Communication Issues

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Do communication issues get on top of you sometimes? I've been asked to work on a project this morning and I was trying to get out of my colleague what he wants me to do exactly and I still haven't got a clue. I don't know if I don't ask the right questions or what? I tried to explain to him what I thought he wanted, but I don't seem to have been able to get it accross to him.

The thing is I like to be told step by step exactly what is expected of me. I hate it when I am only told vague things. It's frustrating.

I'm just going to work away on this and hope for the best. If it's wrong, he can tell me what is wrong with it and then I will change it.

Do communication issues get on top of me sometimes? Very much so. I am currently taking an argument class and we have been discussing the rogerian argument style. I seem to live my life like a poorly executed rogerian argument. Heh. I never know if I get it, if they are not explaining things accurately to me or if I am poorly restating what I think they mean. Some days I think I might as well be speaking a foreign language. Ah, the things lost in translation... I know I am not good with verbal communication. I also know that I am one of those who needs specifics and for whatever reason, a lot of people do not seem to be okay with that. I try to tell people that is what I need but they do not comply. My husband and I have had issues with this. He says people do not like to do that as they feel dominating or like they are talking down to me as I am supposed to just get what they are meaning by what they say. That makes no sense to me. Why not just say what you mean and remove any possible confusion? Meh. Yes, it is frustrating. I hope your project goes well.

Communication issues get on top of me frequently. What kind of work are you doing? Are you still learning the job, or was it a new type of assignment? What you're saying below, though, sounds exactly a conflict I had with my husband:

>The thing is I like to be told step by step exactly what is expected of me. I hate it when I am only told vague things.

Unfortunately, often what the person handing down the job wants is for you to take care of it. I agree sometimes not enough info is given, even if your skills for the field are good. Other times it's like my husband who wanted a step by step description of what to do in the kitchen. Quite hilarious in hindsight when he thought "watch the bacon" meant just watch it even if it is burning black, and then he blames me for not explaining every "step" that could be involved in noticing what's happening to cooking the bacon he loves to eat. Obviously this has to do with his inexperience and my inability to point out the obvious because I never think of it. I'm not sure where you are on the continuum.

Something I find that helps in that kind of work situation is to ask for clarification on a few specific things and then let them know you are going to have to wing some of it. If they don't like that, they might give a bunch of instructions at that point. Often it's the worker's job to figure out the steps in an efficient order. Having to tell someone every step in order would be frustrating and make me want to just do it myself if I can't trust them with it. (Hence banning my husband from the kitchen for a while, and then inviting him back in as a learner who could observe and ask questions -- also hilarious in hindsight.)

But, yeah, I have a lot of communication issues that crop up with people, for sure.

it is very important to that others communicate to me in a very accurate and if possible a very logical, step by step manner. otherwise i get very confused and end up asking lots and lots of questions to clarify (which to some can be very annoying). when i communicate with people, i am very keen to get my points across as accurately as possible too but this is not easily achieved - i therefore often come across as very pedantic and longwinded.

I can relate. When I was working I couldn´t get what my bosses wanted from me. It was like I couldn´t feel it, or get in the right tune. The worst part was when it came to talking to clients. The manager who was supervising me wanted that I behaved in a certain way (I had to display confidence, etc..) and I just couldn´t get all that. I was good at the objective tasks where the instructions were clear but that was not enough for the job. That is why I quit the job.

For me I think it is a case of the nonverbal aspect being out of phase with NT's. I will ask a very, clear and explicit question and the NT's just won't get it because my body language and non-verbal elements are all wrong. NT's don't listen to the words they look and listen for the non-verbal elements and when that is either not there or wrong then communication breaks down.

I do not talk, but I do not use my computer as a hat, so no.

I have noticed that where people are vague about what they expect you to do that sometimes its because they don't actually know themselves, makes for a very difficult situation to deal with even harder

What I tend to do when I have no clear instructions to follow is try and get feedback after doing a little just to avoid going off in the wrong direction and totally misunderstanding. At least then I figure they have a chance to correct you before it gets too off-track

Communication skills have always been hard. Someone joked at work recently that I never talk to anyone else, its not 100% true I do try but I avoid anything not related to my job and use email as much as possible

Good luck with your project

This is the thing that got me over and over in Student Teaching! My cooperating teacher would ask me to do something, and because it seemed obvious to her what she wanted, it frustrated her when I'd get it wrong. I'd wind up in tears of frustration sometimes, because I was trying so hard to do what she'd told me with no real idea of what she needed! We could not communicate at all. (She is, BTW, the employer I've mentioned who said, "I know you have Asperger's, but I wish you'd said so at the beginning!" when I told her.)

I feel certain that she was giving me non-verbal cues and directions that I simply didn't pick up on. I don't blame her at all for our trouble working together. I guess I should have told her that I have AS (and probably dyscalculia), but I had a couple of reasons. First of all, I'd had no official diagnosis at the time, so I didn't want to tell her in case I was wrong. Second of all, I do not think telling any employer, "Oh, BTW, I have ADHD, dyscalculia, depression, blinding migraines, and AS," is the best idea. Third of all, I had no idea how to tell her in a way that wouldn't cause a negative reaction, because I have trouble communicating in general (not just with her, but she's a good example).

The most aspie thing about me is my intense trouble with communication. I find most of it absolutely impenetrable. All non-verbal cues, from facial expression to tone of voice, are lost on me. In my brain, they basically don't exist. The nuanced speech most people used isn't something I'm capable of -- I've tried and tried to learn it and I can't. (Yet people often think I am using it, and read things into what I'm saying that aren't there. *sigh*) Unless someone says exactly what they want in great detail, I don't understand. I also put way too much detail into things I say (and write), because I crave those details, need those details, get frustrated and panicked and confused without those details! (I only recently figured out not everyone feels this way...like in November 2009, recently.) I do much better with communication when my dog is around, but I can't take him to work, or a bar, or a restaurant!

Thank you for all the comments. I don't feel so alone now. I've been asked to redesign our company brochure and i think the real problem is that no one else really understands the graphic design type stuff i do at work, so I was just sent off to do 'whatever it is i do'. Anyway, he said I did a top-notch job on the sample pages i produced, so I got there in then end. The story about watching the bacon sounds like a conversation my parents would have.

My biggest communication issue, is that I don't give direct eye-contact. I look out the corners of my eyes, instead.

2 thoughts:

1) most people are vague, because oftentimes they don't even know exactly what they want. Odds are you'll do a decentjob at the assignment and this will serve to articulate what, exactly, your supervisor wanted.

2) try a strategy of constant feedback. Check along the way if your progress is more or less along the lines of your supervisors intentions. Modify what you are doing based on this feedback.

I have problems both ways ... both in understanding what someone wants, and also in communicating what I am thinking.

I work as a proofreader and also do a bit of writing, but I have a very tough time in SAYING verbally what I am thinking. I try to do most of my communication via e-mail when I can, but you can't always do this.

It's really tough.

I have noticed that where people are vague about what they expect you to do that sometimes its because they don't actually know themselves, makes for a very difficult situation to deal with even harder

What I tend to do when I have no clear instructions to follow is try and get feedback after doing a little just to avoid going off in the wrong direction and totally misunderstanding. At least then I figure they have a chance to correct you before it gets too off-track

Communication skills have always been hard. Someone joked at work recently that I never talk to anyone else, its not 100% true I do try but I avoid anything not related to my job and use email as much as possible

Good luck with your project