Do/were you homeschooled?

Post Reply New Topic

I was thinking obviously as an Aspie we have social skills issues but I was thinking could it be worse for me perhaps since I was home schooled after 5th grade up until 11th then went for my GED at the College not to mention all the time with no school experience IMO it took me a full year to come out of my shell (Just to be suspended and unfourtunently crawl back into it) So what are your thoughts? Looking back on it maybe homeschool hurt more than helped since I didn't get the needed school social skills or life social skills not to mention I've only had 1 job and that was for only 3 months What do you guys think?

Absoulutely it hurts. I was homeschooled up until highschool because my parents are very religious and didn't want me to be subject to 'bad influences'. I chose to start my freshman year in public school out of intense loneliness, and the culture shock was extreme.

Very bad experiences, you don't want to start learning your social skills from a bunch of unsecure teenagers, I can say that for sure. After sophomore year I never went back, did correspondence and got my GED.

My first few jobs were just as bad, but I kept on chipping away at it. Now I'm 23, and have some pretty well developed social skills, considering. But it kind of makes you wonder, is it caused by aspergers, or from lack of early childhood training? Just never give up trying to learn, you WILL get better with practice.

Thanks hepcat my College issues IMO brought AS to the forefront and described alot of my past behaviors etc. but I also believe no school/life social experiences played a role how do we learn to fix are issues if we aren't in a job/school or environment to fix them. Thanks.

Home schooled is generally a bad way to go. On the other hand, being thrown in with bunch of non-understanding bullying teenagers is also bad. Ideally, kids that get special aspie classes to learn social behavior properly will do best. That pretty much only comes from public schools.

I was sent to a special needs school at the age of twelve and had no secondary education to speak of. I can write well because my natural aptitude is in this area but I have little or no knowledge of Maths, Science, Geography etc. It wasn't until recently that I learned that tea has caffeine in it and that ducks lay eggs.

In spite of this, I was able to take my A levels and get into university. My course went well for the first eighteen months but, eventually, the social/functional problems I had in secondary school came back to haunt me and I was unable to finish.

@Zelda -- Have you thought about finishing your degree through distance learning? I don't know how the funding works in the US but in the UK you can get financial support for the Open University if you are on welfare or in low-paid employment. I tried this a couple of times and had the same problems, but this was before I found Wrong Planet. Part of me thinks that with access to a supportive environment where people are having the same difficulties, I could do a lot better.

Looking back at my school years, I have to admit that in a rather brutal way it made me acquire many key social skills. The skills I learned were by no means at a "master" level that could pass me for an NT, but more like of a "basic survival" set.

If I had to identify the very worst period of my life, that would be the school years from grades 4 to 8. The only worse place I can imagine would be a state prison. I arrived there in 4th grade as a "new kid" because my family moved. I never fit in from day 1. The NT kids, sensing that I was very different from them, immediately singled me out as a convenient target. I was excluded from every activity and made a scapegoat for everything. If someone broke a window during recess, and the teacher asked who did it, the entire class would set an amazing example of teamwork to blame it on me to protect the popular kids who were the real culpits. Without knowing how to properly handle this situation without making a fool out of myself, and with 40 "witnesses" against me, proclaiming my innocence was nothing more than an entertainment event for the class.

Because I was naturally big, strong and had a decreased sensitivity to pain, physical bullying did not occur too often. Because I simply didn't understand the boundaries between a real fight and a fight for "social purposes", the bullies soon learned that every physical confrontation with me ended with serious injuries to either me, them or both resulting in a host of problems involving doctors, principal, police, parents, etc. Other than 5-6 times landing in a hospital after fights against either a team of bullies, older students or a handful of kids who had some fight training, I was largely left alone.

Most bullying actually came from the teachers. I can't even count how many times I was put in front of the class and the teacher would use every bit of a wit, sarcasm and pure meanness just to give the rest of the students a good laugh. My responses, especially non-verbal, were not appropriate and always prompted the whole class to roll with laughter. They even had a name for these events that could be loosely translated as "The ret*d Show". The school I went to was not in the US or any other civilized country, so there was no way to do anything about that. My parents were told that I was antisocial, a threat to the society and this was their way of rectifying my deficiencies. If they didn't like it or made too much fuss about it, I could be sent to a specialized school for ret*ds with no hopes of ever being accepted into anything that was not retard-related.

My wish during the school years was to be relieved of the duty to go to school and allowed to study at home by myself which is similar to the homeschooling you've received. I was failing almost every subject. However, getting good grades in that school usually meant that parents were paying bribes to the teachers (something termed "gifts" and timed for every test). My parents were broke drunks, and, without that avenue, I was getting bad grades for things like being 2 minutes late, writing not legibly enough, not looking into teachers eyes when answering a question, not dressed neatly enough, etc. Some kids whose parents couldn't pay up would use their social skills to beg for lenience. I could never do that. In many subjects, however, such as math, physics, chemistry and several others my level of knowledge was light years ahead of the rest of the class. These disciplines were aligned with my special interests, and, therefore, were self-learned many years before the regular school curriculum.

After the 8th grade, I transferred to a trade school with technical specialization. When I got there, it was like night and day. From my sad experience I knew what not to do socially and decided to deliberately act within more socially accepted norms. Acting all the time was difficult at first, but the results were amazing. If the previous school was the worst chapter of my life, the trade school was the best one. I had tons of friends, the first girlfriends, new hobbies, some social connections. That period of my life is filled with great memories.

