Do you want to be 'cured' of Asperger's Syndrome?

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Joe90
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19 Sep 2010, 11:32 am

No advice in the whole world will help me with this. People can tell me and tell me 'til they're blue in the face that ''you must accept who you are'', and maybe they're right - but it will never change how I feel about being different.
I want to be cured and without side effects. I am fed up with looking at little children and knowing that they are normal, simply because they're socializing well with mates before the age of 5. I am fed up with feeling terribly sorry for little children who are really shy and won't touch any other child with a barge pole. I just know that their future life is completely f****d.

I am angry with myself. I feel horribly embarrassed of the things I have done in my childhood life. I know everybody's going to say, ''but that was your childhood, and they've most likely forgotten about that by now, and life goes on,'' and you're right, but in a way your childhood is a very important part of your life, especially your late childhood years (teenage years), and it's not always something you can forget. And it's more so the principle of the embarrassments I've caused for myself. It's a case of knowing that all the other children have forgotten about how embarrassing you are, but if they see you one day the memorie might come back to them.

Oh, I wish I was NT. I'd like to go around saying, ''I'm neorotypical, like the majority of us on this planet''. Having AS makes me feel alone, and makes me feel one big problem, and makes me feel like I'm a person what everyone can do without. I feel awkward being me. I'm so close to being NT though. Out of all my 12 cousins, none of them have AS, or anything related to AS, and so it makes me feel even more miserable because I'm the one who can't make friends, and they all can. It makes me beat myself up inside.

Most Aspies here seem to have a few relatives with AS or Autism, and so they probably can accept who they are easier because they have other relatives who think the same as them, but if you're someone like me who's born amoungst a huge family full of NTs and none of them truley knows how it is to be you, it is harder to accept.

I can't be happy with who I am, because I don't know who I am. Not when I'm surrounded by NTs. I just feel like a worthless nobody.

Anyway, the question is, how come nobody in my family has AS, only me?
And I know what the answer really is: because you're unlucky, that's why.


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Locustman
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19 Sep 2010, 11:57 am

Joe90 wrote:
Most Aspies here seem to have a few relatives with AS or Autism, and so they probably can accept who they are easier because they have other relatives who think the same as them, but if you're someone like me who's born amoungst a huge family full of NTs and none of them truley knows how it is to be you, it is harder to accept.

I can't be happy with who I am, because I don't know who I am. Not when I'm surrounded by NTs. I just feel like a worthless nobody.

Anyway, the question is, how come nobody in my family has AS, only me?
And I know what the answer really is: because you're unlucky, that's why.


I'm the same. No one in my nuclear family is on the spectrum, and - at least as far as I know no - neither is anyone in my extended family (although I do have a cousin with cerebral palsy, and I'd prefer AS to that any day). I'm also like you in that my AS is mild enough to pass for NT in front of folk who don't know me that well, although when I start getting close to people my idiosyncrasies usually become apparent after a while. In some ways that's a disadvantage, becasue instead of sensing that there's something clinically different about me people sometimes assume that I'm a self-absorbed as*hole.

I have learned to be happy with myself over time, however, but it's been a very steep learning curve. It's also taken me until age 39 to achieve that inner peace (and even then only with the help of anti-depressant meds). When I was 20, though, I felt exactly like you do now - possibly worse in some ways as AS was virtually unknown then, and as I hadn't yet had a correct diagnosis I didn't even know why I often failed socially - only that I did (resulting in self-blame, depression, anxiety and all the usual co-morbids).

I can only hope it gets easier with time for you too. At least with a proper diagnosis you've got someting solid to build on.


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Delirium
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20 Sep 2010, 8:55 am

glider18 wrote:
I was thinking the other day about a plot for a fictional story that had to do with an AS teenager.

The boy had a lot of issues as a result of his AS. But he seemed happy most of the time. But yet there were times where he had difficulties. His parents wished he could be "cured" of his AS. It turned out that a certain medical lab found a cure for autism. And the cure did turn autistic people into NTs. So the parents of the boy bought the $10,000 pill...and they slipped it in his milk shake, and down it went. And he woke up cured. He was now NT.

His previous AS issues had caused him to be reclusive. But now, he had the desire to socialize. And socialize he did. One evening, to his parents' great satisfaction, he went to the high school prom with a beautiful girl. All went well until after the prom. The limousine he rode in to take him and his date back home was in a wreck. Although the girl was treated and released from the local hospital, the boy received a massive head injury.

The boy was eventually placed in a nursing home as that was the only place that could properly care for him. His parents grieved over the vegetative condition of their son. What could they do now?

