AS bullies

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Everything I've read seems to suggest people with AS are typically the victims of bullying. I'm ashamed to say it but for a couple of years in high school I was often the one doing the bullying. I think the mind-blindness made it very difficult for me to understand that the other individuals weren't exactly appreciating my behavior. For example one girl, I'm pretty sure she had Trimethylaminuria (or just terrible hygiene), and I used to hold my nose whenever she was nearby and call her 'fishy' out loud. I was genuinely unable to empathize or understand that it must have been embarrassing for her to endure this. Another guy would just make a kind of "heh" noise, bordering on an oink/grunt, in response to anything that was said to him, so I made it a habit to imitate that noise every time I seen him. It wasn't until my early twenties that I was able to look back and feel genuine remorse for such behavior and to try to apologize where possible.

So was anybody else like this?

More manipulative than bullying but I did feel remorse later.

In high school I was like this:

1. Get me out of here it's crazy, get me out of the mainstream, put my head on my desk to de-stimulate and just let me stay in the cubical in the resource class.

2. Socially I had no friends in high school, wanted no friends and was beat up by neighbor people (football players) that could have been called my friends and the other bully that constantly called me dumb slammed my hand in a door from private school. Now I don't want to be the victim here because I hate thinking I have no control over things. I did lots of fart noises at lunch time and was yelled at by a teacher as I didn't know the classrooms window was open. I was obsessed with WWF undertaker and enjoyed getting the hell beat out of me for the sake that I could prove they couldn't hurt me. But the few times I was slammed on the dirt the lights went out my parents told me they were bullying me. I just wish they could have let me win sometimes or made it more into a friendly sport.

3. I think the vocal stimulations with weird noises pissed some people off. I just didn't care nor still care much about relating to peers in how others do. People attacked me at times that were obvious bullies and sometimes well they wished they hadn't because they would punch me in face and I'd just stand there and say is that the best you could do and if they continued I would close hang them and do a flying jay wrestling move on them but I was neither strong nor a provocateur of violence. Another time these two much larger fellas threatened me and I just stared in their eyes and said when would you like to goto jail.

Young folks can be crazy. I enjoyed myself when I was not overwhelmed even if to this date I usually have an auto-inflatable whoopee cushion I can enter into a social environment with. I suppose making people laugh is how I enjoy myself.

It's to bad the school systems are so incompatible with my brain. I learned more after school with my own studies then in the schools private and public. I am very different as an adult then when I was a child.

Nathan Young

The more I mature, the more remorse there is.

I finally took the fight to the bullies in grade school. My parents took me out of karate after that incident.

I find that I never stand up for myself. I would draw a line when I witnessed the torment of another. Clever bullies would set this up and when I struck back run to the teacher and demand my punishment. Their victim, my only witness, would give me over in a heartbeat so as to avoid another beating. Eventually the incident revealed a child molesting pastor and the entire school closed. That put 4 of my immediate family members out of work. I was 13.

To this day, I take the blame for all of it.

The lesson here is that what people do to me is on them.

How I react to them is on me.

I know that things are not always what they seem to be. I know that I have three friends and that is non-negotiable.

I know that remorse sucks.

I was accused of being a bully when I would lash out at those who bullied me. Eventualy I turned into a bully so others would be too afraid to hurt me but once one bully was afraid of me, another bully would sprout. Most kids only bullied me.

I don't think you should blame yourself for the pastors behaviors shutting down the entire school. I went to a Christian school and aside from a few narcissistic butt-heads calling me dumb all the time the people were very nice and everyone wore the same clothing. Much less stimulation but far to many topics and to much intensive study for me to keep up with and even two grades behind.

So Christian schools can be a great alternative environments as they can regulate their environments better. Even regular schools have child abuser working for them at times.

I'm working on obtaining power so I can make my bully cringe and hate his life to death.


thats all

In grade school I was picked on, but not really physically bullied as they did a pretty good job of keeping us supervised at all times where I went to school.

Once I got older, in middle school and high school, I started making fun of the bullies. If they said I was wimpy and nerdy, I'd just retort with a comment about how they reminded me of a chimpanzee I met once at the zoo, or about them needing a babysitter or what not (I was very good at watching my surroundings so there was always a teacher around). I simply learned to be as vicious as the people around me. I learned to not react to them, but turn it around and push their buttons. I made a game of it. I became highly manipulative. It was sort of a way to direct my anger. By mid-way through high school, all but a very few people just left me alone. So yes, I was bullied, and I was a bully. I'm a fairly large fellow (6'0, 200lb by senior year), so with my hollow stare and emotionless expression, which I honed through practice, I must have been a bit frightening.

It took a while to unlearn that constantly on the defensive vicious animal mentality. College was easier; I didn't have to interact with people beyond classes. There was no unstructured socializing time where you were just stuck with nothing purposeful to do. I was an adult so I could just come and go as I pleased (didn't live on campus, probably a wise decision). I don't keep any grudges with the people from my childhood. The bullies are what they are, and were as much victims of the system as I was, and besides, I gave back as much as I got in grief.

High school is the absolute worst possible conditions for anyone socially inept, for AS or any other reason. If I were asked to design a worse hell for myself, without resorting to physical torture, I would be hard pressed to come up with anything more miserable, more tedious, more unrewarding, or more soul crushing. Perhaps if I ever went to prison I would find something worse, but even then, I sort of doubt it.

The one I went to was very hard and my obsessed interest even though 2 grades behind was study. I did get on the deans list once but once there was more class rooms each day I started failing. To many transitions. At the time I did not have this logic or self-understanding!

Morality I like.

AS is a spectrum, so of course there can be aspies that are bullies, just like there can be NTs who bullied.