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Should aspies get together?
Stay together as long as possible 20%  20%  [ 6 ]
Stay together as long as possible 20%  20%  [ 6 ]
Get together occasionally 27%  27%  [ 8 ]
Get together occasionally 27%  27%  [ 8 ]
Avoid each other 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Avoid each other 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 30

fernando
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27 Mar 2006, 9:45 pm

I was wondering what you guys think about aspies getting together in real life. Do you think it's good for us to meet? Can we actually get along, considering we share the same disadvantages?



sc
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27 Mar 2006, 9:50 pm

I think meeting with people at random, without extensive background check is risky, especially those with more disabilities.

Other then that, I think it is a good idea as long as it is done safely where no one gets hurt.



GalileoAce
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27 Mar 2006, 9:57 pm

Me and my girlfriend are Aspie, and while we have our ups and downs I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything :)



sc
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27 Mar 2006, 10:57 pm

I voted to stay together as long as possible, becuase I do not like socializing much, the internet differs. I do not know if it is subcounciously perverted or not, yet sexual psychopathologies are a universal factor of the mind.

Some time ago I found someone online with A.S but I could not afford to go there and meet parents. Seeming she was like me and we were able to talk online good it seemed like a good match. Simply now I do not think it would work out becuase her parents require that I go there then she return with me, I'm not rich.

I suppose being able to relate with another person is a good thing, yet in adulthood socializing I'm only interested in things I am interested in, all else is mondain. People seem smart at other things, most people cannot even have a conversation with me concerning my interests unless they have a masters degree or phd.

I do not even know how, nor do I desire to flirt. I've never had a girlfriend and I do not know if relationships will work out.

I think that sexualpsychopathologies are a human limitation. Yet if I had a g/f I would likely think differently..

This website has a dating portal, I suspect though it is a great improbability and I feel embarrassed to join it.

As for meeting up with others with A.S, I have no interests in such randomalities aside from a possible relationship, yet if I was to find a group here for socialization purposes I would try to socialize sustainably but likely loose interests in it. I'm much happier without the reality of social things.

I still have to challenge myself to socialize somehow for quality of life reasons.



odeon
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28 Mar 2006, 2:13 am

Nope, I don't think it's a good idea.



sc
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28 Mar 2006, 2:25 am

Why



odeon
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28 Mar 2006, 3:41 am

Many of us, or perhaps even most of us, are loners, and do not handle social situations well. My guess is that if all participants in a social situation have problems with social situations, the result is going to be a mess. Remember that a meeting IRL is different from a forum where you have ample time to consider your responses, the motives of others, and so on.

My guess is that most of us would want to flee within minutes. But this is just my opinion, my two cents. :)



renaeden
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28 Mar 2006, 4:31 am

I think it depends on the people meeting, there are different personalities behind the autism. If two people or a bunch of people have a common interest (say, Star Trek), then there could be lively conversations, debates and such. Friendships could be made.
It must be taken into account that the person/people you are meeting has social difficulties of course, but it's just like non-autistic people getting together in that we all have our own likes and dislikes. Hope this makes sense.
:roll:



hale_bopp
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28 Mar 2006, 6:08 am

My mother thinks otherwise.

She tries to talk me out of going to support groups, and thinks that hanging out with otehr aspies that are probably worse of than I is a bad idea because I would be taking a backwards step in life, and to be honest I agree with her. I would not be the person I am today if I hadn't been constantly forced to deal with NTs.



fernando
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28 Mar 2006, 10:31 am

Yeah, all those things are exactly what I was thinking, being with other aspies would damage our NT act we've been working on for years and we would not get along very well, too many silences, it can easily be even harder than being with NTs. We have the same difficulties so there's not much we could do to help each other.

I know about 10 young aspies around me, and I was wondering if there is any point to starting a group like the one Donald had in Mozart and the whale.


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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28 Mar 2006, 10:37 am

fernando wrote:
Yeah, all those things are exactly what I was thinking, being with other aspies would damage our NT act we've been working on for years and we would not get along very well, too many silences, it can easily be even harder than being with NTs. We have the same difficulties so there's not much we could do to help each other.

I know about 10 young aspies around me, and I was wondering if there is any point to starting a group like the one Donald had in Mozart and the whale.


