There's something about me
05 May 2010, 6:27 pm
Something I've learned from having a family of hyper-social NT's is that they don't wait to be included, they just insert themselves into the situation they want to be in. I hate to say it, but it seems like your impression of being distanced or separated from this group of strangers is a manifestation of your perception of the situation. The other people in the group might not have noticed anything at all odd about you.
If the people had given you weird looks or seemed put off by your presence, then I'd say that maybe there was something that they noticed that put them off a bit. However, you said that you were among the people, that you inserted commentary here and there, and yet you still did not feel included. Unless they were outright ignoring your responses or turning their backs to you to exclude you from the conversation, it doesn't seem like there's anything they did to make you feel that way. I know that I often naturally feel distant from social groups, even when I'm actively participating in them. I attribute this to the fact that NTs seem so genuine in their conversations and I know at heart that I'm just a big old phoney.
05 May 2010, 9:44 pm
NTs look at each other in the eye and convey welcome non-verbally.
We don't do that... either giving or receiving. I know I flinch away when someone actually manages to catch my eye and smile at me with their eyes. My neurology automatically responds to it as intrusive.
I think it conveys to them the message that we want to be left alone... so that's what they consciously or unconsciously do.
I cannot tell you the number of times I've been excluded from a group just like you... I want to be included, but it's as if I don't even exist to them.
Well you should atleast look in the general direction of their face.
05 May 2010, 11:28 pm
I think little kids and teenagers pick up on my differences quicker than adults do. My friends with little kids their children are always saying stuff like your funny or why do you turn away when people look at you. Teenagers will not say something until they are across the street or with large numbers of friends who by the way never back them up when I try to start a fight with them. I have been asked by adults if I was on some kind of medication or if I was always shy. I do not want to sound racist but different ethnic groups seem to treat me different, asians and latin people seem to be more friendly to me, no asian or latino has ever called me crazy or ret*d. Whites can be either mean spirited or sometimes friendly 50/50. black people seem to be very mean and insulting when they encounter me. When I worked in a resteraunt most of my friends there were Puerto Rican. . The whites who worked there could not wait for me to show up so they could mess with me as a form of on the job entertainment. The only group of people who have shown me acceptance are roleplaying game geeks who are a mix of mostly white, asian, and latinos.
Last edited by Todesking on 06 May 2010, 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
06 May 2010, 12:22 am
I'm a linguistics major, and as part of a seminar course, I'm transcribing recordings of my class with the International Phonetic Alphabet. This has given me an interesting opportunity to listen to myself interacting with others, and to compare my social contributions to those of my peers. Tonight I've been working on a segment during which I actually speak quite a bit. The content is pretty natural, as well, since I wasn't aware that the microphones we used would be able to pick up my voice (the point of the course is to record a single speaker). It's been eye-opening, to say the least.
I noticed immediately that the tone of voice I think I'm using is completely different than the one that actually comes out of my mouth. Admittedly, I often think that I'm providing an incisive or sarcastic commentary. However, the way I speak just makes me sound like I'm trying really hard to be amusing, like the class clown from elementary school who no one actually liked. Most of the time, I sound like I should be wearing a big old sign that says "THIS IS MY FUNNY VOICE, AND I AM BEING FUNNY". My timing is also fairly poor, as I suspected: it seems as though I'm unable to tell when everyone wants to joke around lightheartedly and when they want to get serious about the task at hand.
I've often wondered why I can say things that I find clever, only to be met with confused looks. After listening to these recordings, I'm beginning to see why. I can't decide if this realization is sad or amusing.
06 May 2010, 2:07 am
I used to think that my differences weren't obvious unless someone interacted with me at length. However, I've come to realize recently that there's some nonverbal cue that marks me as "weird", and I'm curious to know what it is.
Last night, I was stuck at the airport after missing a connecting flight. I was waiting in line with a group of other passengers, all of whom were in a similar predicament. They were joking and laughing with one another, but no one tried to include me in the conversation. The relevant comments I made about the situation were acknowledged, but I still felt as though I was outside of some social group.
After we'd all been processed through customer service, we were instructed to go outise the airport to wait for the shuttle to our hotel. Again, all of the other passengers engaged in lighthearted conversation, but no one spoke to me. I had tried all evening to seem friendly and approachable. At first, I suspected that people are hesitant to speak to strangers, but that doesn't seem to be the case since they were all speaking to one another. I know that I don't appear physically threatening, as I am quite small and young-looking. My neutral facial expression is a frown, but I did attempt to joke and chat with the other passengers, so it was clear that I wasn't unfriendly.
All of this has led me to the conclusion that there is some way that strangers are able to guess that I'm neurologically unusual. What could it be?
Could be your "body language". They are picking up on the differences subliminally. I have similar experiences. People I have never met before seem to sense I am not like the others (i.e. NT folks).
ruveyn
06 May 2010, 8:57 am
NTs look at each other in the eye and convey welcome non-verbally.
We don't do that... either giving or receiving. I know I flinch away when someone actually manages to catch my eye and smile at me with their eyes. My neurology automatically responds to it as intrusive.
I think it conveys to them the message that we want to be left alone... so that's what they consciously or unconsciously do.
I cannot tell you the number of times I've been excluded from a group just like you... I want to be included, but it's as if I don't even exist to them.
Well you should atleast look in the general direction of their face.
Why do you assume I'm not?
Eye contact is very different than looking in the general direction of someone's face, or even looking at their face, say their mouth or nose.
Whole volumes are being transmitted through EYE TO EYE CONTACT...
volumes that even if I manage to see it, I can't interpret fast enough to respond to.
