5 year old aspie student and an UNINFORMED "educator&qu

Post Reply New Topic

I am a high school teacher, but due to some decisions I decided to make, I have shifted gears and am working as an assistant teacher in a very rural area (where there is a lot of ignorance). Anyhow, I have an aspie husband in my personal life and I have taught aspie students in high school. I can spot a student with Asperger's quickly. Living with my husband has helped me see a lot of things clearly about people with Asperger's. I would not trade him for anything!

Anyhow, I have a 5 year old student with many, many characteristics of Asperger's. He is extremely intelligent, busy bodied, narrowly focused on computers, does not care to make friends, does not eat lunch (unless it is pizza), does not like being around other students, becomes overstimulated very easily, cries easily, wears the same outfits again and again, notices details others do not see, has an exceptional memory, does not understand peer pressure, does not know how to modulate his voice, hates loud sounds and is unsure about things like getting his eyes checked, hearing checked, etc. He talks to the computer and to objects, but not really to people. He does not know how to reciprocate a conversation. He hates sharing and hates the rules because he does not understand them. He hates showing other people how to do things. He has very few facial expressions. He has meltdowns. LOVES trains. I could go on and on, but I think if you are reading this you probably agree that he has the characteristics of someone with Asperger's.

He does not have an official diagnosis. Things have been mentioned to the school counselor and other people at the school about him and no one has been to observe him yet. I think that is really sad and unfair to him.

I understand his parents are in denial about anything being different about him. I would be willing to bet that dad is a lot like him.

So, all of that to ask your opinion about what to do on this subject. Despite being a licensed teacher, I am working only as an assistant. There is a teacher who is very new to a quasi-administrative position who comes into our classroom a lot for whatever reason. Today she came in and I was just about in tears by the time she left. It was almost like she targeted this particular aspie student. She tried to explain to him how he had to follow rules and when he had a total meltdown she informed him how "he was not going to cry." He ended up sitting in the floor putting his head down into his lap with his legs crossed. He was highly, highly frustrated, and just could not cope with the way she was attempting to "deal" with him. I was wanting to let her have it, but since I am new and am attempting to move into an actual teaching position, I did not want to set her straight, not to mention, I would have looked very unprofessionally and like I did not have control of my emotions. I do, however, feel like someone needs to school her on how to deal with Asperger's students. If you are going to be in any sort of educational position, you need to educate yourself about aspie students. That seems like common sense to me.

By the time she left, I was in tears. I feel like this child is my own. I try to protect him and take care of him and be very gentle with him. I am patient with him and he TRUSTS me. He responds very well to me. This quasi-administrator person cannot just come into the room and decide to target him and take over because she doesn't think he is doing what he needs to be doing, or because she doesn't think he is "acting right." He does not know her, and he does not trust her. He will not trust her with her treating him this way, either!

This student is the bright spot in my day at school. I cannot continue standing by and letting people who know nothing about AS treat him as if he is NT. I don't know what to do. The teacher I work with told me to go talk to the principal. I would, but I ramble and have a hard time organizing my thoughts verbally. I have thought about typing an email or a letter and letting her know how important the well being of this student is to me. I don't want to come across as seeming like I am some AS expert, but I have researched it enough and lived with it enough, that I do know what I am talking about.

I just want him to receive some help, and for someone to speak to his parents about his differences. And I don't want people coming into our domain upsetting him for no good reason. Of course I have no control over any of that.
'
If there is anyone out there who can advise me on what to do about this situation, I would so humbly and GREATLY appreciate your advice.

thank you for writing your piece above, showrootslove. You have described a situation that has a few resolutions but if I could just suggest something you might not have thought about.

Not being a professional in DXing Aspies, your opinion might not be real welcome about this child. Having a difference of opinion of how the child might fare better with different treatment from his 'quasi-adminnistrative position' buttinsky is not going to help the child either. However, a secret friend that understands what even the child doesn't understand is more precious to the child than you can imagine! Lead by example, this way no one can fault you when your methods work and their's don't. They won't feel in a competition but could actually learn by your example and take on a few better methods for themselves to try.

what I mean is, I know you are frustrated. I am an Aspie, myself, not DXed until I was 56, so I know frustration of both you and the child. But one thing I have learned is that unless there is a true intention from others to do the right thing, any appeal to their better angels will have no traction. Even if this child had a proper DX, parents that were onboard with the doctors, etc with a good therapy plan and even had the 'quasi-administrative position' person clued in . . . doesn't mean that the 'quasi-administrative position' person won't do what she thinks is best, anyway.

be the kid's friend and mentor. Your mileage may vary.

