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Blue Jay
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09 May 2010, 3:56 am

serenity wrote:
However, I've heard some people on the spectrum say that praise, and compliments don't influence them at all, and they couldn't care less about what others think. How is it for you? Does it feel good, bad, or indifferent for you?


Indifferent. Praise is just words, and words don't benefit me. If someone's opinion of me might concretely affect me somehow, that concerns me, but it doesn't touch me emotionally.


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serenity
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10 May 2010, 3:10 pm

Like most of you, I am uncomfortable receiving compliments, even though I do like to get them. I prefer it to be in writing. That way there's not that awkward pause where I'm supposed to say something, but all I can do is stutter, and turn red. I have found that I'm just as uncomfortable giving compliments/praise verbally as I am receiving. It's not that I never think positive things about other people. It's just that I don't think about telling them, and if I do, I feel awkward doing so.



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10 May 2010, 3:40 pm

I love it, when I'm praised and complimented, in a sincere manner. It motivates me to work harder and do better. :)


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Jeyradan
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10 May 2010, 3:41 pm

I like to give compliments when they're not requested, or when I think they are truly deserved. I actually enjoy finding things to compliment, because I feel like someone has invested their time and effort in whatever it is (artwork, schoolwork, writing) and it deserves to be recognized. That said, my compliments are always honest - if I can't think of something I legitimately admire, I'll be cautiously noncommittal.

I hate being asked what I think of things, whether they be other people's work (this is the worst, because I absolutely despise being forced to give an opinion on the efforts of someone I know) or simply things like a movie or play I have seen (if it really made an impact on me, I prefer to keep my feelings about it private because it's too difficult to put into words).

When I receive a compliment, I enjoy the fact that someone thinks something I've done is worthy of that compliment. However, I'm terrible at actually receiving them - it's an awkward situation to which I still have not learned to respond. Usually, I deny the compliment, or deflect it in some way. I'm trying to learn to say "thank you," or perhaps eventually something more like what a socially-gracious NT would say, but it's hard going. My default is still to say something to deflect the compliment.



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10 May 2010, 5:44 pm

I love to be told when I've done a good job. At work, my boss never does this, but the shift leader always tells me when I do well and it makes me feel much calmer.



opal
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11 May 2010, 5:25 am

I like to receive genuine praise

pschristmas wrote:
Philologos wrote:
I am very slow GIVING praise - it has to be really special...


Oh, boy, I know this one. The most dangerous question in the world? "Hey, pschristmas! Look what I did/ bought/ made with my own two hands and ingenuity! What do you think of it?" :wall:



I however hate people trying to dig for praise - when we both know it isn't praiseworthy!



peterd
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11 May 2010, 5:28 am

It's hard, when someone offers praise but doesn't really understand what's been done. I have to bite my tongue to avoid offending the elevated personage who's praising me.



wendigopsychosis
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11 May 2010, 6:53 am

pschristmas wrote:
I like compliments, but I'm never quite sure what to do with them, so they make me a bit uncomfortable. I say thank you, of course, but that never quite seems adequate for some reason.

The other day someone complimented my ability at something. I said, "well, thank you." Then he very firmly said, "Well, it's true." I really wasn't sure how to respond to that.


This is definitely me. It's not that I don't like compliments, in fact, I love how they make me feel. I always think I'm this terrible failure in every aspect, so when someone compliments me in a way that seems unprovoked and genuine (ie: not a just-to-be-polite compliment) it gives some affirmation that I'm not as terrible as I think I am. :lol:

However, in another way I also hate compliments... I hate how they make me feel socially. I feel like a compliment is a very personal thing, and so when someone other than my boyfriend it makes me very uncomfortable (really, even my mother complimenting me feels strange because she doesn't do it often so I'm not use to it). I feel like someone is being very personal with me in a way that is awkward. I don't know how to respond. I still can't figure out how to "take compliments" the right way. I usually just say "ok," which sometimes makes people angry.


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flyingkittycat
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11 May 2010, 3:00 pm

I like compliments but I don't like it if someone praises me and puts down someone else. I don't like compliments if there is a hidden agenda and if there is I don't show any emotion what so ever. Sincere compliments are fine. If someone is overdoing it with the compliments then I take it as flattery and usually that flattery ends with "Hey could you do this and this and that for me??"



hartzofspace
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11 May 2010, 4:02 pm

As many others here have already said, if the compliment is genuine, then I appreciate, however uncomfortable the moment. I am usually wary of compliments, since I have had numerous occasions in the past where the compliment was insincere, and nothing more than a lead-in to something undesirable. ( At least, undesirable by me!) Also, compliments that are given with no clear understanding of how something was done by me, are confusing. For example, I had a friend compliment me on how nicely a guy that I was dating, was treating me. I said, "I don't understand why you are complimenting me. He chooses to be nice." Maybe I should have just said Thanks? :? :oops:


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Mdyar
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12 May 2010, 6:43 pm

peterd wrote:
It's hard, when someone offers praise but doesn't really understand what's been done. I have to bite my tongue to avoid offending the elevated personage who's praising me.

yes^

Apparently I wear my heart on my sleeve, as its a dead give away while I'm trying to be "maintaining the pose",but the prose unfortunately emanates from my body language. :lol:



HikariOkami
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12 May 2010, 7:38 pm

I hate most praise, but only because I know it's a lie.
"Your hair looks really pretty." My hair is tangled and frizzy.
"You have a really nice voice." I sing way off pitch.
"You're really smart." Then why are all my friends getting better grades?

I do like to be thanked when I go out of my way for someone, though.


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Blue Jay
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12 May 2010, 7:48 pm

HikariOkami, I'm sure you have many things that are validly praiseworthy, but you bring up an interesting point:

NT's have an annoying habit of noticing something negative and then reflexively giving a compliment on it because they can't think of anything else to say (and they assume you saw them looking). How many times has someone with a hideous garment or bizarre hairdo proudly proclaimed how often they're complimented on it, leaving you stunned and confused? Heck, *I* even did this once, when I encountered a man with a dense and bushy mess of facial hair and after my eyes were unthinkingly drawn to it I felt obligated to praise him on his "full and virile" beard. He beamed proudly, and the next time an exasperated loved one tried to persuade him to trim it he undoubtedly quoted me. :lol:


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12 May 2010, 7:53 pm

I don't know how to react, so I just say "Thanks", because it's expected. Sometimes I smile. It puzzles me if I'm praised for something that didn't take much effort for me to do.



StuartN
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13 May 2010, 3:35 am

An acquaintance told me my (baby) daughter was beautiful. I thanked him and said I was very pleased to hear it. He got really angry and said it was a fact, not something to be pleased by.

This is an extreme, but I often find that compliments contain some hidden motive, subterfuge or dishonesty that I just don't understand. I like it when people recognize that my work is good and state what they see - like perhaps they would talk about it if I was not there. I like criticism the same way - just straight, honest appraisal.

Compliments tend to be personalized and specific to the relationship between the complimenter and complimented. Often they seem to be about power, like boss to worker, or about group belonging.



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13 May 2010, 3:38 am

when it comes to genuine praise I feel a lot of the time like I don't deserve it.