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Meadow
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24 Jan 2010, 11:06 pm

Really, really terrible and very sad, Willard. I'm sorry for your loss. I think about those folks all the time...and all of us who remain invisible and suffer and struggle this way, daily. Thinking of you..



makuranososhi
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24 Jan 2010, 11:06 pm

Greentea wrote:
Clara, that'd be wonderful. But when I requested a sub-forum for us pre-Diagnosis Era Aspies, Alex refused here on WP. So as you suggest, there has to be a different way.


Perhaps you missed the In-Depth Adult Discussion forum, then?

I am sorry for your loss, Willard, and agree that it is a depressing example of what can unfortunately happen when we are caught in the in-between and left without resources. A sad loss... I am curious, however, as to the field you both worked within?


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Greentea
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25 Jan 2010, 1:20 am

Willard, there have been several replies to your wonderful OP, both in my AWA blog and my Pre-Diagnosis Era Survivors Website set of forums.


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CockneyRebel
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25 Jan 2010, 6:22 am

You have my deepest sympathies. :cry:


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scorpileo
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25 Jan 2010, 6:56 am

willard, i am saddened by your loss, i too have lost somone to suicide my step father and he was suspected to have AS.. so i understand. i hope you fare better than I.


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Callista
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25 Jan 2010, 8:18 am

Claradoon wrote:
I'm very sorry to hear about your friend/boss.

"Yet, as I have discovered painfully throughout the process, for those of us who grew up with AS before its inclusion in the DSM, in the public consciousness we don't exist. Autism is a children's malady. Autistic adults are invisible."

Is there a way that we could become the change we seek? This issue is often on my mind. How could we elder AS types become visible? WrongPlanet has made giant steps for all AS. Could we go one step more? Or another way entirely?
Well, personally, I talk about my autism pretty openly when it happens to come up. I think those of us who can afford to should be as open as possible, especially those over thirty or so (that is, those who weren't children when autism was first extended to people who could speak). Many in the general public have a friend with an autistic child; but if they were to also know adult autistics, then they wouldn't believe it was a children's disorder for long, nor would they be so easily suckered into thinking that child autistics don't grow up and can't learn.

I'll admit that this is easier for those of us who are so obviously odd that people assume something is up with them, and just don't have a name for it. It's probably harder to come out of the closet (so to speak) if people think you are simply a shy NT.

NTs aren't stupid and they aren't any more likely to be evil than we are. They're just scared of things they can't predict (something that should be familiar to any autistic out there). If autistic adults were familiar to them, they most likely would not be nearly as averse to including us, and eventually the next generation, in their society. When NTs have a realistic idea of what they can expect, they'll use their natural ability to connect with people, and things should get gradually better.


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Greentea
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25 Jan 2010, 8:51 am

Callista wrote:
If autistic adults were familiar to them, they most likely would not be nearly as averse to including us, and eventually the next generation, in their society. When NTs have a realistic idea of what they can expect, they'll use their natural ability to connect with people, and things should get gradually better.


Unfortunately, this is exactly what will never happen. NTs (and many, many Aspies too) will ALWAYS shun those who say the king is nude, who address the unsaid with words, who spoil the fragile harmony of the white-lie community, whether due to a """faulty""" brain that makes them oblivious to the "socially appropriate" or other; the reason doesn't matter to NTs. They'll always defend with their all their right to their status quo communities where the unpleasant and therefore unsaid remains unsaid and lurking beneath the surface, and why wouldn't they if it works for them. The best we can hope for is mutual tolerance where Aspies are shunned yet not destroyed by NTs in revenge, because NTs will know we can't act differently however much we try. A more compassionate shunning without the bullying. Hoping for inclusion is an illogical illusion, a waste of time. Especially in the workplace, but certainly not only.


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MissConstrue
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25 Jan 2010, 9:08 am

Sorry to hear that Willard.

We have a friend of the family who's lost his job because of so many of the changes and lay offs. We've suspected for a long time that he had aspergers or at least something similar to it as he's great with computers but has trouble with adjusting and socializing with people. He's having a very hard time with his life right now and no one will hire him. We've told him if anything should happen he can live with us.

It's ashame the world isn't perfect and resources are so limited with this type of disorder as well as other stressers. You have my sympathy.


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ToughDiamond
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25 Jan 2010, 9:35 am

:(
I don't know what else to say. :(



cosmiccat
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25 Jan 2010, 10:32 am

Very sad story. I'm sorry for your loss.



Greentea
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25 Jan 2010, 10:44 am

MissConstrue, you guys are very compassionate, he's lucky to have you. It's friends like you that make the difference to Aspies. I had someone offer me the same when I was unemployed recently, and even though I'd never dare take her up on it, it made a world of a difference just to hear her offer.


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mikkyh
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25 Jan 2010, 11:27 am

(((((((((((Willard))))))))))))

My strongest condolences. Today's world can be a horrible place, and with the population growing and the global recession jobs can be really hard to find: especially in your field of expertise.

It's a shame that he felt so helpless he needed to end his life. I've been there and it's a horrible feeling. Desperation. Despair. All you can do is try and raise awareness...and never forget him. I don't know what I'm talking about - I bet I sound a right idiot.

Anyway, no, AS doesn't stop at 18. I'm only 15 but I think it's silly to say that when you reach 18 the problems stop. You have to find a job and cope with the world alone. I'm dreading it, sometimes I cry out of fear of the future.

Disability allowance over here in the UK is apparently good, I don't know how it is over in the US. I hope that's helping you. A bit of financial support can go a long way for anyone with a disability.

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25 Jan 2010, 11:44 am

((((hugs willard))))

I'm very sorry. :cry:

If you need someone to talk to, you can always PM me.