Feeling Unhuman

Post Reply New Topic

I have avoided posting this here because it will probably just sound to everyone like I take the forum name too seriously...

Anyways, I have had this nagging feeling for many years that I am not even human. I feel like my body and mind are just completely unhuman.

For example, I will take my right hand in my left hand and press really hard, then move my right hand's fingers methodically, seeing how it makes different tendons move. I've done this with my hands, my feet, my neck, my spine (I am very flexible and can easily reach all parts of my body)... just about any area that has enough superficial detail to be felt. I apply quite a lot of pressure sometimes and have actually bruised my hands and neck doing this.

I somehow feel subhuman though and have this deep desire to get a hold of someone else's hand and feel them move under their skin... like it would prove I am human. I won't though because I worry about hurting them. Is there a name for this unhuman feeling? I can provide more detail if I need. I am not sure I explained it sufficiently.

^^ Greetings Mikhaillost. ^^ I am very sorry as I am not very skilled at providing advice, however perhaps the question that may be asked is, "What does being a human feel like?". ^^ Well, you shall only ever know what being you feels like. This is the same for every other individual. ^^ So, you may never know what being another human feels like. All humans feel differently to one another (and also on-human individuals also). ^^ The way you feel is very much the way yourself feels. I believe there is no set human individual.

^^ Perhaps the feeling that you have is that you do not fit with the individuals that you wish to be with, who are most possibly all humans. ^^ If you enjoying doing as you wish in this manner, I see no problem, certainly if you do not hurt yourself or others (I believe you perhaps must be careful when your completing your acitivty not to hurt yourself however, or stop completely if you find you are being cursed by hurting yourself). ^^ Perhaps be happy with who you are if you enjoy this. ^^ If humans are perhaps scared by this, perhaps you may explain why you do this. I am certain they would understand if they are your happy friends.

^^ I am very sorry if this is not very helpful for you, and if I have concluded incorrectly.

You may have a dissociative disorder, probably depersonalization. I have dissociative amnesia (not remember blocks of my life, I don't remember much that happened in the last 15 years, give or take a few random events) and a form of depersonalization where I don't recognise myself in the mirror, but nothing too severe. I do sometimes feel like there is a part of me that's missing, a part of my mind that everyone else has that makes things feel "right".

If I get very "withdrawn" from myself I consiously think something out, with intense effort, like how exactly I would re-arrange my bookshelf or how I should try go about studying next year in school, the fact that I feel like I'm forming these thoughs myself helps ground me to reality. Your symptoms might also be caused by a delusional disorder, from the schizophrenic spectrum (schitzophrenic, affective, typy, so on...), but I'm not a doc. If it's very pathologic I'd get it checked out, but tbh I need to go to the doc myself but I'm too moral to tell my parents there son has every mental illness in the book (but I'm still suprisingly High Functioning), so don't take my advice

good luck

Sometimes I'll look at trees and such and it looks like it belongs on a model railroad, like it's all fake. I don't know, just sometimes. Not so much anymore though. I usually sit and absorb it for a second cause it's a little surreal, but then I force my mind to get back on track to the things I need to be doing and my goals in life. I figure if it's a dream, that doesn't mean I have to live in poverty in my dream.

But I am curious why it feels that way sometimes, and you got me thinking it might be a neuroglogical thing as opposed to the imagination taking off. Kinda like when you come too from being unconscious how things seem unusual and slightly confusing like my mind does that without a blow to the head. I've also had moments where I woke up at 9 PM thinking it is 9AM, and it takes me a good long minute to figure it out. And, I've had moments where if I don't talk to anyone for a long while after waking after a weird dream, I almost have to call someone to make sure I'm still alive and not like a dead person walking in the movie the 6th Sense or something.

I've always felt more of a ghost than a human, but then again, I DO have a dissociative disorder.

I think I've had something like this before. Not recently but I did a few times before. I remember I was at church once just walking out with the rest of the family after the service ended and for a short time it was like I was seeing through my own eyes as if through some giant robot or something. It was strange but after a few seconds my mind got back on track and things were normal again (normal for me anyway). I tried to ask my mom about it by telling her what had just happened and ask what it was and I could tell or got the impression anyway the she wasn't following what I was saying and had no idea what I was talking about so I shut up about it. It that hasn't happened to me in years now that I'm aware of.

Sorry if the run on sentence bother anyone but that's how my brain works and how I talk. Also I'm bad at explaining things.

I agree with ryan93, it sounds like depersonalization. You don't have to have a dissociative disorder to experience it though, it can happen when people experience stress and/or anxiety (which is the case for me). I've read that a way to help make you feel more real is to grab onto something or look at something that means a lot to you, whether it be a photo , something someone has given you or something that reminds you of a good experience. Unfortunately this doesn't work for me. I just have to wait until the feeling goes away but it might work for you.

I've perhaps had something similar. Not recognising yourself in the mirror, convinced that 'you are not you', sometimes that you are just a TV camera watching everything pass, sometimes that you are also watching yourself on TV (even though you can't actually see yourself, very difficult to explain). Sometimes they can be enjoyable but equally so they aren't and often can get extremely unpleasant, screaming at the mirror in some attempt to connect with the image you see.

The cause for me was extreme isolation, the level of maybe 20 minutes of conversation/human contact a week. If you are undergoing similar levels of isolation then I’d suggest this need tackling (obviously very difficult to do so though). If not, what intellectual and emotional connection do you feel to people you talk to? Isolation can easily follow if conversations are just not approaching the topics your mind is at.

No I know who I am. I just don't feel like I belong to the same species as everyone else. It's strange. Maybe I am just odd.

Also. I talk to people a ton online, so isolation isn't the problem.

Legal bump?

I think this is an ASpie trait. Some have it more than others. Sometimes I get the feeling that life is like "The Truman Show". Everything seems unreal and staged.
But only sometimes ...

One time when I was ill with the influenza it felt like my left arm had been sewn onto my body, and wasn't mine.