Pet death

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I was very sad when my cat died. I had him for 5 years and he died from liver problems. I cried a lot. One of my friends was being insensitive 5 years later and I cried so much.

There was a cat who comforted me a lot during the worst time in my life.
I thought I wouldn't be able to go on without her.
She died.
I went on.

I cried for my mom's sake, even though I didn't feel anything.
During the first weeks, I had some major irrational fears.
Day by day, they got less.

Weeks, months afterwards I still expected her to wait for me at her usual place, thought I'd seen her from the corner of my eye.
I told my mom she had to get a new cat, and she did.
I was afraid to leave her alone without a pet.
I left home to help my grandma who'd had broken an ankle.
Got attached to my mom's new cat as well as my grandma's cat.

Somehow ...
I still don't know if ever truly grieved for that wonderful cat.
I probably did, during that time when I wasn't sure if I hadn't killed her myself.
But what's more important is that she was there, that we gave our best to have her lead a happy cat life, and all the memories I have of one wonderful, silly, beloved cat.

I'm in the same situation. I feel like crying sometimes because it's coming to the conclusion he's old now. He's getting older, he doesn't eat as well as he use to. He has arthritis. My cat I have had him since I was a kid. And he always been there ya know. Been there when I was sad, been there when I was happy.
We've been through pretty much everything. And I love him. And I don't want him to die. But I can see it. I can see that he is getting old and I can see that he will die. I see the beginning to the end. And I just want to cry. I love him. I love him so much, I care about him so much. I don't want to lose him.

Death is such a personal thing to each person. Each person will have a different idea and different feeling of death. For me the death of people has never really been a big deal. I can easily pass it, simply because they never really gave me a reason to love them. And I know how cruel that may sound, but even in my own family. As much as I love them. As much as I care and worry about them. Their death doesn't impact me as much. In my lifetime my family tried teaching me how to be independent. I was given freedoms no other children were given. I was given the right to be able to think outside the box. As much as I am grateful for that. I'm almost upset by that. It meant every conversation when I just wanted comfort, was about logic. About trying for me to analyze my every move. It was never about comfort. It was about telling me the situation, how to handle it, and I had to fix it.
And as much as I am grateful for that. I have never been able to go to my family for emotional support. So instead I have gone to animals.

Animal deaths profoundly effect me. Because they don't try to analyze my life. Because they don't try to make me look at it from a logical way and the adult way. As much as the adult way is fun and it does make me a better person. And as much am I grateful for being the way I am and getting those freedoms.
Animals provided something my family never provided me. The comfort I needed when I had bad times. They were there when I just wanted to talk about a situation. Not analyze.

Animal deaths, or I should non human species deaths, I cry and think about them for months.

People deaths I cry and think about it for maybe a couple or so weeks.

The death of the family dog when I was maybe 12 hit me so hard that I never got pets again.