, 5:19 pm

I don't have any friends... I have good contact with my colleagues at work (not outside of work) and I'm very happy with that; it's going better than I expected it would go. But my social interactions are limited to colleagues, relatives, and if it counts, the 2 message boards I visit.

I sometimes wish I had friends, and I often reminisce about when I still had friends in secondary school. But I do think the social isolation I've had these past couple of years has been good for me, it was healthy. Not that being alone is something that makes me feel better, but I think I was a very egotistical person when I was younger, and now that I've had a chance to sort of drift alone and only see social interactions from a distance, I think it's allowed me to prepare better for when I may meet people in the future. I expect I'll build a new close social network when I return to school next year.

mitharatowen wrote:
I must say, though, that my definition of 'lonely' may be different than an NT's. I don't really see the need to socialize per say.. but for some reason I have a really strong desire to express how I feel and what I think. My being 'lonely' kind of just means that I haven't had any outlet for my thoughts. That is where posting on forums comes in :) I honestly don't care if people reply to me or not, as long as I get to say what I wanted to say :). Other than that I may get 'lonely' if I have a craving for a certain person's company ie my boyfriend.

I recognise this from myself... After a long while of having very little social contact (pretty much limited to my mother), I found there were things I wanted to talk about... and because I'm not the type to go out and meet people, I joined my first message board for this exact reason.. I joined a comic book message board to sort of let my voice be heard, as much as to actually engage in the exchanging of opinions on comic books.. And to this day, posting on message boards is quite often good for relaxing, relieving stress, etc., but so is reading them, really. I can lurk for a good while and feel quite happy afterwards.


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Jacoby
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27 Jul 2009, 5:22 pm

I'd say I'm somewhat unhappy. I've mellowed out the last two years or so, back then I didn't care or want to be close to anyone. I don't dwell on it or anything and god knows how to fix it. Just momentary feelings of dread before I put my mind on something else. I want to change but I just don't know how.



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27 Jul 2009, 5:28 pm

Justcurious wrote:
Is it wrong that I browse these forums even though I am not diagnosed with something?

I have not made that many posts, yet I appear to be an "NT", interesting diagnoses doctor.


It's not wrong at all, don't worry. Curiosity is a very healthy personality trait, even if it supposedly 'kills the cat' (only the unadventurous say that, I think).

I think the only reason ARW_AS thought you were neurotypical was because you just said you weren't on the autistic spectrum... though that doesn't necessarily mean you are actually 'typical' in the neurological area, it is the quick distinction many of us here on the forum make: that between people with a spectrum disorder, and those without one. And sometimes we do that too hastily... but there was no harm intended, I'm sure. Please feel welcome and feel free. This can be a stimulating 'place'. :)


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CyclopsSummers
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27 Jul 2009, 5:35 pm

Jacoby wrote:
I'd say I'm somewhat unhappy. I've mellowed out the last two years or so, back then I didn't care or want to be close to anyone. I don't dwell on it or anything and god knows how to fix it. Just momentary feelings of dread before I put my mind on something else. I want to change but I just don't know how.
I guess the Social Skills/Making Friends subforum might be of help to you, if you're going to make the first step and are antsy about it... you might fall back on it for advice people could provide you with. I mean, not to depend on it completely, but simply to have a little confidence booster from other people who've 'been there' so to speak, when you want to make some progress in the direction of more social interaction?


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hartzofspace
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27 Jul 2009, 5:41 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I am quite happy with this arrangement. I generally do not enjoy the company of others. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend on visits but that is it. I do not want to make any friends and actively avoid doing so. My life has been much less stressful since letting go of the pressures of activities that society tells me I 'should' go to and 'should' enjoy.

Same with me.

mitharatowen wrote:
I do get lonely occasionally, especially if said boyfriend is not online or is busy.. but I find socialization in posting on WP. Or I get lost in a video game, book, or TV program. No human contact needed.

Again, same here.

mitharatowen wrote:
I must say, though, that my definition of 'lonely' may be different than an NT's. I don't really see the need to socialize per say.. but for some reason I have a really strong desire to express how I feel and what I think.
That is how I feel. I like to journal, and post on here, to get my thoughts out. It's nice to share them, but journaling also gives me a good outlet. But as for spending hours in the company of others, it can be exhausting, because that is more like "work" than just communicating. Even if I like said people.

mitharatowen wrote:
My being 'lonely' kind of just means that I haven't had any outlet for my thoughts. That is where posting on forums comes in :) I honestly don't care if people reply to me or not, as long as I get to say what I wanted to say :). Other than that I may get 'lonely' if I have a craving for a certain person's company ie my boyfriend.

Sometimes I crave the company of my one friend, or certain of my siblings. But not often.


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27 Jul 2009, 5:42 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
I am quite happy with this arrangement. I generally do not enjoy the company of others. I enjoy spending time with my boyfriend on visits but that is it. I do not want to make any friends and actively avoid doing so. My life has been much less stressful since letting go of the pressures of activities that society tells me I 'should' go to and 'should' enjoy.

mitharatowen wrote:
.... Other than that I may get 'lonely' if I have a craving for a certain person's company ie my boyfriend.


This describes me, too. I am a Happy-Hermit-Plus-One... the "one" being my husband and before him was my first husband. Before I was married, and when I was a kid, I typically had one special friend at a time. As a teenager, I sometimes had two or three at a time... but never a big circle of friends or any interest on my part in socializing beyond my BFFs. The only exception to that was activity based - participating in a group involved in a certain activity I wanted to do, but without that activity I'd have zero interest in socializing with them or being part of a group.

Like you say, I don't get lonely in a general way, but in a specific way, for a particular person or for that person's company in a particular activity I want to do. But still, I love my solitude most of the time. I'm a world unto myself and it is natural for me. I relate to the (non-human non-social) world in a direct way that socializing only intrudes on.



matt
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27 Jul 2009, 6:15 pm

I don't usually think about other people unless I have communicated with them recently or seen them recently or know I will see them soon.

Being around people is generally stressful for me because usually when I am around people I have to constantly remember what to do and what not to do.

I have one friend and he moved away recently and while I would like him to still be my friend I know that I don't usually think about other people and I do wonder how much contact I will ever have with him again.

I like forums because they let me communicate with people but only when I want to and only about topics I find interesting.

Sometimes I think about having human friends and think it might be nice but that is only rarely and when I am actually around people I don't usually want to be.

My pets are my friends.