So, to answer your question, often a real bad experience has a silver lining. You learn for your mistakes and don't repeat them. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I agree with that. So, my suggestion to you is to try to learn something every time you fail socially. Try different things, see what works. Over time, you'll figure it out.

I'm considering online courses but need a job to pay for them first. (Couldn't get aid) I really need a job!! Trying through the job rehab center in my area.

I was in public school, but my teachers watched out for me very closely. In 5th grade, they begged my mom not to send me to a public high school, because they didn't think I would make it.
However, we moved, and I was in a public school... just not a really bad one. In high school we moved again, and I could not believe the school I went to. People were VERY accepting of differences my last year and a half. Pink hair, blue hair, mohawks, beards, piercings, rednecks, cowboys, punks, geeks, jocks-all of the stereotyped groups/cliques basically... EVERYONE seemed to get along. It was wonderful. I was in marching band, and as an added bonus, there was this complete reversal as far as that goes from other schools I had been in. Marching band... well, they were kind of the popular kids in the school rather than the outcasts. I think that helped me a lot.

I had a friend, however, who was home schooled... I don't know if she had AS or not, or if she was just very bright because she had little to do with the outside world and just had books to look at for the most part. I remember thinking that she would never be able to survive in any real setting, and she knew very little about the "real world"... all of her social type of stuff came from watching people on TV and reading magazines about celebs and stuff. She was very trapped in the idea that that is really how it is.

Upon seeing that... as much as it pains me at times to keep my son in his public school with things that have happened to him, and things he's had to deal with and all, the alternative-from what I saw happen to her-is even worse. I'd rather him realize that there are people in the world who will do things just to be mean, or will single someone out for no reason, than for him to wind up in her position.

As much as I dislike people and thought it would be great to avoid them altogether as she was able to, I saw a serious problem with her lack of knowing what went on in the real world, and it was hard to be around at times... and it made me glad for all of the experiences, positive and negative, that I had in public schools, because at least I do know how people can be, even if I don't understand why or am the target of it.

I guess I figure, I am naive enough still.... I STILL tend to believe everything everyone says to me on a regular basis... had I not had the experiences that taught me that people CAN be different, I would have a lot more problems than I do now. At least when these things happen I can sit down and think about it and it isn't... too huge of a shock to me, even if I don't seem to learn much from them and still go on trusting people, lol.

Quoting AJY

Excellent advice, AJY. It reminds me of what Zorba the Greek says about Ouzo. The first drink makes you sick. The second one cures you. Immersion therapy might be another way to describe it.

And also Zelda, being home schooled may have deprived you of socialization or developing social skills to some degree, but perhaps it may also have protected you during your early formative years from the kind of humiliation and trauma that AJY describes. The years during which you were home schooled are the years when children can be their cruelest. By the time they get to college, most people have matured enough to accept and have respect for their classmates differences, and you could probably pass as being an eccentric individual. I've always admired eccentricity in people and I think most other intelligent beings do too.

I HAD to leave public school because the people in my age group (and also because of severe demographic differences) were disgustingly immature and shallow, that I couldn't take it. I'll try socializing with peers when they are more mature - maybe when I'm 25.

I DO believe that homeschooling entirely (that is, for all or the majority of one's schooling) is bad...you ***NEEEED*** socialization in some form or another.

Thanks both AJY and Cosmiccat. Not sure if I'm eccentric I know I really focused on learning Psychology to the point of questioning the teacher daily which became an issue for the teacher and unlike Elementary school where talking=prinicipals office in College it=students hating you (Well no offense but IMO I hate your partying skipping school work mentality while I get it done before everyone else) Oh well. Also I agree with learning from past social mistakes which is my goal when I get a job and when I go back to College.

I agree with you whole heartedly, gramirez.

My 14 year old granddaughter has been home-schooled from the start and has never been inside a school of any kind. She has more poise in her little finger than I have in my whole body. She is amazingly social - however - she is not on the autism spectrum. But this has nothing to do with the point I am going to make.

It depends on the quality of the home schooling. Actually, my granddaughter belongs to a group that call themselves "un-schooled" rather than "home-schooled" . In fact, she is on her way home from Vermont from a week at "un-school camp". Un-School is just a little more radical or anarchist than Home-School, but it keeps the government out of your life and that is why it is becoming so popular. But both groups understand the importance of socialization and there are many opportunities and programs for home-schoolers and un-schoolers to get together, travel together, play together, study together. It's really in the hands of the parent or guardian, in some cases, to make sure the student or un-student learns the skills needed to succeed in society and to have the opportunity for making friends. And then of course, there are music lessons, dance lessons, acting lessons, etc., girl scouts/boy scouts, church, all held outside the home which also give the kids an opportunity to interact with other kids and adults.

Can you tell I'm passionate about un-school?

I was homeschooled (mostly of the unschooling variety), and it was very good for me. My parents found ways to make sure we got socialization - through homeschooling groups and musical activities, among other things. It allowed me to have time to learn about things I was actually interested in (and therefore would actually remember). It allowed me to have more chance to interact with people of a wide variety of ages - including kids my age, but also younger and older kids, and adults - which is far more like what you'll encounter in the non-school world than the weird age-limited groupings that happen in school. And while I was teased somewhat (mostly for being friends with boys), I think it was a lot less traumatic than going to school would have been.

Parents do need to make sure that homeschooled kids get socialization opportunities. But there are all sorts of ways to do that; homeschooling doesn't have to mean isolation.