Merle

Even if we take the AS suspicion out of this situation you are still left with a child who has specific challenges and that needs to be treated like an individual with his own individual needs...

In an educational setting I would think and hope there is room for someone to point this out and that there are (official/accepted) ways to improve his learning situation, taking his needs into consideration..

Or at least, I hope that is the case.
Sounds a bit like how the mindset was when I was in school, almost 25 years ago, albeit in a very different country, but still.. "How dare you be different!! Now shut up and hold still while I set about pounding you into this round hole, you deviant square peg, you!"

Hope you get some good advice about what to do, I feel sorry for that little boy, and you for witnessing it..

Hi Sinsboldly,
Thank you so much for your advice. You are EXACTLY right about my opinion possibly not being welcomed. I don't think people in this area like someone who knows things they do not know, nor do they want to look as if they are uninformed or have an open mind. I have thought about precisely what you said and I know that you are right.

You are also correct about others having a true intention to do the right thing. AS affects my life personally. I am in a marriage where I live with it every day. It's almost like I am attempting to protect this child like I want to protect my husband. Both are so vulnerable. I understand this child very well. I can predict his actions. When that know-nothing "buttinsky" came in this morning, I knew what was going to happen. She acted that way because she doesn't care for this child because he "defies" her in the cafeteria. She is not the principal. The teacher I am working with told me to go talk to the principal, but I didn't. I really don't want to seem like a know it all. But I have a hard time swallowing this situation and not saying anything about it.

I appreciate your response. Thank you for being understanding and honest. Please keep in touch if you would like!

Hi Fluke83,

What you said hits the nail on the head! Teachers in this area are not very accommodating to different learning styles. They think everyone should be able to sit still, not talk, read, write, do math, and abide by educational standards from years past. It does not work that way, as you and I both know.

Thanks for your response. Keep your fingers crossed that this child gets the intervention and accommodations he needs. I simply want to see him succeed and not live in a state of confusion about this overly NT world.

Keep in touch!

Even if we take the AS suspicion out of this situation you are still left with a child who has specific challenges and that needs to be treated like an individual with his own individual needs...

In an educational setting I would think and hope there is room for someone to point this out and that there are (official/accepted) ways to improve his learning situation, taking his needs into consideration..

Or at least, I hope that is the case.
Sounds a bit like how the mindset was when I was in school, almost 25 years ago, albeit in a very different country, but still.. "How dare you be different!! Now shut up and hold still while I set about pounding you into this round hole, you deviant square peg, you!"

Hope you get some good advice about what to do, I feel sorry for that little boy, and you for witnessing it..

I am a mother of a child and I am also in a somewhat small town with a bunch of small minded people who equate a difference to being less than everyone else. I applaud you GREATLY for attempting to make a difference in this child's life.

If I were you I would attempt to make things as pleasant for him as possible without making too many problems for yourself around the school. Try to shield him from sensory overload and try to be a social skills coach for him and see if you can facilitate a friend for him. Perhaps a child who you can find (a good match) could be a peer bond for him and could "protect" him and "shield" him in the social situations. Luckily children at this age are very accepting of differences.

When/if you speak to the parents, instead of mentioning diagnostic things try to word it such as "he's very good at ______ but is struggling with ______". See if they will open a communication with you. I am sure they are not blind to his differences and may even feel lost and confused about how to help him. If you can coach them at all about positive discipline that would be good.

When the admin witch comes in perhaps you could guide her as well by saying something such as "he responds really well if you _____________". They will find out in time his differences and unfortunately their methods will probably fail to instruct him properly.

I hate to hear stories like this because I worry about the child and the suffering he will endure if no one steps in to help. Thanks so much for doing what you can with this boy!

He is definitely missing out. This child needs a diagnosis.

I grew up without a diagnosis because my mom was in denial. It caused me a great deal of trouble. I didn't know how to take care of myself when I left for college and nearly ended up homeless (well, technically I was, but I had somebody's couch to sleep on so I wasn't actually on the street). The boy is probably going to miss out on being taught the stuff he needs to know.

