My long story about school violence and being ignored

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This is what happened to me and what started me on the path to find out what was wrong with me. This is an example of how rotten society can be and that not everyone responds to it with guns.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php?name=blogview&user=Absolute_Zero

Excellent story.

I see many parallels to my own experiences in High School. I'm glad you're doing well now.

I had a few issues, but not that caused me to leave school. One occurred in the bathroom, where one of the a-holes of school was playing with a match and basically set fire to my head. He put out himself, supposedly before it actually reached my skin. It did mess up the way may hair lays out even to this day, but just a small section in the back.

Another occurred on a bus ride. Perhaps this was because I usually defensive against any bullying, but about 4 to 6 of them ganged up on me, and in the COWARDLY fashion typical of bullies, they attacked me from behind. They pushed me down across the aisle between the seats and jumped up and down on my back. Not at the same time, though not probably from lack of trying, there was not enough room, they took turns. When they finally stopped that stupid jerk bus driver finally stepped but just in time not to stop it from happening, but to prevent me from retaliating. That angered me most. I would have loved to have personally shown them why they could only attack me from behind. I did not feel to bad about missing out on my revenge at the time though as some of my friendly neighbors sort of did a similar thing to them within a week in retaliation. I felt good about that, but I would have felt better if I could have done it.

That's a horrible thing to happen, but I know it does happen. I know a kid who spent two years in juvie because he broke the attacker's nose. Mind you, the person assualting him had a switchblade, but for some reason this isn't sufficient reason for self-defense. BTW, the assailant got no time and no suspension at all. Short reason: His parents threatened to sue the school.

We are working hard to get this out in the open now. I think after some internet exposure gets out, the school will begin to notice it. I'm not trying to "nail" anyone but I see this as the perfect fight. It is an example to set for other schools that they are being watched.

A great deal of people have died or been injured just because tormented kids couldn't rely on their teachers or the law for help. They felt the need to take it upon themselves. Right after my own episode, I was a wreck. I would avoid going out in public at all but yet I realized that I had to keep going. I got a job in a retail store which was something that my personality wasn't apparently matched to. I did very well with customers and it built confidence up. Then I got fired for letting some words slip in front of the wrong person. He repeated everything that I said to my supervisor and I refused to apologize for it so I was gone! The people there were good to me for the most part since they were aware of my issues.

Overall, It took 5 years before the depression and anxiety faded out.
Walking into anywhere that reminded me of a classroom really bothered me. Fast food restaurants reminded me of school, any place with lots of tables and chairs...and so on...

The best thing in my life right now is my current job which I have held for 4 years now. I drive a forklift at a fast paced frozen food plant. It kills time well and I have a common routine that I follow there. I'm so anal-retantive about my routine that I have perfected it to the point where I am the fastest driver. I am an important person where I work. My shift continuosly breaks production records and I am the quarterback of it. People are great and they give me space, try to joke around with me and talk to me. I think i'm going to have a good cry when I leave them because it is the first organized group of people that I felt I belonged with.

People like that are a huge influence on anyones life.

School is like "Lord of the Flies" only the scenery isn't as good...

I have had a few job related hiccups. There was one time I got bumped to a night shift because one of the people in the dept. did not do anything for the 6-8 hours she was there. I was so annoyed by this gaffaw that I frequently goofed of with or helped another employee in another department. Although they asked me nicely to shift, they were kind of squeezing me in a somewhat obvious fashion, naturally, and even though I did not let on that it bothered me, this annoyance found a way to express itself through me anyway. Another time, I almost got arrested because I worked one day some many hours and so late and I was supposed to come back early, wellm my driving skills were not up to their best at the time. Another was in an office job, where I repeated a humorous news story, and a lady there told me not to finish the story. Naturally that in itself is hard to do, but to this day I fail to see how the story offended her as it had nothing to do with her. There was another job where I was annoyed with the boss for being to picky about cleaning the outside area. I do not comprehend even the logic of the outside being spotless, there will always be dirt out there. Virtually everyone thought he was a jerk too. I think he was abusing his power. Another time I had a breif away job with overnight requirements, but the room conditions were so bad I went home. I have had several jobs where the trainer failed to fully train me or even care and the boss blaimed for not doing my job. How can I, if I an uninformed what that is? Several jobs I got tired with because too many changes (usually for the worst) occurred too soon. Many people coming and going, more restrictive policies, less amicable environment all around.

