Page 1 of 2 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

ChatBrat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Feb 2007
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 501
Location: On the Wrong Planet with you

10 Sep 2009, 6:04 am

I think there is a difference between the younger Aspie's and the older Aspie's when it comes to needing validation from an Asperger's diagnosis. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, but it seems like the younger Aspie's are told at such a young age about their AS, that it isn't as important to them to have the diagnosis. It's like the knowledge of it has been with them a good portion of their lives, so it's not such a big deal to them.

It seems to me that the older people who have self diagnosed or the older people who highly suspect they have it, (usually from accidentally coming across AS information online or in a tv show), seem to have a bigger need for an AS validation. But that validation is so hard to obtain for older folks.

There are many of us who seek help from mental health professionals who end up not really knowing a lot about Asperger's, so actually finding someone that knows AS backwards and forwards is an arduous task. Then there are the insurance coverage issues. Affordability issues. Transportation to appointments issues. Finding babysitters issues. Fear of rejection or ridicule from the professional who shrinks you to put you under their microscope issues.

And what about those of us whose families make us feel silly for seeking an AS diagnosis? We can be eccentric, weird, crazy, unique, strange... but to be autistic? Their only experience has been with Rainman. You try to explain it to them, what AS is, and why you think you have AS, but they still don't listen. They do not understand. Or maybe they just don't want to accept it.

You think back on growing up as a child and a teenager, and you know that PAIN that you lived in, trying to conform to the Neurotypical's World, and the PAIN you have felt as an adult, again, trying to fit into an Neurotypical's World, and you just KNOW that the symptoms of Asperger's fits you like a glove. It explains your actions, reactions, feelings, lack of feelings, anger, confusion, that lost feeling... the feeling of not belonging because too many people have reminded you in one way or another that you just don't quite fit in with the rest of them.

All your life you've wanted to know WHY you don't fit in. You know you're different than the majority. No one has ever explained it to you. But they're sure good at making fun of you or teasing you (even when teasing is done from someone who loves you, it still hurts).

You just want to be accepted for who you are, and you want to feel like you belong. And then there is the craziness you feel from the confusion of wanting to socialize but yet be alone.

And all it would take to tame that tiger in your brain, that validation, is to have a "professional" diagnose you. Sadly for so very many of us.. that validation may never come.

At least we have a place in Cyberspace called Wrong Planet where there are those that understand us and accept us. Thank you Alex and thank you fellow Aspie's for allowing us "self diagnosed" and "those that think they have it" to participate at Wrong Planet... a place where we feel like we belong.



ChangelingGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,640
Location: Netherlands

10 Sep 2009, 7:23 am

I was 16 when I first self-diangosed and 21 when I was formally diagnosed. That is not old, but not very young either. When I was self-diagnosed, I did want to find a place where I belonged, but I didn't really need the confirmation from aprofessional. I got my validation from online support groups (WP wasn't aroudn back then, but there were others). I eventually sought the formal diagnosis because of significant difficulties in functioning at home, in school and in social life. I did feel it was a big deal and still feel that way, but that is because of the impact it is having on my life.



Ambivalence
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,613
Location: Peterlee (for Industry)

10 Sep 2009, 7:59 am

I'm going for a diagnosis in a couple of months, and am certainly hoping for some degree of validation. Finding this place, and finding people with similar experiences to my own (after thirty years of being very singular) has been a profound experience for me.


_________________
No one has gone missing or died.

The year is still young.


zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,613

10 Sep 2009, 8:49 am

ChatBrat wrote:
I think there is a difference between the younger Aspie's and the older Aspie's when it comes to needing validation from an Asperger's diagnosis. It seems to me, and I could be wrong, but it seems like the younger Aspie's are told at such a young age about their AS, that it isn't as important to them to have the diagnosis. It's like the knowledge of it has been with them a good portion of their lives, so it's not such a big deal to them.

It seems to me that the older people who have self diagnosed or the older people who highly suspect they have it, (usually from accidentally coming across AS information online or in a tv show), seem to have a bigger need for an AS validation. But that validation is so hard to obtain for older folks.


Well, certainly a younger person who gets an early DX grows up KNOWING what is different about them. They live in a time that has more TOLERANCE and more HELP to empower them to have more full and rewarding lives. They know who they are early and don't wander in the dark trying to fit in but not knowing what they are up against.

The older crowd got no help and were given all the emotional baggage of failed relationships and an inability to fit in with society. The DX is a validation that it wasn't a failure in our character, but a disability we've had but never knew about. It can also be the tool for change and assistance that we may desperately need.

In my case, my AS has resulted in a lot of trauma that I can't undo. I happy to know the likely truth of WHY things happened the way they did, and I feel empowered to better deal with life, but at the same time, I now know I cannot change what I am where beforehand I assumed I was just missing some special item I needed to add to make myself "complete" and "compatible" with society.

