I am reminded how impaired I am

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Hey Folks,

I am whinning, My brother came to help us move...I am love him very much and my sister too, but we have a difficult relationship because I dont understand much of what they say. I hear them talk but many times it just does not compute. They are aware of that and they love me too but too much goes unsaid and I feel them wanting to reach me but there is just this wall between us in that I am such a visual person that I think in pictures and they talk to me and sometimes no picture comes up..just blank. Mom asked me today when I whined to her about what my brother said that I did not understand. I could not tell her...I had no idea what he was saying other than much ado about a broken bumper and having to put on a hitch that connects to the frame...but he was also talking about his new job and his job discription and then went into this buisness-ese talk about his job and I could not understand what he is saying. I feel so stupid sometimes when I cant comphehend a basic conversation. My relationship with my sister and brother suffer so much because I cant understand them, however if he were to write down all that he said...It would make perfect sense. I see words...I dont hear them. Mom says I have an autitory proccessing disfuction along with autism.

what should I do about my relationships with my sibblings...they probably think that I am totally impaired. I can feel them wanting to communicate to me. When we are on the phone...there is this struggle to communicate...long silence...deafening silence...I try to fill the void with conversation but it is such a dance. There is something they really want to tell me...connect with me but there is the wall that either they think I wont understand or comperhend...or that I really dont get it. Either way, after 3 min. of the dance to communicate with me they just talk to mom instead. I know they love me...they worry about me alot...but what do I do??? I do understand the written word alot better than the spoken word but for casual conversation, bonding conversation in person...writing is really not feasable

Jojo

I know exactly how you feel. with me, I cannot jump into group convo's. Also a lot of what people say to me, I have no interest in, and have nothing to say back.
I am starting to think people think I am dumb or slow, because I suck at convo, and I zone out way too much. My attention span is very short, which causes me do daydream almost always. It has gotten to the point where I feel like my whole life is a dream .

Not at all wishing to belittle - but at least I cannot help eenvying somewhat that apparently they are rrying. My family, at least 3 generations, they talk without caring whether anyone hears or understands. I notice them not getting what I say, but they are oblivious.

If it makes you feel any better, I had a conversation with a superior today and it generally went like this.


Them: Blah blah blah, pancake, tomato, other English words.

Me: Uhuh....

Them: More English words, blah blah blah data sheet?

Me: Uh....yeah...

Them: Vice President, blah blah blah, hold on a second, it's my wife calling. No, I didn't get to the cleaners yet. Yeah. I will. I will. I promise. Yes. Yes. Because she didn't want to take her sponge Bob sack.Uh, ok. Ok. Ok. Look, I can't talk right now. Ok. Love you too. Bye. Sorry about that. Have to take the calls from the wife. Where were we? Oh yeah. Blah blah blah blah, boundary conditions. Blah, deadline, blah right?

Me: Eh...er...

Them: Right. So blah blah blah, laplacian, and then blah harmonic blah. Ok?

Me: Uh...ok.

*shrug*

Not the old blah harmonic. NTs are always bringing that up.

I'm kind of like that when it comes to growedup
talk.

Them: "blblblblblb President blblblblblblblb lblbl lb lblblblbl blblb
deficit lblblblblbl blblblbl blblbl blb blblb white house blblblblblblb
so what are you?"

Me: "I don't know. I saw Chuckie fart on Rugrats today and
then on Sesame Street Ernie and Bert were ----"

Them: "Umm ook thats not what I meant, I mean how
do you feels about blblblblblb blblb blblblblblb president
and blblblblblblblblbb deficit blblblblblblb."

Me: "Uhhh, cookies?"

Them: "Never mind."

I know what you mean. Sometimes I stare at people and observe the noises they're making but have no idea what the hell they're talking about. The only solution I know is to keep translating everything you hear into pictures and eventually it will start happening automatically. For me most common nouns automatically get translated into a picture. Also whenever I hear words I have a compulsion to see the words in my head and when I see them they make sense. Are you good at spelling?

I tend to see everything as words, which helps.

