Do i have Aspergers , ADD , NLD or just in a big depression?

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Goodday people,

I'm fairly new to this forum but to get started, i'm 19 years old and i'm facing some big issues in my life.

I feel different but in every disorder i look i can't relate myself with. The closest thing is ADD ( inattentive) and the least possible is autism.

I'm lousy and i'm very, very, well.. yes good at procastrination

I am very open minded , pretty emphatic, in the context of caryring about people but at the same time apathic because i'm too lousy to do tasks for my mom or dad or by example forgetting birthdays.

I have great ideas about what i wanna do in my life. I don't like the view of the materialistic society we are living in. There are allot of people who care way too much about status and all that sort of things. I feel i have a different view on the world then most people do. In this i'm referring to the average joe.

The problem with this is that what i have done now , is nothing compared to what i would want to do. In a way, i'm talking about procastrination. I think this is a bad trait of mine and i absolutely despise it. For 5 years i'm sitting behind a desk, browsing the internet and doing nothing with my life.

Also..... if you look at this post ( The complete picture ), you can probably see that it is very poorly written ( using allot of the same words, unorganized, cluttered etc. )


Agressive , very sensitive and my behavior

I get irritated allot by small things. These things are for example:

-If i die in games, i may yell at the screen or get irritated. Sometimes punch objects like desk or screen.
-With tennis, when i don't play well, i get frustated allot
-Socially, in groups, i'm not very talkative. Why? It is because i process too much impulses ( probably) + accounting i'm uncertain about myself.
-objects not working, like computers or anything like that. I get frustated and have serious anger attacks. I know the anger attacks have no meaning, i mean, being angry is absolutely worthless. It gives no purpose.


-Very impulsive:

I mostly blurt out answers and i don't even take the time to think well ( or not even at all)

-Emotional behavior from depressing to happy,not allot of thoughts, bipolar(ish) symptoms:

This, the most i hate about my self. I am very open minded, i hate narrow minded thinking and i fully promote abstract and creative thinking. It is the most important thing i value in life. That and humor.

My parents are extremely narrow minded people, so you get in what environment i live in.

- Not allot of thoughts, no constant thoughts running in my head. They do say however that i'm a very chaotic busy person ( in my head). At the same time i can also be very calm with absolutely no thoughts. It depends i think but it's not like ADD where you have constant thoughts without the on/off switch.

- I'm a very unorganized , lousy and chaotic person. You can probably see it on this post.

- I have a good sense of humor, people say. Well my friends said that and i can laugh with them. However, i am not good at responding to attacks or jokes/lines where you need to respond fast to, otherwise, people carry on with the subjects. Here comes ADD and sluggish cognitive tempo in. I have read about SCT and it desribes me pretty well.

Memory ,visualizing and visuo-spatial processing

To be short:

-Long term memory problems. I absolutely don't remember anything about my past. Everything that goes back 16 years, i don't remember. I remember however:

- bad experiences ( bullying and the like). Not all of cource
- Some positives
- Big things

-bad short term memory and also bad at following conversations between more then 3 people ( 4+ )

-Very bad working memory

-Visualization: It's not really good. I always get the feeling i know it's there but just can't see it well. It's like my mind does it on it's own. However, i also get the feeling it's sometimes not there. Very strange. However, i can good at remembering faces, much better then names. I put myself on above average with face reconizing.

I think most of the times in concepts, talk without thinking ( very strange) and when i concentrate and take it easy( being relaxed), i use allot of pictures. I also get the idea, i'm never using my true potential. I can think further but i don't because my mind tells me, ahh..... no problem, not caring or to much energy to do that. It's very strange.......

-I use my hands ( body language ) ALLOT! It makes it allot easier for me. I can see when someone is sad, sarcastic ( except if i'm not being in the conversation, not concentrated or under stress), happy, depressive etc. I think i have a well developed understanding of non verbal communication.

Or.... am i just using excuses?? I am shy, especially at girls. I don't have control over my mind, i just blush, when i say ..... be relaxed... be relaxed... and then, oh.... not again, oh yes, i'm shy... here we go again.....

Again... very strange

-Visuo spatial processing:

I am good at orientation, i can picture me going from my house to my school, to the next town etc. When i concentrate ofc. and have studied the environment.

I can rotate chairs, tables of my house, i can locate what's under my room ( where the living room is in position to where i am).

I can't do cubes however. Well..... if i concentrate.... i can solve them. It depends on my mood. I don't know, maybe i don't care

My driving is terrible, when i don't concentrate. Although, i mean the complex stuff like parking. When i concentrate, it seems to be doing much better. Also, i am very anxious, very... so that influences my driving behavior also. It's a pitty...



