Female aspies what were teenage years like for you

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jojobean
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04 Jul 2010, 9:03 pm

Those still had to be the worst years of my life. Mostly from the internal turmoil and social akwardness. I always had a boyfriend but that was because I really just wanted a friend. I really had a hard time understanding social rules, still do, but I avoid those who expect me to comply rigidly. I really tried so hard to be what people wanted me to be in order to fit in...then one day, while riding a bike, it dawned on me. I spent all this time being what others expected out of me...I dont know who I am. So I set out on a ten year journey to find myself. And I did. In high school, you are forced to cope with people and situations you would rather not .
Once you pass through that time into adulthood, you have more choices as to what you put yourself through.


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IdahoRose
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04 Jul 2010, 9:30 pm

My early to mid teenage years were the worst years of my life. The problems I had with panic attacks and OCD that began in my childhood became about 5 times worse once I hit puberty. It was so bad that I could barely eat or sleep at all. I lost all of my childhood friends, including my closest one. They wanted to be popular and noticed by boys, and they couldn't cope with having a mentally ill friend. I felt like I was stuck as a child and all of my classmates were growing up without me. I never went back to school after I finished 9th grade.



hale_bopp
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04 Jul 2010, 9:57 pm

OCD, lots of crushes on boys. School was okay, but hard when it came in the OCD years.

I never had any body issues back then. I was the same size as I am now but I thought my body was "healthy" and not "fat" which I now thing. Didn't start until my late teens/20s

It was quite lonely in highschool, I only had small groups of friends and often they would leave me out or be bitchy. My best friend favoured other people who seemed cooler (They really wern't) over me a lot of the time.



Callista
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04 Jul 2010, 10:08 pm

I was never a teenager. Or, not in the normal sense.

Seriously. I went straight from child to adult in different areas of my life, one-by-one as I figured them out. Apparently I spend a long time before I can start learning, but when I get it, I get it fast.

All the "figuring out your place in society" and "developing your own individual identity" stuff kinda happened before puberty, so I didn't really need the teenage years. Let's hear it for being an ultra-introspective introvert!

The years from age 13 to age 18 were taken up, as all my other years have been, by learning, creating, engaging in hobbies, and ignoring most other people.

As far as "developing independence" goes, which you're supposed to do from 13 to 18, I haven't finished that yet, but I'm almost there now at age 27. Not too shabby for somebody who, at 18, had the self-care skills of an eight-year-old.


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04 Jul 2010, 10:38 pm

One word: Hell.

I had depression, had bullying, changed schools, dropped grades due to the stress of the change, still have more bullying, more depression, lock up in my room (which I already did since before depression), now family calls me antisocial and wants me to come out, even though I tell them I feel exhausted due to friggin school, get more anxious, bite, and insomnia gets worse. Wonder when it'll stop? Let's hope that just one more year, and then university improves. However, I'm scared of getting out of home, but at the same time, I kinda look forward to being able to lock myself in my room without anyone bothering me about coming out. Got nowhere to go, no one to go out with, and mom is crazy about clothes and malls, which make me stressed.

However, I tend to follow rules, and almost never argue with my mom or dad, but when I do, it isn't pretty. I loose control, and afterwards I feel worn out. I believe it would be called a meltdown. Plus, mom says I should stop looking up on my interests, and I have zero ability to make friends. grr. And I make animal noises, which my brother thinks he should try to make me do, and thinks its hilarious.



Angel_ryan
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04 Jul 2010, 11:24 pm

I was sent to a high school for "special kids" because of my "Dyslexia" I was not educated enough to go to a normal high school. In the end I didn't mind it actually turned out to be a trade school. I got to do a lot of funs things there and I made a lot of great friends. Eventually my grades got so good I was able to attend the normal high school on the same campus. I was sent to the special school because I couldn't read or write in grade 9 but by grade 11 I was getting 90% to 100% in the normal high school's English classes. I was presented with awards because of it and highly recognized by all the teachers and students at both schools as some kind of genius. At the handicap school I always walked through the hallways like I owned them shotting it up with all my awkward spectrum buddies. At the normal school I always felt out of place, I never made many friends there so I always ate lunch and hung out with teachers and student at my special school. In Grade 12 and at age 17 I had started suffering from sever clinical depression which lasted till my 20th birthday. Now I've been depressed since childhood but this was so much worse. After high school I couldn't go to college because I felt too disabled not by depression but social anxiety I was afraid of change so I got a part time job instead. All my teachers were disappointed in me and the transition from teenage celebrity to no longer recognized was horrible. The only reason I felt comfortable with myself was because people had respect for me. I didn't act like a normal teen at all I hung out with teachers for god sakes. Well that's my interesting story.



