Did you have a "Refrigerator mother"? (Poll)

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Which of the following is a better description of your mother?
Generally warm, loving and nurturing 57%  57%  [ 67 ]
Generally cold, distant, rejecting and/or punishing 43%  43%  [ 51 ]
Total votes : 118

auntblabby
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03 Jun 2016, 6:42 pm

AspE wrote:
Nothing against Koreans, but they also believe that sleeping with an electric fan on in the room all night will kill you. All fans sold in S. Korea have timers on them for this reason.

by dint of that they must not mind sweating in bed. I have slept for decades not only with fans but with by-god a/c as well as a cooling blanket which is a recent innovation, I sleep soundly and DRY [NOT sweaty] in the hottest dog-nights of summer humid heat.



skibum
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03 Jun 2016, 6:54 pm

A cooling blanket sounds amazing. I sweat so much at night that I am completely dehydrated when I wake up even though I drink a good bit of water as soon as I get in my bed.


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auntblabby
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03 Jun 2016, 7:04 pm

skibum wrote:
A cooling blanket sounds amazing. I sweat so much at night that I am completely dehydrated when I wake up even though I drink a good bit of water as soon as I get in my bed.

they are pricey though :| I bit the bullet after years of putting up with night sweats. this is the unit-
http://www.brookstone.com/chilipad-cool ... 9142p.html
Image
above is a dual-zone model so your hubby can sleep at whatever temperature he wants without bothering you.
Image



skibum
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03 Jun 2016, 7:10 pm

Wow, just looking at it is cooling me down! :D


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03 Jun 2016, 7:14 pm

My mom isn't quite either. She seems to have undiagnosed BPD. So at times she's my best friend, but other times she's easy to reject and criticize me, especially to please my step-family, whose she hates despite choosing to be with them. She does not like my postures, mannerisms, sensory issues, etc., I think because they reminder her of my father. She has encouraged my drinking (I don't do this anymore), while discouraging things like reading and listening to music. Constantly jealous of my love interests, or tries to befriend my partners by being critical of me, not realizing they think she's crazy.

Not a refrigerator. Refrigerators are useful. We don't have contact currently.



auntblabby
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03 Jun 2016, 7:14 pm

skibum wrote:
Wow, just looking at it is cooling me down! :D

print out a picture and put it on the ceiling above your bed :idea: certainly a lot less expensive that way ;)



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03 Jun 2016, 7:23 pm

My mum seems to fit the description of Refrigerator Mother these days. There have been times during my childhood that she fit that description as well. You can't always win.


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Ettina
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03 Jun 2016, 8:06 pm

The refrigerator mother theory has been disproven. Autism is not statistically correlated with parenting behavior. Even the theory that autistic mothers look like refrigerator mothers isn't supported because autistic kids are no more likely to have refrigerator mothers than NTs are.
Anyway, refrigerator mothers cause insecure attachment or in severe cases Reactive Attachment Disorder. Both of those conditions are distinct from autism.



auntblabby
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03 Jun 2016, 8:35 pm

"reactive attachment disorder" - that rings a bell. :idea:



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04 Jun 2016, 12:24 am

My mother was an absolute mentally ill train wreck with all the maternal skills of a reptile. I don't have ASD.

My MIL had no clue how to raise kids, or related to humans other than very rote, learned ways. Was not flexible about anything, and all her kids have major issues with her as adults. My mom may have been a raving maniac, but I knew she loved me. My mom is NT. My MIL was diagnosed as ASD a few years ago (ruling out Alzheimers).

What is really sad, my husband thinks his mother absolutely hated him growing up. I don't think the poor woman had a clue on how to raise an ASD child, when your yourself have s**t tons of sensory issues and can't relate to others.

My husband is very good with our daughter, but he works 110% at it. None of it comes natural to him.

My two pennies into the ring...



auntblabby
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04 Jun 2016, 12:39 am

^^^he sounds like a keeper :thumleft:



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04 Jun 2016, 10:09 am

I had the opposite problem, as a child up to teens (and to some extent even today) mom always wanted to hug or touch me on the shoulder and stuff like that, and since i have touch sensitivity issues... well, guess. My father didn't but he was nurturing in another way.

This sounds like a crackpot theory btw.


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05 Jun 2016, 8:44 am

No, my mother has never been anything but loving and warm, very supportive.
I find the refrigerator mom theory to be quite offensive and I wonder how much psychological turmoil and damage it has done to good mothers over the years. When I first started to suspect that I had AS, one of the several reasons why I dreaded telling my mother was that I was afraid she would buy that crap and feel guilty, another was that she would blame herself for letting me have all the inoculations I should have as a child. These “theories” can only do harm.

XFilesGeek wrote:
My father was the distant weirdo in the family.
That's the case in my family too. His siblings are weird too. I wonder if he has something or if it's the result of his/their upbringing.


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05 Jun 2016, 11:56 am

auntblabby wrote:
^^^he sounds like a keeper :thumleft:


As much as I may crab about him sometimes, he is really wonderful.

Believe me, I'm not all fluffy bunnies and unicorns to live with. I'm sure he could b***h a blue streak about me lol....



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05 Jun 2016, 6:13 pm

Tawaki wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
^^^he sounds like a keeper :thumleft:


As much as I may crab about him sometimes, he is really wonderful. Believe me, I'm not all fluffy bunnies and unicorns to live with. I'm sure he could b***h a blue streak about me lol....

I hope you let him know all that now and then. :flower:



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05 Jun 2016, 7:24 pm

I'll admit it. I've also heard things, in the church nursery, kindergarten, and elementary school, that you wouldn't tend to say, if you thought the kid would remember it.

It really takes a special kind of girl, to make me forget.