Why am I like this with people? Are you?

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hartzofspace
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22 Apr 2010, 1:10 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I've had a few experiences like that, during my life. I'd think that I was really connecting with somebody, and than I could tell that I wasn't, just by looking at their eyes. I guess that's the reason that eye contact is so important.


Yes, that happens to me, too, and it stings.


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Taupey
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22 Apr 2010, 1:16 pm

Willard wrote:
Boy, do I know that feeling. It happens to me when people get flirty with me, especially if I'm already juggling the stimulus overload of being in a public place. Sometimes it helps to have something to put between myself and the other person - something physical like a desk, or even wearing a jacket I can kind of use as a shell. Can't help stimming at moments like that, if I didn't rock, I'd just have to turn around and walk away. :oops:

All I can think of is to just tell the guy the truth - that you have a touch of the Autiz' and it makes you progressively goofier the more social stimuli you're juggling, so not to take it personally if you seem to be acting a little weird, it's not personal.

:shrug:


Willard described me perfectly as well. I know this wasn't your intent but Thanks anyway Willard. :)

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22 Apr 2010, 1:21 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
I've had a few experiences like that, during my life. I'd think that I was really connecting with somebody, and than I could tell that I wasn't, just by looking at their eyes. I guess that's the reason that eye contact is so important.


Yes, that happens to me, too, and it stings.


Terribly.



eb31
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22 Apr 2010, 3:28 pm

Me too!

When I was a kid my folks accused me of being rude. I have to be pretty comfortable with someone to behave properly around them. I prefer to sit next to my friends than face to face and I prefer my kids to be around so I have an acceptable diversion to conversation. I do not, do not, do not like to be casually touched.



Neon304
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22 Apr 2010, 3:43 pm

I think a lot of us around here are like that. I can't stand that feeling of actuallywanting to talk to someone, but instead end up just avoiding them. Its like a punch in the face every time. :( It doesn'tmake any sense either, you would think that if you really wanted to talk to someone, that you could just do it, but sadly it seems its not that simple for me, and probably a lot of you guys as well. Its also extremely hard to explain that to NTs, especially since it really doesn't even make sense to me in the first place.



Philologos
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22 Apr 2010, 10:57 pm

The majority of my closest friends are others who held off at about the same distance I was. The times people have seemed to be going out of their way to know me, I have just about run the other way.

Needless to say, my wife is the same.

Somebody coming at me to befriend me feels like crossing the street and seeing a car headed straight at me at speed.



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22 Apr 2010, 11:25 pm

Philologos wrote:
The majority of my closest friends are others who held off at about the same distance I was.

How did you ever become friends then? That baffles me.


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poopylungstuffing
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23 Apr 2010, 12:00 am

I was friends with my very ASish friend" (sole romantic partner now) for years...and we barely spoke to each other in terms of small-talk but somehow he turned out to be one of my closer friends...i.e. one of very few people who's company I enjoyed....who I looked forward to seeing and who's absence I noticed...(or didn't notice, as there were many events where I just assumed he was present when he wasn't)
I guess he gravitated to us due to the presence of multiple oddballs in our peer group, or something....anywhoo....I would automatically flee from any implications of anything romantic coming from him...even though I was with my main partner who was frequently unfaithful...I only latently realized that I was attracted to him over a long period of time, which is unfortunate because it would have made the time he took me to see Tom Waits a lot more fun and a lot less awkward,

In general, friendwise, i have a very hard time with people I have not been formally introduced to....It really sucks. There are lots of people who I simply can not speak to,....and I am told they are scared of me,,,and I am scared of them,....and it creates a viscious cycle....Some people I have a hard time talking to because of the way that they talk..which is not their fault, it is my fault...
I tend to be aloof with most people, and I am aware of the problems it causes.



River
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23 Apr 2010, 1:13 am

I do that too. And yet, I have this AS friend (actually, I barely consider him a friend now) who did the same thing "to" me ("to" is in quotes because without them I think it makes me sound like I've been victimized by some terrible wrong-doing, which is really not the case, it's just something that happened between us but it's easier/flows better to say "to"), and yet I've been really upset by it. Sometimes when I think about it, I am straight-up angry and upset and confused with him (in my mind), even though I of all people should be really understanding of the situation. I know it's not really his fault (at least, I really hope that this hasn't happened because he realized that I'm actually boring and weird and annoying or something), so I shouldn't really be angry AT him, but the overall situation just really upsets me because I thought we would end up being very very close (which is very very exciting and rare for me), but that never happened. It's more upsetting in that he just isn't (or, doesn't appear to be) as excited about me as I am about him, doesn't want to talk to me or hang out with me even 1/4 of the amount that I want to, and there's nothing I can do about that, even though he used to be so very excited about me. And I would talk to him about all of this, except, it's been so hard to even get that chance for a while now. I've almost completely given up, which I really, really hate doing.