They thought about the cure they had given him because they were not able to accept the autism in him. Had they not given him that pill, he would still be walking around their house and talking infinitely on his interests. They saw it in a different light now. Staring at the vegetable in the bed that was their son, they cried uncontrollably. How they wished they could go back in time and accept the autism in their son.

I have more ideas on this story, but I think it makes my point. We with autism were born this way. Autism has given us a certain pathway in life. To alter ourselves could change our paths and lead to a very bad end. Maybe it would be easier for you to not wonder about the "what could be's," and live your lives to the fullest that you can. And if you still want to be cured, look around at the NTs around you. Do they also have challenges and issues in their lives? Things can always be worse.


Holy slippery slope argument, Batman!

I'm participating in a treatment for Asperger's that's supposed to help with my social skills. I'm not doing it because I want to be a neurotypical drone who wants to conform. I'm doing it because I don't want to sit in my room in front of my computer for the rest of my life.


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Last edited by Delirium on 20 Sep 2010, 9:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

Erisad
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20 Sep 2010, 9:02 am

I don't think I'd want to be cured. I have adjusted to living with AS for this long, changing that would take a long that to adjust to becoming NT. Besides, I like my quirky personality and my friends have accepted my oddities as they are. There are NTs in our club that are waaay more socially inept than I am so I think I'm well off in that respect. I don't remember whether or not I posted in this thread already but if I did, oh well here it is again. >.>



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20 Sep 2010, 2:56 pm

glider18 wrote:
I was thinking the other day about a plot for a fictional story that had to do with an AS teenager.

The boy had a lot of issues as a result of his AS. But he seemed happy most of the time. But yet there were times where he had difficulties. His parents wished he could be "cured" of his AS. It turned out that a certain medical lab found a cure for autism. And the cure did turn autistic people into NTs. So the parents of the boy bought the $10,000 pill...and they slipped it in his milk shake, and down it went. And he woke up cured. He was now NT.

His previous AS issues had caused him to be reclusive. But now, he had the desire to socialize. And socialize he did. One evening, to his parents' great satisfaction, he went to the high school prom with a beautiful girl. All went well until after the prom. The limousine he rode in to take him and his date back home was in a wreck. Although the girl was treated and released from the local hospital, the boy received a massive head injury.

The boy was eventually placed in a nursing home as that was the only place that could properly care for him. His parents grieved over the vegetative condition of their son. What could they do now?

They thought about the cure they had given him because they were not able to accept the autism in him. Had they not given him that pill, he would still be walking around their house and talking infinitely on his interests. They saw it in a different light now. Staring at the vegetable in the bed that was their son, they cried uncontrollably. How they wished they could go back in time and accept the autism in their son.

I have more ideas on this story, but I think it makes my point. We with autism were born this way. Autism has given us a certain pathway in life. To alter ourselves could change our paths and lead to a very bad end. Maybe it would be easier for you to not wonder about the "what could be's," and live your lives to the fullest that you can. And if you still want to be cured, look around at the NTs around you. Do they also have challenges and issues in their lives? Things can always be worse.

I'm sorry but if I'm reading this correctly the moral of your story seems to be that people shouldn't be cured of autism because otherwise they might get in car accidents? This seems like a very weak method of supporting your argument and doesn't make a lot of sense. Are you telling me you never go on car rides, ever? There is a risk of getting injured or killed in a car accident every time you get in car, no matter who you are and no matter what you're doing. Telling people to become shut-ins and to avoid life just because there are some potentially dangerous things out there doesn't seem like a very positive message to me.


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SuperMario
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20 Sep 2010, 3:51 pm

No. My case of Aspergers doesn't and won't make me who I am, I make my case of Aspergers what it is. Yes, it makes some things difficult for me, but that is who I am. I will improve, as I have already done so much.



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20 Sep 2010, 4:42 pm

No, because I won't be happy having to start a new life as a new person, theres no way for me to be a kid again and start all those important milestones as a normal person with a clear-thinking brain.



glider18
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20 Sep 2010, 5:06 pm

Ah_Q wrote:
glider18 wrote:
I was thinking the other day about a plot for a fictional story that had to do with an AS teenager.

The boy had a lot of issues as a result of his AS. But he seemed happy most of the time. But yet there were times where he had difficulties. His parents wished he could be "cured" of his AS. It turned out that a certain medical lab found a cure for autism. And the cure did turn autistic people into NTs. So the parents of the boy bought the $10,000 pill...and they slipped it in his milk shake, and down it went. And he woke up cured. He was now NT.

His previous AS issues had caused him to be reclusive. But now, he had the desire to socialize. And socialize he did. One evening, to his parents' great satisfaction, he went to the high school prom with a beautiful girl. All went well until after the prom. The limousine he rode in to take him and his date back home was in a wreck. Although the girl was treated and released from the local hospital, the boy received a massive head injury.