Where to begin. Bullying for me goes way back. In preschool, unfortunately, I guess I was a bit of a bully because I remember that I got in trouble a lot. In daycare, I was bullied by twins who lived around the block from me; a few other people; and, at one point, even a spoiled girl who was the daughter of one of the owners. That girl exploited the loophole that prevented boys from retaliating against girls as they would against other boys.

In kindergarten, I began attending a Catholic elementary school that no one in my neighborhood attended. I wasn't bullied in kindergarten and actually had a few friends. Starting in first grade, we had to wear uniforms: For boys, it was a white collared shirt and gray pants. My parents bought a uniform shirt made out of rougher fabric than most other boys wore because it was less expensive; however, the fabric was hot and itchy; and so I tended to have my shirt untucked and look like a slob, especially since I had (and still have) cowlicks. I started to become shyer around this time.

In fourth grade, bullying became its most intense. I had been playing on a soccer team with people from school (my father's idea); and, at one practice, I missed kicking the ball away from someone and hit his shin instead. He and his friends ostracized me from the soccer team and then bullied me in school, too, especially during recess. I became very shy and withdrawn after that and have had very low self-esteem ever since.

My parents got divorced a couple of years later; and, in the Catholic Church, divorce is a big deal. I felt too embarrassed to even mention my parents' divorce in school. Because of money problems from this divorce, I had to switch to a public school for eighth grade.

In eighth grade, I was wrapped in a long-lasting depression with mild paranoia to accompany it. I thought of myself as an observer sent to observe the strange social customs of the kids in public school. I was suspicious of everyone who tried to be nice to me; I thought I could just tell by the look on their face they had an ulterior motive.

I was also very angry at my parents at this point because I wanted friends. I was withdrawn at school and in public but very hard to get along with at home. I blamed them for my not having friends.

In ninth grade, I was put on medication for suspected childhood-onset bipolar disorder. The medication made me very fat very quickly, and it also made me very tired. I eventually stopped taking the medication and started exercising--obsessively. I exercised to look like a less easy target for bullying, for health, and for physical attractiveness to women. I also became an atheist around this time.

I eventually started hanging out with some of my brother's friends at lunch. When a new kid from New Hampshire showed up, I invited him to join us at lunch. For this favor, he quickly started mocking me, ostracizing me from the people I ate lunch with. In my French class, he even pulled the chair out from under me as I sat down once. He eventually moved back to New Hampshire, and I was able to start associating with my brother's friends, who apologized somewhat and called this rude person kind of annoying, again.

Before going to college, I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.

In college, I met a girl who seemed very nice, polite, thoughtful, smart, and attractive but a little passive. We started hanging out together almost every day, and I think we were both starting to fall in love. I guess I was unable to make the moves she wanted through self-doubt or whatever, and this must have turned her off to me. She later became sarcastic, rudely curious, deceptive, and stubborn. She had turned into another bully. We got into a few arguments online and eventually agreed not to talk to each other anymore. Not long after, I saw her; and she had a huge grin on her face; and I know she knew I saw her.

It sometimes seems like we're maladaptive mutants, doesn't it? In earlier times, we wouldn't have made it through childhood to continue eeking out our barely what can be called lives.

Cowlicks. You too. I don't think ever met another, at least with more than one.



I think tend to do that too, because it does not happen much, and when it does it either is with ulterior motive, or I don't trust them because it is simply beyond the norm.


This latching into my brother's crowd happened to me in later high school years and a little after college. I was better younger and when in college.