Kiseki
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04 Jul 2010, 11:28 pm

Not sure if I am an Aspie, but I will respond anyway:

13, 14, 15- AWFUL. Got bullied and felt really awkward. Of course this was the time I hit puberty and went from a tiny, skinny person to a person with big hips. Plus my period sucked and was always painful. I got zits, couldn't stand the feeling of not having smooth skin so I picked at them. It was pretty bad. Some people joked that I looked like I had leprosy. Some asked if I'd gotten stitches. Really just awful. At this point I wavered between an intense interest in black culture (I think I thought I was part black, mainly the outcast thing I associated with) and a newfound interest in 90s alternative music like The Cranberries and Nirvana. I loved reading and writing poems and stories. I was ridiculously obsessed with The X-Files. Fridays were my favorite days. In the mornings I would get up, read the synopsis for that night's episode and think about it all day long , wondering if what I thought would happen WOULD. I couldn't wait to go home and eat dinner then watch XF.

16, 17- Things got better, but I still felt different from everyone else. I was fascinated by how all the usual kids drank on the weekends and had boyfriends and sex and so on. I started getting into The Smiths and Stevie Nicks. I was obsessed with their lyrics. I felt really emo and I used to listen to their music and cry. Even my friends didn't seem to "get" me. I worked at an animal hospital, which was nice cuz I just got to talk to animals most of the time.

18, 19- College. A LOT better. I realized I was gay and got tons of crushes on chicks at school, but I never dated anyone. I was generally happy and the people around me were a lot more accepting and interesting and diverse than before. I discovered that drinking was a good way of letting loose with my friends and being social. I was still a bit weird though and was happy to do things by myself. Some of my favorite days involved going to class in the morning then walking up the road to wander around in the bookstore, go to the hippie shops and see a movie.



Last edited by Kiseki on 04 Jul 2010, 11:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MONIQUEIJ
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04 Jul 2010, 11:34 pm

leave me alone i don't want to talk about it, it bring horrible memories back. :cry:
okay your right i should talk about it, i got made fun of so much i threaten to kill everyone and on two occasion i nearly killed to kids, one with a 5 lb gym weight i threw it in his face, the other was a bar clamp ( carpentry class) i threw it in the kid upper body part, so yup yup my teen sucked. :roll:



katzefrau
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05 Jul 2010, 12:15 am

hell.

i thought of suicide a lot. i found some penpals who were "like me." this was before the web.


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luvmyaspie
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05 Jul 2010, 12:55 am

I could go into some great detail here which would make this a very long boring post. I'll try and keep it brief, outlining some major flashbacks only... :wink:

I was very rule abiding and extremely quiet in my early teens and this was the case all through primary school too. I was picked on by some of the bolder kids.

Then, well, I guess I craved some teacher attention and noticed that only the naughty kids received it. So I observed and mimicked.

It worked a treat. I was noticed and got into a lot of trouble. I didn't get picked on as much anymore either...and... I didn't like the attention after all, but at least my life became somewhat eventful.

I didn't have friends in my age group. I befriended people younger than myself and possibly even corrupted them if I could. I can still remember the "kicks" I got from having some one to get into trouble with.

Parents didn't like me hanging around their kids and didn't waste any time in telling my parents.Out of six kids at home, I was the quiet, rule abiding one at home too...until this point...I started getting lots of negative parental attention too.

I dropped out of high school and became one of the most dysfunctional employees of our local Coles supermarket.

I couldn't stand the social club events & never joined in. I didn't last long at Coles, my choice, and so began a host of short term jobs where I never could fit in to the social scene.

In my late teens, I went back to Coles and worked there very ambitiously. After receiving a few promotions, it bored me and I quit. I should probably mention that I still didn't get involved in social club activities.

Still can't understand why people who work together have to play together!

I traveled around a lot, on my own, picking up work in bars where I would stay for a while and then move on. I never managed to make any close friends along the way.

As far as romantic relationships went, I didn't know how to make one work.

I had a lot of crushes, but if anything eventuated, it didn't last long because the bloke would soon realise that there was another girl he'd rather be with.

The longest time I ever had a boyfriend was one year, after which we married. I was 27yo at the time and, 18 years and four kids later...we are still together.


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zen_mistress
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05 Jul 2010, 12:59 am

My junior high (I guess I could call it though here it is only 2 years) time was absolute hell, bullying, few friends, no friends in the 2nd half of the 2nd year, getting in trouble with teachers, and my parents being so busy with work they had no idea what a bad time I was having.

High school, I had sort of given up and I found this friend who liked some of my weird characteristics. After 2 years she found other friends.

But through her I got confident. I had no social skills but i had decided to just behave as weirdly as possible, I started acting over the top weird and for some reason that got me friends... So I can say I masked my shocking social skills with contrived, extra weirdness. i wasnt a huge social sucess and I still attracted menacing looking girls bullying me for the first 3 years, but all in all i had fun at high school.


