Second opinion?

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So I emailed the psychologist I saw who said I'm not on the spectrum due to not showing a lack of empathy and being able to recognize facial expressions and emotions. I asked her about the male bias in her diagnosis and concern for her thoughts that it's impossible for an autismal to have any type of empathy (based on her words), and she replied,

"In some ways you are correct. The DSM-IV criteria for ASD is the same of males and females; there are not separate criteria for females. ASD tends to be more common in males but still, around 25% of diagnosed cases are in females. I've working with many females on the spectrum and although you have some traits of ASD, you don't quite seem to be appropriate for this diagnosis at this time. However, it can be hard to tell, in part due to your significant depression. Regardless, the treatment recommendations I made are irrespective of diagnosis; they wouldn't be any different if you had fallen on the spectrum. However, I can refer you for a second opinion if you feel that the current assessment is inadequate. I am more than happy to do so.
(second reply concerning empathy)
Thank you for your concern. I am indeed aware that people on the ASD spectrum have empathy and that they have difficulty showing it, but I appreciate your thoughtfulness and concern for others. A word of caution; internet chat groups may not be the best places to gather information on ASD as much of the information is anecdotal and difficulty to verify. Websites such as the "Autism Speaks" website, as well as information from any of the Autism Centers for Excellence at various universities are good sources of reliable, empirically based information. Best of luck in your quest for knowledge! Please let me know if you would like the second opinion so I can write the referral for you.."

I'm not sure how I feel about her, or her responses, and I'm not even sure I want to pursue a second opinion. I don't feel I can really trust these people. I'm having a little trouble processing this. (also, I think she's overexaggerating my depression, as I'm really tired and stressed [two babies and no money can do that] and I know what it feels like when my depression gets really bad) It's not like a big deal if I get diagnosed as being on the spectrum or just having ASD traits, but it does matter to me that there is no bias in the diagnosis, that the diagnosis is fair and correct...
Should I bother with getting a second opinion, or should I just be done with these people?

I fit all the criteria for AS, even though I am female. I've never understood why they say that "females are always better at hiding it"; I am not.
I've never had social anxiety or depression, therefore I think that in the end the correct diagnosis was quite obvious. Maybe it's because of that.

About empathy. I guess I lack it. People describe empathy as "being able to feel what other people are feeling" or "being able to connect to their minds". I can't do those.
In my diagnostic paper, they described me as "showing little empathy".
But today I saw on TV a report about a rare genetic illness, that causes people to completely lose control of their body and become paralytic. I was so shocked from the thing because I hope it will never happen to me, I couldn't live like that, and I suddenly had a panick attack.
I guess that can't be called empathy because I don't know what those people are feeling, but it's more like... sympathy. I don't know, I'm not good at describing these things.

She said Autism Speaks is better than talking to other autistics for info?

Definitely get a 2nd opinion. Make sure that it is someone who is trained and experienced in diagnosing females and is up-to-date on the latest research on females. Just being legally allowed to assess and diagnose does not make any psychiatrist or psychologist the right one for a specific task such as this ("working with" females on the spectrum is not the same as being expertly qualified!). Take along to the assessment all the research about how females present differently. And BTW, so frigging what that 25% of females are diagnosed compared to males, that's because of all the females out their struggling to get recognition of their ASCs! Some clinicians really annoy me.

Funny to me that the woman that just diagnosed me said I was an aspie but life would be so much more livable as an aspie if my depression didn't magnify my aspie traits....

Seems they are saying the exact opposite of each other.... definitely get a second opinion!