I manage to get and hold basic employment, but I've missed out on true prosperity because of how past disasters impact my ability to get ahead and secure good opportunities. I have real concerns that in a few years (when I reach 50), I'll be unemployable between my age, lack of exceptional career accomplishments and AS factors. I don't doubt I'll never be able to retire (what I draw I couldn't live off of). A DX might be useful to me in such times.



devey
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jul 2009
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
Location: England

10 Sep 2009, 9:07 am

I'm not too interested in a formal diagnosis but reading posts on here and another thread I can understand why this is so important for a lot of people. Aside from brief moments of self doubt I'm fairly certain of my self diagnosis and I feel this is enough validation for me to stop worrying about my behaviour and social conduct. It is usually easy for individuals with AS to self diagnose because as the OP said the symptoms match their past experiences perfectly.

Now that I'm aware of the reason for many of my problems in childhood I can change my outlook on life and adjust my actions, and I don't think a formal diagnosis would necessarily improve my quality of life. But I would definately look for a formal diagnosis if important relationships or prospects at work began to suffer.



UnusualSuspect
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Age: 86
Gender: Female
Posts: 128
Location: United States

10 Sep 2009, 9:50 am

I've never felt any need for validation. I just wanted to fill in the last gaps of understanding my differences, and learning about Asperger's did that. I'm self-diagnosed and have no need for any kind of support. I was in my 60s before I ever heard of autism and Asperger's, so obviously I lived my life just as anyone with undiagnosed problems does, by working around them adapting to them -- whatever it took.


_________________
My Ning community: Adults on the Autism Spectrum
http://autismspectrumadults.ning.com/


Aspiewordsmith
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2008
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 564
Location: United Kingdom, England, Berkshire, Reading

10 Sep 2009, 10:36 am

From experience as far as I am concerned the Aspie who was born before the 1990's and especially the 1960's and before receives far more Aspiphobia than the young Aspie and ignorance is the number 1 excuse. There are a lot more opportunites for the young Aspie as compared to the older Aspie. When I was growing up from 1969-1977 I have moved to 5 different schools and I was expected to make new friends every time. I do not like changes in the routine as far as people are concerned and I never did. In the last school I was put into a class with the most stupid of children who would grow up to be nutters recidivists and complete wasters and who are neurotypical during that time no one knew of Asperger syndrome or even care what it is. Today things are a bit different but not much. However neurotypical people are condescending towards aspies which really annoys me this is where the older and younger Aspie share similar experiences. The older Aspie may have received a lot of Aspiphobia from his or her own family the younger Aspie might not have.

I find that being DX as having Asperger syndrome nothing has changed much except I get DLA and that is it. I have been on incapacit benefit because I used mental health services in the past who did not know about or even care about Asperger syndrome and the llast what a stint on a therapeutic community which did me no good whatsoever they practiced a thing called tough love which is something that I believe should never be shown to an Asperger syndrome people and put me right off of neurotypical people. I was accused of wanting to be treated with kid gloves and this term was actually written in a letter that was written to me and a copy to thr GP. If at some time in the future services for AS people are set up then I think that older people will be excluded but not the younger ones. Who I feel among the community of AS people would be those very old Aspies who have had a lot of emotional baggage all of their lives and would be of age 60+ these most likely would have not even received a diagnosis and some may have been deported to a concentration camp (called euphemistically a long stay hospital).

However all the mistakes that have been done to us there have been no apologies to a single Aspie for what has happened to him or her in education lack of services the Aspiphobia received at the hands of people around him or her or even his or her mother or father and siblings. In this case I received inadvertent Aspiphobia from my family by being treated like I had AIDS or cancer when I was a small child and accusations of disrespect as though AS was the 'new Black' I needed to validate what the prejudice and bigotry that I received what hatred of. I tried to get Jobs from 1985-1986 and obtained a large number of interviews of which an interview is not accessible for Asperger syndrome so I never got a single job. Selection techniques could have been better if people knew I had Asperger syndrome rather than making my epilepsy worse by trying the neurotypical method and failing miserably when the interviewer chooses the neurotypical. :arrow:



bhetti
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 874

10 Sep 2009, 11:31 am

I was born in the 60s and got a provisional dx of AS a few months ago.

I've lived through decades of people telling me I need to change, and I think that's the main difference. after 30-40 years it just piles up on you and makes you want to give up. knowing that I am what I am is a relief, so I don't have to try so hard to be NT. I can be me and concentrate on getting along in their world without having to try to be one of them.

but, just because you get a dx, doesn't mean people understand. the best thing you gain is a way to understand yourself.