Random things:

-Always late. However, i do have a decent sense of time. It's strange. It depends...

-Can be manipulative against adults, can make easily excuses, change it the way i want it to be...

-I think audio-digital. This means i talk to myself, in my mind. It's my primary thinking style.

-Very obsessive with some things.

-Like to do new things. I like extreme sports and things like that.

- I hate/absolutely disgust routines. It's why i disgust the 40 hour workweek mentality.

-I don't have trouble with coördination

- I think IQ is a poor indication of intelligence. Especially people being differently from the average population, it is very hard to test general intelligence, in my opinion. It's ofc. another discussion

-I also have the problem that i forget words, that i just can't speak out that one word i need to have for completing that sentence. It may be the cause of not reading allot of books, which i am planning to do.

ADD, NLD , SCT etc.

I think these problems all describe what ADD , SCT also have as traits ( except for the constant thoughts).

Problem is, so does NLD and right brain hermisphere disorder.

Those are 2 disorders, i could not live with. Why?

-humor: People with both these disorders have difficulty processing humor ( pragmatic language) and have difficulty with non verbal communication.

-Abstract language: I also find this important, it's ten times more valuable then concrete thinking, in my opinion. You need both but i think you know what i mean...

Creative thinking and flexibility. This says it all really.. People with both disorders have problems with this. They learn though facts and rote learning.


I'm well... afraid i have this or ADD or SCT. Or something else like bi-polar but i doubt it's bi-polar. I something get the feeling i'm being insane in my mind, crazy and very depressed/suicidal.

Life atm. sucks because i can't get answers for my questions. If i have ADD or SCT, i know i can live with it. If i have NLD or a brain disorder, i know i can't live with it.

It's because my personality can't, it goes against in what i want. Yes it may sound stupid but you need humor and abstract thinking. You need it to survive. It's also because i don't wanna be an average joe. Materialism, society, the rules of this system. Flawed, misused and corruption. I don't like it. It's sigh.... i don't know what it is. Panic, stress, anger and insanity is what's in me now. It's not something i can hold allot longer

Regards,

Fred

sounds normal to me. I dont think you have a disorder, just a few personality quirks. Kudos on knowing so much about them. That helps. Its one of the only things that does. You need to stop thinking that "something" is wrong with you, and focus on your specific problems (which I might add you have identified beautifuly). and what you wish to gain. If you dont value something the way someone else does, find something you do value and poor your soul into that. and Dont take too much advice. Most of it isnt worth anything anyway. ;) You know You best. You know what works for you. figure out what that is, and go do it. Its not easy at first, but a whole heck of a lot less frustrating then trying to figure out which box to put yourself in. there is an old saying. " you cant please everybody" the real truth, is its hard to please anyone if their goals and values dont match your own. So work on making yourself happy with yourself.

See a psychiatrist, we can't diagnose you. By your post it doesn't seem like autism is the right answer, though.

What do you think it resembles?

They do not sound reminiscent of any disorder to me. Frankly you sound normal, except for concentration/executive functioning problems. I wouldn't worry about getting a "label"-- see someone that can help with your issues. That's more important in this case.

I do not agree because of the part about anger and manipulation. Impulsive people can be normal but it could also be the symptom of something else. As for manipulation or lies, it would be great to know why the biggerfred does that and if this behaviour seems excessive or not.

It could be hard to tell objectively though...

The part about the memory problem could be important too, though it should be discussed with a specialisits (we cannot make any diagnosis here).

However, it does not sound like Asperger at all, nor like any kind of Autism. It does not sound like any learning disorder, nor like NLD. I do not know much about ADHD, but I know that this disorder is different on adults (and at 19, you are adult/adolescent) therefore it could be it, or a mild form of it. The problem being that most people, including "NTs" tend to have difficulties with focusing properly on things for a reason or another.

I do not sse what is strange with beinf shy nor with the way it shows, I know many people who are like that, especially at such a young age.

I agree with the others that you should see a specialist to have real answers because we are not qualified and do not know every single disorder that exist.

EDIT : That's probably what you meant by "except for..." though you did not give any name to it, I was mostly answering to the "normal" and the lack of label, it could help if he has a disorder, it could also help to learn that you have none. It's just the memory, manipulation and impusliveness which are strange.

