How can I go on living with this horrible disease?

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I am aware I may have aspergers, but the fact that I am aware I have it, not a ret*d like most who have it, is a fate crueler than anything. I realize that I will NEVER be a normal human BECAUSE those insensitive bastards we call medical researchers and those ret*ds who also have aspergers think of it as a "blessing". Do you know what it is like knowing you're inferior? That you're simple scum? That you will never be who you want to be? I will never experience the joys a regular man will feel (yes I've had sex with women before but I only end up with the dysfunctional desperate ones) I cannot put a silver cloud around something so horrible. I have lost my child hood, teenage years, and my adult life to this horrible disease. I will most likely die alone because of this horrible disease, a disease that NEEDS to be cured. I want to be a normal human, not some ret*d. Despite my complex vocabulary and education I am still no better than that drooling feeble minded down syndrome child with an IQ score of 50.

I am inferior. My pride cannot take this blow and as such it becomes harder every day to hold on knowing I am a simple ret*d. I am nothing more than Low class trash who use suits, my Lincoln Town Car, and classical music to hide the failure that is my life.

If you think people like Einstein are inferior to the millions of "normal" people who disappear from the pages of history over the course of time, then you need a new perspective.

It's not a disease and many famous people have it.

Being aware of it brought me peace, not pain. It's all about perspective.

Some of the most brilliant people were brilliant thanks to their condition, and I'm not just talking about famous people, but people who changed history. My point was that having any degree of autism doesn't necessarily make you "inferior". It made a lot of people "superior" in a lot of ways. Yes, not everyone with autism has super-intellectual abilities, but in one way or the other, they usually do develop special skills that others are often envious of. I understand your frustration of not being able to live a "normal" life, but maybe your real issue is depression, not Asperger's. Many people learn to be happy with their condition, and there's a good explanation for that, not just ignorance.

You haven't lost your life to the syndrome, sounds like you're giving up your life to it. I have it too and Im inferior to nobody, I will achieve all I want to because I can. You can too, stop defeating yourself.

As far as relationships go, it may be difficult, but you may yet find someone who'll accept you for who you are, and that's the person you really want in your life, not someone who's shallow enough to dismiss a person because of something they cannot help (Something you yourself should avoid becoming). No guarantees, but you don't know what the future holds for you.

I know how that is. I've desired leadership, and I have the technical skills (but not the social ones) to be one. Some people do end up becoming leaders despite their condition, but I don't see it happening with me.

I realized with time that the reason I wanted to become a leader is because I wanted to become the opposite of the person I was; the weak and disrespected individual, but I made my peace with the fact that my anger wasn't going to get me where I want to be.

The best you can do is to seek growth rather than success, until one day you become an irreplaceable individual, and that is what will put you in the position of respect and power. Einstein once said: "Strive not for success, but to be of value."

Here's a paradox for you to think about: If you insist you're ret*d, wouldn't that increase the possibility that you're wrong about yourself?


Seriously though, I obviously don't know enough to tell you what value you could add, I've been around enough people to realize you're not stupid. You're more self-aware than most people. I'd say your biggest problems are your extreme anger and self-esteem issues.

Ever tried writing something? Your writing skills are pretty good for a ret*d person.