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05 Jul 2010, 9:05 am

I was sexually abused till I was about 12, and constantly bullied in school after that. When I was a kid, I hid away in fantasy worlds. When I hit my teens, I tuned out the rest of the world and did what I wanted, regardless of teachers or class mates. Let's just say that school was not a success.



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05 Jul 2010, 1:17 pm

13, 14: Awful. No friends, didn't understand how to navigate social environments. Very bad hygiene. The switch to high school was not easy as Grades 4-8 were all the same handful of often socially marginalized and geeky individuals. Wanted to do well with academics but couldn't find an outlet therefore mediocre to bad grades... also due to not attending school. Troubled home life became increasingly intolerable.

15,16,17: Slightly better on the social front. Discovered a small group of peeps who were "free range" and could not be ascribed to any one group but rather traversed them all. They were incredible individuals and most likely are to be credited for making life bearable. Home life interfered with academic and mental health to the point of near debilitation.

18,19: Great in terms of social support. Became better friends, though perhaps not equals, with those I had met at 15, 16, 17. Academics were saved by a single teacher who singlehandedly, whether knowing it or not, was the reason for my graduating with honors and going on to attend University. Home life went from hell to Hell. 19 at University was a lot of social confusion and academics slipped due to executive functioning and social issues, high marks when they were met however. Slipped into the too much drinking/substance abuse arena when trying to face family, personal and academic issues. Not so good from there...


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AnonymissMadchen
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05 Jul 2010, 2:59 pm

The first few years were good, than the last few were bad.

Middle School- Alright than, but bad looking back on it.

Early High School- Beyond amazing.

Late High School- Terrible at the time, but less bad looking back on it.

Early College- Good, but had many problems caused by the earlier years.


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labnjab
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06 Jul 2010, 10:40 am

I was a loner as a teenager and I had huge mood swings because I felt no one really understood me. I still feel like no one really understands.

13 ~ my brother was born and I had been an only child up until that point and also that was the year my monthly visit started so it was like a double wammy of getting used to share my parents and hormones in overdrive.

14 ~ 17 ~ basically this is when I really started to notice that I really didnt have a lot of friends and didnt know how to talk to people and when I did that I didnt know what to say so I ended up saying stupid and unrealated things just to feel like I fit in. I started having the mood swings and got told I had depression so they started me on prescriptions and therapy which neither of them worked and as I look back on it even now I wish I had known it was aspergers then and maybe I would of been able to deal with it better.

17 ~ present day ~ Once 17 hit I started dating and having serious relationships hey I thought you were supposed to do it with every guy you dated and also I still was having trouble with emotions and fitting in which resulted in me dropping out of high school. I even thought about killing myself. I also was selfharming almost everyday at this point. Also this is the year bipolar was introduced to me and I knew that was wrong right after it was said but I forced accepted it and tried lithium for the first time and that did nothing. Then I delt with that up until I gave up and just tried living so then once I turned 20 got told I absolutely had bipolar and started a numerous list of meds and none worked so then I again accepted it and was being really annoying to my fiance. Then it got switched to borderline personality and now I know its aspergers self diagnosed anyway and I am trying to learn how to deal.

I am still having a hard time. I control my fiance all the time and dont even mean to. I keep having sensory overloads everyday and cant take much more especially at work. I am just so glad that my fiance is still with me after 4 years and is willing to stay with me for the long haul without him and my family I dont know where I would be.


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06 Jul 2010, 12:44 pm

Okay...not an official Aspie but my teen years were horrendous. I had raging hormones around 15 and I got Dxed with bipolar disorder(which I believe was a misdiagnosis but I can see why I got it at the time), my mother couldn't handle me (she was also neglectful and was actively using hard drugs) so I become a ward of the court and was placed in a resedential program for two years.


I was ALL over the place, always told I was too smart for my own good. Heh. I struggled on and off with ED and it got really bad at one point...for me it was always more of an addiction. I recovered quickly from it once I made the decision that I no longer wanted to hurt myself and damage my body. Unfortunately I replaced the Ed with drugs and alcohol. I was into drugs and a little bit into the rave scene but it didn't get too bad until my late teens. Around 19 I got pretty into hard drugs and was partying ALL the time, hanging out with all kinds of crazy people and basically not caring if woke up to see the next day.

I had A LOT of potential, I was told this by almost everyone I met and all of my teachers but i felt extremely hopeless and dead inside, different from EVERYONE else and hand No idea what was wrong with me. This was before i knew anything about AS, SO much has been explained by it. Before I thought I was just defective.

So, basically I really threw my teen years away. I could have spent the time developing my potential and making something of myself. I do regret it but looking back I don't know what else I could have done. my family was insane and I thought there was something VERY wrong with me that nobody would ever understand.

I'm 25 now and i know that I'm not just a defect...I've come to terms with most of my issues and have been much more stable since I got into my 20s. No more drugs, no more parties, I still feel like a robot most of the time but at least I know it's not just me.