I hope that because more research is being done on autism that things will be better for young people on the spectrum in the future - improved dx rates across the board, better school experiences, better training for teachers, more professionals who understand autism, accommodations in the workplace (i.e. quiet zones, etc.).



Bonny
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 24 May 2009
Age: 72
Gender: Female
Posts: 166
Location: my garden

10 Sep 2009, 11:47 am

Its been two years since i was Dx with Asperger Syndrome. The 56 years before that, whilst it was really clear to everyone including me, that I was different , some narrative was always applied by my family , others or myself which seemed to make sense: as an outspoken child/teen/adult i was thought feminist; self determined;geeky smart/socially non-existant; interesting whoa- at arms length; powerful - too strong.

I experienced a lot of trauma from bullying, mobbing, shunning and the constant 'weirdo' responses. Having been raised by parents who'd laboured through WW11, it wasn't an unusual action that I 'soldiered on'. Standing up to ignorance and intolerance was part of the course... So i stood my ground and claimed my right to be whatever i wanted/ go where i wanted re work - I suppose here I might actually sound foolish! No wonder some NTs thought me arrogant. Still i didn't mind some revenge, considering how much their ignorance attacked me.....can't help that fighting spirit. :roll: So definitely an AS stuck on topic!

Like Devey and ozeroNetgain have said

Quote:
would definately look for a formal diagnosis if important relationships or prospects at work began to suffer.

and
Quote:
I manage to get and hold basic employment, but I've missed out on true prosperity because of how past disasters impact my ability to get ahead and secure good opportunities. I have real concerns that in a few years (when I reach 50), I'll be unemployable between my age, lack of exceptional career accomplishments and AS factors. I don't doubt I'll never be able to retire (what I draw I couldn't live off of). A DX might be useful to me in such times.


Well that is what did happen to me . that's when I had to find out why all opportunities were blocked for me. Even when there was no reason but the 'social' one = too different/ too risky to be accepted and included.

I still live within a field of ignorant poppies; work is tragic and ageism is their excuse for bias /discrimination and intoerance + of course the GFC helps their decisions!! !

Having the DX does assist me. I have a new interest to throughly submerge myself in. In fact I'm running on 2 new passions to absorb the drama of social abeyance. My chn are happy they have data now to understand mum :arrow: 8) and :D about it all.
And life carries on, but now i want to build bridges instead of soldiering on. Small bridges...that'll do me . Don't want to do their work for them/ Or am i being arrogant, AGAIN?! !



Maggiedoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jun 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,126
Location: Maryland

10 Sep 2009, 11:56 am

I think part of it may be the emphasis around here on getting a diagnosis. I see all these posts talking about how people who aren't diagnosed are fakes, or how hard it is to get a diagnosis, how much people go through to get a diagnosis, and it's all this implication that a diagnosis makes something real. My symptoms, and the things I go through, would not suddenly become more real if I got a diagnosis. People wouldn't magically understand me, I wouldn't suddenly be able to get all the right help. There really isn't much in the way of help for adults with AS anyway. I'm no longer in the situations I was in as a child, being forced into totally inappropriate "help" based on all the wrong things, I'm no longer being yelled at for not making friends in treatment or being screamed at because I can't completely control myself when I'm totally overwhelmed.
There are lots of people in the world who go on those stupid rants about how AS doesn't exist anyway. Nobody denies that there some people who are dense and don't get social interactions, have attention problems combined with obsessions, and stim behavior including trichotillomania and that weird thing I do with my mouth where I push air out between my back teeth so it makes loud noises practically inside my ear canals.
What would a diagnosis mean, anyways? I've been diagnosed with things that didn't fit me at all, because they just didn't know what to do with me! Why would one more diagnosis matter? If some professional "officially diagnosed" me, why would that official diagnosis be more real than the BS I've been diagnosed with in the past? Professionals make inaccurate diagnoses all the time, I really think that a lot of it reflects more on the person doing the diagnosing than the person being diagnosed. They want to fit you into a neat little box so that they know what to do with you. Therefore, they'll put you into a box that includes things they know what to do with. It doesn't have to do with where you belong, it has to do with where they like to put things.
I tend to put screwdrivers in the same drawer as chopsticks. Things-sometimes-used-in-the-kitchen-that-aren't-quite-silverware. That doesn't say much about the screwdrivers or the chopsticks; it says something about how I classify things in order to know where to look for them when I need them. Just because the screwdrivers and chopsticks are what's being classified doesn't mean that the classification actually reflects on them. It reflects on me, they're just the subject.