And then I wonder if I've ever unintentionally and unknowingly (unknowing because for whatever reason they didn't tell me they were upset) caused someone else such distress :(

I also wonder if my backing off in response to his changes has somehow made him sad/upset/confused/frustrated, etc.

Can anyone else relate...?



harlequinsenor
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23 Apr 2010, 2:20 am

How many boyfriends have you had, op?



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23 Apr 2010, 6:54 am

River wrote:
I do that too. And yet, I have this AS friend (actually, I barely consider him a friend now) who did the same thing "to" me ("to" is in quotes because without them I think it makes me sound like I've been victimized by some terrible wrong-doing, which is really not the case, it's just something that happened between us but it's easier/flows better to say "to"), and yet I've been really upset by it. Sometimes when I think about it, I am straight-up angry and upset and confused with him (in my mind), even though I of all people should be really understanding of the situation. I know it's not really his fault (at least, I really hope that this hasn't happened because he realized that I'm actually boring and weird and annoying or something), so I shouldn't really be angry AT him, but the overall situation just really upsets me because I thought we would end up being very very close (which is very very exciting and rare for me), but that never happened. It's more upsetting in that he just isn't (or, doesn't appear to be) as excited about me as I am about him, doesn't want to talk to me or hang out with me even 1/4 of the amount that I want to, and there's nothing I can do about that, even though he used to be so very excited about me. And I would talk to him about all of this, except, it's been so hard to even get that chance for a while now. I've almost completely given up, which I really, really hate doing.

And then I wonder if I've ever unintentionally and unknowingly (unknowing because for whatever reason they didn't tell me they were upset) caused someone else such distress :(

I also wonder if my backing off in response to his changes has somehow made him sad/upset/confused/frustrated, etc.

Can anyone else relate...?


I can relate a lot. :( About this internet friend of mine. I don't think we're friends anymore.



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23 Apr 2010, 6:55 am

SamwiseGamgee wrote:
Philologos wrote:
The majority of my closest friends are others who held off at about the same distance I was.

How did you ever become friends then? That baffles me.


Me too, I'd really like to know. I usually prefer if they persist and persist, because I probably won't.



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23 Apr 2010, 7:25 pm

Spazzergasm wrote:
River wrote:
I do that too. And yet, I have this AS friend (actually, I barely consider him a friend now) who did the same thing "to" me ("to" is in quotes because without them I think it makes me sound like I've been victimized by some terrible wrong-doing, which is really not the case, it's just something that happened between us but it's easier/flows better to say "to"), and yet I've been really upset by it. Sometimes when I think about it, I am straight-up angry and upset and confused with him (in my mind), even though I of all people should be really understanding of the situation. I know it's not really his fault (at least, I really hope that this hasn't happened because he realized that I'm actually boring and weird and annoying or something), so I shouldn't really be angry AT him, but the overall situation just really upsets me because I thought we would end up being very very close (which is very very exciting and rare for me), but that never happened. It's more upsetting in that he just isn't (or, doesn't appear to be) as excited about me as I am about him, doesn't want to talk to me or hang out with me even 1/4 of the amount that I want to, and there's nothing I can do about that, even though he used to be so very excited about me. And I would talk to him about all of this, except, it's been so hard to even get that chance for a while now. I've almost completely given up, which I really, really hate doing.

And then I wonder if I've ever unintentionally and unknowingly (unknowing because for whatever reason they didn't tell me they were upset) caused someone else such distress :(

I also wonder if my backing off in response to his changes has somehow made him sad/upset/confused/frustrated, etc.

Can anyone else relate...?


I can relate a lot. :( About this internet friend of mine. I don't think we're friends anymore.


I can also relate. I don't know what is going on, it's very frustration, confussing, at night I hug my pillow and dream it's him. I'm lost.



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23 Apr 2010, 7:32 pm

Taupey wrote:
I can also relate. I don't know what is going on, it's very frustration, confussing, at night I hug my pillow and dream it's him. I'm lost.

I do that, too. We're officially not friends, anymore. :(



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23 Apr 2010, 7:50 pm

I try to look at people's chins or noses. I use to look at poeple's hands but women would accuse me at staring at their breasts. LoL



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23 Apr 2010, 8:33 pm

It makes me feel very lonely....I really hate being on non-talking terms with people who are around all the time. I have to sorta mincingly get out of their way and they do the same to me...in contrast, I am rather gregarious with people who I am actually able to be friends with ,,,,but they are so few...