Do you ever feel like you're trapped inside yourself??

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wendigopsychosis
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11 Jun 2010, 7:19 pm

I'm not sure if I'm taking the right meaning from the OP question, but from how I understand it, I do feel this way often.

At least, they way I take "trapped inside yourself" is that when I'm around other people, or even on my own, I feel like there is this huge personality swirling around inside me. Whole conversations, pieces of information, things I want to say or do, and I just can't figure out how to get them out. When I talk to people, I'll have this huge amount of dialogue I want to get out, but when I open my mouth, nothing happens, and I end up contributing some lame response.
It's very frustrating. It's as though my speech center is not properly wired or something. Ugh.


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11 Jun 2010, 7:49 pm

Definitely yes, but in a slightly different way, I felt my whole life like I was very near to get what I wanted but for some reason never could get it, like in the following image of touching fingers

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11 Jun 2010, 10:22 pm

wendigopsychosis wrote:
I'm not sure if I'm taking the right meaning from the OP question, but from how I understand it, I do feel this way often.

At least, they way I take "trapped inside yourself" is that when I'm around other people, or even on my own, I feel like there is this huge personality swirling around inside me. Whole conversations, pieces of information, things I want to say or do, and I just can't figure out how to get them out. When I talk to people, I'll have this huge amount of dialogue I want to get out, but when I open my mouth, nothing happens, and I end up contributing some lame response.
It's very frustrating. It's as though my speech center is not properly wired or something. Ugh.


Yea. That happens to me all the time. I call it "mental constipation". I just can't get my thoughts out quickly or be spontaneous like other people can.

I have a lot of moments where I'm heavily in thought and I have this feverish inner dialog going on, all these insights, all this stuff I want to share. But then as soon as my energy drops it's suddenly all gone. If I can't express my thoughts in words simultaneous to experiencing the them for the first time, then they will never be expressed. I can never hold a thought, rehearse saying it, and then say it out loud. By the time I have a chance to speak I can no longer remember where the thought began and if I blurt something out with no preceding context it will be unintelligible to others. Such is the complexity of my mind.

I notice that when I have a glass of wine I can suddenly connect better because my thoughts can then sync up with my speech, like I'm no longer consciously aware of any cognitive "pre-processing" occuring before I speak. My speech and thought are able to flow in harmony as it is when I'm experiencing an inner dialogue within my mind. I guess my thoughts slow down just enough so that they're no longer constantly running out miles ahead of the conversation.



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11 Jun 2010, 11:12 pm

I feel isolated, but not trapped. Sometimes I feel like I could burst out of myself, like I have way more energy than my body can express. I definitely feel the bubble thing.



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11 Jun 2010, 11:54 pm

I feel as free as a bird, now, unlike in 2007.


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10 Mar 2011, 4:50 pm

lyricalillusions wrote:
The title probably sounds weird, but I was wondering.... Does anyone else feel like the real you is trapped inside of yourself? Like you can't be yourself & the real you just won't come out & is buried inside of you somewhere?

This might not make sense to a lot (or most) people, but ever since I was little, I've always felt that way. I've felt like there's some sort of barrier keeping me from the rest of the world & keeping me from being able to fully exist within it and be myself. I wrote a blog once about what it's like to live my life life inside of a bubble, because that's sort-of what it feels like. I never posted it here because I don't post blogs here (obviously), but that's the closest I can come to really describing it. It feels like I've spent my life inside of a bubble, or a piece of film, or some other invisible barrier that keeps me from being able to really be a part of the world & really be me in it. But really, it exists within me. Like there's a solid, yet invisible (to the rest of the world) thing keeping me from being able to fully participate or relate or exist in the world, amongst people. I feel like the real me is trapped inside of me, inside of my body, maybe, & I can't get out. I know all of that sounds odd, & I've done my best to try to explain it, but I don't think I've done a very good job.

Does any of that make sense to anyone and can anyone relate? & if so, please explain.
Thanks :)


I know what you mean. With me, it depends on the weather. If it's sunny and warm, I feel rather confident and happy, and I feel I can easily keep up with everybody and feel quite relaxed at taking part in conformism.
But other days (usually chilly cloudy days when the weather's not doing anything), I sometimes come over all depressed and sad and feel more lonely than usual, and I become slightly social phobic and more worried than usual. Usually headaches come with this, followed by having frequent outbursts over nothing much. That's where I feel I want to run away from myself, but know I can't because it's physically impossible. This is the thing when you're somebody who hates who you are - you can't get away from yourself. If you don't like someone else, you can physically get away from them, but you can't physically get away from yourself.


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11 Mar 2011, 8:54 am

I used to feel this way constantly, as far back as I could remember. Part of a poem I wrote when I was 14 only months before my diagnosis:

In the center of my soul
Rests a fiercely glowing light
In the darkness of my mind
Casts a glimpse of burning white

Round that star hang walls of glass
Colors through a prism swirled
Only shadows of that light
Live to reach the outside world

(At that age, poetry was about all I wrote that actually had anything to do with my thoughts. I don't know why things worked like that. I had no other language-based outlets for my thoughts, and poetry only happened sometimes. All other language, written or oral, was tied up in a system I'd developed without understanding language at the time, which simply spat out the sorts of replies I expected others to make and had nothing to do with my own thoughts, nor could I deliberately make it have anything to do with my thoughts even if I'd understood what the problem was.)

