Does anyone burn out?

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When I was a kid I faked being normal and did a good job because I read my IEP reports from 6th grade. Back then I was trying hard to be like everyone else so I was copying them and I remember how hard it was. Then at home I be myself. But then in my early teens I couldn't do it anymore. It got too much so I quit and decided to be myself.

I join another forum that is for NTs and aspies in relationships or friendships and families. I read the posts there and decided to be a better wife to my husband. The forum improved me and then I burned out and was back to my old self again. I couldn't keep it going. It got too much. I feel lazy for all this because I feel I have to keep trying. It's like going to work and keeping on doing it. But I don't burn out and quit my job so why do I do this in relationships and faking being normal? Another thing about me that doesn't make sense. So I can assume I must be lazy. Maybe if I got paid to be a good wife or fake being normal, I might keep it going and not burn out. After all money is what makes people work and do their jobs. No money, everyone would be lazy and nothing would get done. No gas being delivered, no nurse or doctors, no food being delivered, etc. it all be a mess. Same as if there was no money and everyone was forced to work anyway, they still be lazy because they be slacking and not doing their jobs right.

i think that you do not burn out at work because you see it the "faking it" as part of your job role/responsibility. Whereas at home, it is only natural to feel that you should be totally yourself and be relaxed. Having to pretend to be normal is obviously not relaxing.

i have the same problem myself too because when I am home or with my family, i'd prefer to be my true self - no one earth would be happy if they can't even be themselves when with loved ones. don't they (the family) prefer to have the real me, as opposed to the fake me, around?

it is very exhausting pretending to be normal as we all know. i am not saying that we should just let go totally 100% of the time and be "selfish" and "inconsiderate" when we are at home, but we need to feel that when we're say having a bad day, our family won't be so harsh on us and have a go at us. of course we must try to be accomodating and consider our family's needs and moods too, but there has to be a balance, give and take as and when necessary rather that tit-for-tat.

When i feel i really dont have the energy to "pretend" at all, i'd avoid any contact with anyone. As the saying goes: "familiarity breeds contempt", i understand that it is very easy to just take it all out on those around us, so i do make the effort to stay away when i am not in the mood to be normal.

I know exactly what you mean....

no words of wisdom on this one but I totally get it

I assume that your job doesn't require complex or deep emotions. Passing yourself off as normal with a few simple, easy to fake emotions is a very different thing from balancing the complexities of close relationships. I wouldn't be surprised if you do a huge amount of work controlling your emotions and reactions at home that you don't have to do at work.

I find that I burn out, a lot. That's when I'm the most likely to buy one of those energy drinks. I've decided that I'm going to hit the pillow, instead of spending that $3 on a can of green Monster, whenever I burn out, from now on.

Same here... I remember when I was younger, having one "friend" over was no real problem. But at birthday parties!!
As soon as there were more than one person, I didn't knew how to behave.

And I'm still burned out when I come home from job.

Simple. Your boss will not allow unacceptable behavior. Your husband will. So you put the effort in at work but not at home.

What you'll want to be careful is if at one point your husband may reach a breaking point. He will have had enough. His patience and good will will have run out. Try & do your best to meet him half way so that he does not get to that point.

The trouble with this can be that what seems like one side's "halfway" may be the other side's "90%". If someone is depressed and/or dissociated most of the time due to burnout that could also kill their marriage. People seem to think there's no price in "pretending," or that it's what they do which is trivially easy, but it isn't.

With the passing of each day, I come that little bit closer to dying ....

I exactly fake it, but I try to ignore those things that bother me and attempt to be social. I find socialising for a long time and not letting things get to me be exhausting. By not letting things get to me I mean not correcting people, telling them to be quiet, holding back getting angry etc.

I hear what you're saying. But if one partner is giving what they feel is 90% & in reality the number is more like 25%, with their partner being expected to do the majority of adapting & compromising, well, that's going to be a problem.

That is the right path - pacifism in the face of social aggression from NTs.

I found that normal people would respect me only when I didn't annoy them by talking back to them. So now they pity me rather than hate me, which I guess is a victory of some sort.

