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Aspie4u
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27 Nov 2009, 1:12 pm

I was at place where one of my relative is at. Sorta like an retirement home.
So I was reading the paper and happen to look up at this guy for about a few seconds. When he looked up at me, I quickly looked away. So he tells a girl that I was looking at him. As I go up to go to the restroom, he is staring at me. I found out that he's gay.
Now a person can be anything they want, but as long as they stay away from me. I'm not gay and never will be. Anyway, he kept staring at me making very uncomfortable. So I said loud enough for the girl to her. "I wish that guy quit staring at me." I hope he heard it as well.
For this is making me pretty angry. A lot of ladies look at me as I work, but I don't think they want to date me. I don't think nothing of it.
Anyway, people with AS have to watch whom they looked at because it might be interrupted the wrong way. And you'll get some strange manic staring at you.



FaithHopeCheese
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27 Nov 2009, 1:21 pm

LOL You're probably good looking and he was just getting his hopes up.


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27 Nov 2009, 2:52 pm

that guy sounds a little out of touch with reality.


i cant freakin stand how much importance is placed on eye contact though. i try to make myself do it all the time, i'm trying to "further my career" or some stupid crap at work and eye contact is really stressed at these meetings and interviews i have to go to, and the plant manager even mentioned to somebody in an interview that i don't make eye contact. i try to but it's too goddamned hard, looking into someone's eyes freaks me out way too damn much. ARGH

of course i could "come out" at work but that would result in years of exhaustive conversations explaining to people exactly what is up with me and it's easier to just remain in the closet. haha :lol:



Keith
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27 Nov 2009, 3:18 pm

Interrupted? Do you mean "interpreted" ?



Aspie4u
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27 Nov 2009, 4:47 pm

Keith wrote:
Interrupted? Do you mean "interpreted" ?

Yes, I meant interpreted. Along with AS, I also have LD. I get my words mixed up.



justMax
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27 Nov 2009, 5:09 pm

Guess I developed a less common coping mechanism.

The best way I found to explain the eye contact is to have someone imagine they're standing at the edge of a building, then think about looking down 5 or 6 stories at the road below.


The natural reaction is to back away and look somewhere else, at something safe, try to get over the dizziness, the way your heart starts pounding.


I made myself enjoy that, like jumping out of an airplane, or as I say, stepping off the edge.


Now the problem is that I hold it too long, turned into something of an adrenaline junkie there, was explaining to Courtney that one of my favorite sensation sources is touching my nose to hers and staring into her eyes, it floods my brain, sets my heart going... told her it's like that last terrifying rush as the ground reaches up to catch you.



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27 Nov 2009, 10:58 pm

Aspie4u wrote:
I was at place where one of my relative is at. Sorta like an retirement home.
So I was reading the paper and happen to look up at this guy for about a few seconds. When he looked up at me, I quickly looked away. So he tells a girl that I was looking at him. As I go up to go to the restroom, he is staring at me. I found out that he's gay.
Now a person can be anything they want, but as long as they stay away from me. I'm not gay and never will be. Anyway, he kept staring at me making very uncomfortable. So I said loud enough for the girl to her. "I wish that guy quit staring at me." I hope he heard it as well.
For this is making me pretty angry. A lot of ladies look at me as I work, but I don't think they want to date me. I don't think nothing of it.
Anyway, people with AS have to watch whom they looked at because it might be interrupted the wrong way. And you'll get some strange manic staring at you.


Why would that make you angry or, especially, continue to make you angry after you left? It's not like he was going to rape you or somehow force you, or try to convince you, to become gay. Seriously, just take it as a compliment and move on.

By the way, looking at someone "for about a few seconds" (like you did to him at the beginning) is considered staring, which, in most cultures, can be considered a non-verbal signal of romantic interest. It sounds like you also kept looking up at him periodically (how else would you know he kept staring at you) which only served to re-enforce his ill-gotten idea that you found him attractive.

As a straight man who happens to love the city of San Francisco and visits my family there as often as I can, I've been in that situation before. On the few occasions where a guy has actually approached me, once they realized their mistake, they have been incredibly embarrassed and apologetic.

If you ever find yourself in that situation again, all you have to do is simply stop looking at the person. With no further interaction on your part, eventually they'll realize that they were wrong about you and forget about it.



Jaythefordman
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28 Nov 2009, 12:05 am

No need to feel threatened just because he's gay. feel flattere, but as said, once he knows your straight then thats the end of it. he's not going to jump you, so just chill out. No reason to get angry.

My wife finds it hilarious that heaps of gay guys check me out, and it was a long running in joke between us while we were in new York last. I said she should be careful, I could run off with a rich NY guy :) I'm straight, and have no interest in going that way, but I'm comfortable enough to not worry about gay guys.



Aspie4u
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28 Nov 2009, 4:54 am

Owendust wrote:
Aspie4u wrote:
I was at place where one of my relative is at. Sorta like an retirement home.
So I was reading the paper and happen to look up at this guy for about a few seconds. When he looked up at me, I quickly looked away. So he tells a girl that I was looking at him. As I go up to go to the restroom, he is staring at me. I found out that he's gay.
Now a person can be anything they want, but as long as they stay away from me. I'm not gay and never will be. Anyway, he kept staring at me making very uncomfortable. So I said loud enough for the girl to her. "I wish that guy quit staring at me." I hope he heard it as well.
For this is making me pretty angry. A lot of ladies look at me as I work, but I don't think they want to date me. I don't think nothing of it.
Anyway, people with AS have to watch whom they looked at because it might be interrupted the wrong way. And you'll get some strange manic staring at you.



