Women who have aspergers: A non-issue for them

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hale_bopp
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20 Jul 2010, 7:44 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
As if Im the cause of me being rejected.


I wonder who is then? The boogie man?

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

You sound to me like a complete jerk after reading your posts in here. "good, nice guy"?? You're deluded.

Women don't HAVE to date you. No-one HAS to date anyone. I've been rejected. They've been rejected. WE ALL GET REJECTED. The reason douche bags get women? Because they pick themselves up after each rejection and keep trying, not sit around hating women on a message board all butt-hurt.

Theres your difference.



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20 Jul 2010, 8:30 pm

If anyone IRL tried to tell me that my life was easy just because I was female and that I had no problems in social interactions/relationships just because of being female and reasonably attractive, I would break their nose. Just saying...


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hale_bopp
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20 Jul 2010, 8:45 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
If anyone IRL tried to tell me that my life was easy just because I was female and that I had no problems in social interactions/relationships just because of being female and reasonably attractive, I would break their nose. Just saying...


I'm similar.. I wouldn't break their nose, but I would be extremely furious.



Celoneth
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20 Jul 2010, 9:02 pm

Wuffles wrote:
this was a troll, don't dignify it. drop it.

Probably not a troll - I've heard this same sentiment here and elsewhere enough times to where it's started to really piss me off. It reduces women to being a computer-like object, where you perform the right amount of inputs (dinner, movies, being "nice," etc.) and get sex or companionship as the output, and if that doesn't happen - it's the woman's fault for being a faulty machine, and nothing to do with them being misogynist jerks.

Who_Am_I wrote:
If anyone IRL tried to tell me that my life was easy just because I was female and that I had no problems in social interactions/relationships just because of being female and reasonably attractive, I would break their nose. Just saying...

Agreed.



zeldapsychology
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20 Jul 2010, 9:11 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
I am a handsome, in shape man who is 33 years old. But because I have aspergers, I am alone.

But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.

I find this to be so unfair, and so cruel, to the men who have aspergers. There is an old aspie joke that says "whats the difference between an aspie male and an aspie female? answer: the aspie female is married".

How do you cope with the fact that you'll be alone the rest of your life? I'm having a hard time accepting. EVERY WOMAN treats me like I'm the plauge' and I'm so sick of it. They approach me because of my looks, flirt a little, then realize "oh hes different, I dont like him anymore".

I dont even try anymore. Its such a losing battle, and in the end it just brings more and more pain.

You read these websites on how to pick up girls. You have to be the fuggin' "alpha male" b.s. because God forbid you are like me, women just wont like you.

I really have contemplated suicide over this. I'm sick of being alone. Here I am a handsome in shape caring guy, and Im all alone. This world is so fugged up. I dont even want to live anymore. I cant wait for death.



Well,well,well what an odd topic. The issues towards females I have towards friends overall and males. I as a female don't understand how to approach people (girl friends or guys etc.) I remember hearing a group of guys chatting up videogames I but in how about Mario and get weird stares. So I'm in the same boat. I've never had a boyfriend/kissed a guy/or dated. You aren't alone us Aspie females deal with these issues aswell. :-)



Chronos
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20 Jul 2010, 9:14 pm

Wuffles wrote:
To add a positive note: I'm female, 30, aspie, and I far prefer dating aspie guys (assuming that you don't have the kind of additional issues that this guy seems to have). Anyone else prefer aspie/aspie relationships or am I alone here?


That depends on the individual.

I'd be a bit hesitant if I just met a guy and he said he had AS and I hadn't really had time to know him, because a lot of men might use the AS label to put less effort into the relationship as far as being considerate, or to excuse behavior that really isn't excusable even if one does actually have AS.

I think those are pretty easy to weed out though because most men who actually do have AS or PDD-NOS or HFA have a sincerity/innocents about them and usually get frustrated when they screw up, while a guy who might just claim to have it would just cooly blame it on the AS and move on.

This is regardless of "official diagnosis" by the way.



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20 Jul 2010, 9:35 pm

I haven't read the replies so someone else may have said this already. Dating and marriage aren't just about not being physically alone. They are about connecting with someone. Female aspies, even if beautiful, still can have that issue. It seems to me that maybe you aren't looking for someone to connect with but rather someone with whom to get physical. Women aren't stupid and can tell if that is your sole purpose in wanting to be with them. Also, you don't indicate what type of woman that you are looking for. Maybe you are setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Sure maybe as an attractive female a date can be easily gotten but she still can't get past seeming weird and probably doesn't want to be with someone who only wants to be with her for her looks. Get off the pity trip.



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20 Jul 2010, 11:07 pm

Aneres wrote:
I haven't read the replies so someone else may have said this already. Dating and marriage aren't just about not being physically alone. They are about connecting with someone. Female aspies, even if beautiful, still can have that issue. It seems to me that maybe you aren't looking for someone to connect with but rather someone with whom to get physical. Women aren't stupid and can tell if that is your sole purpose in wanting to be with them. Also, you don't indicate what type of woman that you are looking for. Maybe you are setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Sure maybe as an attractive female a date can be easily gotten but she still can't get past seeming weird and probably doesn't want to be with someone who only wants to be with her for her looks. Get off the pity trip.


