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alexptrans
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17 Jul 2010, 9:13 am

Have you ever had a sense of belonging with a group of people?



Mike1
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17 Jul 2010, 9:25 am

Because I am interested in electronics, video games, and hacking and I go to a technical school I have a lot of nerdy Neurotypical friends. We sometimes have long nerdy discussions. A lot of my friends are social outcasts even though they are Neurotypicals. My teacher is impressed by my skill in electronics. He doesn't think I'm dumb even if a lot of other people outside my trade do. I'm both the representative and advisor of my electronics class. I've made it farther in electronics competitions than everyone else in my class. My friends accept me, but they don't always understand me. Try to find other people who are interested in what you are interested in if you can. They might accept you as part of their group, but they won't ever completely understand you.



Last edited by Mike1 on 17 Jul 2010, 10:01 am, edited 2 times in total.

leejosepho
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17 Jul 2010, 9:51 am

alexptrans wrote:
Have you ever had a sense of belonging with a group of people?


Yes, but that feeling has usually been short-lived ... and I think that has actually been my own "fault", as such, even if unavoidable.

I had a sense of belonging within my family for a while as a child, but everyone else there has remained forever "stuck" there in whatever they think they actually have there, and now I want no part either in or of their dysfunctional illusion of "family".

Today, at least for me, a "sense of belonging" is actually more like an understanding of people around me, and I have that here on WP.


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alexptrans
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17 Jul 2010, 10:06 am

Mike1 wrote:
Because I am interested in electronics, video games, and hacking and I go to a technical school I have a lot of nerdy Neurotypical friends. We sometimes have long nerdy discussions. A lot of my friends are social outcasts even though they are Neurotypicals. My teacher is impressed by my skill in electronics. He doesn't think I'm dumb even if a lot of other people outside my trade do. I'm both the representative and advisor of my electronics class. I've made it farther in electronics competitions than everyone else in my class. My friends accept me, but they don't always understand me. Try to find other people who are interested in what you are interested in if you can. They might accept you as part of their group, but they won't ever completely understand you.


Thanks for your interesting reply, Mike1.



alexptrans
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17 Jul 2010, 10:07 am

leejosepho wrote:
Yes, but that feeling has usually been short-lived ... and I think that has actually been my own "fault", as such, even if unavoidable.

I had a sense of belonging within my family for a while as a child, but everyone else there has remained forever "stuck" there in whatever they think they actually have there, and now I want no part either in or of their dysfunctional illusion of "family".

Today, at least for me, a "sense of belonging" is actually more like an understanding of people around me, and I have that here on WP.


I don't really understand what you mean by "fault". Maybe I need to think about it for a while.



leejosepho
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17 Jul 2010, 10:38 am

alexptrans wrote:
I don't really understand what you mean by "fault". Maybe I need to think about it for a while.


I placed "fault" within quotation marks because I do not believe I had done anything actually wrong. Another example:

I once enrolled in college many years ago, and I even moved in on-campus. I do not recall whoever was my roommate in that college dorm, but one life-long "friend" of mine was already there when I got there and he quickly introduced me around a bit. All was well for a little while, but then I did not want to participate in what I saw as "dorm nonsense" such as pretending to be amazed or even a bit "scared" by the alleged presence of some legendary "Nude Dude" who was said to haunt the place and who would (and as *somebody* actually did) run the halls while screaming in the middle of the night.

I had "fit in" there at that college in the sense of being there for a specific reason with an eventual purpose in mind, but my unwillingness to play whatever game the rest of those guys had going there quickly made me an outsider once again.


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17 Jul 2010, 11:22 am

No, not really. The main thing that I invariably "sense" when I'm in a group situation is that I'm the odd one out.


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alexptrans
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17 Jul 2010, 11:50 am

JetLag wrote:
No, not really. The main thing that I invariably "sense" when I'm in a group situation is that I'm the odd one out.


Is it the same when it's not a peer group (i.e., older or younger people than you)?



alexptrans
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17 Jul 2010, 11:51 am

leejosepho wrote:
I placed "fault" within quotation marks because I do not believe I had done anything actually wrong. Another example:

I once enrolled in college many years ago, and I even moved in on-campus. I do not recall whoever was my roommate in that college dorm, but one life-long "friend" of mine was already there when I got there and he quickly introduced me around a bit. All was well for a little while, but then I did not want to participate in what I saw as "dorm nonsense" such as pretending to be amazed or even a bit "scared" by the alleged presence of some legendary "Nude Dude" who was said to haunt the place and who would (and as *somebody* actually did) run the halls while screaming in the middle of the night.

I had "fit in" there at that college in the sense of being there for a specific reason with an eventual purpose in mind, but my unwillingness to play whatever game the rest of those guys had going there quickly made me an outsider once again.


I understand now. I've had similar experiences where I did not want to participate in nonsense like that.



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17 Jul 2010, 12:09 pm

JetLag wrote:
No, not really. The main thing that I invariably "sense" when I'm in a group situation is that I'm the odd one out.

Same here, I don't really feel like I belong with most people. Even when I do I still feel like there's a disconnect.



Booyakasha
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17 Jul 2010, 12:12 pm

indeed, I think that even if I was in group of my own clones (god forbid 8O) I'd soon be the odd one out and find it too narrow and confining.



alexptrans
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19 Jul 2010, 8:17 am

Booyakasha wrote:
indeed, I think that even if I was in group of my own clones (god forbid 8O) I'd soon be the odd one out and find it too narrow and confining.


LOL. I guess it would be the same for me.



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19 Jul 2010, 8:55 am

alexptrans wrote:
Have you ever had a sense of belonging with a group of people?

Yes, though sometimes it's turned out to be mostly in my own head. I've often longed to really belong to some group or other, having had all these years of feeling like I'm behind a glass wall. I also get the converse - I can belong to a group and not realise it, I can completely underestimate the strength of my ties with others......possibly comes from deep feelings of worthlessness - if I'm worthless, nobody with any sense would value me. But it's only a theory.

Originally of course I belonged in the family that raised me, and I guess I felt a sense of belonging there, although having grown up with it, I would barely have been aware of it. I knew where home was and I felt secure there, mostly. Our togetherness as a family was very important to me. But during my teens I grew to reject that and no longer felt that those people were anything much to do with me and my dreams. It never really went back the way it was after that, there was some reconcilation but that's all.



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19 Jul 2010, 9:00 am

Not really. Cliques are a waste of precious time, that I could be spending, on my special interests. I have two good friends, though. :)


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19 Jul 2010, 9:22 am

JetLag wrote:
No, not really. The main thing that I invariably "sense" when I'm in a group situation is that I'm the odd one out.


Not like the others topic

Exactly.


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NinjaHermit
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19 Jul 2010, 9:40 am

Partly, more on the outside of a group looking in.

I always feel more like the group as a whole tolerate me rather than actually want me there. There's usually one person in the group that I get along with, that person is usually the reason I'm with that group of people in the first place, or it's a group of people who are interested in one of my interests.

Whenever people start integrating me into the group more things stop working and I end up either leaving the group or the group leaving me!

I'd like to fit in and be part of a group permanently, but it just doesn't work out that way.