Inappropriate vs. Quiet

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I see most descriptions of AS include things about "innapropriate" social interactions, being obnoxious, things like that... With the "quiet and aloof" thing mostly describing HFA. I have always had a few instances of doing the "inappropriate" thing when i'm socializing(or at least attempting to)... But, those were rare compared to how much i just did nothing because i didn't know what to do. In school i didn't know how to initiate conversation, so i just didn't. This wasn't a result of being bullied and simply withdrawing(in fact, the closest thing to bullying i think i got was when a guy started referring to me as "mute girl" in highschool.. I always thought that, even at the times that i did have a friend or two in school, i was just much too mentally isolated from other people off-on-the-sidelines for it to occur to anyone to bully me. then again, i'm not entirely sure if i would have noticed bullying as some points, as i sometimes just tried to ignore people when i didn't want to interact), it just didn't usually occur to me what to say or when i should say it. Most of the "inappropriate"-ness of my social interactions weren't because of things i said, but because of things i didn't say. These days it's probably going over more to the "inappropriate" side, because i've been trying to talk to people more than i did when i was a kid.. I go on about one thing too much, might ask something too personal when i'm trying to make conversation, etc.. But i think people would still describe me as more "quiet" than "inappropriate"... I definitely don't match the picture of an obnoxious aspie moving in too close to people(in fact, it's pretty noticeable that i like to keep distance between myself and the person i'm talking to. If a touchy-feely person is talking to me and starts moving closer, you'll see me back awayyyyy) and shouting out inappropriate things that i get from a lot of books about AS i read. I always did like interacting with people, to certain extent, a lot actually.. But, regardless, not knowing what to say prevented me from interacting much unless someone else brought up a topic of interest. I wasn't generally going to go up to someone(unless i knew them well) and just start talking about an interest of mine.. it just didn't usually occur to me how to go about doing that and getting a conversation going. These days i've gotten to the point where i've learned to try, by asking a typical "how are you?" question to possibly get something going or even just blurting out something about whatever i find interesting at the moment and hoping that the person i'm talking to will say something back. So this is where it starts to get a little more "awkward" than "quiet"... But still too reserved to be "inappropriate" very often. I'm getting to the point where i don't care much about whether or not things are awkward, though.. 'Cause that's just how it usually goes, so i better just say whatever it is i feel like saying whether or not i know what i'm expected to say in a situation. I've found that even randomly blurting out something about whatever ends up getting you more friends/acquaintances than not saying anything at all does.. But, even so, i don't always feel like saying anything in particular(and some situations where i probably "should" be making coversation with people, it might not occur to me to do so), and i often end up using the same topic(sometimes the same line almost word for word) to start a conversation with with just about everyone i'm trying to talk to that day(or week. or whatever. until somethign else interesting happens to me or i think of something new to bring up). All in all, though, i think i'll always tend to be more on the quiet side, but i swing back and forth. At this point i do sometimes talk too much going on and on about something or blurt something out when i probably shouldn't, but, i think i'm still(and will always probably be) a little more toward the quiet and somewhat withdrawn side more of the time. My social mistakes are still more about things i didn't do than things i did. So, yeah.. I think i wrote enough. So, anyway, I get the feeling from what i read here that a lot of other Aspies are more "quiet" than "inappropriate" also(or some mixture), so i thought this would be a good topic for discussion. So, uh, discuss. Or, whatever.

Your experiences mirror my own. My inappropriateness is mainly due to inaction and not speaking or responding. I would get accused of rudeness and a bad attitude because it would not occur to me to thank someone or ask how they were. I still struggle with those basics.

My experiences are very much like yours too ColdBlooded. Until I was diagnosed this year as AS, I was variably branded an introvert, "she of few words", a snob, aloof etc. I lived by the motto, "still waters run deep...empty vessels make the most noise!" I've never intentionally done or said anything in a social interaction sense that was inappropriate. Apparently, I have still stepped on a few toes (so to speak ) with my words, but by and large I have been quiet to the point of awkwardness

Also uncannily mirrors my own experience. I had to check and see that you were diagnosed because I am not and I know that my difficulties do not exactly match the general view of Asperger's. I've read so much of the torture people have undergone with the bullying I guess my plan to become invisible years ago worked. However, now that I'm on antidepressants I feel much more confident about engaging with people and sometimes I find I am still invisible (metaphorically). I am especially curious about this when they say the only difference between AS and HFA is the onset of language acquisition. There"s got to be more to it than that.

I feel that if I just shut up and try to stay out of things while in school, it will be easier and better.

i tend to be very quiet. i dont usually say anything innapropriate, although i occasionally do. if i do i tend to just give too much info, or bring up some topic that others find a bit risky, i dont usually offend someone personally. XD. but thats only if im comfy with people. im usually quiet around people, and if i do socialize with non-close friends, i just try to do what they do. i'm far more likely to be unsure of something that's actually appropriate and not say it than say it and it end up being bad.

When I was young I tended to be active but odd.That was when I got bullied and into trouble for "inappropriate behavior". Then sometime during the start of high school I became much quieter. Not only did I get into a lot less trouble this way, I could also watch what everyone else is doing. Then imitate it to disappear--because for some reason I've never been able to figure out, in some people I inspired a predatory instinct and in others a mothering instinct. Basically I've been able to get by as "the sweet, shy girl". A little weird maybe but ignored rather than actively abused.

Great topic!
The aspect I can relate myself to AS or autism is my silence, I can say the most quiet person I have ever seen in my entire life is myself, dealing with it is going to make me a mad. but I realized it become worse by the time. At university in the class I didn’t say even a word during 4 years. and had few interaction with my classmates what a awful time and after that in a language class where we had to talk about different topics ,yet I was the most quiet that my teachers at the end of the term told in the class “ you are so reserved , why?” and cause of that I gave up those classes , and now at my work all the co-workers start to talk about different things I can’t say even a word, they know I don’t contribute in their conversation they easily ignore me and don’t look at me it is as if I don’t exist! and during coming back home think about that I could say that ,this …but it is to late this every day struggle makes me crazy that I scream and cry and cry but it is pointless I can’t change anything,
“Your are very quiet” I heard this words from every moths, I can’t understand what is really interfere in talking, or it is better to say what is wrong with auti persons in their talking , our brain can’t mange it. I am tiered don’t know what happen then…..

Mostly quiet here, and frankly very aloof.

I suppose I would say mostly quiet.

Tend to be Quiet, but becoming more Inappropriate as you try to be more socially outgoing

Mostly quiet, got/get into trouble for not doing/saying things, rather than saying the wrong things. It's amazing how offensive not doing or saying anything can be!

Quiet, aloof, but I had no clue that I came off that way. It was baffling in middle school to be asked, "do you think you're 'bad'?" out of the blue from kids. In high school I was about probably as close to mute as you can get without officially being mute. I was always quiet, though.

I can relate to liking interacting with people but not knowing how to make that happen. Sometimes I'd (without knowing how) end up in the 'good listener' role, which would allow a kind of conversation without me having to say much.

People have always misunderstood that it's not that I don't like people, but that interacting is difficult and like dancing in a minefield. So I usually end up metaphorically (and at times, literally) standing very still.

Mostly inappropriate.

I used to be really quiet, but since I've trying to be more sociable I've become a bit more inappropriate. I don't mind really.

what sort of things do you guys do that's inappropriate? is it like insulting someone...or saying something awkward? can you give me an example?

An example: When I stayed at the house of my ex partner's parents, the wife later told me she thought it rude when I did not thank her for it or converse in a friendly way. I stayed out of everyone's way and, when in their presence, did not know how to behave.