I haven't read the other replies either but I agree with yours.

I'm a female too and I'm not heinously ugly or awkward. Most people find me funny and charming. But that doesn't matter because I still have an INCREDIBLY hard time connecting with others. Before I knew what AS was I wondered what the hell was wrong with me and why everyone else seemed to have such an easy time of it. The truth is I always feel like I'm on the periphery watching the rest of the world get on.

I don't know what your exact problem is, if it's this or something else. You need to work on your confidence and on being happy with yourself. It sounds lame but you really will never find a partner if you don't like yourself.



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20 Jul 2010, 11:32 pm

The OP sounded familiar.

I was single until I was 20 but my first ex was a jerk and I did good dumping him but my parents already had him figured out from the start but me, it took me till he had to miss my birthday to tell me I was not important to him. Then I was with another guy who happened to be very ignorant and controlling.

I couldn't get a guy in real life so I had to use the internet to find men. I used my fetish to find men who also had the same fetish. Then I met my husband.



hale_bopp
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20 Jul 2010, 11:35 pm

Quote:
The OP sounded familiar.


This guy seems like a younger version of Ken M, but just as bitter, inflexible and self pitying.



zen_mistress
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20 Jul 2010, 11:48 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
If anyone IRL tried to tell me that my life was easy just because I was female and that I had no problems in social interactions/relationships just because of being female and reasonably attractive, I would break their nose. Just saying...


I'm similar.. I wouldn't break their nose, but I would be extremely furious.


I would dislocate their nose.


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21 Jul 2010, 12:02 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
I am a handsome, in shape man who is 33 years old. But because I have aspergers, I am alone.

How do you cope with the fact that you'll be alone the rest of your life? I'm having a hard time accepting. EVERY WOMAN treats me like I'm the plauge' and I'm so sick of it. They approach me because of my looks, flirt a little, then realize "oh hes different, I dont like him anymore".

I dont even try anymore. Its such a losing battle, and in the end it just brings more and more pain.


I do not know what to say without sounding like an as*hole but here we go. I am a tall, fat guy, with a bad hair style, butt ugly, and I do not make eye contact and I have had women come up to me to start conversations or were straight up flirting with me. Well at least my friends say they flirted with me I do not believe them. I usually get nervous and walk away when they are still talking to me. I usually end up having the woman's friends yell at me accusing me of being stuck up or gay. :roll: What am I doing right as an ugly bastard and you a handsome man doing wrong? This happened a lot when I was in shape with just a few since becomeing fat.


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21 Jul 2010, 12:23 am

I rarely post in threads like this. If lonely, sexually frustrated guys can't take a hint that they have serious deficiencies in social skills and their personalities and try to start doing something about that by the time they are 25 they never will. Some guy thinking they are such a great guy and have some reason that's logical to them why they should have no problem getting a date with someone is something that a 16y/o with AS would try to do with the first girl he dared to ask out.

To the OP: Most AS guys your age that wait for women or the world to change to suit them wait their whole lives to no avail and b***h about it the whole time. Go do something about it by seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT). You will be amazed at the sheer volume of problems it will shed light on. It's not a magic cure to get a date but it will help you get your life in a state that's more conducive to getting one.

However, if you choose to be one of those AS guys with an entitled attitude who isolates in their little apartment and beats off to porn all day long and then complains that they don't have a girlfriend, we don't want to hear about it. There are a ton of threads like that on WP and the OPs never take any advice anyway!


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fuzzbot
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21 Jul 2010, 12:39 am

just wanted to say i agree that female aspies have it better with that kind of thing. sort of.

yes it does seem easier for us to find someone. people think we're 'interesting/unusal'. the downside of that though is it is only a novelty for awhile, soon they will start to see your quirks as 'symptoms' and they are no longer fun to deal with.

there's also a misconception that because we aspie females aren't always the kind to put a huge effort in appearance (sophisticated make-up, designer clothes and the like) we are often mistaken as being very laid-back and relaxed people and guys are attracted to us because of this quality. and in truth we are actually very anxious and not relaxed people. guys are very annoyed when they realise this i have found.

we get called liars and accused of misrepresenting oursevles (all cause THEY decided who we were) and dumped.

to sum up, being a female aspie makes you seem like you are something to guys that you are not and it sucks.



hale_bopp
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21 Jul 2010, 12:47 am

fuzzbot wrote:
we get called liars and accused of misrepresenting oursevles (all cause THEY decided who we were) and dumped.


Thats kinda sick. Saying because we look normal and like NTs we aren't allowed to be different.

Or saying we only have the right to look hideous because of our "defect".

If a man said I was "mis-representing" myself then dumped me, I would kick him in the nuts until he cried.



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21 Jul 2010, 1:21 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Quote:
The OP sounded familiar.


This guy seems like a younger version of Ken M, but just as bitter, inflexible and self pitying.


I thought it was him but after reading his posts, neah. But what is with people saying he is trolling then? Do they think he is making it all up for attention?