I know you say that writing isn't feasible for every day conversation, but have you thought about writing to them, as you write to us? I write to my family via email, it's much easier than telephone conversations, and far less stressful. If you have a personal email, why not ask your brother and sister for their emails, so you can send them little letters about how you're doing. They sound like they love you, so they should be delighted. Then instead of enduring telephone conversations, you will be sending little messages back and forth, and they will feel better connected to you.

It's the only way I can ever have a conversation with my Dad that I fully understand, when I'm not visiting him. For some reason during our phone conversations things get away from me, and I panic. He understands that, and it's made life feel a lot friendlier.

i'd agree with mgran, it sounds like emailing would be a good start. that way you can take as long as you like to organize your thoughts and see their written responses. or if you have cell phones, text messages. nice thing about that is you can include picture messages with them to express your ideas.

another idea, it looks like you are into poetry... have you considered writing something for them that explains how you feel, the struggle that you experience in trying to communicate with them? poetry is a great way to share thoughts and feelings, and it doesnt require that they respond either if they arent comfortable doing so.

im not much of a phone talker myself, i prefer to communicate with friends and family through emails, or even on facebook. im not asd but i am a visual learner rather than auditory, so sometimes i have to ask my 13 yr old son to repeat himself because he talks faster than i can process what he is saying.

Send emails! You can let them know just what you have written to us. I am sure it will make them feel better too. Do they know how well you can write? You can set up chat too, so it is real-time discussion rather than just email. It is wonderful that you can see how they struggle and that you want to have a better relationship. I know it doesn't seem wonderful because you go through all of this stress, but it says a lot about your empathetic skills.

I care more about living a full and happy life, than I do, about how impaired I am. I might be more affected than most people here, as well, but I don't wish for a cure. No body's brain should be tampered with, but that's just my opinion. Each day, when I get out of bed, I choose to be happy.

Chronos, loved this........so true

To the OP, I have this problem with my son. He does not have AS. I know there are challenges with teenage children and parents anyway, but add my AS brain of logic, data, logic, processing, logic and correct grammar and a 15 year old boy ruled by hormones and irrationality and a language all his own, and it is TERRIFYING.

I can put it down to a day, of waking and seeing a stranger. He looked like my son, smelt like my son, but was not my son. His body language was all different, his attitude different and I eyed him suspiciously for months. It has been quite frightening. I am trying to help him communicate with me better but it is a struggle.

I don't have any good advice other than to keep persevering and hopefully as your siblings get older, they will have a better understanding of how to talk to you in a way that is rewarding.

Take care of your precious self.

Mics

Thank you all for your loving support. I loved the blah and blib sympony...thats how it goes too.
I will try to convince my sister and brother to email me...usually I email my sister...and then she calls me back...urg.
but I will try explaining to her that visual language is alot easier for me to understand than the spoken word...as for my brother...I have to get his email from him. It changes often.

I write poetry about my autistic experience from time to time...mostly in a symbolic way refering to my world as water and the world outside of me as land or air...and I am a fish or some other water breathing being....but to write about the AS/NT conversation should be something to explore.

It is nice to know that I am not alone in this problem, not because I wish frustration on others but that I feel a sense of belonging in that frustration. I hope that makes sense. If not, dont worry, I dont understand it either.
Most of what I feel, half of what I say, and some of what I do...makes no sense at all.

I had a therapist tell me that feelings become thoughts which then become words then actions...which later become habits which then become part of the personality. what if I have no idea what I am feeling? I feel a certain way but then it has no name...just an emotional blob in my mind. Where does that take me?

How did I get on that subject??? ohhh ya...I see, belonging in frustration.

Does anyone else feel better in some bizzare way because we are bonded by our struggles? It is a weird question, I know, maybe even micro-conterversal because I am suggesting that, as person with autism, I struggle but it is not always a piece of self acceptance cake.

thank you all so much for giving me some solutions and a hug.

Jojo

mix all that in with poor eye contact and somehow it becomes your fault for not paying attention/understanding........