How has finding out about AS helped you?
It has brought me peace of mind. I was severely depressed all through school because of not understanding why I was so different, and since becoming fairly certain that I have AS it has made my whole life make sense to me. I've just simply been happier.
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My dream is to one day know what my dream is.
~Michael Novotny
It doesn't make me less lonely, but it does provide a bit more understanding. With understanding has come a little more power and control over myself, even beyond what I had to learn just to survive. So, it hasn't been a bad thing.
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Plimba prin umbra, pina la marginea noptii
sinsboldly
Veteran
Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon
I can hold down a job, Zelda, whereas before I knew, I couldn't keep a job for more than 18 months no matter how hard I tried and mostly would storm out over the stupidest things that were usually misunderstandings. Either my expectations were far different than what they were expecting from me, or I would take something the wrong way, and essentially quit.
I don't do this any more with people, either. I am far more forgiving of others shortcomings now that I can see my own. That means I am not so defensive of my own behavior, now I understand myself and can forgive myself. Now I take time for myself to restore and refresh, rather than hide and lash out at those that would connect with me.
Thousands of other ways knowing is better than not knowing, Zelda. I hope your plans all come together, I know you are going through a difficult time, but hang in there and have faith.
Merle
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Alis volat propriis
State Motto of Oregon
Before learning about autism, I assumed I was a damaged neurotypical.
Now, I know I'm an autistic person who's functioning just as she ought to.
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Reports from a Resident Alien:
http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com
Autism Memorial:
http://autism-memorial.livejournal.com
I don't do this any more with people, either. I am far more forgiving of others shortcomings now that I can see my own. That means I am not so defensive of my own behavior, now I understand myself and can forgive myself. Now I take time for myself to restore and refresh, rather than hide and lash out at those that would connect with me.
Thousands of other ways knowing is better than not knowing, Zelda. I hope your plans all come together, I know you are going through a difficult time, but hang in there and have faith.
Merle
Yes this is a difficult time it has been a difficult 5 years! Since the suspension IF only I HOPE I get accepted back and get aid!! !! ! Thanks for the support. No offense Merle but glad to know I'm not the only one that has "screwed up" and from learning of AS you've worked on your behavior. That's great!! !
I always wondered why I couldn't get a job. I wrote numerous cover letters so that I became an expert at writing them and went to about as half as many job interviews, which they said I was always nervous in. I never understood why I was bad at interviews, why I always had to eat at the same time and felt much more casual in plain old jeans and shirts rather than dressing up a little.
Then when I found out about Asperger's it was like someone was studying me all my life and made it into a syndrome.
After I was diagnosed I realized 'guess I'm not dumb after all' and I started to read more and learn about a variety of different things. I was just thinking this morning when I was still in bed why I was never into science like I am now. I guess there could be many reasons: I was raised christian so was supposed to believe evolution as a fairy tale and people did make me feel like I was stupid so maybe that impacted on it, or maybe I just thought it was too nerdy to be into science. Even though after one class I really enjoyed and went looking for fossils for hours. I never got into it as much as I do now. I guess I have money and a whole lot of time on my own to get more interested in science.
Asperger's and knowing I have it make me learn more things, be honest and caring, makes me more aware of my health, make me want to achieve my goals and my routines keep my life in order.
I know it's not right to speak ill of NT's but I went out last night and everybody was dressed similar and they were unapologetically rude and realising it and throwing around the 'r' word a lot with it having little affect on them. And they look at people that want to learn more as nerds. I'd really not want to be them. Socialising with ease would be nice but if that's all you do then what's the point. I'd rather spend hours learning about astronomy, geology and almost every other type of science, as well as having other interests.
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My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
As I learned about ASDs, there was the sound of many pennies dropping. Even things that I had never associated with anything else (eg my preference for leaving the fluorescent lights in my office switched off, and my inability to sit up at age 9 months and my tendency to slouch against walls instead of standing upright (low muscle tone)) all fitted into a pattern. Reading Tony Attwood's "A Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" brought up so many experiences and memories - so many things made sense.
I am in my 50s, and finally I feel like "the mystery of my life" has been solved. I also realised how fortunate I was to get the help I needed (structured social and emotional support and "rehabilitation" in my early 20s) even when there was no name for the condition (this was before 1980).
I think being aware of ASDs now means that I understand my weaknesses and strengths a little better. How I go with managing them is another matter - knowing about ASDs isn't an instant fix for weak executive, emotional and social skills. And the sensory problems haven't disappeared in the slightest. But I am glad I know.
It helped me forgive myself a little and start repairing my self-esteem. It also helped me home in on the things holding me back so I could try to work around or adapt to them. The downside is that it made me even more self-conscious of being weird than I was before.
That said, I've never been completely accepting of my diagnosis, hence the "Not sure if I have it or not" selection in my profile. The specialist who tested me was right about some things, but dead wrong about others, and interacting with this community tends to be 50/50 for me in terms of feeling like I belong and feeling like I'm in the wrong place. So rather than wearing the Aspergers label like a badge of honour or just a burden, it's mostly just something I take into account when trying to figure myself out, and little more.
I feel like I'm not "cold-hearted" or a "robot' as some people have said, I just experience emotions differently and express myself differently. I'm not sure why, but I relax a little more in social situations...I'm not as on edge. My family says I'm doing more things like being monotone, not showing facial expression, but I think these things are helping me relax, like I'm using them as coping skills. I'm starting to believe I have some problems with executive function, which isn't necessarily a good thing but finding out could be helpful.
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