I don't mean to be offensive to NT's here, but I was under the impression that manipulation was normal and that most every normal person did it. :/ I'm probably wrong though.

biggerfred posted (in part):...i'm 19 years old and i'm facing some...issues...I feel different but in every disorder i look i can't relate myself with. The closest thing is ADD ( inattentive) and the least possible is autism... Long term memory problems. I absolutely don't remember anything about my past. Everything that goes back 16 years, i don't remember...
---
You might consider seeing your family doctor, telling him/her your story, and take it from there. Good luck.
...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sluggish_cognitive_tempo
http://www.ericdigests.org/2003-5/auditory.htm
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/apraxia/apraxia.htm (Constructional apraxia)
http://www.sportsconcussions.org/
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/autism/autism.htm
Other

I don't know. I know some people who are manipulative but I am pretty sure it can be excessive in some persons. Just like "lying" is perfectly normal, whether you are a good liar or not (everyone can try to lie or manipulate someone, the problem being that some like me will totally fail because it feels wrong or it's obvious or something like that), yet compulsive liars do exist and it is pathological.

I am not saying that he has a disorder because he manipulates people, I am just wondering if he thinks this behaviour is excessive or normal because I do not understand why he felt the need to make this precision (apart from showing that he was not autistic yet I think I have read that some AS here could lie pretty well or manipulate people so...)

Well, perhaps I just don't realize to what extent the other NTs manipulate people.

Maybe i wasn't really spot on in my OP.
Well , in short my main problems are really:

- I have no thoughts.... i find this strange. When i concentrate, i do get sucked in. I sometimes, when i say something, i think about it again without wanting it, like i have no control about it ( i am talking about thoughts). I sometimes refuse to think further, being arrogant that i know enough. It's the most strangest thing in me.
- Memory issues ( universal ) ( terrible listener, short attention span etc.)
- bad at planning, organizing
- can be obsessive about things ( if i see solutions, i will do anything for it). However, it's not on one area. I have control about it. I can listen to the same music over and over by example ( it's strange)
- Anxciety issues
- Insecure ( due to bullying and the like)
- Concentration issues
- I also feel tired but i know this is because i don't sleep really allot.
- IMPULSIVE! I sometimes just for the sake of being, be annoying and childish. When i talk, for the most of the times, i don't think at all. I just blurt out answers unconciously.

Things i am afraid for:"

- i have no well developed abstract thinking skills. ( Life would be pointless if this where the case which would result for me that death would be less painful then life ( i'm a deep thinker in that)

- i can't create humor ( i do understand every form of humor) I can even create it when i'm relaxed but it feels not enough. It feels i can still be picked upon or that i'm a weak person that can easily be created if known well or if you go far with me.

- Not intelligent enough: Am i average, was it due to concentration and that i did nothing in school, that i had average/mediocre grades? Did i ever do something for math. Do i lack abstract thoughts? Am i just afraid. I scored 105-118 on online iq tests. I don't even concentrate really hard or gave everything i had. I don't believe in IQ, yet i'm afraid. I don't believe intelligence is conconstant, if it is, it is pointless because there is no improving. You stand still, your not moving. I travel the whole world to know if intelligence is constant. I don't care, i want to know, i do not believe in IQ or that your intelligence is constant.

I see those abstract thinking tests and i understand them ( all questions). For nothing or am i just making up excuses? Telling me accepting yourself is in my eyes, not living, and in that case i'm dying. I find average simple and dull. I am not a fan of society and the flaws it has.

Materialism etc. etc. is all pointless and has no point. It is just there for the sake of being there, to fill our simple needs, to boost that dopamine factor.

Sitting behind a desk, 40 hours workweeks ( in our country ) is also so..... empty..... Is that big part of my life so interesting? What did i do? Being a hooker for some damm company? That is what average is, that is what too much people do. Just working and doing allot of routine. Life, if that's the case, sucks. That's why i would hate average or be average. Math, history, psychologics and the like are interesting and i want that intelligence to understand it. I want the will to do it, yet i'm afraid that if i do it, i may not understand it. I would feel like i was eaten piece by piece inside of me.

I am not talking about knowledge , which can be learned but real intelligence, the insights, the connections. The most important thing in life because with some insights, you can have love and you can create it. So all the rest will flow to you if you are doing the right things ( i'm not talking about being nice, more about decisions ). Ofc. i know that not everything shines on your shoulders, not everything is enjoying to do. I know that but it is the principles, the context i'm talking about. They are my feathers, the thing i call hope.

What if i have brain damage. Everything would flow away and i would stand in the dark, in the emptyness without any signs to go for. It would all be pointless. Except if that also can be changed. I don't like the idea of IQ. I know surival of the fittest and that some people are better in things then others but i also know that we humans forget something. We just don't know what. Do wel really believe you can't change your insights. You can't change your way of thinking because the way of thinking will create easier solutions or may let you solve more problems. Or is it in neurologics all proved that we are just machines with emotions? That it is all genes that play the role, yes nutritions also but still..... the foundation has to be there. Are we trapped? What if average wants to be more? Is it too much, am i delusional? Living in a fantasy world?


