autism reality documentary

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thats certainly how I feel.
What a contradiction eh?

Hi, I'm a French Asperger undiagnose from montreal canada, sorry if some of my sentences happens to be uncorrectly formulated, it's not my first language. Alex, in your documentary, when you say "It's not me trying to be unpleasant, it's just the way my brain works". I really understand what you mean. My brain makes me understand numerous things that seem highly complicated for "normal" people. But I win in depth what I lose in social abilities.

I'm 30 years old and I dont know if other aspergers will recognize themself in that, but I feel that my struggle of the last 10 years to gain social abilities made me lose a part of what constituated a really unique intelligence and creativity. I struggled to be at least seen as normal, I've developped comedian and communication skills, but I feel I have lost half of my intelligence in the process. I think being an asperger autist is like being a (I dont know the good word, the person who manage 50 musicians with a stick). We say that they can point one single false note while 50 instruments are playing. But they could not play anything on an instrument that is even slightly unwell ajust. Their brain just cannot process false notes, it only recognize perfection. Being an asperger, at least for me, mean that my brain struggles to process even the smallest incoherence in everyday life.

In a way, I think that being an asperger prepares you to be a person who will think outside the box cause the influence of repetition dont get you as easily as it get's a "normal" brain. There is an asian saying: "Repeat 1000 times a lie it becomes the truth". In a way, being asperger can save your mind from brainwashing, while ironicly hardening your capacity to convince efficiently other people of what you think ... because of this lack of social skills that permitted you (or forced you) to think by yourself, to develop your own conception of life.

First, the video was beautifully done!

I've tried for years to describe what causes me social problems. I never knew about Asperger's Syndrome until the last couple of years (I'm almost 63). The way I eventually found to describe my problem is that most people can interpret what someone else is thinking or feeling by the way they talk, the way they act, the expression on their face. They do that by comparing it to what they would be thinking and feeling if they looked and sounded like that, and acted like that. But I know my brain does not work like other people's. I know from experience this is so. So I cannot assume I know what they are thinking or feeling. Problem is, they expect me to know.

I really enjoyed the video and shared it with my friends.

I loved the video. When I showed it to my wife I burst out in uncontrollable tears. I find the bit with Alex in the car explaining how people don't understand how taxing it is for him to interact socially echoes what I've been trying to say my whole life to deaf ears.

Yes! A conductor.
Excellent descripton.

Thanks, Alex. Great video. I truly relate.

That is my constant worry, that I annoy people. And maybe many times I do, talking over and over about my stuff. I have noticed that out of this nuisance fear, I just isolate myself. We should not feel like that...and go ahead...pour your heart out, it is going to be the truth anyway, so it will be fun (you know what I mean, in the sense of meaningful communication and maybe support), even if it's sad...go ahead.

Excellent. Will be sharing broadly.

oh I hear ya; here's something worth noting: one of the most taxing things I do these days is talk to new customers of our website on the phone. Basically, every time I talk to one, I hope beyond anything that I haven't turned them off from being our customer, as I accidentally interrupt many times, and stumble over my words like crazy. It's why I just prefer emailing them.

I only pour my heart out to those I know and really trust; and even they don't seem to fully get it.

Ya gotta un'erstand that NTs don't really understand us cause we're on a different wavelength, and nothing will change that.

NTs find it somewhat annoying when other NTs do it, so when we do it....do you see where I'm going with this?

that was so watchable. nice job, alex.

Great job, Alex.

I urge everyone to donate what you can, also.

I am - much as I can, as often as I can. This place is very valuable.

I totally forgot how to quote from posts. But here it goes. The simple fact that you realize that you "interrupt" is saying a lot about you as a considerate person. I know exactly when you interrupt. The autistic mind thinks fast and a lot and I personally get impatient when a conversation is going nowhere and trying to re-direct it, I make the fatal NT mistake of interrupting...I feel self-conscieous also. You are not the only one, we are at least two. I say, the same way I accept the NT quirks (sensless mind games, backstabbing etc.) just the same way NTs have to accept my quirks...I have gotten really strong minded lately about my AS "issues" and getting constantly criticized and tortured because I act different, because really, just because I am in minority (many ways of minority...an AS, a foreigner etc) doesn't mean that I will ever allow anyone to traumatize me anymore with their stupid NT "games". I do my job super well, I need some accomodations (like very clear directions and clarification, so my logic can kick in and make my strategy), but hell, I am good at what I am doing and I should not be subjected at a lot of things that make me suffer at work. I will give just one example. I was assaulted at work by a nurse and it was after I told her very politely that if she needs to make a personal phone call she should go in the employee lounge (believe me, that phone call that kept our nursing station phone busy for some rebate, was so annoying that even the NT employees were "annoyed"/they could not concentrate to do their job and we were taking care of critically ill patients). So, after the big trauma I went through after the assault-it's not over yet (still will have to go to court and I know I am not suppose to talk about it...but I promise, I will post everything after it's done, it was much more that what I just said here), I still suffer from it and I still have to see the animal that hit me (physically but emotionally, as well), I decided that I will not take abuse anymore. I will list in my job applications that I have Asperger and if that means I will never get a job, oh, well, I will go back to school. This was only an example...unfortunately, there are many more.
Stand straight and let's just enjoy life, without being so concerned at being perfect, if we're not perfect, then NTs are a mess, with all the phoniness and sensless waste of time acting like little dumb actors, with all the gestures and postures and stuff that I am suppose to know what they mean when I am just there to help patients... I am just giving myself courage here...but regardless, just know you are not alone. Don't be afraid to share. My only "problem" with sharing is that our posts are not private, they appear on the internet, maybe I will email to Alex about it. I need a space in this world where I can feel safe.

oh, don't get me wrong: I'm not the type to be concerned what others think. Years of being rejected regardless just made me immune to it; but hell, I don't want to lose a sale for our website!

The plus side is though we're still doing very considerably well, and in time our line will no longer be my cell phone, and we'll have someone who knows how to talk to people answering the phone.

And I thank you for your kind words; yes, they keep me on at my job cause--like you--I'm pretty much the best guy at what I do, and they know it.

You'll never see a more focused worker in your entire life.

Half the time, when I'm in the ice cream booth, I'm actually closely listening to the customers outside decide what they want so by the time they come up to me, I know what decision they've made and I tell 'em "yep, I got ya", and give 'em the amount. I believe it just keep up the efficiency level.

I enjoyed the video, Alex!

Thank you for your hard work and dedication. I, for one, greatly appreciate it!

Thanks for the video Alex as, I thought it was not only well directed but, the content of it came it in a very clear manner..

Let's hope that Alex's video will be the beginning of greater things to come.

I hope the next movie will follow up on this, and really show real solutions for K St and Congress to really make policies in our favor.

Like perhaps, as I thought after watching the video, more support for homeschooling or alternative/specialized schools for Aspies/Auties could be publicly funded? Just my ideas.