Vague Requests?

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How do you know if someone is asking you to do something, if they don't specifically state it? For example, my husband might say, "The trash needs to be taken out." I will acknowledge this and agree, yes it does. And then later he'll get mad because I didn't take it out. But he usually takes it out, and he didn't ask me to, so how was I to know that's what he wanted? If he said to me, I want you to take it out, or if he had asked me to, I would have done it.

Is there any trick to knowing when someone is actually asking you to do something, when they just make a statement? Why don't they just say what they mean?

That made me laugh.

Anyway, there's a large degree of implication in that statement. Like when someone asks "Do you know what time it is?", you're not supposed to respond "Yes.", you're supposed to tell them the time.

I do do that sometimes Someone asked me if I knew a mutual friend's address recently. I replied "Yes". He wanted to know what it was.

I couldn't relate to this more! This causes issues at work sometimes. People get frustrated with me sometimes and treat me like a kid because i need things explained in specifics or else i'll either walked around aimlessly or have to ask a bunch of questions.

I do that sometimes w/o even thinking. I guess if i am not 100% paying attention. As far as the "hints" go, i don't always catch on when someone hints something to me. But when i do figure it is a hint, i end up being resentful. Why not just say "can you (please) do the dishes" instead of saying "the dishes need to be washed."

Directly asking, rather than implicitly suggesting, comes off as sort of naggy.

It depends on the tone. If somebody kindly asks if I would do something, I'll take care of it. If they say it needs to be done, I'll just politely agree and go on with what I was doing.

I will say that when someone I don't care for asks if I have something they want, I'll say yes. When they ask if they can have it, I'll say no. I'm sure it really annoys them, and comes off as being a bastard, but that was kind of the point. If I want their respect but don't want to hand something over, I'll just lie and say I don't have it.

I catch onto hints sometimes like that, but wind up really annoyed if someone can see that something needs to be done but still finds the need to tell me about it rather than just doing it, and will sometimes refuse to do things because of that. If they ask me directly, I'll do it... just not necessarily when they want it done.

My boyfriend has basically figured out by now... if you want something done NOW, don't comment on it, just do it; if you don't care whether or not it gets done for another week or so (whenever I happen to remember to do it, or whenever it becomes a priority on my list of things to do), then tell me about it all you want.

"The trash needs to be taken out...

...yes it does" WRONG

...I'll go take it out" WRONG

...so go do it" RIGHT

I prefer suggestions to orders. Unless it something I want to know how to do right, like a skill, although I often need an explanation as to why. The worst is a suggestion almost immediately followed by an order, or the person then doing it themselves, as if the suggestion had an immediate expiry limit. Or completely inane suggestions, as if I can't figure out things for myself.

This is something that can really frustrate and even intimidate me at times. In my perception of things, subtle suggestions made with specific expectations are passive-aggressive manipulations unless there is a pre-existing understanding. For example:

My wife and I have a filter on our washing machine's discharge, and she tends to have difficulty opening it to clean it. So, I have told her I will keep it cleaned and to just let me know if I have missed noticing ... and with that understood, all she has to do is mention her plan to do laundry and I usually "catch on" and take care of the filter.

In contrast, a mere mention of it being cool outside can inspire my wife to go get for me a new jacket. So, I see it as my responsibility to be sure it is possible for her to know I am actually *not* expecting anything I have not specifically requested.

It is our job to know each other's needs and to try to help get those needs met, but it is not my job to try to read between the lines and figure out what somebody else merely wants (unless he or she is unable to communicate at all, of course).

Once after a holiday meal I walked into the living room where everyone was relaxing and my mother asked me brightly if I wanted a cup of decaf. I said OK and then she suggested I go make some. She is famous for this and it's irritating. So I said never mind I'm OK. Then someone else walks in the room and pretty much the same scenario ensues. We're all onto her. Then the third person walks in and as my mother starts to ask if they'd like a cup of coffee we all shout Don't fall for it!!

Haha I once tended to answer "no, you can't know what time it is, you have to look at the clock first." That was before I even knew I was aspie. Ironically, I once answered: no, I guess it's only Rainman who "knows" what time it is!

I'm the same. I don't know why people can't just make direct requests; it's not like I'm going to jump out and tear their jugular out with my teeth because they've asked me to do something.
An indirect request will be met with something like this:
Other person: "The washing needs to be hung out."
Me: "Well, you'd better go hang it out then, hadn't you?"
*other person learns to ask directly rather than make demands disguised as observations*

Requests like:

'Put that thing over there.'

Baffle me.
Put what thing over where exactly?
It isn't specific enough.


Also someone once said to me:

'Move that thingie, put it over there by that other thing, then go and move the other thing over here.'

I'm not joking.
I had to ask him politely to repeat the instructions again several times.
I still didn't understand what he wanted me to do.

One of the ways I cope with stuff like this is by looking for what's out of place. "Aha! That's the thing that needs to be moved. Now, where does this belong."

But if I can't identify it, it gets more difficult. Consider the following example drawn from real life. My partner is cooking something on the stove:

"Pass me the thingummy."
"Spatula? Oven mitt? Plate? Salt shaker?"
"No, the whatsit. The glass!"

?!?

What does your glass of orange juice have to do with frying an egg?