These are things i'm wondering about. I wanna do math because i have seen the purpose of it and that it can be wonderful. Sigh...

But what if all these are excuses, making me feeling happy. Making me believe the wrong thing, the non-realistic train of thoughts. I feel life is pointless if i'm just a productive slave, a number. We are with too much numbers already, so too much averages and i don't wanna be one of them. ( most people i see on the street are soo........ i don't know how to explain but it gives me a sort of empty feeling. I know they are just like me but i just don't understand why most people, like my parents like what they seeing and what they do ).

I do not understand. How could you have no thoughts if you can make sentences ? Especially since you say that you cannot control your thoughts, meaning that you have thoughts, then to say that you refuse to think further, meaning that you have control over your thoughts.

I'm confused.



First : you should sleep more and see a psychologist to help you cope with what you are living. Anxiety is normal for someone who has been bullied, I have experienced that (I was 12kg fatter because I used food to control my anxiety) and it is probably linked with your lack of sleep.
Anxiety can mess up with you concentration and attention span as well, especially if you already have a disorder. I can cause memory issues, though from what you have said, I think you should see a specialist in order to see what is wrong.

This kind of impulsivity is common among children and young adults, especially with anxiety, it is probably linked to your childish behaviour and may be caused by ADHD as you suspect it. You should ask a specialist for that because we cannot give you any diagnosis especially since many disorders could cause these problems.
You act childishly on purpose apparently, are you trying to make people pay attention to you when you do that ? Because you feel bad ?

Many people are not very good at planning, it may be caused by a disorder or be normal.



I do not understand. You understand humour but cannot use it, that's right ? It may just be because you're not a humorous person or that your sense of humour is not usual.
As for the thinking, you see life as painful ? I can understand why you would think such a thing, but you really seem depressed in your posts, because you insist on your negatvie qualities and on the difficulties of life, by the way, you proposed "depression", therefore I assume you do not feel well.

I really think you should see a psychologist for that, to have avdice and know more about what could be affecting you. You could also "find" some of your memories in the process.



Online tests are not accurate. IQ tests are not a good way to measure one's intelligence either. Your school grades cannot tell either whether you are intelligent or not, you are probably good at something even if it's not usual or people do not recognize it as being intelligence. There are more than just one kind of intelligence, trust me.

Furthermore, some people are bored at school and fail (my brother used to be like that until he found what he liked). And of course, it is not constant, everyone changes during their life and learn new things.



You seem to understand abstract thinking though your said you did not. I think you may have difficulties understanding it sometimes because you are depressed and because your thoughts are confused.



You are afraid of failing because you have failed in the past and that was probably due to the fact that your brain works differently. I do not think you have Autism but you probably have ADHD (the hyperactive type perhaps), not just because of what you said but because of how you write.

Your message is confusing, your thoughts are not well organized and you admit that your behaviour is not always what would be expected from someone your age.

I have a cousin who has dyslexia and ADHD (the hyperactive type) and she used to lie a lot, tend to act childishly, to make people pay attention to her, she is also impulsive and have troubles organizing her thoughts.
However, sports and psychological help have improved her behaviour and thinking abilities, she seems more normal now. However, she never had social difficulties, but she was diagnosed at 8 and is interested in common things such as make up...

Perhaps you should try to find an activity to "spend" your impulsiveness and seek help to improve your thinking abilities, it will not make you more intelligent, you will just be able to use what you already have.

Also, you should try to write down which subjects you would like to study and which jobs you would like to have, no one can force you to sat behind a desk : then, write in which areas you have difficulties and in which areas you think your would do better, then you may find what you could do. You can also ask a psychologist to help you find what you like and what you are good at if you seek psychological help.

As for the real intelligence and the decision, you are the only one who can make a choice, but keep in mind that knowledges are also usefull to make the right decisions and understand the world and yourself.



Average does not exist, average is just statistics, made up of everyone who is not truly average.
Having an "average IQ" do not make you average when it comes to intelligence because it is not accurate, you can have great abilities and still have an average IQ or be a "genius" and do nothing, I know both cases.

However, everyone has their own abilities, you can learn (and sometimes may need to learn differently from others) and try but there will always be things you will not be able to do or do poorly.

I cannot dance for example, because of my dyspraxia. I try and try but dance badly, sometimes it is just as if my body cannot do what I want it to do but I have learned to develop other abilities. I just know that my "potential" is not unlimited.

