Wondering if my good friend has AS

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My roommate is a wonderful, goodhearted person, and she is one of the smartest people I know. But sometimes we seem to be on completely different pages. I have been wondering lately if she has AS. Some of the criteria don't seem to fit. She doesn't have any problems with school or work (we're in the same graduate school). But other things seem to. She often says that she has no sense of empathy, that she is always confused, and that people always misunderstand her. Sometimes she is super-sensitive or completely misinterprets something I say, and often totally overreacts, either crying or snapping at me. Other times she just walks out of a room for no reason or stops talking in the middle of a conversation (but sometimes she seems fine). She can never understand if I'm upset about something unless I explain it really carefully, factually and logically, and even then it seems like she accepts it rather than really understanding it. Meeting new people or socializing for any length of time exhausts her and she is miserable if she has to talk about something she doesn't understand (or she is completely bored and tells you so - if I'm talking about something that doesn't grab her attention I'm often greeted with - do I care? - or, OK, so this is boring.)

Sometimes it is really exhausting to live with her because I feel like I am walking on eggshells and any innocent comment might be misinterpreted. And if she's stressed she just ignores me - spending all her time in her room until she feels chatty - which usually means coming over to my room late at night to have a long, academic discussion about her latest project). It's really weird for me to say "hello" or "good morning" and be met with total silence. People who don't live with her sometimes view her as a little rude, or a little off, but she is better outside the house than it. She mostly just comes across as very geeky which isn't particularly unusual at our university. We have one other good friend (a psych major) who first suggested that she sometimes seemed a bit autistic. She cares a lot about her friends but has a hard time expressing it in a (what I consider to be) normal way. I.e., if one of us has a bad day she will either want to come up with a plan to solve it or give a gift - but she can't stand just to listen to someone cry or vent.

My question is - should I say something? I don't want her to think I think there is something wrong with her or that she is abnormal or something. Her self-confidence is really low and the last thing she needs is to feel more rejected or judged. Already if any of her friends do something without her she thinks we don't want to be her friends any more (even though she might do something without us and think nothing of it - it's not a two-way street). Her first reaction to any kind of criticism (or something she perceives as criticism) is defense and striking back. I don't want to hurt her because I we are good friends, but she often seems stressed and unhappy as it is. I've never known anyone who was more tired from day to day life (she also has a lot of digestive problems and often becomes ill before some social event). I'd just appreciate any advice.

Thanks.

When I met her she was a really obsessive planner. She's gotten a bit better - she once refused to go to a dinner she wanted to go to even though she had nothing else to do because she hadn't planned it - but she still wants to know what time we are leaving for something (to the minute, and we have to leave at exactly that minute) and gets upset if the plan changes or we are late or early. She even tries to plan friendships - she joined a sorority and college and here she at first picked people at random to be her friends. When they didn't work out she met another friend and me and decided that we would be her friends. We liked her, so it worked out. But she's described planning to have crushes on people. It's odd.

What would you want to say to her? Just accept her.Be as tolerant and understanding as you can!

What I meant is should I bring up Asperger's to her? Sometimes it seems like it would help her because she seems so confused or exhausted. But I don't want it to come across as - here's what I think is wrong with you - because that's not what I'm trying to get at!

I understand you.You could mention it to her saying I think you might have this,or:This might be of interest for you,then say the word "Asperger" to her or write it down so she can search for it on her own.This way she wouldn't be intimidated.Btw. it's great that you care for her.

A good idea is to ask her if she knows wat aspergers is? and if she says y then say cuse i have it and that will realy determin if she has it or nt.

"Hey, I found this very interesting scientific thing called Asperger's Syndrome! You know, it fascinates me....[insert reasons here]...and ya, this site [insert site here] and these references [insert books/ magazines here] really let me learn loads!"

XDDDD...

No, the direct approach is almost always the way to go with aspies, making it sound like some silly game will only increase the chances she thinks you're poking fun at her. Start out with "I don't want you taking this the wrong way, but I've found something on the internet that might interest you." Show her the wiki article and this site, particularly these forums, and let her do some reading without you standing over her shoulder. The online test is at http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php if she's uncertain but interested, as most of us are. If she rejects all that, then drop it; you've done all you could, and maybe she's a better judge than you anyways.