Does putting on a ''NT front'' in public cause tiredness?

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Joe90
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21 Sep 2010, 11:31 am

Anyone else here have a fear of something happening to them in public what will cause an embarrassment to you? I have this, and my mum says it's part of mild Agoraphobia/Social Phobia, and (to your surprise) even NTs suffer this fear.
But do most Aspies naturally have Agoraphobia? Because I know I do, and sometimes I have to force myself to go to the charity shop (I work voluntary there, because I'm on job-seekers at the moment). I am looking for part-time work because I need some days in the week where I can have time to myself and ''relax'' from all the overwelming of being in public.

I feel my Agoraphobia comes from putting on a NT front when in public, and worrying at times if I'm not looking ''normal''. But I seem normal when I'm at home, so I don't see how being out can make any changes in how I must be. I reckon it's because of my ''comfortable posture''. I like to sit, stand and walk with my shoulders and neck hunched forwards because it's so comfortable like that, but when I'm out in public I have to walk up straight and put on a normal posture, because sometimes other people can (not all the time) pick up on your personality by how your posture is, especially if you're young. I learnt that a few weeks ago because I used to always hold my comfortable posture out in public too, and people kept staring at me, and since I've been standing up straighter, I've had less people looking. I don't know how holding your shoulders a bit forwards can make a difference, but it seems to. It seems like NTs seem so clever on picking up your personality by just looking at how you stand and even dress. That's why I hate going out in public, because all this putting on a NT front causes me great tiredness. I've even got to fight lots of anger when a toddler starts screaming and bawling right near me, because if I didn't then I will lash out at it's parent(s). But I do try hard to stop myself, and that seems to tire me out.

But anyway, enough with me rambling on here. I'm just wondering if anyone else here gets worn out when having to put on a NT front in public, and needs time to yourself to just relax it off. I hate feeling like this, and I seem to be getting worse every year. I'm also becoming obsessed with this, and I think hearing other people's opinions might help me not feel so alone.


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arielhawksquill
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21 Sep 2010, 11:50 am

Yes, absolutely. Putting on the NT front for years on end can cause serious burnout. Allowing yourself plenty of quiet time alone to decompress after being in public can help keep burnout at bay.

What I find most tiring is monitoring my speech constantly so I don't say anything too weird. The posture thing, though, will get easier the more you do it because your back muscles will strengthen from use.



Joe90
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21 Sep 2010, 12:10 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
. Allowing yourself plenty of quiet time alone to decompress after being in public can help keep burnout at bay..


Yes, that is why I can't work full time. Every time a job comes up what is specifically full time, I have to turn it down because I couldn't cope with it. It's stupid if I got a full time job working Mondays to Fridays, 8am to 5pm, and then having week-ends off, because the week-ends get very hectic with my family, and so I won't get any time to myself. I love to see my family, but it's everyone at once, and I get so overwelmed, and if I worked full time all week and then have really hectic busy week-ends, it will run me to an early grave because I need rest from being around people.

Makes me wish I never had AS, then I wouldn't really be feeling this way. Most young NTs don't need to put on a charade in pub;ic what tires them out.

AS is a pain in the arse.


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Sparrowrose
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21 Sep 2010, 12:13 pm

Absolutely exhausting. And, yes, harder and more tiring every year. I don't think I'm going to make it all the way through my degree program and, if I do, I don't see how I'm going to be able to hold a job. I'm feeling really tired and disheartened right now and hoping things start looking up for me, but they've been going farther downhill every semester and I don't know what to do.


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MrXxx
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21 Sep 2010, 12:50 pm

That's a resounding yes. Yes, tired, stressful and causes actual physical illness as well.


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gramirez
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21 Sep 2010, 1:47 pm

Absolutely. I'm physically exhausted after 30 minutes of being around people.


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21 Sep 2010, 1:56 pm

Yes, I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I wonder if it isn't caused by the exhaustion of having AS. And my AS is fairly mild in some respects. I don't appear to be unusual in the way I walk, but it's still exhausting to try to act normal around people. Talking to someone feels so disquieting.

Even just now, I went to the store and bought some bananas, and when he was ringing them up the clerk dropped them on the floor, and he was really apologetic and asked me if I wanted to get some different ones. I said it was fine, and then I tried to make him feel better by saying I would probably have dropped them on the floor myself sooner or later. It felt like such an awkward thing to say that it made me feel really anxious, and I was flustered when I left the store. And I also felt like an idiot because it should not have been an exchange that made a normal person anxious. It was just ordinary and unimportant, but I'm still thinking about it now.



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21 Sep 2010, 2:10 pm

I work in teaching. It exhausts me completely. I would not go out at all at weekends were it not for my bf. I think I would just stay in bed. I don't do much after work apart from read and watch DVDs. I used to like hiking, then I got a job :lol:



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21 Sep 2010, 2:20 pm

I love hiking but I hardly ever get to go because I have to psych myself up to "run the gauntlet" to get there.

First I have to leave my house and hope the neighbors don't try to have a conversation with me. Then I bicycle or drive to the trailhead and that takes a lot of concentration to do safely and not get hit by cars. Then I have to go through the first couple of miles where other people hike as well before I'm *finally* to the part where no one really goes and I can relax and enjoy my hike. Then I have to do all the same stuff in reverse to get back home.

It's just so much to deal with that I have to have tons of extra energy above and beyond what the hiking takes just to get there. So I don't get to go very often.


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mikey1138
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21 Sep 2010, 2:27 pm

YES. I get emotionally and intellectually exhausted when I'm out and about in public, and more especially, in a social-gathering environment. It's not so bad in my case to the point of meltdown, but it definitely takes its toll nonetheless.



Douglas_MacNeill
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21 Sep 2010, 2:31 pm

Yes, as in Hell Yeah!

I find that putting on a socially acceptable front feels so unnatural that it
does drain me of resources I could otherwise spend on (for example) being more sociable.
Other replies to this thread suggest that this experience is all too common for persons with
milder autism/Asperger's syndrome.



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21 Sep 2010, 2:38 pm

It puts me on edge making me easy to insult. My parents think I am exaggerating about how acting normal takes a lot out of me.


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21 Sep 2010, 2:48 pm

100% yes. I've learned to go on "automatic pilot" for most things, especially while I'm at work, but there are some aspects to acting "normal" that do take some conscious effort, and that can be very tiring.


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ouinon
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21 Sep 2010, 2:48 pm

Yes.



BlackWolf
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21 Sep 2010, 3:19 pm

Yeah. I need time to myself. Even though being out and talking to people can be fun sometimes, under the right circumstances, any time that isn't spent at home alone doesn't count as "free time" to me.


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21 Sep 2010, 3:21 pm

I was more tired putting on a front for my co-workers and our customers (even though it was over the phone) than I was from unloading heavy boxes and stocking shelves at target (No social interaction there..)

I would come home from working for sprint so tired i couldn't think at all, I would simply be brain dead the rest of the evening.


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