I have been in complete burnout for last 2 years........pretending to be someone else for 34 years finally got my goat, and destroyed it.

Take care,

Mics

He has stepped up to me in the past telling me how he feels like he thinks I am going to leave him or I don't want him, he gets depressed, and then I got upset last time and told him he knows where the door is at and the county office. That upset him because he didn't like the joke.

I can't work 24/7 and my husband doesn't expect it. You probably get tired at work too and then you come home and want to relax right? You don't want to do anything else that is work. That is how relationships feel to me. It's like being at work and can I ever have a break? Just imagine working 24/7 and you never come home to your family. I don't literally mean 24/7 but you know what I mean right? It gets too much.

But at least I let him kiss me and hug me when he asks. He doesn't do that too much.


Makes sense ASgirl. When I worked, I always needed time to myself when I get home and my husband felt I was ignoring him and I didn't want him because I was never talking to him and I was acting like he wasn't there. Then when my hours got cut, I paid more attention to him. Now I am waiting for another job. Thank goodness my husband has his game, it keeps him away. But it also keeps him from listening to me talk about my obsessions.
I don't realize how much energy I am using at work and then I am exhausted when I get home. Home is where you relax and be yourself. We don't need to come home to another job. I wonder how I am going to be a parent and work at the same time? My husband says he'll help. But I still feel lazy. I suppose it's the same as when a parent comes home from work, she doesn't want to do any cleaning and she would rather wait till her days off to do it because she has kids to take care of and she doesn't need two more jobs. But she has no choice because she has to take care of her kids. Cook and help them with their home work, make sure they get ready for bed. Do the dishes so they have clean ones.




I had a birthday party once when I was nine and it was overwhelming. But yet when I went to other birthday parties and my brothers, no problem. Maybe because I wasn't in the center of attention and I was when I had my own and it was too much. I never had one again. My behavior was caught on camera and I can't watch it. I felt ashamed when I saw it and my mom was going "Oh Beth." That's what she used to do before my diagnoses. Then she seemed to have stopped.





That also makes sense. When I worked, I was mostly alone. I worked by myself. I had to deal with people still but not much. I also had to watch myself how I react. I didn't want to snap at anyone who interrupted me. I even felt most of the time yelling "What?" in the radio when the office clerk beep me. I never liked being interrupted but that was part of the job. I certinally couldn't toss things at the guests and go "Here are your stupid items" because they caused the interruption. Instead I just handed them to them going "Here you go (insert items here)." Sometimes I would tell them to have a nice day or a nice evening. It always felt awkward to say that. Same as looking at their faces so I mostly looked at their body.

Well, to some degree all relationships require work. After that initial euphoria of meeting someone and falling in love that's when the real work begins. Please don't misunderstand, if it's the right person, there will be a lot of give and take and the "work" should not be overwhelming or exausting, but all relationships, even the very best, require work and attention.

If your husband is feeling neglected to the point where he is questioning whether you may leave him then IMO you have some work to do. Yes, I know you're tired. Yes, I know you don't want to "work" all of the time. But if you love your husband and he is important to you (and I'm sure he is) then you'll need to "work" a little harder to make him feel it too. Telling him, "There's the door, leave if you don't like it." is no offence, pretty crappy, even if it was meant as a joke.

Maybe it is too much "work". OK. That would not make you a bad person. But then maybe being in a relationship isn't for you. They do require work. Hard work, sometimes. Good luck, it's not always easy.

Well I do want to be in one and I was afraid I might be one of those aspies who can't have one. But after being in two failed relationships, it helped me understood why some aspies say they are unable to have one. I used to think it was baloney they were saying that because all you have to do is find the right person. I didn't think there be the right person for me and the chances be very slim but it happened. I thought he was going to leave me even though he said he never will but I didn't buy it. I did tell him what I am like in relationships and told him I am an ******* when I am in one but he still wanted one with me. So after a month of knowing each other in real life, I decided to be in one with him because I enjoyed being with him and I liked how he accepted me.

I dumped my last two ex's but I think the last one dumped me too (long story).