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Chronos
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01 Jul 2010, 5:03 pm

Maybe this has been posted already but....

http://www.autismtoday.com/articles/Asp ... _Women.htm

"At the risk of stereotyping, any man who is a rational thinker, and not emotionally in tune with others, is often thought of as having “typical male behavior” (think of the TV show “Tool Time”). A woman exhibiting these same personality traits might be regarded as odd, annoying, cold, or depending on the situation, even mean-spirited."

"Women with autism have expressed that they feel that more is expected from them than from their male counterparts, simply because of their gender. Members of the group felt these expectations to be sensitive and empathetic, typically attributed to women, are unfair and difficult to meet. Discussion centered on how these behaviors require skills like the ability to accurately read and respond to body language, along with the inherent desire to “take care of others, emotionally”"



whitetiger
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01 Jul 2010, 6:20 pm

This looks just like an article I read by her several years ago-- a very good article :)


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CockneyRebel
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01 Jul 2010, 6:53 pm

I think that article says it all. Especially the part about looks.


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Kiseki
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01 Jul 2010, 8:19 pm

That was an okay article, but I preferred this one:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... n-the-city

I actually felt like crying after reading it cuz I thought "This woman is exactly like me."



daydreamer84
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01 Jul 2010, 8:50 pm

Kiseki wrote:
That was an okay article, but I preferred this one:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... n-the-city

I actually felt like crying after reading it cuz I thought "This woman is exactly like me."


Me too...especially the part about what it was like for her growing up. ( lol) For example , I also used to kick the ball into the wrong team's goal post and eventually refused to participate in gym sports at all!

In regard to the original post...I sometimes do feel like less of a woman because I am not naturally warm and nurturing in situations where many women are. It seems like other women innately understand how to take care of someone when they are suffering. I am not like that. Sometimes I am not even able to detect suffering...and when I do, I often freeze up like a deer in headlights. I panic and do not know what to do. If there is nobody else around I will usually figure out how to help, but if there is someone else around that can help, then often do the caretaking instead of me.



Kiseki
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01 Jul 2010, 9:03 pm

daydreamer84 wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
That was an okay article, but I preferred this one:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... n-the-city

I actually felt like crying after reading it cuz I thought "This woman is exactly like me."


Me too...especially the part about what it was like for her growing up. ( lol) For example , I also used to kick the ball into the wrong team's goal post and eventually refused to participate in gym sports at all!

In regard to the original post...I sometimes do feel like less of a woman because I am not naturally warm and nurturing in situations where many women are. It seems like other women innately understand how to take care of someone when they are suffering. I am not like that. Sometimes I am not even able to detect suffering...and when I do, I often freeze up like a deer in headlights. I panic and do not know what to do. If there is nobody else around I will usually figure out how to help, but if there is someone else around that can help, then often do the caretaking instead of me.


Yes, me too. My friends used to have to make me hug them. They said I had to "get used to it." And they wonder what is wrong with me when they cry and I just stand there and say "Do you want a tissue?" I realize they are sad and I know what I SHOULD do, but I just can't. It makes me feel very uncomfortable and like a robot person or something.



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01 Jul 2010, 9:09 pm

Try gently placing a hand on the person's shoulder. It's a good compromise if you can't hug, and seems to get results.


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Kiseki
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01 Jul 2010, 9:11 pm

DandelionFireworks wrote:
Try gently placing a hand on the person's shoulder. It's a good compromise if you can't hug, and seems to get results.


Yeah, I just can't do it though unless I have romantic feelings for the person.



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01 Jul 2010, 9:12 pm

Maybe women are expected to be more emotional, which would be an issue for aspies, but men are also expected to be confident alpha male types. If you read through any of the dating advise towards males on this site it may as well say 'You need to forget about the fact you're aspie and do all of the work as that is what is expected of you in society.

Both have different issues but I'd rather have issues that meant certain people thought bad of me than issues which meean I'm less likely to be in a realtionship. Overall, all I care about is my own happyness, rather than the opinion of others. I do get anxious about opinion but could manage much better with someone beside me - something I think aspie women get alot more often.



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01 Jul 2010, 9:15 pm

Mark198423 wrote:
Maybe women are expected to be more emotional, which would be an issue for aspies, but men are also expected to be confident alpha male types. If you read through any of the dating advise towards males on this site it may as well say 'You need to forget about the fact you're aspie and do all of the work as that is what is expected of you in society.

Both have different issues but I'd rather have issues that meant certain people thought bad of me than issues which meean I'm less likely to be in a realtionship. Overall, all I care about is my own happyness, rather than the opinion of others. I do get anxious about opinion but could manage much better with someone beside me - something I think aspie women get alot more often.


Well, both have issues for sure. You are leaving out the important point that women are expected to have relationships much more so than men. When you have problems connecting to people and have been single all your life other women look at you like WTF. It really sucks :oops:



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01 Jul 2010, 9:20 pm

Kiseki wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
Maybe women are expected to be more emotional, which would be an issue for aspies, but men are also expected to be confident alpha male types. If you read through any of the dating advise towards males on this site it may as well say 'You need to forget about the fact you're aspie and do all of the work as that is what is expected of you in society.

Both have different issues but I'd rather have issues that meant certain people thought bad of me than issues which meean I'm less likely to be in a realtionship. Overall, all I care about is my own happyness, rather than the opinion of others. I do get anxious about opinion but could manage much better with someone beside me - something I think aspie women get alot more often.


