Well, I tend to talk about positives, so I guess I'll talk about negatives:
1. Lack of flexibility (my world pretty much comes crashing down when something changes).
2 Anxiety- I suffered from an anxiety disorder which was exacerbated by my tendency to catastrophise a situation and be black and white with my thinking (which is linked to my lack of flexibility).
3. Although I am now at a point where I am simply socially inept, I had to work EXTREMELY hard to navigate my way socially. For example, I used a bus on my own for the first time when I was about 14 (going on 15). This was a very controlled situation with my older sister walking me to the bus stop and on the way, explaining the route. When I got to the destination, I met my speech and language therapist at the shopping centre that we were meant to meet at. I'm proud of this, but it's an example of how difficult it is for me to adjust to social and societal conventions.
4. Crappy planning skills, organisational skills and prioritising- this is probably linked to my bad flexibility.
5. Perfectionism laced with bad flexibility creates a procrastinator and someone with a VERY crippled self esteem.
6. Black and white thoughts = self righteous. Okay, sure, I have a strong sense of morality, but sometimes I find myself imposing my values on others and shoving wedge between people instead of being diplomatic (this has something to do with my upbringing and my personality as a whole- it's not just autism).
7. Difficulty dealing with emotions - I have very bad mood swings, have low tolerance for most things, have high expectations of myself and others (perfectionism), difficulty dealing with uncomfortable emotions such as stress, anxiety, anger, sadness and sometimes I go a little over the top when I'm happy
8. Easily overwhelmed by too many details, too many people talking at once, too many things going on at once, other people's problems, etc.
9. Sensory - not that bad, but it exacerbates problems with my attention span and my anxiety.
10. Very strange attention span - I hyperfocus and get way too stuck in on things. I can only focus on one thing at a time - I don't multi-task very well.
11. Over analysis - I drive people crazy with it Let me tell you a story; I was told to write an essay about a character performance as suggested in a screenplay. I chose the screenplay for the Pixar film 'UP' because I wanted to write about Carl Fredricksen. I wrote about 6 or so pages worth of analysis and I didn't think it was enough and was paranoid that it wasn't formatted properly and that my analysis was not deep enough. It got in the way of other college work and I found it difficult to sleep because of this daft essay. I handed it in, still worried that it was missing something. Guess what? I got an A and was told that it was excellent. It's a gift and a curse, I guess.
12 Obsessions- a gift and a curse because on one hand, they pretty much define me. On the other hand, they can go beyond a special interest and cause a lot of anxiety (when they're really supposed to relieve anxiety). What a strange world, heheh.
13. Monologues - I don't have conversations - I give lectures.
I think there's more I could write about, but these are the major issues It's gonna take me longer to be independent, I know but, I don't deny everything that is good about my neurology. Hell, even the things that are wrong with it make it good. I'm one of the top people in my course due to my perfectionist tendencies and how I analyse things. I am usually immune to the pressures of society (and I say usually because sometimes I do fall prey to these things). My earliest special interest in animation, so essentially I have been predestined to this artform. I could go on about my good visual memory and other traits that are desirable that are often associated with autism, but I can't be bothered because I'd be repeating what everyone else has said.
01 May 2010, 5:48 pm