Anyway, for some reason lately that feeling has faded either to nothing or to a less intense form. I don't really understand the whys of it.


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11 Mar 2011, 9:38 am

anbuend wrote:
Round that star hang walls of glass
Colors through a prism swirled
Only shadows of that light
Live to reach the outside world

Uncanny......I was just about to say I think this thread is about the "glass wall" I've heard Aspies discussing before:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/gsearch.html ... .html#1293
Though looking at the posts, maybe the emphasis there is more on a feeling of separation between self and others, while the OP here didn't specifically mention people.

I've felt it since I was quite young. Even in the middle of most of my best social interactions, I still feel miles away from the company. But then I don't trust people very readily, and I have strong emotional defenses and a "bunker mentality" to the world. I guess I put the glass wall there myself, or I hide inside myself.



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11 Mar 2011, 10:00 am

other peoples words are the slippery moss covered ground that i dig my heels into when i refuse to see their position.



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27 Sep 2012, 2:46 pm

Yes! Just look at my username :pl:

Interesting that so many others feel similarly.

Sometimes I think of the unseen barrier as a kind of cocoon protecting me from the evils of the social world. What I mean is that because I don't readily understand a lot of social dynamics, I don't react to things as they happen. Sometimes I think this has saved me from getting involved with things and people I'd be best off keeping away from anyway. So it does have its good side.

But other times it can be really frustrating, because you feel like you have a lot of good to offer others and you want to share that good, but the way it feels at your end reaching out, and the way others tend to perceive it coming out of you, can be completely disconnected. Someone once gave a good example, for instance if you find another person attractive and you try to approach them and respectfully say so. You may think you're being honest and friendly, but not realize that your delivery lacks the social acceptability filter, and as a result you may end up freaking the other person out when having intended the exact opposite.

The barrier is like an enclosure that lets you build a comfortable inner life for yourself, but can make it really hard to mesh with other people. People who have benevolent personalities can help you through that, and help you understand social situations. But it's important by the same token to avoid malevolent people - those who will pretend to like you, only to pull information out of you so they can hurt you later. Aspies can be really vulnerable to this sort of abuse.

I also agree with those who say that they feel much less trapped if speaking to others who are like minded and can relate to them, usually through common interests.


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Last edited by StuckWithin on 27 Sep 2012, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ecksenntrik
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27 Sep 2012, 2:49 pm

When I'm in depressive phases, yes. When I'm not, not really.



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27 Sep 2012, 2:57 pm

I completely understand what you mean and feel the same way. But I'm not even sure who that trapped me is...like my bubble is cloudy. I know there's something inside there that should come out, but I can't quite see what it is, and it's a bubble I don't know how to pop.



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27 Sep 2012, 3:36 pm

lyricalillusions wrote:
I can understand a lot that you're saying, but in my case it has always felt as if there was something literally blocking me from the rest of the world. It's not something I put into my place on occasion, but something that has always existed. Purposefully to keep me out of sync with the world.


Yes! I have felt like this my entire life, but I it very difficult (seemingly impossible) to explain it (personal communication is not my forte). Even when I try, no one that I know understands it and they tend to look at me like I'm insane. It's so frustrating at times. Sometimes I wish I could trade places (bodies) with them, just for awhile so that maybe, they'd be able to understand (or at least comprehend) where exactly I am coming from and vice versa.



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27 Sep 2012, 3:46 pm

I used to feel like this more when I was a child, shortly after I got diagnosed. I remember always watching the other children, all knowing how to stay friends with one another and knowing how to interact and taking it for granted that they're accepted and liked, and so on. Sometimes at school when the boys used to muck about, it used to agitate me, and I just watched them, sometimes feeling rather worried. Does anyone here know that silly thing where kids go ''wassuuuuuuuuuuuuuupp!! !''? The boys in my class went through a silly phase of doing that to each other, and one particular boy (who was quite popular) kept on doing it, in such a stupid way that if I was older I would have gone, ''oh, shut up!'' But because I was only about 9 at the time I just stared at them, feeling rather anxious and wondering what all this shouting was all about. It was also quite cringing.

So, like I just said, I remember often sitting staring at the other children, kind of observing them but being trapped inside myself at the same time. I was never in a world of my own, I was always observing the environment around me, but I still felt I was just standing there observing most of the time.


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27 Sep 2012, 3:52 pm

I found this post interesting. I myself have always tried to make people see that we are not our bodies, y'know?

I've never really succeeded at finding someone who agreed with me, but my explanation was based off of people's individual attractions and how people can be turned away by what they see physically. I am not this body. I am inside this body, I am my thoughts and my soul, however i reside in this physical form, but I don;t think anyone should be seen as uglier than someone else or physically more attractive. My point was that there are no ugly people, that ugly can describe someone who maybe lives with bad intentions, or wants to hurt others or something, but we cannot know that from looking at someone. I hope this makes sense.

I myself have felt that I am inside of this body, not the body itself, if that makes any sense?