Well, both have issues for sure. You are leaving out the important point that women are expected to have relationships much more so than men. When you have problems connecting to people and have been single all your life other women look at you like WTF. It really sucks :oops:


It's simply untrue that you're expected to have relationships more. Maybe in this kind of community, but not in real life. People expect me to have had so many girls and different relationships but I haven't.
Society makes it many times easier for women to start relationships, it may be hard to maintain them but we have that too, but without the easier start. :(



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01 Jul 2010, 9:23 pm

Mark198423 wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
Maybe women are expected to be more emotional, which would be an issue for aspies, but men are also expected to be confident alpha male types. If you read through any of the dating advise towards males on this site it may as well say 'You need to forget about the fact you're aspie and do all of the work as that is what is expected of you in society.

Both have different issues but I'd rather have issues that meant certain people thought bad of me than issues which meean I'm less likely to be in a realtionship. Overall, all I care about is my own happyness, rather than the opinion of others. I do get anxious about opinion but could manage much better with someone beside me - something I think aspie women get alot more often.


Well, both have issues for sure. You are leaving out the important point that women are expected to have relationships much more so than men. When you have problems connecting to people and have been single all your life other women look at you like WTF. It really sucks :oops:


It's simply untrue that you're expected to have relationships more. Maybe in this kind of community, but not in real life. People expect me to have had so many girls and different relationships but I haven't.
Society makes it many times easier for women to start relationships, it may be hard to maintain them but we have that too, but without the easier start. :(


Really? I don't feel that,,,but maybe I'm just socially unaware. It seems to me people are always asking when I'll be getting married and having kids, neither of which I want. My brothers don't get asked these questions.



Mark198423
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01 Jul 2010, 9:28 pm

Kiseki wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
Maybe women are expected to be more emotional, which would be an issue for aspies, but men are also expected to be confident alpha male types. If you read through any of the dating advise towards males on this site it may as well say 'You need to forget about the fact you're aspie and do all of the work as that is what is expected of you in society.

Both have different issues but I'd rather have issues that meant certain people thought bad of me than issues which meean I'm less likely to be in a realtionship. Overall, all I care about is my own happyness, rather than the opinion of others. I do get anxious about opinion but could manage much better with someone beside me - something I think aspie women get alot more often.


Well, both have issues for sure. You are leaving out the important point that women are expected to have relationships much more so than men. When you have problems connecting to people and have been single all your life other women look at you like WTF. It really sucks :oops:


It's simply untrue that you're expected to have relationships more. Maybe in this kind of community, but not in real life. People expect me to have had so many girls and different relationships but I haven't.
Society makes it many times easier for women to start relationships, it may be hard to maintain them but we have that too, but without the easier start. :(


Really? I don't feel that,,,but maybe I'm just socially unaware. It seems to me people are always asking when I'll be getting married and having kids, neither of which I want. My brothers don't get asked these questions.


People don't ask when I'm getting married but I get asked far too regularly why I'm single. If you don't actually want relationships then I don't really see how you can comment - if you did then you'd have probably got with one of the NT guy's who've undoubtedly made a move at some point.

I don't mean to be rude but I have to say what I see, I've spent too long trying not to upset people and finding out absolutely nothing.



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01 Jul 2010, 9:31 pm

Mark198423 wrote:
People don't ask when I'm getting married but I get asked far too regularly why I'm single. If you don't actually want relationships then I don't really see how you can comment - if you did then you'd have probably got with one of the NT guy's who've undoubtedly made a move at some point.

I don't mean to be rude but I have to say what I see, I've spent too long trying not to upset people and finding out absolutely nothing.


I'm not into guys, which is just as big a problem. No, I DON"T want a relationship, but that still makes the questioning annoying. Sorry you have to go through equally irritating people. You seem bitter at the NT world. Maybe I feel guys have it easier but I really don't know.



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01 Jul 2010, 9:38 pm

Kiseki wrote:
Well, both have issues for sure. You are leaving out the important point that women are expected to have relationships much more so than men. When you have problems connecting to people and have been single all your life other women look at you like WTF. It really sucks :oops:


Maybe so, but I see no admiration for single guys (over 30, anyway). And women don't get hit with "can't get laid." Guys are supposed to be "seasoned" and "experienced," and that means some history of relationships, and that means being able to do the social dance correctly enough. If not, well, then you must be closeted-gay, or a pedophile. Women seem to be more likely to get labelled "frigid" or "crazy cat lady," which doesn't seem quite as bad.



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01 Jul 2010, 9:39 pm

Kiseki wrote:
Mark198423 wrote:
People don't ask when I'm getting married but I get asked far too regularly why I'm single. If you don't actually want relationships then I don't really see how you can comment - if you did then you'd have probably got with one of the NT guy's who've undoubtedly made a move at some point.

I don't mean to be rude but I have to say what I see, I've spent too long trying not to upset people and finding out absolutely nothing.


I'm not into guys, which is just as big a problem. No, I DON"T want a relationship, but that still makes the questioning annoying. Sorry you have to go through equally irritating people. You seem bitter at the NT world. Maybe I feel guys have it easier but I really don't know.


I am a little bitter. I get people questioning why I don't have something that I want more than anything else but cannot seem to get. You get annoyed because people ask you why you don't have something you don't want - my response would be a simple 'It's not what I want right now'. When I hear it now it's just another reminder, I really do not see your complaint.