'By the way, looking at someone "for about a few seconds" (like you did to him at the beginning) is considered staring, which, in most cultures, can be considered a non-verbal signal of romantic interest. It sounds like you also kept looking up at him periodically (how else would you know he kept staring at you) which only served to re-enforce his ill-gotten idea that you found him attractive. '

I wasn't staring at him. There is a girl of his height and I thought it might have been her.
I have poor eyesight, as well. I can see close but not good faraway. I can hear excellent.
Besides, I made no eye contact with him. When he looked up, I simply looked away. I don't find men attractive at all. In Christianity, it is a sin against God. That is my belief. I see many people both young and old who watch me as I work. Thesides that, I often stare out into at is not a sign of interest. Beside that, I often stare in out of space. You can't compare me with NTs. I'm even more different than Aspies because I'm on the lower end of the spectrum with a low average IQ.



Owendust
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28 Nov 2009, 4:43 pm

Aspie4u wrote:
I wasn't staring at him. There is a girl of his height and I thought it might have been her.
I have poor eyesight, as well. I can see close but not good faraway. I can hear excellent.
Besides, I made no eye contact with him. When he looked up, I simply looked away. I don't find men attractive at all. In Christianity, it is a sin against God. That is my belief. I see many people both young and old who watch me as I work. Thesides that, I often stare out into at is not a sign of interest. Beside that, I often stare in out of space. You can't compare me with NTs. I'm even more different than Aspies because I'm on the lower end of the spectrum with a low average IQ.


Woah, relax man. I wasn't implying that you're gay, or have some hidden "evil" :roll: desires. I was only trying to help you understand what was probably going on inside the guy's head.

I totally understand that you weren't intentionally staring at him. I zone out all the time only to suddenly realize that I look like I'm staring directly at someone.

I was simply trying to help you understand how he could have gotten the wrong idea, as well as how continuing to look at the guy, to see if he was still staring, only served to re-enforce his idea that you were into him (once again, I'm not implying that you were into him).

I was in no way comparing you with NT's. I was just trying to help you out by explaining what you should do if you ever happen to find yourself in that particular situation again, because your response of talking to yourself about how you wish the guy would stop staring at you simply made you look weird or crazy to the people around you.

Like it or not, we live in an NT world and it generally helps to understand how they think.



pjp
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28 Nov 2009, 9:39 pm

Owendust wrote:
Like it or not, we live in an NT world and it generally helps to understand how they think.


So true, eye contact is one of those things we as Aspies might not think much of, but it's definitely easy to overdo and get NTs freaked out.

Never be too hard on yourself for missing one of those "social cues" everyone is supposed to know, just try and learn from the experience the best you can.



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28 Nov 2009, 9:42 pm

I had someone stare at meat a reasturenrt, when I went to the restroom, she followed me with her gaze


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28 Nov 2009, 11:57 pm

Keith wrote:
Interrupted? Do you mean "interpreted" ?


Was that a serious question or a put down?



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29 Nov 2009, 2:15 am

Oh yah I get a lot of gay guys. Sorry dudes but you are missing some key pieces of anatomy there, and have one extra one I'm not too interested in because I already got one.

When I'm out with a woman I really have no issues with this, as expected. But when I'm alone, playing dumb and quickly returning the smalltalk and walking away seems to work well.



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29 Nov 2009, 3:58 am

I am trying to figure out what I find most offensive in this passage.

Aspie4u wrote:
I don't find men attractive at all.


Well there's the defensive lie. I am entirely homosexual. I have no sexual interest in women, but I am perfectly capable of recognizing that a woman is attractive. And my well-adjusted heterosexual friends are perfectly capable of recognizing attractiveness in members of the same sex. I think the true statement would have been, "The thought of finding men attractive frightens me."

Quote:
In Christianity, it is a sin against God.


Then there is the attempt to ascribe one common belief to all of Christianity. There are many Christian denominations that are perfectly accepting of homosexual members and clergy. The fact that your particular brand of Christianity does not accept it does not give you license to ascribe that view to all Christians.

Quote:
That is my belief.


Then there is blind faith. I have a great respect for religious faith--but none for faith that does not examine itself and inquire into its relevance in the modern world.

Quote:
I see many people both young and old who watch me as I work. Thesides that, I often stare out into at is not a sign of interest. Beside that, I often stare in out of space.


Well, this ties back to the original post and the reference to, "a lot of ladies look at me as I work." Apparently, the OP thinks nothing of it, provided that they are ladies, but gets angry when a man (whom he later finds out to be gay) does it.

Quote:
You can't compare me with NTs. I'm even more different than Aspies because I'm on the lower end of the spectrum with a low average IQ.


Then the old, "my brand of ASD is deeper than yours." Asperger's is a difference in how your brain is wired. More profound autism disorders may demonstrate a social disability. While that might provide a cause for rude behaviour and inappropriate reaction, it does not excuse it.

And don't get me started on the "strange manic (sic)" line from the OP.

[/rant]


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Aspie4u
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30 Nov 2009, 7:13 am

[quote="visagrunt"]I am trying to figure out what I find most offensive in this passage.

Dude relax, I said that you can be what you want in America. I don't care as long as you keep your distance from me. Everyone has to stand before God to give an account of their lives and that includes me. So I'm sorry if I offend ya. I don't believe in Abortion and I think its murder. To me, if a guy looking at me, he's sizing me up to start a fight or I'm about to be robbed. He may be an uncovered policeman too.

I was sitting in the cafeteria with a friend a long time ago. In came three little girls buying something in a vending machine. I was looking at them and thinking about something.
So the guy accused me of staring at them. I had other things on my mind. Looking a little girls don't make a pedophile when you're zoning out. I avoid looking in people eyes. I get uncomfortable. But if you looking at someone like a child, she could look up and tell her parents that "that guy is looking at me".
This is the whole purpose of my thread. Maybe I should have reworded and say: "Watch whom you look at."