Well apparently there is a point to a group like the one Donald in "Mozart and the Whale" had because the movie is based on an actual Aspie that did help create a group and met his Aspie wife there. Him and his wife are the basis for that movie. His name is Jerry Newport, her name is Mary Meindel. So apparently there can be some advantages and all and when it all comes down to it, it's personal preference, there may be disadvantages but for some the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. I'd like to see Jerry respond to this thread and all where him and his wife are both Aspies and it's his courtship with her that the movie is based on. He occasionally posts on here. :)

I'd like to also say I didn't vote on the poll, the options are too narrow. A maybe? category may have helped it out more. For me it would depend on a lot of different things, personality as far as how our personalities fit together, interests, level of social issues, etc.

I don't think it'd completely damage the "NT act", the NT act is something some do to fake their way in this world. I did it, I dropped it when I realized that it wasn't really truly helping me and I was in complete denial of who I was. I am who I am, I have AS. I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses. If it's not liked, don't bother with me and I won't bother with you... that's pretty much how I feel now. I will do what I need to do to adequately adapt but not fake things. I have a 5 yr old autistic son I'd rather learn to appropriate adapt to dealing with the social world vs. forsaking himself to 'fit in'.



Tequila
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28 Mar 2006, 10:55 am

I think a real-life face-to-face meeting would be very awkward and difficult and would, in the end, be rather unproductive.



Serissa
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28 Mar 2006, 10:51 pm

I see at least one Aspie almost every school day butu that's just because he's in my social network. Saw two today (both in my social network but the other one not usually as near me locationally), plus my Aspish boyfriend. Fun day.



walk-in-the-rain
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29 Mar 2006, 1:06 am

MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
I don't think it'd completely damage the "NT act", the NT act is something some do to fake their way in this world. I did it, I dropped it when I realized that it wasn't really truly helping me and I was in complete denial of who I was. I am who I am, I have AS. I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses. If it's not liked, don't bother with me and I won't bother with you... that's pretty much how I feel now. I will do what I need to do to adequately adapt but not fake things. I have a 5 yr old autistic son I'd rather learn to appropriate adapt to dealing with the social world vs. forsaking himself to 'fit in'.


I feel similarly. After I graduated from high school I still hung around with a couple of my friends who accepted me but I really made this effort to "be normal". It was only in my 30's after my son was diagnosed with HFA (he's 8 now) that I realized it was too much effort. I respect and appreciate my son's differences. That doesn't mean however that I wouldn't tell him how to navigate in the NT world - quite the opposite. But I tell him from the perspective of what I've learned to do to make them happy - but not that he has to be something different from who he is.

I see no reason why aspies shouldn't hang around together if they get along. However, just because two people are on the spectrum they will still have different personalities that might clash so it's not a guarantee. I think however having someone you could share your experiences wouldn't be all that bad either.[



Civet
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29 Mar 2006, 6:57 am

Quote:
I see no reason why aspies shouldn't hang around together if they get along. However, just because two people are on the spectrum they will still have different personalities that might clash so it's not a guarantee. I think however having someone you could share your experiences wouldn't be all that bad either.


I agree.

As with any relationship, it depends upon compatibility.

There are some members here I think I could get along well with, others who would be too overwhelming for me. Some I have a lot in common with, and still others that I probably have very little in common with, so meeting with them would be awkward. It really depends on the person, not the diagnosis.



newchum
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29 Mar 2006, 1:59 pm

I voted get together as long as possible, given my experiences. I avoided meeting other autistic folk for a long time and preferred to deal with NT's. The result was I had no close friends for many years and the only friends I had were online and they were on the spectrum themselves (I did not know at the time). Ever since I got the Bendigo Young Adult Asperger Group started I have close friends for the first time since I was 13.

That is my case only because of my diffcultes in socialising in the NT way, plus my interests just do not allow me to make more than handful of friends.

Given my life experiences, I feel only an woman on the spectrum herself is going to properly understand me. In other words I feel my only hope of ever having a lasting long term relationship is with an aspie woman. I'm open to having relationships with NT women, but I feel only an aspie woman would be able to fully understand me. But that is just me.