You're an assistant, you say; so can you talk to somebody higher up the totem pole? You don't have any influence with his parents, but maybe a teacher or a principal could help. Try to stay away from the administrator-type person who treated the kid so badly... I have been treated like that and it just led to meltdowns, and my feeling that I was the most horrible, immature child on the face of the world.

Is there maybe a school counselor with some psychological training that you could talk to? Or maybe your special ed department; they probably usually work with students who have more intensive needs than your student, but maybe they could point you in the right direction...

I hope that sweet kid gets the help that he needs.

I wish I would have had a teacher like you. Then I wouldn't have been dxed in my early 20s... on my own.... and then had to spend several years convincing therapists of it because I'm a woman.

I'll echo what the others have said. Until he gets a dx (and he needs one), shield him, be his friend, and try to develop his social skills.

I remember being in a special education class when I was in 2nd grade where the teacher would scream at me for rocking. She at first tried to tie me to the chair with a jump rope. She then tried to embarrass me into quiting by sitting me next to an open door so if someone walked by they would see me rocking so they could laugh at me. She was successfull on her third attempt by slamming this big heavy dictionary against me desk the very second I started rocking. The other kids use to love seeing me tormented by her so they would tell on me if they saw me rocking and she missed it. I would try to shut her out but she would run up to me so she could grab me by the chin to force me to make eye contact with her. I kept telling her she was hurting me by doing it so she would call me a crybaby and the whole class would laugh their asses off. The as*hole would say she was doing it for my own good because normal people make eye contact and do not rock back and forth. I cannot sit in a rocking chair or rock back and forth without feeling guilty. If I was to meet her today I would smack her no questions asked regardless her age.

Speaking up against that teacher/administrator might save that student from having to suffer with all the bad memories that idiot is having a hand in creating for him. I am still upset over stupid crap that was done in my youth by teachers and students when I was in school.

Its school

its kinda designed to break you. doesn't matter who you are

for me it was being taken out of regular classes and having tests run on me. I never got a diagnosis. Just a complex. Just a bunch of special ed classes when I just wanted to be a normal kid like I was before I was a student.

Sinsboldly knows whats up

School sure broke me. School broke my spirit for many years. What was even more sobering, was finding out that my top role model had nearly the same school and home experiences that I had growing up, but 30 years apart. I was told not to cry. I was told to look the teacher in the eyes. I was even dragged into the bloody washroom, and ordered by the stupid teacher's aide to go to the bathroom against my will, when I didn't even have to go. It turned out that the b***h didn't make me go. That woman was pointing at the smallest toilet in the bloody washroom. I'm sorry, but I can't walk past a school washroom. without feeling angry. I only had one accident in Grade 2 and that b***h blew it out of proportion. That only got me straining even harder to go, before going places at school and at home. You know the rest of the story.

My parents did what my teachers didn't do. My mum sent me to my room, every time that I started crying, and my dad thought it would be a great idea to throw medicine balls at me, the day that my sister and I went to his job with him. He thought that it would be a good way to toughen me up. No wonder I hate yelling, screaming parents. You heard me right...I hate screaming, yelling parents.

Oh my GOD that is absolutely deplorable and brings tears to my eyes. My AS husband went through his entire school career with no diagnosis. He is very private and only sometimes tells me things about when he was younger. I hope he did not endure this, and I sure hate to hear that you did. I hope no one tries to do this to this student in my class. I hate when he goes to art class because the teacher always brings him back complaining about his behavior. She is about 100 years old and needs to just retire. I am considering just keeping him out of art each week so he doesn't have to endure whatever she says or does during that time. I don't know if that would be the best decision or not for him?

Thank you so much, Mama_ to_Grace. I thank you for your advice and insight. He deals with sensory overload constantly. I will try to figure out who will make the best peer for him so that he can be shielded from the triggers. I haven't determined how to explain to a student that he is different, yet. Do you know what would be best to say?

And thank you for what you said about the quasi-administrator person. I just became angry and anxious and wanted to take the student and just leave the room. Sometimes I don't know the best way to explain things to people verbally, especially if it something highly emotional. The emotion overwhelms me!

Thank you for the positive feedback! It means tons!