Questions for "Dear Aspie"

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Hello Fellow Citizens of Other Planets,

I will begin writing the "Dear Aspie" advice column in the next few days and I will be happy to take any questions anyone might have on dating, relationships, social skills, making and keeping friends, and interacting with classmates and colleagues, but I will also entertain any other topic you might bring.

Please feel free to private message me with your questions and if you do not want your nickname to appear in the column with your question, then please let me know that you would like to remain anonymous. Hope to hear from you.

Thanks,
"Dear Aspie"

So you have asperger's and you are better than average aspie to understand social skill that come through mind reading?
What about the other aspect of language. I have gone through a lot in life and I analysed situation deep and hard and understood language rules which explained all of my social faux pas and I had a great discussion about them on this thread.
See Rules Edited. I exhort everyone and particularly those who are on the light end of the spectrum and therefore are more likely to understand the language to go through the so called rules.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf135648-0-90.html
Due to the wierd nature of them, even NTs disagreed with me as these rules are so hidden and taboo to talk about.

Last edited by daspie on 04 Oct 2010, 10:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

daspie,

Yes, I am an Aspergian and like most Aspergians, I have had to learn gradually how to interact with others. Like most Aspergians, I have had to deal with bullying and ridicule both as a child in school and as an adult in the workplace. Like most Aspergians I have sensory problems and host of other difficulties that are sometimes difficult to pinpont.

However, I am an Aspergian who has continuously challenged himself and I would not let myself be defeated. I have traveled internationally, managed a business, and directed theatre productions. Most of my self-determined challenges caused me much stress and often depression. I learned through trial and error (and some counseling), how to minimize the obstacles and make my life more fulfilled.

I am qualified to give advice as I teach life enhancement classes professionally in a rehabilitation environment. I teach a group consisting of five to ten adults how to move effectively reach their goals in life, along with teaching job interview skills, how to set up personal budgets, and so on. I also work as a life coach and often assist others with forming and maintaining relationships.

I have read the the thread that you provided and I do not see where it is directly relevant to an advice column for people on the spectrum, but I would like say that for the topics I will be covering, there are very few set rules. There usually many ways to approach a problem and most are equally valid and effective. We are all individuals and as such we should not be expected to behave the same way nor apply the same solutions. The most I can provide are helpful suggestions and a fresh point of view.

The same with me. I tend to mess up with people due to having ADHD, hperactive impulsive type. Do yuou also have ADHD.

I guess the solution you will provide would be based upon mind reading. I believe there are two aspect to the conversation one is mind reading, what the person implies indirectly and the other is throwing back the words or similar words and that is important too. The so called rules help us achieve that.
I have come to realize two rules for mind reading one which I call rule of complement and the more recent which I have not yet posted is rule of magnifying the illiogic.
I will be posting these rules on a separate thread and on autism social rule book.

Question marks topic

I thought the Dear Aspie column was a sham. I sent in a question a year ago regarding a member here and how to answer a pm he wrote me, in the most diplomatic way possible. I even told them to pm me if it was a question of privacy. I have yet to get a response.

I have long since solved my own problem.

I will not be asking you or anyone else here for advice again. I will figure it out myelf, as I have been doing for years.

I rarely ask for any advice here, as it is usually ignored. Most of my posts are comments, so I am not disappointed.

dyingofpoetry wrote:

Well, basicallly all i've done since joining WP is ask for advice. The advice i've sought has nothing to with dating, relationships, social skills, making/keeping friends, etc however. While I have problems in these areas which are similar to others with Asperger's, these problems don't concern me much compared to the cognitive/memory issues I have. Those issues are an infinitely bigger problem for me and are far more important to me than not being able to get a date or something.


I don't think i'm alone in this either. Many with Asperger's also have learning disabilities and other neurocognitive problems (in spite of having average or higher IQ's ) and these have the capacity to have a far more negative impact than the social deficits do IMO. I can only speak for myself here, but I may not be alone among people with Asperger's/NLD who really don't care about the social deficits. I think it's infinitely more important for me to able to pass algebra than to be able to find a girlfriend or something. I understand the social deficits really bother some people with AS, but i'm just not one of them. I wish there was more discussion and advice offered to those of us who have learning/cognitive difficulties as well.

I would kindly suggest that those of you with only the social deficits associated with AS/ASD's should never take your lack of learning/cognitive problems for granted. You might find learning/cognitive difficulties far more problematic and immiserating than your trouble getting a date and/or making/keeping friends is.

Last edited by Horus on 04 Oct 2010, 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sartresue,

If it makes you feel any better, I am an entirely new "Dear Aspie" and I will be doing my best. I never take on responsibilities unless I am sure that I can tackle them. Although I may not always be able to do so, I did received my first question today and I had written my response within two hours of receiving it.

I will try to make the turnaround time as fast as possible, but still, the "Dear Aspie" column would not be the best venue for urgent questions.

Horus,

You are correct in that the cognitive (and mood) difficulties associated with the spectrum are far more difficult to cope with than the social ones. However, we will not be able to address cognitive issues in "Dear Aspie" as I am a skills enhancement instructor and not a mental health professional.

Nevertheless, while I can't address the neurocognitive problems, many of us experience social problems as a direct result of them and that is where I would like to provide some support that ideally should only be used in conjunction with that provided by a therapist or counselor, which I recommend for those experiencing on-going social difficulties.

No worries....I wasn't criticizing you or anything and I think what you're doing is very kind and important to those who need it. I'm just upset about the circumstances rather than anything involving a particular individual or group. I wish there were more people available (aside from the professionals who I can't afford to see out-of-pocket and those who I have seen have left something to be desired) who would be able and willing to address neurocognitive problems.

To a large extent....i've been playing my own neuropsychologist for decades now and i'm hardly qualified for the job. My own self-dx has often been more accurate than those of the defacto psychologists however and even, some of the neuropsychologists i've seen as well.


Still....i'm always looking for "the best and the brightest" when it comes to neuropsychologists/neurologists since I feel my brain is quite an enigma, even where people with ASD's are concerned. Since quanity often has a quality of it's own, I like to get as much insight from others as possible even if they are not "the best and the brightest" or experts in these fields at all.


I'd say the mood disorders I have largely, if not entirely, emanate from my unhappiness over the neurocognitive issues. Rather than whatever social deficits I have, these have prevented me from doing, having, etc....countless things which were/are of the utmost importance to me. Again...that's not to say the social difficulties aren't present, my own are basically just as problematic as those of anyone else with AS. The social deficits just don't trouble me nearly as much as the cognitive ones though. If they were the only problems I had, i'd be the happiest person who ever lived.

Anyway.....good luck with the "Dear Aspie" column and i'm sure it will be of great benefit to many people.