DaWalker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jul 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,837

10 Sep 2009, 12:44 pm

It only confirmed what I had recently discovered, some three years ago. Six months after learning about AS, I began consulting mental health professionals, six months later it was confirmed. The whole thing just made me feel more "text book" than I care to admit to myself. To me, it was not considered a diagnosis, as much as a confirmation of what I had recently identified with in rather astonishing way. The biggest change that occurred after the official diagnosis, was my bank account. I had already discovered reality according to an Aspie for forty-plus years, I just didn't know there was a name for it, or about others so much like me. The quacks only agreed with Dr. Asperger while looking at me. So the truth as I see it, is that it was much more educational and confirming to them, than it was to me.



Ambivalence
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,613
Location: Peterlee (for Industry)

10 Sep 2009, 3:21 pm

Quote:
What would a diagnosis mean, anyways? I've been diagnosed with things that didn't fit me at all, because they just didn't know what to do with me! Why would one more diagnosis matter? If some professional "officially diagnosed" me, why would that official diagnosis be more real than the BS I've been diagnosed with in the past? Professionals make inaccurate diagnoses all the time, I really think that a lot of it reflects more on the person doing the diagnosing than the person being diagnosed. They want to fit you into a neat little box so that they know what to do with you.


I agree with most of what you say here - I've been told by various people that I have various things - but I've never seen someone who specialised in the subject of ASD, or even learning disorders in general, so I am very interested in hearing what they have to say. Say that I recognise that all people are liable to make a BS diagnosis, including myself, even if I am an expert on me, particularly given that I've known myself to be gender dysphoric(TM) for a very long while, and only recently discovered its strange association with autism. :)

I also have a material concern; I would like it formally recognised (although I doubt it'll do any good) before I get fired when my job is changed from local government to a private company in the near future (as part of our so-called socialist government's imbecilic scheme, ostensibly to save money, by committing to lengthy and extremely expensive contracts to private companies to run public services at lower standards than they are at present) and I find myself being asked to do things I can't. :(


_________________
No one has gone missing or died.

The year is still young.


flamingshorts
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 8 May 2009
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 489
Location: Brisbane Aust

10 Sep 2009, 9:21 pm

About twenty-five years ago I complained to one of my few friends that I could be an alien from another planet. And everybody knows I'm an alien except me. And everybody has agreed not to tell me so I can get an education and a job and go shopping and stuff like that. But nobody would actually want to form a relationship with an alien. A few people here have come up with the wrong planet theory all by themselves.

So I suspected I was on the wrong planet before wrongplanet. Guess thats validation.



Aoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2009
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 683

10 Sep 2009, 9:35 pm

As an older Aspie (40+), I grew up without any diagnosis of AS, but with diagnoses of a variety of other things, plus many other problems along the way, including six mental health professionals and almost being hospitalized when 15. I knew I was different, everyone else knew I was different, and though a few people thought I could just "snap out of it" or "grow out of it", most realized I was operating in my own world, with abilities and limits that they couldn't understand.

The AS diagnosis was not validation nor vindication. It was merely the latest step in a long journey of discovery and understanding, intended for me so that I can frame my life more usefully. Ignorance was not bliss, and the diagnosis is not to me a label, but rather a guide to how I can best examine and live my life.



Maggiedoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jun 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,126
Location: Maryland

10 Sep 2009, 10:04 pm

flamingshorts wrote:
So I suspected I was on the wrong planet before wrongplanet. Guess thats validation.

My mom gets such a kick out of the name of this site.. She knew I was from another planet before I was even born! (My circadian rhythm is all wrong.. I wasn't meant for 24-hour days.)

Ambivalence wrote:
I also have a material concern; I would like it formally recognised (although I doubt it'll do any good) before I get fired when my job is changed from local government to a private company in the near future (as part of our so-called socialist government's imbecilic scheme, ostensibly to save money, by committing to lengthy and extremely expensive contracts to private companies to run public services at lower standards than they are at present) and I find myself being asked to do things I can't.

That's true, but in that case, it's something that you need recognized by someone else... You don't need the validation to know that you do have what you have, you need it so that someone else believes you... that someone else being a government that cares more about labels than it does about what is and is not actually true. Coming from a professional, governments will take totally bogus diagnoses just as seriously as real ones. Expanding on my chopstick/screwdriver analogy, the government would believe that the screwdrivers actually are related to chopsticks just because they both go in the drawer just to the left of my stove.



bhetti
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 May 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 874

10 Sep 2009, 10:21 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
flamingshorts wrote:
So I suspected I was on the wrong planet before wrongplanet. Guess thats validation.

My mom gets such a kick out of the name of this site.. She knew I was from another planet before I was even born! (My circadian rhythm is all wrong.. I wasn't meant for 24-hour days.)
when my daughter saw the name of the site she asked why it was called that, so I told her people on the autism spectrum sometimes feel like they don't fit in, like aliens. she started to cry and wailed "but I don't want you to feel like this isn't your planet! I would miss you if you never lived on earth!".