The Aversion to Eye Contact - Phobia or... Something Else?

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Alright, so I'm in entering Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to address my social phobia. I don't know if it is the proper treatment process, but my thinking process is that this cannot do much harm. It just might hurt a little. Anyways, in the support group, I'm trying to actually speak. I actually answer something, but the therapist says I must look into their eyes as I speak to them. My eyes are fixed to the table, since there is nothing happening to it. I listen to the therapist and bring my eyes to who I'm talking to. And then I notice something - a dulled pang in the head and as I grab my head, I start slurring and then bang - in a catatonic state.

It lasts for five minutes, the therapist observes that I'm in a distressed state. The therapist, I think, is not aware of my catatonia but is aware enough that I am to be seeing other doctors in the coming month. So all she sees is a phobic reaction. Except I know this isn't a panic. It actually feels like my muscles are unplugged and that I have to plug my muscles back in and boot them up, much like a computer.

Now, this is not the actual treatment so there was no immediate follow-up with the therapist. This is just a warm-up.

Anyways, of your experience with the aversion to eye contact, how do you describe your aversion. Is something triggered or are you simply flooded with stimuli?

Eye contact feels almost like a threat. Kinda like how children are told not to look dogs in the eyes, because dogs perceive that as a threat. Same thing with me.

If I talk on webcam, I have a hard time even looking at the camera, or the persons eye contact.

I feel like I lock up whenever this happens. It's very disturbing. I've only been able to make eye contact with a few people. Most of the people I have either an infatuation with, adore, or have known them long enough to feel comfortable.

People need to be looked it when they talk to you. So I make myself look into the people's face. I am especially carefull to do that when those I people that are important to me.
But I can't control myself in that way all the time. Especially with strangers. I can spend 15 minutes in a shop trying shoes and such and then I realize that I do not even know how the person who served me looked like...
but it is very important for people to be looked at when they talk to you. When my husband does not look at me when I talk to him - i got mad.
Well, for me looking into the eyes of strangers is scary because I kinda reveal something about myself that I do not want them to know. It is like opening some window into myself if you see what I mean.
I can do that - make myself look at people. But it is weary and I have to remember to do that. Because instinctively - i try not to.

There is one guy at a university.. who I like because he is kinda cute. Well, obviously I feel a bit shy talking to him. So, yesterday when talking to him I made myself look at his eyes. (cause I did not want to look shy and stupid)... I found out that he was avoiding looking straight into my face.. kinda funny.. He is deffinitely not autistic...

Well with me, it's like a combination of a bit of what's written here, and... well. I get this really bad emotional shock, and some type of pain that feels like a nail is being driven into my forehead.
So, eye contact for me... very rare, and very minimal. Like split-second, no-one-will-notice-it-at-all minimal.
I have no problem with pictures of eyes (unless they're animated), but I can't look into eyes of people on TV/movies.

If I look at my own eyes (in the mirror) for too long, I go into a sort of trance-like state that is very hard to snap out of. My vision grays around the edges...

To me it's more like looking people in the eyes is offensive or aggressive behavior on my part. Not that different than with dogs, I guess. I have always found looking at people's mouths was adequate and inoffensive and also helped with understanding what they say.

CBT won't help if it's not an irrational/erroneous thought process.

Two theories [I've read to explain why]:

Visual processing problems due to damage to the optic nerves (well, more than just the optic nerves)
Incorrect emotional response mediated by the amygdala

To me, it's just unbearably painful to look at people; hence, I don't look at people (it's not just eye-contact with me; it's looking at the face of someone).

Yeah, I don't look at faces very often, either.

I can only do it for a few seconds before I have to look away. It's a trapped animal kind of feeling, or like everyone has eyes like the eye of Sauron that burn to look at. I don't naturally make eye contact- I have to consciously remind myself to look a person in the eye at least once. Before I heard of Asperger's I thought I was just shy, but that didn't explain the fact that I hardly even made eye contact with people close to me like my parents. It's easier to make eye contact if I'm sitting. If I'm standing and looking someone in the eye, it feels like either they're intimidating me, or I'm intimidating them, depending on the person.

I just started Cognitive Behavior Therapy for my social phobia, depression and anxiety recently also (second appointment tomorrow). If my therapist were to be in a line up of only a couple of people I would not be able to identify her, because I didn't look up at her once during the whole session.

Yes, I think that's exactly true about me too. I kinda spare people from my look. I have a feeling it is hard on them when I look. may be that is because of the feeling that I myself want to be invisible very often.
On the other hand I ''trained'' myself to be agressive and also be daring. I sort of tell to myself: That is so cowardish that you are scared to look! Go ahead and look and find out what you are dealing with!

For me, I can't really look at people at all. I know some people who don't make eye contact say they "cheat" by looking just past people like over the person's head or at their mouth/nose/chin but I can't do that. I can't look anywhere near them. I don't know WHY it freaks me out, but it does.

Whenever I inadvertantly make eye contact with someone I don't know very well, I all of a sudden get the impression that they think I have been lying to them for some reason.

All i can say is that it is very uncomfortable, and afterwards I can't stop thinking about it and wondering what was supposed to be behind it.

Most of my friends don't expect eye contact, or for that matter, very much direct extended reciprocal conversation from me...

My very closest of friends, I am pretty sure, don't make eye contact on a regular basis themselves..

I didn't even know I was supposed to make eye contact until someone pointed it out to me.

When i am relaxed enough, I know to just look at the faces of the people and fake it...or else be casually moving around enough and eventually move myself out of the path of conversation..

That's interesting, I have a very similar expirence. Very hard to explain, sort of like being on some mind altering substance.

But as far as other people go, it's not extreamly uncomfortable for me to look someone in the eye, but I feel strange when I do it. Whenever I do look someone in the eye, I have to concentrate so hard on looking them in the eye, that I have no idea what they are saying. Which is weird, because NTs usualy want you to look them in the eye, because they think you're not listening to them otherwise. For me the exact opposite is true.

I sort of feel like I'm being rude by looking them in the eye, which is strange because they feel just the opposite. I have to conciously override that feeling with my analytical mind in order to make or keep eye contact, which I have to focus on, thereby ignoring the conversation completely.

Eye contact never seemed to come natural to me, and the only time I could do it while I was growing up was when I was forced by an adult to as a punishment.

I'm able to look a few close friends in the eyes, but with other people it just seems too threatening. When I meet new people, I have a conversation with them and then realize that I have no idea what they look like after they leave.

I self diagnosed myself with Alzheimer's once and then realized that only old people get that.

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. I overdo the eye contact. The aspie stare.

It's never bothered me, and I haven't felt the need to do any research into it.

Sometimes have to explain it to others though, if they get unsettled by it.

Thank you for your post, because I forgot to mention this. My mind also blanks out if I look someone in the eye. The only way I can look at them is in between sentences, or after I'm done, because if I look at them while I'm talking, I freeze up. I forget what I'm talking about and I get a "deer in the headlights" look about me. I think this is a big part of why I don't make much eye contact during conversation, because I end up looking making a fool out of myself if I do. Also, when the other person is talking, I don't really "take in" what they're saying if I'm looking at them. I think it's a attention thing.

As a sidenote, when a customer wants me to check in back for something, I have to take note of some piece of noticeable clothing they are wearing. Sometimes I forget to look at their face, and even if I do, I have a hard time recalling what they looked like. Embarrassing when you're stand ing in front of someone, looking for them- they must think I'm nuts.