Do you let things people say get to you?

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zeldapsychology
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29 Nov 2009, 10:33 am

When me and my family argue over something I tend to say ok fine etc. but will think of the event and what was said weeks,months,years later. It has a DEEP impact on me. I was curious if anyone else does this thanks. :-)



Lene
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29 Nov 2009, 10:53 am

Yeah, that sounds familiar.

I wonder is it because of the obsessive tendency in aspergers. The more upset we are, the more we can't 'let it drop' and obsess over what was said and done. This constant reinforcement means it hangs around a lot longer than milder memories.



LostAlien
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29 Nov 2009, 11:07 am

Yup, sounds familiar to me too.



ottorocketforever
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29 Nov 2009, 11:34 am

All the time! I get sick of the people that give me BS all the time, that I just snap. I really have to work on that!



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29 Nov 2009, 12:28 pm

Yes, and if it really upset me I can remember it verbatim, while the person who hurt me might not even remember saying. Very frustrating.


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matt
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29 Nov 2009, 1:18 pm

I don't think it's that I *let* it get to me, but I don't know how to *stop* it from getting to me.

When I am criticized or insulted it almost always hurts me very much and I don't know how to prevent that.

Even when people "joke around" it hurts me.



Fiz
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29 Nov 2009, 2:17 pm

Yes, but then I always let the person know in the politest possible way as well that what they have said has bugged me. Even if they apologise, I can still think about it weeks or months later. That particular trait of mine is really annoying as I wish I was unable to give a toss about what people say to me.


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29 Nov 2009, 2:27 pm

I would hate being upset for the rest of my life over something some lady said to me in 2000 who was maybe having a bad day. Same as when my dad's cousin told me I was selfish and only think of my self when I was 15 and telling me as an adult I would be so much of a better person if I had better parents. She probably thinks AS is something that is caused by bad parenting and all we need is a good slab on our butts to be normal. My mom said only way to make her proud was if I didn't have it. I just ignored her than not wanting to be around her and problem solved between us. I also kept my mouth shut just to please her. Now I just don't care.

I find it a waste to be upset over what someone said to me or how my ex's treated me or thought of me.


Online, it's easier to not let things get to me vs in real life. But I also get over things in real life too just as long as I don't have to see their faces my feelings will stay away and not come back. I've had problems at work with other people because of it and always needed mommy to come to the rescue. Well those days are over. I can't keep having her to come rescue me when someone puts me to tears at work because of a misunderstanding or what that person said to me. But I have gotten better now over the years.

But sometimes I look forward to seeing that person so I can piss them off some more or hoping I will again soon on accident if he or she was mean to me.



CockneyRebel
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29 Nov 2009, 2:38 pm

I tend to do that, as well.


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KenG
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29 Nov 2009, 3:16 pm

zeldapsychology wrote:
Do you let things people say get to you?
I try not to, because it can sometimes be hurtful. I mostly succeed in doing this.

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DonkeyBuster
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29 Nov 2009, 6:14 pm

Definitely. I've noticed it has to do both with the importance of the person in my life, and how resolved the situation is... the more important, and the less resolved, the more I am unable to resist its intrusiveness...

To a certain extent everyone, AS and NT alike, does this. I've certainly had off-the-cuff things I've said to someone brought up years later, long past my remembering them. It obviously hit a button in the other person, though, and they haven't been able to let it go.

I do think in AS cases, we do it more because of the lifelong social ineptitude making us more and more sensitive to other's remarks and judgements... we get more practice, in other words.

And we have that perseveration part of our brain more developed, the 'experts' say. I do wonder if that's a result of nature or nurture, though.



Last edited by DonkeyBuster on 29 Nov 2009, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blackcat
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29 Nov 2009, 6:41 pm

I don't LET anything get to me. But yeah...the things that people say do get to me, but I try not to make it too apparent.


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Maggiedoll
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29 Nov 2009, 7:16 pm

Yup.. Partly I think it's the obsessiveness, partly just that I know that I'm inferior, that I'm not good enough.. so I take it harder when people remind me of that.



LostAlien
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29 Nov 2009, 7:50 pm

Maggiedoll wrote:
Yup.. Partly I think it's the obsessiveness, partly just that I know that I'm inferior, that I'm not good enough.. so I take it harder when people remind me of that.

I don't think you're inferior. You don't seem inferior to me.



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29 Nov 2009, 8:11 pm

No matter how hard I try not to let it bother me, deep inside it will bother me deeply, even some of the little things would bother me.

When me and my girlfriend used to argue, I would be the one that would of been crying for alot of reasons, she got upset over the little things and takes it out on me, while i end up crying back thinking what have I done wrong?

Since then, I get upset over little things but always have been since... It doesn't bother me as such now but only occassionally it will.


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30 Nov 2009, 12:18 am

Oh, yes. Mostly because I have a history of being verbally bullied.


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