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harlequinsenor
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22 Apr 2010, 1:00 am

I hate myself. I will post pictures in bit.

My weight makes me insecure and resentful of others. I've been trying to lose some weight lately.... literally it's been me against the world. My mom, the only one who bothers to talk to me anymore, is even threatening to cancel my gym membership which she obviously pays for.

I work out because it makes me feel good.

Thoughts?



y-pod
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22 Apr 2010, 1:31 am

You're not taking any anti-depressant, are you? Some of them work like magic to put weight on people. And is your thyroid function normal? Why would your mom cancel your gym membership?
Maybe she doesn't think you're actually fat?



Nostromos
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22 Apr 2010, 1:31 am

Working out makes you feel good. That's a great start.

Get yourself a book on weightlifting and learn some basic movements with proper form, as well as some sample workout routines. START SMALL BUT CONSISTENT. It doesn't sound like you're interested in anything exceptionally strenuous, although if you feel like it's "you against the world," the hard work WILL help you feel better about yourself.

Are there treadmills at this gym? Get on one for ten minutes at a speed you're comfortable with. That's all, just ten minutes. But do it the next day, too - and the one after that. Gradually increase the speed and you will feel yourself getting better - stronger! That in itself is good motivation. And running sheds pounds. If your shins or knees start to hurt, as mine sometimes do, just get on an exercise bike or something instead. Make sure to stretch first, too.

Imagine yourself not feeling the way you do about yourself and the world right now -- isn't the discomfort of exercise worth this?

I find other people at the gym distracting and annoying. Some aspies may feel threatened. Find a time of day that works for you when there's few other people at the gym, maybe. I've always found gyms to be almost empty on Friday and Saturday nights -- total bliss.



Fatal-Noogie
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22 Apr 2010, 1:53 am

Working out is a great stress reducer, and it's statistically much more effective for loosing weight than dieting alone.

You could try setting up a resourceful alternative routine to the gym. Running outside doesn't cost a thing, and it won't hurt your knees if you use good posture (short strides) and stretching. You can cover most muscle groups just by lifting household items in the right posture. Get athletic advice from the experts. (People who are just out to sell products are NOT necessarily experts.)

Consider that your predicament is not so bad: It's better to be fat and active, than lean and lethargic.


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sarek
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22 Apr 2010, 1:59 am

I think you should also ask yourself just how important this should be to you?

Are you having actual, real, physical issues with your weight? You might want to talk that part over with your pdoc if you are not sure.

But if that is not the case ask yourself if you really want to give this such an important place in your life. Try to keep things in perspective.

And please do not ever let others decide your body image for you. Be you. Find all the wonderful things inside yourself that you can love.


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PunkyKat
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22 Apr 2010, 2:13 am

I used to look like a fashion model until I let my shrink convince me to take antidepresents and antiphycotics.



harlequinsenor
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22 Apr 2010, 2:23 am

Too poor for medical attention...


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Gigi830
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22 Apr 2010, 2:53 am

Seriously? You aren't fat. Stocky sure, but nowhere near fat. Like, AT ALL.

If you are having issues with people not talking to you I seriously doubt it is your weight. What it might be is if you are always talking about a lot of negative stuff. I have learned that people really don't like that. Not sure, I guess it gets them down?

Anyway, try to do stuff that makes you happy, so you can be more capable of having a happier disposition. And if working out makes you feel happy that's great :) Try not to put yourself down to others, I used to do that (still do a bit but not as bad) and found people REALLY respond badly when it's a regular occurance. Someone apparently might not mind reassuring you here and there but ALL the time is too much for them to take. Hope you feel better soon...


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ToughDiamond
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22 Apr 2010, 4:33 am

Yup....you ain't fat. Relax!

It's quite a common thing for individuals to think of themselves as horribly deformed when they aren't. Low self-esteem, paranoia and dodgy media pressure have a lot to answer for.

There's also an exagerrated belief about society shunning fat people. There will always be a few who will find fault with any slight deviation from the norm, but most folks don't mind. The only time I would ever want to make fun of a fat person is if they themselves were making fun of somebody else's differences, and that would only be to give them a taste of their own medicine.



