When is "Small Talk" not really "Small Talk?&

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The other day at work, my supervisor made a comment that I tended to act like a robot. The following day at work, in an attempt to curb this slightly true, yet slightly not so fun appearance of mine, I tried A Little Something New. I tried Small Talk.

It has been my experience that Small Talk consists of one person asking random questions in order to fill in what otherwise was a wonderful bit of silence. Usually, it involves two people, but when one of them is supposed to be me, the Small Talk ends awkwardly, abruptly, and as soon as possible. Anyway...

I get to work, give myself a mental pep talk, and go up to the same coworker involved in the "Robot Incident." I ask him if he'd seen Cinderella Man because I like movies and so does almost everyone else. He said "yes," which kind of threw off my script because I had it worded as if he'd said "no," but I rallied and we kind of talked about what I think was one the greatest movies to come out of 2005. Except the funny thing was I was still doing most of the talking. He was just nodding and saying "yeah, uh-huh" over and over and over to whatever I said.

So I changed topics. And I changed them again. Finally I figured that he really didn't want to talk about movies or laptops or tape or the inevitable conflict of a number-based system being forced upon a human-based institution---and I shut up, and gave myself a mental "Stupid! Stupid! Supid!"

I have a feeling that my version of Small Talk was not the same as everyone else's versions of Small Talk, kind of like when the instruction manual is missing out of something that you don't know how to operate but everyone else does.

So how do you know when Small Talk is really small talk? And how do you talk about something that you're not interested in? Or that you find boring? (Because saying you find something boring when another person is telling you about it is a sure way to make someone upset and tell you off.)

I understand enough to make it through Small Talk when someone else initiates it, but when I attempt to initiate it, I always end up talking to myself...which I don't necessarily mind, just that it wasn't my intention in the first place.

well if it helps, I usually rattle on about stupid things while people ignore what ever Im saying. Thats usually my small talk. Or they just walk away.

I am NT so I will answer as if I were the person you were talking to. First dont feel bad if you dont like small talk...I hate it. Also when people talk to me about themselves I just answere "yeah uh hu "etc.. too. I find people really like when you contiually ask them questions about themselves. I interject things about myself but I keep those comments to a minimum. Usually people like to talk about themselves and dont like to listen to other people unless it directly affects them.
Maybe smiling at people and politely answering questions would keep people off your back and spare you from small talk. This is what shy people do and nobody thinks anything of it. People who dont talk alot are considered wise. I find I like people who dont jabber. To me its anonying

Smalltalk includes smalllistening, which might be easier if the other person is garrulous enough.

It sounds like you may have been dominating the conversation. If you were doing all the talking.

What pinkquinn said is correct- people like to be asked questions- try open-ended questions, which are the type that forces them to come up with an answer other than just "yes" or "no." For example, rather than just saying "Did you like the movie?" ask additional questions like "What other movies do you like?" or "What was your favorite scene?"

Good query that I am interested in reading some insight concerning. I have no idea how to develop nor maintain small talk. However, isn't the purpose of work supposed to be rather automated? Consequently robot acting would then seem appropriate.

I agree with the premise of how Small Talk should work (random questions volleyed back and forth). Yet, I don't see its appeal or success.

For example, I have access to television with directv (like the majority of people one would assume). Thus, I would have the opportunity to watch any host of programs if I so chose. Yet, a NT will ask (for example), "Did you see "Everyone loves Raymond" last night?" Which I respond "no". As an act of goodwill or charity, assuming that I don't have tv, the NT will proceed to recreate the entire program. Not just a one or two sentence summary which I could use for future reference but seemingly word for word of the program. As an added bonus many will tell about the commercials during that time period. It often takes as long for them to re-tell the story than the sitcom lasted. Just this past week it was about some hilarious dating game and/or bachelor/bachelorette tv program in which the individual not only told me word for word what happened on the program but the emotional response of the individuals in the house watching it. I kept trying to drop subtle hints of: "No, no I don't watch those programs" and "No, that doesn't sound like something I would be interested in watching".

Perhaps they feel sorry for me because I don't watch such obviously wonderful programming and don't want me to be left out.

I'm suprised nobody said this already, but it could also be that this person doesn't care for small talk either, or at least that he wasn't in the mood for it at that moment.

It was a good idea to try though.
I was not interested in what most people were saying at the jobs i've had when they were doing "small talk", I did not participate, but I have since learned that if you do not do this people will notice there is something strange with you, and they will become uncomfortable, and then you might get fired for that reason alone.
So it is good to try to do this if you can, for "practical" reasons... even if it seems like a chore and strange and people might not always respond as you hope they will!
I have found that it is more interesting to talk about certain particular subjects, but often people like questions that are more open and about themselves. People love to talk about themselves.
Maybe try "How was your weekend?" (then they have to say something, instead of yes or no) because everyone seems to revolve around The Weekend and people love to tell fabulous stories about it, even though what they did might be very uninteresting. This seems to always work, except then you have to worry about them asking the question in return...
and saying that you spent all saturday night watching bacteria in your microscope may not be a good idea, so it is better to say something like "taking it easy", or "chilling out"...

You have to be able to sense which are the correct questions to get them to run their mouth. I have the ability to sense that, but i have to be pretty wasted to not shoot myself in the face because the questions are so stupid.

Smalltalk with random people is seldom the same as a friendship between people who have things in common.

Personally I think Dex made an excellent attempt at fostering a little smalltalk with a co-worker. The only mistake made was that he didn't pay attention to the person he was talking to!! Mickibacs sorta hinted around at what I'm getting at. From the description of the event, Dex had this whole script of things to say inside his head and once he started he just plowed along with one small talk story and anecdote after another ignoring the feedback he was getting from the person he was talking to.

Additionally, when you do anything for the first time, you kinda should try it first in moderation (its sorta like drinking alcohol ) then build a little relationship, next time try it a little more and so on. If you find out it (or the drink) is not for you by the feedback your getting - uninterest (a headache, bad taste , hangover) - you move on and try it on someone else (or you move on and try beer or wine instead of hard liquor).

Small talk goes boths ways and look for signs of boring and adjust to the other person. Yes I know no so easy.