I do not understand what you mean by powerful, to me math are a language, their own language, something that is both concrete and abstract, that does not really exist but is applied to existence. It is strange and interesting, but not really powerful, but I guess it depends on the way you see things. I just do not think of the purpose of things I want to study, I enjoy them for what they are because I am a theorist.

If by powerful you mean that you could do something with math, perhaps you should try to find a practical science, it could interest you.



Sadly, that is the human curse.

We are all unique, yet unique is what we are all.

It means that we are like everyone, that nothing will make us truly unique, no matter what you do, no matter how successful you are or what you have done to be remembered, you will never feel truly unique.

When you look at most people, you think they are average, yet there could one guy in the crowd who is not average and you would not realize it.
Everyone feels that way, it does not matter how disabled or gifted they are, and most people use they gifts or disabilities to show how unique they are because they know that they are seen as average people and because they want to escape from this.

Happiness is a state of mind, you have to work on it (unless you have a genetic condition which cause depression).

You will always be one of them. As we all are. It does not mean we have to understand everyone, it does not mean we understand someone else because it seems that no one feels that someone can truly understand them.

You can do something of your life, but the first thing you should do is seek psychological help and diagnosis if you need answers.

But remember that we all need them and that labels do not make us happy, it will just help you understand youself.

I understand but i feel i'm different and it's like driving without the light in a foggy environment. It's like that all the time. I don't wanna live like that for the rest of my life.

That's why i refer to the no constant thoughts. It's so foggy, i see nothing. When i speak , i indeed just say something. Maybe it's normal but it feels so strange. It's like i never use my potential or that a switch in my brain puts off 60/70% of my brain. It's why i have no memories ( no clear ones), no concentration. I sleep 7/8 hours a day so in no way can cause this much as in that context.

When i speak, i most of the times don't think; i don't see words in my minds ( visualisation ), i just speak. I feel like i'm absolutely not dumb ( above average), i feel it but i can't touch it atm.

And my answer about why i'm so obsessed about intelligence and the like: i don't want to be afraid, i want to use it to protect and help and experience life and my personality ( me ) likes learning new stuff, read things etc. Problem is , it's a dream because the books i have read, you can count on 3/4 hands ( maybe less) in my whole life! I am interested in allot of things, i just do nothing with it. I achieve and do less then an average person. Even allot of lousy persons have probably more hobby's then me.

And talking about pessimism and optimism. Well, atm. in my perspective being positive isn't going to work allot. Saying accept yourself or you are who you are are quotes people should not trow at me.

I understand but i feel i'm different and it's like driving without the light in a foggy environment. It's like that all the time. I don't wanna live like that for the rest of my life.

That's why i refer to the no constant thoughts. It's so foggy, i see nothing. When i speak , i indeed just say something. Maybe it's normal but it feels so strange. It's like i never use my potential or that a switch in my brain puts off 60/70% of my brain. It's why i have no memories ( no clear ones), no concentration. I sleep 7/8 hours a day so in no way can cause this much as in that context.

When i speak, i most of the times don't think; i don't see words in my minds ( visualisation ), i just speak. I feel like i'm absolutely not dumb ( above average), i feel it but i can't touch it atm.

And my answer about why i'm so obsessed about intelligence and the like: i don't want to be afraid, i want to use it to protect and help and experience life and my personality ( me ) likes learning new stuff, read things etc. Problem is , it's a dream because the books i have read, you can count on 3/4 hands ( maybe less) in my whole life! I am interested in allot of things, i just do nothing with it. I achieve and do less then an average person. Even allot of lousy persons have probably more hobby's then me.

And talking about pessimism and optimism. Well, atm. in my perspective being positive isn't going to work allot. Saying accept yourself or you are who you are are quotes people should not trow at me.

So basically you're the average underachiever with above-average-intelligence? People have different thinking styles. I don't think most people see things in their head when they speak. Some people think auditory, some in pictures... that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Go see a psych with your attention problems and obvious self-esteem issue.

Well... i don't know exactly.

This is why we are telling you to go see a specialist.

No one can tell you what is wrong or not with you on this forum. We could say almost anything by picking some of your characteristics and comparing them to a disorder and you could leave this forum thinking happily "hey, I'm just more intelligent than everyone else" or "everything is wrong with me because I have this disorder" but that would not mean we are right.

By the way, your negative attitude will never help you and you will go nowhere with that. I am sorry to tell you that if you only wish to think that everything is wrong with you, that life does not matter or that the "crowd" you see in the street is made of plain average people when you do not know them you will never succeed.

You can be realisitic while still being positive, it really helps people improving your skills you know.