Are saying these things "rude"

Post Reply New Topic

I know we tend to come off as rude but I was curious others take on some comments I made today (I'll try to give you the whole scenario) Well 1) we were home and then dad got home my first comment was "So what part of the tile are you doing now since we are busy cooking." (He's been doing tile and fixing up the kitchen and my first thought was what part are you doing right now since we are busy cooking ) Notice it was NOT hi how are you as my first comment but "So what part of the tile are you doing now since we are busy cooking." My #2 is) Dad mention to mom why haven't you bought me any beer I said "Go get it yourself." He then said and you wonder why I snap at you etc. you come off as rude etc. I was like oh and instead of crying (my usual behavior reaction I said WHATEVER SCREW YOU! (in my mind basically I don't care anymore) instead of taking it to heart and crying over it. So I'm rude SO WHAT! (I kind of fealt good that I didn't go into meltdown mode and in my mind blew it off and said SO WHAT.) I need to not worry about upsetting family as much and I fealt good I did that today maybe it's the first step to doing that more often.

It's funny, with families. Sometimes, I get the impression that they get so used to perceiving you a certain way, that no matter what you do, they will project this perception on you.

The first thing that you said, about the tile, didn't sound rude to me. It told me that you were trying to plan how to work around your father's current project. The second might have come across as rude, but I saw it as you trying to problem solve the beer situation.

Thanks I agree people have learned to see me as rude perhaps. Also I was planning what dad might be doing next with the tile and I agree go get the beer yourself was a solution. IMO my tone is a main issue but like I said I'm glad I didn't go into meltdown mode and thought WHO CARES! I'm so proud of myself.

I'm proud of you, too! After all, you can't control others but you can control your own attitude. Good work!

It all depends on what your tone of voice was. And yes, saying hi first would have come off as less rude.
I agree that the second one should have been a suggestion instead it sounded more like an order, and you need to show your parents a bit of respect.

1) "So what part of the tile are you doing now since we are busy cooking?" sounds like something I might say. Since my family would be used to it, and they tend to answer my literal questions literally, they wouldn't mind. They can tell by my tone of voice that I mean no disrespect because I would make it sound like a question with a good amount of sincere curiosity. Plus, I think my dad would be happy to hear that I was cooking, as long as he could look forward to eating, and especially if the meal was lasagne.

If however you're in a family where social niceties and subtlety are more important, I can see how your dad would appreciate something more like saying, "Hi, how's you're day been? Looks like you're getting alot done with the tile. Is it okay if we use the kitchen to cook now? Or maybe we can all go out to a restaurant for dinner!" * hopeful grin *

2) "Go get it yourself" would definitely be considered rude if I said it to one of my parents! Am not sure I can explain why. Pensieve put it that it's a matter of respect and I can agree with that. Basically I just know that saying it would be really bad ... I cringe inwardly just thinking about it.

It sounds like you're trying to do your best, and that's pretty cool. I wish you the best.

I suppose the first was abrupt in that a greeting is more usual, but families are so familiar anyway that I always thought greetings among them were somewhat superfluous. I know this thought is not shared by others.

The second was sharp, beyond a doubt. I don't think there really is a nice way of saying that exact phrase. That said, I also question the seriousness of the matter itself considering beer isn't exactly a need. But a simple, "No," would have done the trick.

My family and I went to a local college whose dining hall is open to the public (better than most restaurants around here). They had a sign indicating they would be closed for lunch on 2/21. I went into a student activities office and matter of factly asked, "What's happening on the 21st?"

The guy replied glibly, "That's an odd way for one human to greet another human."

If I had been on the ball, I should have replied with, "Your error is to presume that I'm human."

I want to say "get it yourself" so many times, but I know my mother will scream at me, which is not a good thing for my head. I hate laziness.

What would be more acceptable...

My mother opens up a bag of chips at 10pm at night.
So I:

1) Run to my room and put my music on
2) Tell her 'what, eating again?'
3) Tell her what I really think and that is if she keeps eating like this she should stop complaining about her weight problem to me.
4) Grab a bunch of crackers and eat them as loudly as I can.

I usually do 1, 2 and 4.