People thinking it's the parent's fault

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The other day, I was describing this child to my aunt that I saw in a doctor's office that had Autism and ADHD. My aunt is like "boy isn't being disciplined correctly." I told her again he had two major problem and she was like "Maybe not all the parent's fault, but still not being disciplined correctly."

Then last night I didn't say anything about autism, but I told her my therapist thought there was something wrong with me socially. She asked if she thought there was something wrong or if it's the way I was raised. I said that she thinks there is something wrong. My aunt replies with "No, your grandma (who raised me) wasn't big on manners so she didn't teach them to you, that's all that is wrong". Trust me, my grandma tried all she could to raise me despite my strange behavior, I'm a little upset my aunt would say this.

Now, if I am diagnosed with AS or another autism spectrum disorder, how do I explain it to someone like this?

Wow, just don't , save yourself the frustration and anger and heartache....

"Fault?"

This is one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me (I firmly believe my father was autistic).

Back when I was getting into Dungeons and Dragons, I was explaining it to one of my aunts, and she insisted that it was a suicide cult.

I didn't talk about Dungeons and Dragons with her anymore.

Just don't bother with these people.

"Need to know" basis. Is there any particular reason she needs to know? Is there any particular reason you need her to know?

That's pretty much how I decide whether to even bother talking to anyone about it.

It can be tricky determining the difference between WANTING another person to understand, and either them truly needing to know, or you needing them to know. If it's just a desire for them to understand, I wouldn't go there. I would, instead, work on not letting it bother me that they don't understand, and letting it go.

There are those who in all honesty believe that all mental disorders are a matter of upbringing, state of mind and will power.

I can tell you that after decades of exercising positive thinking, will power, habit forming strategies and retraining my own mind, all of those things have had a very positive affect on my life, but have not brought about any manner of clear success. After years of doubt regarding the "reality" of true mental disorders, I am now POSITIVE they DO exist, and that although positive thinking, behavioral changes, habit forming etc. ARE worth pursuing, if you actually DO have a true disorder, they will not work 100%.

Most people mean well, but we all know the famous saying about "Good Intentions." Good intentions, regardless of how altruistic they are, are impotent without accurate knowledge.

Okay, there is one other thing, that if present, may lead me to "educate" others, other than need to know. If they are close enough to me (relatives or good friends), and WANT to know because they TRULY care, then I will try to explain.

If, however, I say, "Asperger Syndrome," and they say, "Oh." and not much else, or go on about upbringing, state of mind or similar angles, then I won't bother at all pursuing it, because they aren't open minded enough to even try.

This kind of ignorance is not surprising. These are the same kinds of people who blame everything from autism to homosexuality on poor parenting. I would just ignore this behavior and pity the people who actually believe in this crap.

Ignorance. I think people think if the parents tried hard enough, their kids can outgrow these things and they be better people.

This is what my father thinks. That you simply outgrow it.

I inherited odd genes. Apart from that, I really can't see anything much my parents did that was wrong, or that changed me in any major way. I finally figured out they did the best with me they knew how, even when I disagreed with them. They did push me into learning how to socialize, which I'm grateful for knowing, even if I don't use it much. No matter what, I would still have had the same physical problems and the same brain. I say, let it go. I doubt you'll change your aunt's mind, or anyone who thinks like her.