The boy was eventually placed in a nursing home as that was the only place that could properly care for him. His parents grieved over the vegetative condition of their son. What could they do now?

They thought about the cure they had given him because they were not able to accept the autism in him. Had they not given him that pill, he would still be walking around their house and talking infinitely on his interests. They saw it in a different light now. Staring at the vegetable in the bed that was their son, they cried uncontrollably. How they wished they could go back in time and accept the autism in their son.

I have more ideas on this story, but I think it makes my point. We with autism were born this way. Autism has given us a certain pathway in life. To alter ourselves could change our paths and lead to a very bad end. Maybe it would be easier for you to not wonder about the "what could be's," and live your lives to the fullest that you can. And if you still want to be cured, look around at the NTs around you. Do they also have challenges and issues in their lives? Things can always be worse.

I'm sorry but if I'm reading this correctly the moral of your story seems to be that people shouldn't be cured of autism because otherwise they might get in car accidents? This seems like a very weak method of supporting your argument and doesn't make a lot of sense. Are you telling me you never go on car rides, ever? There is a risk of getting injured or killed in a car accident every time you get in car, no matter who you are and no matter what you're doing. Telling people to become shut-ins and to avoid life just because there are some potentially dangerous things out there doesn't seem like a very positive message to me.


You have read it wrong indeed, I'm not telling people to not ride in cars. I drive and ride in cars all the time. The moral of the story is to be satisfied with the way things are because things can be a lot worse. I am being very positive about being satisfied with being autistic.


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20 Sep 2010, 6:22 pm

glider18 wrote:
You have read it wrong indeed, I'm not telling people to not ride in cars. I drive and ride in cars all the time. The moral of the story is to be satisfied with the way things are because things can be a lot worse. I am being very positive about being satisfied with being autistic.


But what about people who not only have autism, but some other co-morbid condition like depression? And I understand that it could be a lot worse but I'm still not too thrilled about having Asperger's. :/


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glider18
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20 Sep 2010, 6:41 pm

Delirium wrote:
glider18 wrote:
You have read it wrong indeed, I'm not telling people to not ride in cars. I drive and ride in cars all the time. The moral of the story is to be satisfied with the way things are because things can be a lot worse. I am being very positive about being satisfied with being autistic.


But what about people who not only have autism, but some other co-morbid condition like depression? And I understand that it could be a lot worse but I'm still not too thrilled about having Asperger's. :/


A co-morbid condition like depression could make AS extremely challenging indeed. I have OCD with my AS, but I have just come to try and be humored with it. But depression---I have had a couple times where I was really depressed. But having it as an on-going condition, that's different. The advice I always think of is to try and find your interests and begin working with them.

I wish I could help you Delirium. But depression, I just don't have answers. One of the two episodes of depression I had to deal with was with a job change. I agreed to change jobs and then changed my mind, but it was too late. I got real depressed and wanted to sleep...sleep...sleep. I even looked at my age and determined how many more years I would have to be miserable if I lived the average life expectancy. One day, I forced myself off of the couch and went upstairs to bed with my computer and forced myself to play Solitaire. After an hour or so, I felt a little better. I kept this up for a few days, and finally, I got back on my feet...and lived. My new job worked out and I am happy with it.

I wish you the best in trying to find happiness Delirium. We all deserve happiness. And try to remember that things can always be worse.


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20 Sep 2010, 6:49 pm

glider18 wrote:
Delirium wrote:
glider18 wrote:
You have read it wrong indeed, I'm not telling people to not ride in cars. I drive and ride in cars all the time. The moral of the story is to be satisfied with the way things are because things can be a lot worse. I am being very positive about being satisfied with being autistic.


But what about people who not only have autism, but some other co-morbid condition like depression? And I understand that it could be a lot worse but I'm still not too thrilled about having Asperger's. :/


A co-morbid condition like depression could make AS extremely challenging indeed. I have OCD with my AS, but I have just come to try and be humored with it. But depression---I have had a couple times where I was really depressed. But having it as an on-going condition, that's different. The advice I always think of is to try and find your interests and begin working with them.

I wish I could help you Delirium. But depression, I just don't have answers. One of the two episodes of depression I had to deal with was with a job change. I agreed to change jobs and then changed my mind, but it was too late. I got real depressed and wanted to sleep...sleep...sleep. I even looked at my age and determined how many more years I would have to be miserable if I lived the average life expectancy. One day, I forced myself off of the couch and went upstairs to bed with my computer and forced myself to play Solitaire. After an hour or so, I felt a little better. I kept this up for a few days, and finally, I got back on my feet...and lived. My new job worked out and I am happy with it.