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22 Apr 2010, 4:55 am

I'm a big person, but that doesn't bother me. I'm more of a stocky kind of a large, instead of a fat, and frumpy large. Mama Cass was frumpy. Mick Avory is stocky. I never really did, or will look like a supermodel, though those women are interesting to look at. I'm also ambitious on losing a few lbs, so I'm following the Canada Food Guide. I'm not looking to get down to 120 lbs. I'm currently at 250 lbs, and I think that a 50 lb weight loss would be realistic for me. Lose some weight, but still keep my powerful appearance, at the end. I also pick up litter around parking lots, three to five days a week. It's a fast paced and intense job. I also think that it would be a great idea for me to join Fitness Unlimited, to go on the high tech machines, such as the latest gliders and rowers. Most people like to do weights, or aerobics. I like to do those modern machines, that were first on the market, in the 90s. I'll give myself a month to get used to my eating plan, and than when I don't feel so hungry, any more after my stomach shrinks, I'll consider joining that gym that I've mentioned.


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Lene
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22 Apr 2010, 7:20 am

You're not fat. You don't have a six pack or anything like that, but realistically very few guys do. I would say you are at the top end of a healthy weight, so as long as you maintain it, you'll be fine.

Your mum is probably worried because you may have lost quite a lot of weight in a short time. She may be afraid you don't know when to stop (there's also the risk of stretch marks). Perhaps if you cut down the gym to only a couple of times a week, she'll be more reassured (twice a week is plenty).

If you're the kind of person that puts on weight very quickly, then perhaps you should look at diet change rather than working out to prevent putting it back on again.



wendigopsychosis
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22 Apr 2010, 8:06 am

Wow, yeah, what everyone else has said...
You're not fat. You're not toned or muscular, obviously, but you pretty much look like every other guy out there who's not a gym maniac.
If it really truly bothers you, then focus mostly on eating healthier and being active. Active doesn't necessarily mean going to the gym, it just means walking more often. A calorie deficit combined with meeting appropriate nutrient needs is the most important part of losing weight.
But please don't stake all your self esteem on your body; it's not healthy. Trust me, I've been through this time and time again, and even if you do lose weight, if you're basing your self worth on your body, you will never be satisfied.


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22 Apr 2010, 8:13 am

Hmmm........one powerful method I'd use, if I wanted to lose weight, would be to indulge heavily in my special interests. In that mode I can't be bothered with mundane stuff like eating, in fact I've often had to consciously remind myself to eat or I'd probably have disappeared completely by now. And when I hold back from my obsessions, there's no doubt that I eat too much. But I still think it's better to learn to like yourself for what you are.....just that I know a lot of people probably never will - sometimes the ideas are too strongly embedded in the psyche. Look out though, because one day you'll probably be old and "ugly," and if you haven't learned the higher road by then, it may be too late.



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22 Apr 2010, 1:18 pm

You're going to the gym? Ug, how boring... I'd hate that. Go walking in your neighborhood (if it's safe)... feel the sun on your face, listen to some music...


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22 Apr 2010, 4:52 pm

sarek wrote:
I think you should also ask yourself just how important this should be to you?

Are you having actual, real, physical issues with your weight? You might want to talk that part over with your pdoc if you are not sure.

But if that is not the case ask yourself if you really want to give this such an important place in your life. Try to keep things in perspective.

And please do not ever let others decide your body image for you. Be you. Find all the wonderful things inside yourself that you can love.


Yeah, that. I'm fat too. It doesn't make me hate myself or resent anyone, except maybe fat-haters who try to make my body their business. I was already fat even when I was only eating a few meals a week (I became fat just after starving even more than that) and exercising a lot, but I've gained more weight as I came to a normal amount of food and have become too severely disabled to exercise (unrelated to fat -- almost my entire family is both fatter than me and don't have a condition that limits exercise).

And basically... I figure if someone has a problem with my being fat, that's their problem not mine, and I don't have to assist such people by making it my problem. Feeling terrible about yourself isn't a consequence of being fat, it's a consequence of how people see being fat.

(And don't listen to anyone who tells you hating fat people is fine because it's not healthy. That's just an excuse. There are a zillion unhealthy things people do all the time that aren't demonized the way fat is, and if a skinny person fails to exercise and overeats nobody treats them like fat people. It's just really trendy to be extremely nasty to us.)


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