I wish you the best in trying to find happiness Delirium. We all deserve happiness. And try to remember that things can always be worse.


I'm over my depression. But honestly, while I realize that things could be worse, it's hard for me to make friends. I know I might be seen as a sellout for wanting to participate in the treatment I mentioned earlier, but I don't want to spend my entire life in my room.


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glider18
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20 Sep 2010, 7:54 pm

Delirium---I never had many friends. I had one best friend in school, but when there were others around, that was too much. Today, I don't have any friends, but I have always been more interested in my interests anyway. So that could make a difference. I am happy with interests. But for you, if you want friends then I understand where you are coming from.

As for treatments, everyone would have to decide that for themself. I have come to understand that although I would not take such a treatment, it would be to the advantage of certain people to take it. Everyone has the right to be happy.

I also feel like as with anyone, there are introverts and extraverts. I am an introvert (made that way possible because of my social awkwardness). But I have been that ever since I can remember, and it is what I like. I always felt so much better closed up in the world that was my room.

Thank you for discussing this with me. And even though I am getting ready to go to bed now, if you want to post anything else, I will see it tomorrow and reply.


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21 Sep 2010, 1:03 am

glider18 wrote:
You have read it wrong indeed, I'm not telling people to not ride in cars. I drive and ride in cars all the time. The moral of the story is to be satisfied with the way things are because things can be a lot worse. I am being very positive about being satisfied with being autistic.

I get that but what I'm not following is how a.) the curing of autism leads to a car accident and b.) this accident causes the parents to regret said cure. In order for a cautionary tale to function the negative result needs to be a direct consequence of the act you are cautioning against. One thing leads to another, actions have consequences. If you were, for example, to write a story promoting safe sex practices, it wouldn't make much sense to have the promiscuous main character who never uses condoms contract HIV from a blood transfusion. That character would have no reason to feel regret for his irresponsible actions because they had nothing to do with his current state. Same goes for b.) there is no reason to believe that the parents would make this sort of connection between two, actually, unrelated events. Do you see what I'm saying?


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21 Sep 2010, 6:16 am

I wish I had never brainstormed the idea for that story. It's getting too complicated now. Let's forget cars. Besides you could debate the prom, the beautiful girl, or whatever. And also when he was autistic he obviously rode in cars. It has nothing to do with cars. It's just the new path he takes in life that leads to an unfortunate accident. He could've walked to the mailbox and fallen in the driveway and messed himself up.It's bad luck---that's all. And had he remained autistic, it wouldn't have happened. Besides, this is fiction anyway. It's like an Aesop fable. You have to use something to create a moral. You have to have events (related or not) in order to write a story in order to illustrate a point.


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21 Sep 2010, 7:44 am

Locustman wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
Most Aspies here seem to have a few relatives with AS or Autism, and so they probably can accept who they are easier because they have other relatives who think the same as them, but if you're someone like me who's born amoungst a huge family full of NTs and none of them truley knows how it is to be you, it is harder to accept.

I can't be happy with who I am, because I don't know who I am. Not when I'm surrounded by NTs. I just feel like a worthless nobody.

Anyway, the question is, how come nobody in my family has AS, only me?
And I know what the answer really is: because you're unlucky, that's why.


I'm the same. No one in my nuclear family is on the spectrum, and - at least as far as I know no - neither is anyone in my extended family (although I do have a cousin with cerebral palsy, and I'd prefer AS to that any day). I'm also like you in that my AS is mild enough to pass for NT in front of folk who don't know me that well, although when I start getting close to people my idiosyncrasies usually become apparent after a while. In some ways that's a disadvantage, becasue instead of sensing that there's something clinically different about me people sometimes assume that I'm a self-absorbed as*hole.

I have learned to be happy with myself over time, however, but it's been a very steep learning curve. It's also taken me until age 39 to achieve that inner peace (and even then only with the help of anti-depressant meds). When I was 20, though, I felt exactly like you do now - possibly worse in some ways as AS was virtually unknown then, and as I hadn't yet had a correct diagnosis I didn't even know why I often failed socially - only that I did (resulting in self-blame, depression, anxiety and all the usual co-morbids).

I can only hope it gets easier with time for you too. At least with a proper diagnosis you've got someting solid to build on.


I'm in my 40s and only recently diagnosed (though self-diagnosed for several years)....I've also "passed" with great effort for my entire adult life. I'd "take the NT pill" in an instant because the AS has made me so miserable on a personal level that I can't even begin to describe it. It may have also contributed to some positive things about me, but IMO it's not worth it. Even those who have claimed to appreciate who I am, including the AS traits, have not wanted to stick around me, confirming my opinion that it's not worth it.

~Kate


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